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Dr Dave And Miss Tisiphone Adler in 'THE BETTER HALF OF ME'
- Thread starter CaptainWacky
- Start date
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
"Ninjas," said Dr Dave, curiously. "Much like the ROBOT NINJAS the Chinaman used!"
"Indeed!" said I, excited to see that my friend still did not trust that woman. "Exactly the same!"
"Oh please," said Tisiphone, rolling her pretty eyes. "These are girls, not robots. Though I suppose it's hard for you to tell the difference, Dr Dave! And what, do you think the Chinaman invented ninjas?"
"No, that would be the Japaneseman," reasoned Dr Dave.
"Exactly! It's just a coincidence," she said.
"Maybe..." said Dr Dave."
"Look, I don't really know what's going on here or who Dr Dace is, but what are you guys going to do now?" asked Gagh. The one-legged whore hopped over to Gagh and started massaging him.
"It's time to get PROACTIVE!" said Dr Dave, firmly. "Stay here like cowards, hiding behind ninja whores? That'll be the day! We're bringing the fight TO Dr Dace!"
"Capital!" I ejaculated in joy.
"He'll butcher you like a hog," said Tisiphone. "If's he's started showing an interest in you, that means he wants you dead. Trust me..."
"Why should I trust you when you haven't told me everything you know?" I asked.
"I...I will," she said, looking over at Gagh. Was she saying he couldn't be trusted? "When the time is right. But for now I advise STAYING HERE."
"Pfft!" said Dr Dave. "We're heading out to the STREET to find out everything about Dr Dace. There will be rumours. There are always rumours. But perhaps...some disguises are in order." I was excited at this. I loved Dr Dave's disguises, but rarely got to wear them myself.
"Well, you could dress up as girls," said Tisi. "Lots of sexy clothes around here..."
"That's what he'll be expecting," said Dr Dave.
"Well, I have some clown costumes here..."
"PERFECT!" he said.
"Oh, great," I said, sarcastically. To tell the truth I'd liked the idea of dressing up as a sexy woman!
"There's one more thing," said Dr Dave. And he slipped a dagger out of his pants and handed it to Tisi. "I want you to keep this. For protection. Dr Dace will be coming for you too."
"I always carry protection," said Tisi, examining the blade. "But...thank you."
"I trust you'll put it to good use," said Dr Dave. "You better stay here, Gagh, if you leave Dace might kill you."
"Okay!" said Gagh, excited, taking one-legged whore's hand. "Maybe the girls can help me with my throbbing headache!"
"Oh, I'm sure they'll help you with the throbbing," laughed Dr Dave. My friend and I started changing into the clown costumes.
"Where are you two going to go for information anyway?" asked Tisi.
"We'll get the word on the street," I said.
"And what's closer to street level...than a park bench," said Dr Dave. He and I looked at each other and smiled.
"LOKTAR!" we said at the same time.
TO BE CONTINUED
"Indeed!" said I, excited to see that my friend still did not trust that woman. "Exactly the same!"
"Oh please," said Tisiphone, rolling her pretty eyes. "These are girls, not robots. Though I suppose it's hard for you to tell the difference, Dr Dave! And what, do you think the Chinaman invented ninjas?"
"No, that would be the Japaneseman," reasoned Dr Dave.
"Exactly! It's just a coincidence," she said.
"Maybe..." said Dr Dave."
"Look, I don't really know what's going on here or who Dr Dace is, but what are you guys going to do now?" asked Gagh. The one-legged whore hopped over to Gagh and started massaging him.
"It's time to get PROACTIVE!" said Dr Dave, firmly. "Stay here like cowards, hiding behind ninja whores? That'll be the day! We're bringing the fight TO Dr Dace!"
"Capital!" I ejaculated in joy.
"He'll butcher you like a hog," said Tisiphone. "If's he's started showing an interest in you, that means he wants you dead. Trust me..."
"Why should I trust you when you haven't told me everything you know?" I asked.
"I...I will," she said, looking over at Gagh. Was she saying he couldn't be trusted? "When the time is right. But for now I advise STAYING HERE."
"Pfft!" said Dr Dave. "We're heading out to the STREET to find out everything about Dr Dace. There will be rumours. There are always rumours. But perhaps...some disguises are in order." I was excited at this. I loved Dr Dave's disguises, but rarely got to wear them myself.
"Well, you could dress up as girls," said Tisi. "Lots of sexy clothes around here..."
"That's what he'll be expecting," said Dr Dave.
"Well, I have some clown costumes here..."
"PERFECT!" he said.
"Oh, great," I said, sarcastically. To tell the truth I'd liked the idea of dressing up as a sexy woman!
"There's one more thing," said Dr Dave. And he slipped a dagger out of his pants and handed it to Tisi. "I want you to keep this. For protection. Dr Dace will be coming for you too."
"I always carry protection," said Tisi, examining the blade. "But...thank you."
"I trust you'll put it to good use," said Dr Dave. "You better stay here, Gagh, if you leave Dace might kill you."
"Okay!" said Gagh, excited, taking one-legged whore's hand. "Maybe the girls can help me with my throbbing headache!"
"Oh, I'm sure they'll help you with the throbbing," laughed Dr Dave. My friend and I started changing into the clown costumes.
"Where are you two going to go for information anyway?" asked Tisi.
"We'll get the word on the street," I said.
"And what's closer to street level...than a park bench," said Dr Dave. He and I looked at each other and smiled.
"LOKTAR!" we said at the same time.
TO BE CONTINUED
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
My friend Dr Dave and I spent a couple of hours walking around London dressed as clowns searching for Loktar. Many people laughed at us, which in itself must have looked suspicious as normally no one laughs at clowns. I almost began to question Dr Dave's wisdom. We finally found Loktar tied to a bench outside a KFC. A notorious pie thief, Loktar had always blamed his crimes on a fictional brother known as "Roktar". Clearly insane, it had been decided that the only right punishment was to tie him to a park bench for the rest of his life. No one quite knew how he came to move from bench to bench. He greeted Dr Dave and I with a sigh.
"Please, no clowns, I'm depressed enough as it is!" he said.
"Hush, lad," said Dr Dave, then whispered to him closely. "It's us, Dr Dave and Wackson."
"Hullo!" I said, sitting on the bench (and on Loktar's belly.) I was exhausted from all the walking around in big clown shoes.
"Oh, it's your two," said Loktar. "Don't suppose you're here to free me?"
"NO," said Dr Dave firmly. "We come seeking information. Have you heard anything...unusual lately? Any rumblings?"
"A few from below," said Loktar thoughtfully.
"Enough about the state of your bowels!" I said.
"No, I mean there's been some unusual noises below the street lately," said Loktar. "You hear things when you're tied to a park bench."
"Probably just the Chinaman's secret underground robot ninja machine," I said, recalling our last fine adventure.
"No, this is deeper than even that," said Loktar. "But if you don't belive me, whatever. WHAT FUCKING EVER!"
"You said you've been depressed," said Dr Dave, leaning closer. "Why is that?"
"I'm tied to a park bench for a crime I didn't commit, anyone would be depressed in that situation!" he said.
"But you've always been a jolly fellow, entertaining children with rude japes," said Dr Dave. "Until recently, that is. What's changed?"
"Maybe it's all the rumblings underground keeping me up at night," he said. "Maybe that's what's been causing my headaches too...I don't know."
"Interesting..." said Dr Dave. He and I stepped away from Loktar.
"He's a madman," I said. "The smell of KFC alone would drive anyone loopy."
"He has no reason to lie to us," Dr Dave said. "And it makes sense that Dr Dace would have a secret underground lair, much in the same way as he has been with us all along, always beneath the surface..."
"Yes," I said. "But there's just as much stuff underground as above. How can we hope to find him?"
"With a ninja whore search team, of course!" said Dr Dave.
"Are you finished with me now?" asked Loktar.
"YES," we both shouted.
"Good, I'll go back to wanking then," he said.
"But your hands are tied up!" I reasoned.
"EXACTLY!" said Lotkar, a smile on his face. We both backed away slowly...
TO BE CONTINUED
"Please, no clowns, I'm depressed enough as it is!" he said.
"Hush, lad," said Dr Dave, then whispered to him closely. "It's us, Dr Dave and Wackson."
"Hullo!" I said, sitting on the bench (and on Loktar's belly.) I was exhausted from all the walking around in big clown shoes.
"Oh, it's your two," said Loktar. "Don't suppose you're here to free me?"
"NO," said Dr Dave firmly. "We come seeking information. Have you heard anything...unusual lately? Any rumblings?"
"A few from below," said Loktar thoughtfully.
"Enough about the state of your bowels!" I said.
"No, I mean there's been some unusual noises below the street lately," said Loktar. "You hear things when you're tied to a park bench."
"Probably just the Chinaman's secret underground robot ninja machine," I said, recalling our last fine adventure.
"No, this is deeper than even that," said Loktar. "But if you don't belive me, whatever. WHAT FUCKING EVER!"
"You said you've been depressed," said Dr Dave, leaning closer. "Why is that?"
"I'm tied to a park bench for a crime I didn't commit, anyone would be depressed in that situation!" he said.
"But you've always been a jolly fellow, entertaining children with rude japes," said Dr Dave. "Until recently, that is. What's changed?"
"Maybe it's all the rumblings underground keeping me up at night," he said. "Maybe that's what's been causing my headaches too...I don't know."
"Interesting..." said Dr Dave. He and I stepped away from Loktar.
"He's a madman," I said. "The smell of KFC alone would drive anyone loopy."
"He has no reason to lie to us," Dr Dave said. "And it makes sense that Dr Dace would have a secret underground lair, much in the same way as he has been with us all along, always beneath the surface..."
"Yes," I said. "But there's just as much stuff underground as above. How can we hope to find him?"
"With a ninja whore search team, of course!" said Dr Dave.
"Are you finished with me now?" asked Loktar.
"YES," we both shouted.
"Good, I'll go back to wanking then," he said.
"But your hands are tied up!" I reasoned.
"EXACTLY!" said Lotkar, a smile on his face. We both backed away slowly...
TO BE CONTINUED
Loktar
Internet God
In the Park Dept at least.
SONG I WROTE ABOUT LOKTAR.
I'm the man on the bench
Buried in my shit
Won't you come and save me, save me
Feed my eyes, can you sew them shut?
Jesus Christ, deny your maker
He who tries, will be wasted
Feed my eyes now you've sewn them shut
I'm the dog who gets beat
Shove my nose in shit
Won't you come and save me, save me
Feed my eyes, can you sew them shut?
Jesus Christ, deny your maker
He who tries, will be wasted
Feed my eyes now you've sewn them shut
I'm the man on the bench
Buried in my shit
Won't you come and save me, save me
Feed my eyes, can you sew them shut?
Jesus Christ, deny your maker
He who tries, will be wasted
Feed my eyes now you've sewn them shut
I'm the dog who gets beat
Shove my nose in shit
Won't you come and save me, save me
Feed my eyes, can you sew them shut?
Jesus Christ, deny your maker
He who tries, will be wasted
Feed my eyes now you've sewn them shut
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
We returned to the whorehouse to fill Tisiphone in on what we had learned. She was not very impressed.
"That's it?" she scoffed. "The words of a deranged pie thief? You want me to send out my girls based on that, when they could be here earning money playing Mario Kart with lonely men?"
"I say we do it!" said the one-legged whore, Tisi's second in command. "Let's go underground and find that dastard Dr Dace!" She had the enthusiasm of a two-legged girl, that one!
"Come on, Tisiphone," said Dr Dave, seriously. "You've been investigating Dr Dace for years now. Like me you believe he's planning some ultimate act of evil. It's time to take a stand. It's time."
"Yes, I understand," said Tisiphone, gravely. "Maybe I wast just...scared. I've seen people disappear merely for speaking the name Dace out loud. But, damn it, I'm Miss Tisiphone Adler! I'm not going to let a mere man terrorise me! Let's go! Ninja whores, assemble!" Then ninja whores poured into the room form every angle. It was an amazing sight. And quite arousing.
"Where did Gagh go?" asked Dr Dave.
"Oh, he said he had someone to meet and left," said Tisi.
"Interesting..." said Dr Dave.
"Anyway, we can use the secret underground tunnels underneath this whorehouse to reach the underground," explained Tisi.
"Underground tunnels leading to the underground world where Dr Dace makes his home..." I said, glancing a warning at Dr Dave.
"Still don't trust me?" laughed Tisi. "Good man, Wackson. But no, these tunnels have been here for hundreds of years. They were used to smuggle whores over to Buckingham Palace."
"ENOUGH TALK," said Dr Dave. "Dace, the game is afoot!" We headed out. The whore ninjas moved swiftly and silently through the tunnels.
"How will we know if we're close to finding him?" I asked Dr Dave.
"Tisiphone, tell me if any of your girls report suffering headaches," said Dr Dave, rather cryptically.
"I just heard something!" said the one-legged whore suddenly. "This way, Tisi!"
"Yes," said Tisi, glancing over at Dr Dave. "I heard it too." We followed the one legged whore and Tisi down a tunnel. There was a METAL DOOR at the end. It was locked.
"Pah!" said Dr Dave. "There isn't a lock in the world I can't pick! Miss Adler, I will need a wire from your brassiere, please!" She smiled at that.
"I always keep an extra wire in there, just in case," she said. "But there's something else I have to give you..." And as she leaned over to hand Dr Dave the bra wire, she also gave him a passionate kiss on the lips! I turned away with embarrassment. When I turned back, Dr Dave was looking at her, impassive. He was such a professional that he managed not to blush.
"I see," he said, coldly. "Well, if you're done with that foolishness, this will only take a moment." And he set to work on the lock. It wasn't long before the door was unlocked. The ninja whores swarmed around us, ready.
"So we come to it at last," said Dr Dave. "All my life I've been searching for what is behind this door."
"Be ready to protect him, ninja whores," said Tisi. Dr Dave opened the door and stepped inside. I followed, the ninja whores swarming inside. It was dark.
"I don't like this," I said. "It's dark!" Then suddenly the lights came on. We were in what could only be described as a super villain lair. There were walls of computers and monitors, scientists running around with clipboards checking on things. And in the middle of the room there was a throne. A man sat on it. I looked into his eyes and felt a chill. There was pure evil in them. And he had a mean beard. I knew this had to be Dr Dace. My friend Dr Dave stepped forward.
"You're...you're real," he said.
"Yes," said Dr Dace. "You have found me at last. Finally you know the truth. Now...die!" And security guards ran out. But at the same time, the ninja whores sprang into action. The battle was fierce. I must admit I ducked down under a desk to to avoid the fighting. A pretty scientist was hiding there.
"How can you work for a mad man like him?" I challenged her.
"You fool, he's trying to save the world! He's going to end all crime!" she said. I was thrown aback by this, and by how pretty she was. But before I could ask anymore, the desk was knocked over by a ninja whore. I stood up in time to see Dr Dave and Dr Dace wrestling on the floor!
"You will tell me EVERYTHING!" said Dr Dave, pinning Dr Dace's shoulders down. But Dr Dace just laughed like the mad man I'd taken him for.
"Okay!" he said. "And perhaps then you'll realise we're not so different, you and I. Perhaps then...YOU SHALL JOIN ME!"
TO BE CONTINUED
"That's it?" she scoffed. "The words of a deranged pie thief? You want me to send out my girls based on that, when they could be here earning money playing Mario Kart with lonely men?"
"I say we do it!" said the one-legged whore, Tisi's second in command. "Let's go underground and find that dastard Dr Dace!" She had the enthusiasm of a two-legged girl, that one!
"Come on, Tisiphone," said Dr Dave, seriously. "You've been investigating Dr Dace for years now. Like me you believe he's planning some ultimate act of evil. It's time to take a stand. It's time."
"Yes, I understand," said Tisiphone, gravely. "Maybe I wast just...scared. I've seen people disappear merely for speaking the name Dace out loud. But, damn it, I'm Miss Tisiphone Adler! I'm not going to let a mere man terrorise me! Let's go! Ninja whores, assemble!" Then ninja whores poured into the room form every angle. It was an amazing sight. And quite arousing.
"Where did Gagh go?" asked Dr Dave.
"Oh, he said he had someone to meet and left," said Tisi.
"Interesting..." said Dr Dave.
"Anyway, we can use the secret underground tunnels underneath this whorehouse to reach the underground," explained Tisi.
"Underground tunnels leading to the underground world where Dr Dace makes his home..." I said, glancing a warning at Dr Dave.
"Still don't trust me?" laughed Tisi. "Good man, Wackson. But no, these tunnels have been here for hundreds of years. They were used to smuggle whores over to Buckingham Palace."
"ENOUGH TALK," said Dr Dave. "Dace, the game is afoot!" We headed out. The whore ninjas moved swiftly and silently through the tunnels.
"How will we know if we're close to finding him?" I asked Dr Dave.
"Tisiphone, tell me if any of your girls report suffering headaches," said Dr Dave, rather cryptically.
"I just heard something!" said the one-legged whore suddenly. "This way, Tisi!"
"Yes," said Tisi, glancing over at Dr Dave. "I heard it too." We followed the one legged whore and Tisi down a tunnel. There was a METAL DOOR at the end. It was locked.
"Pah!" said Dr Dave. "There isn't a lock in the world I can't pick! Miss Adler, I will need a wire from your brassiere, please!" She smiled at that.
"I always keep an extra wire in there, just in case," she said. "But there's something else I have to give you..." And as she leaned over to hand Dr Dave the bra wire, she also gave him a passionate kiss on the lips! I turned away with embarrassment. When I turned back, Dr Dave was looking at her, impassive. He was such a professional that he managed not to blush.
"I see," he said, coldly. "Well, if you're done with that foolishness, this will only take a moment." And he set to work on the lock. It wasn't long before the door was unlocked. The ninja whores swarmed around us, ready.
"So we come to it at last," said Dr Dave. "All my life I've been searching for what is behind this door."
"Be ready to protect him, ninja whores," said Tisi. Dr Dave opened the door and stepped inside. I followed, the ninja whores swarming inside. It was dark.
"I don't like this," I said. "It's dark!" Then suddenly the lights came on. We were in what could only be described as a super villain lair. There were walls of computers and monitors, scientists running around with clipboards checking on things. And in the middle of the room there was a throne. A man sat on it. I looked into his eyes and felt a chill. There was pure evil in them. And he had a mean beard. I knew this had to be Dr Dace. My friend Dr Dave stepped forward.
"You're...you're real," he said.
"Yes," said Dr Dace. "You have found me at last. Finally you know the truth. Now...die!" And security guards ran out. But at the same time, the ninja whores sprang into action. The battle was fierce. I must admit I ducked down under a desk to to avoid the fighting. A pretty scientist was hiding there.
"How can you work for a mad man like him?" I challenged her.
"You fool, he's trying to save the world! He's going to end all crime!" she said. I was thrown aback by this, and by how pretty she was. But before I could ask anymore, the desk was knocked over by a ninja whore. I stood up in time to see Dr Dave and Dr Dace wrestling on the floor!
"You will tell me EVERYTHING!" said Dr Dave, pinning Dr Dace's shoulders down. But Dr Dace just laughed like the mad man I'd taken him for.
"Okay!" he said. "And perhaps then you'll realise we're not so different, you and I. Perhaps then...YOU SHALL JOIN ME!"
TO BE CONTINUED
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
"I suppose you are wondering what my master plan is," said Dr Dace, as Dr Dave let him stand, all be it at the point of Dr Dave's deadly umbrella.
"Not really," shrugged Dr Dave, amazing me with his singular nonchalance. "I'd already pretty much figured it out and a glance around this room only confirmed my deduction. All I'm interested in is this missing details...and learning where you came from."
"Of course," said Dr Dace, not surprised at all. "Of course you would have figured it out...I took that into consideration, don't worry. Events are still proceeding as I have foreseen them. Where do I come from, you ask? Why, I don't even know myself, Dr Dave. My earliest memories are of watching you at play. Waching you as a child on the beach constructing towering triumphs of sand castles. I wanted to be like you...and I knew that I WAS like you. But that wasn't enough. I wanted to be BETTER than you. But enough of this, for now. We're boring our audience!" He gestured at the assembled scientists, security guards, ninja whores and myself.
"Yes, quite," said Dr Dave. "Very well, I'll tell you what I have deduced. It was quite elementary, of course, once I figured out the only connection between Gagh and Loktar. They have both indulged in criminal activity in the past. And now both are experiencing headaches. Looking around at all this equipment it is quite obvious to me that you have created a device which is capable of detecting, through their brainwaves, any individual who has ever committed criminal activity and can then give them headaches. The severity of which can be controlled, I would imagine...all the way up to death."
"Bravo!" said Dr Dace. "So now you see! We really aren't so different, you and I! We both want to end crime. I simply took your methods to the next logical conclusion. Why bother with deduction, when I can simply scan the brains of every person on this planet? I used your own career, the many villains you have put away, as a guide to the criminal mind. I recruited the finest scientists in the land. Well, first I had to acquire funding. I did that by blackmailing many of the richest people in London, which is how your friend Tisiphone Adler first learned of me, and I of her. It was a necessary evil. I needed the money. Finally I had enough to begin my great work and, under my direction, my scientists completed my Crime Scanner. I ran a few tests recently, that's why your friends Gagh and Loktar have experienced headaches. The machine works, Dr Dave, and it's ready to go global. Don't you see? It's the ultimate deterrent! A warning headache will be enough to stop anyone committing crime again. You may have solved a few PIFFLING cases, but I'm going to end all crime worldwide. The Earth will be a paradise! And all this thanks to me!"
"I told you!" said the cute scientist girl with the nice hair to me. Even in this singular moment of revelation part of my was thinking of stroking that hair. "He's going to end crime! Dr Dace is a hero and I am proud to be working for him!"
"That can't be," I said to Dr Dave. "Surely he isn't telling the truth."
"Oh he is, Wackson," said Dr Dave. "To a certain degree, anyway. Everything he's said so far is correct...but it goes further than that. This machine represents absolute power...and we all know what absolute power does to a person. Never mind to a creature of pure cold malevolence like Dr Dace. You said yourself that I am an expert on criminal activity, Dace, that you used my work to determine what makes a criminal mind...and looking into your eyes I see nothing but evil. You are singularly the worst villain I have ever encoutered. I can tell that merely from a look."
"What is it you think I plan to do?" asked Dr Dace.
"Kill all the criminals, of course," said Dr Dave. "Every single person who has ever committed even the smallest crime...leaving YOU as the sole criminal in all the world."
"I would hold the worldwide franchise on crime," said Dr Dace, with a smile.
"No..." said Cute Scientist Girl With The Strokable Hair And A Jolly Nice Bum Now That I Come To Mention It as she started to understand.
"But you won't stop there," said Dr Dave. "Not you. You'll programme the machine to detect the brain patterns of others you see as undesirable and kill them. Such as those who like Harry Potter more than The Lords Of The Rings, for example."
"Those people deserve to die!" spat Dr Dace.
"Maybe," said Dr Dave. "But that is not for you to decide." Suddenly more security guards burst in, armed to the teeth.
"I'm afraid it is!" said Dr Dace, leaping backwards out of the range of Dr Dave's umbrella. But then CSGWTSHAAJNBNTICTMI spoked.
"No!" she said from behind heir nerd glasses. "I won't let you do this, Dr Dace! I thought you were good, but you're planning on genocide! NO SCIENTIST will support this!" And then the scientists turned against their master and began battling Dr Dace's security guards. Curiously, Tisipone and the ninja whores were holding back.
"WELL?" said Dr Dave to Tisiphone, as the security guards began to overpower the weaker scientists.
"Help them out!" said Tisiphone, and the ninja whores sprang into action...AGAINST the scientists. I was stunned to see one ninja whore kick the nerd glasses right off of cute science girl's (I can't be bothered typing the acronym again) face.
"NO!" I said, running forward to help...but suddenly I was kicked in the gut by one foot. The foot of the one-legged whore. Even she had betrayed us. I was doubled over in pain for a moment, but I managed to pull myself up, desperate to see how my friend Dr Dave was faring...just in time to see Tisiphone Adler holding Dr Dave's very own knife to his throat.
"I did warn you not to trust me," said Tisiphone.
TO BE CONTINUED
"Not really," shrugged Dr Dave, amazing me with his singular nonchalance. "I'd already pretty much figured it out and a glance around this room only confirmed my deduction. All I'm interested in is this missing details...and learning where you came from."
"Of course," said Dr Dace, not surprised at all. "Of course you would have figured it out...I took that into consideration, don't worry. Events are still proceeding as I have foreseen them. Where do I come from, you ask? Why, I don't even know myself, Dr Dave. My earliest memories are of watching you at play. Waching you as a child on the beach constructing towering triumphs of sand castles. I wanted to be like you...and I knew that I WAS like you. But that wasn't enough. I wanted to be BETTER than you. But enough of this, for now. We're boring our audience!" He gestured at the assembled scientists, security guards, ninja whores and myself.
"Yes, quite," said Dr Dave. "Very well, I'll tell you what I have deduced. It was quite elementary, of course, once I figured out the only connection between Gagh and Loktar. They have both indulged in criminal activity in the past. And now both are experiencing headaches. Looking around at all this equipment it is quite obvious to me that you have created a device which is capable of detecting, through their brainwaves, any individual who has ever committed criminal activity and can then give them headaches. The severity of which can be controlled, I would imagine...all the way up to death."
"Bravo!" said Dr Dace. "So now you see! We really aren't so different, you and I! We both want to end crime. I simply took your methods to the next logical conclusion. Why bother with deduction, when I can simply scan the brains of every person on this planet? I used your own career, the many villains you have put away, as a guide to the criminal mind. I recruited the finest scientists in the land. Well, first I had to acquire funding. I did that by blackmailing many of the richest people in London, which is how your friend Tisiphone Adler first learned of me, and I of her. It was a necessary evil. I needed the money. Finally I had enough to begin my great work and, under my direction, my scientists completed my Crime Scanner. I ran a few tests recently, that's why your friends Gagh and Loktar have experienced headaches. The machine works, Dr Dave, and it's ready to go global. Don't you see? It's the ultimate deterrent! A warning headache will be enough to stop anyone committing crime again. You may have solved a few PIFFLING cases, but I'm going to end all crime worldwide. The Earth will be a paradise! And all this thanks to me!"
"I told you!" said the cute scientist girl with the nice hair to me. Even in this singular moment of revelation part of my was thinking of stroking that hair. "He's going to end crime! Dr Dace is a hero and I am proud to be working for him!"
"That can't be," I said to Dr Dave. "Surely he isn't telling the truth."
"Oh he is, Wackson," said Dr Dave. "To a certain degree, anyway. Everything he's said so far is correct...but it goes further than that. This machine represents absolute power...and we all know what absolute power does to a person. Never mind to a creature of pure cold malevolence like Dr Dace. You said yourself that I am an expert on criminal activity, Dace, that you used my work to determine what makes a criminal mind...and looking into your eyes I see nothing but evil. You are singularly the worst villain I have ever encoutered. I can tell that merely from a look."
"What is it you think I plan to do?" asked Dr Dace.
"Kill all the criminals, of course," said Dr Dave. "Every single person who has ever committed even the smallest crime...leaving YOU as the sole criminal in all the world."
"I would hold the worldwide franchise on crime," said Dr Dace, with a smile.
"No..." said Cute Scientist Girl With The Strokable Hair And A Jolly Nice Bum Now That I Come To Mention It as she started to understand.
"But you won't stop there," said Dr Dave. "Not you. You'll programme the machine to detect the brain patterns of others you see as undesirable and kill them. Such as those who like Harry Potter more than The Lords Of The Rings, for example."
"Those people deserve to die!" spat Dr Dace.
"Maybe," said Dr Dave. "But that is not for you to decide." Suddenly more security guards burst in, armed to the teeth.
"I'm afraid it is!" said Dr Dace, leaping backwards out of the range of Dr Dave's umbrella. But then CSGWTSHAAJNBNTICTMI spoked.
"No!" she said from behind heir nerd glasses. "I won't let you do this, Dr Dace! I thought you were good, but you're planning on genocide! NO SCIENTIST will support this!" And then the scientists turned against their master and began battling Dr Dace's security guards. Curiously, Tisipone and the ninja whores were holding back.
"WELL?" said Dr Dave to Tisiphone, as the security guards began to overpower the weaker scientists.
"Help them out!" said Tisiphone, and the ninja whores sprang into action...AGAINST the scientists. I was stunned to see one ninja whore kick the nerd glasses right off of cute science girl's (I can't be bothered typing the acronym again) face.
"NO!" I said, running forward to help...but suddenly I was kicked in the gut by one foot. The foot of the one-legged whore. Even she had betrayed us. I was doubled over in pain for a moment, but I managed to pull myself up, desperate to see how my friend Dr Dave was faring...just in time to see Tisiphone Adler holding Dr Dave's very own knife to his throat.
"I did warn you not to trust me," said Tisiphone.
TO BE CONTINUED
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
"This can't be!" I said. The scietists had all been subdued, the security guards and the ninja whores surrounding them. I myself was at the mercy of the one-legged whore as she pointed one of those little knife things Raphael from the Turtles used at me. And there was my dear friend Dr Dave at the mercy of our supposed ally Tisiphone Adler as she held his own dagger to his throat. Never before had we been defeated so utterly. We always found a way out. But escape could there be from this?
Still, there was always hope when it came to Dr Dave, I thought...until I saw the look on his face. He looked singularly dejected. Completely beaten. I'd never seen such a look before, not even when the Chinaman had been poisoning him and he had decided to take his own life (which turned out to be a masterful act, granted.) There was no glimmer of hope in his eyes.
"OH but it is!" said Dr Dace. "You figured out so much, Dr Dave. So, so much. Yet you couldn't see what was right in front of you! Did you really think a woman like Miss Tisiphone Adler would side with you? Knowing what I planned to do, of course she'd be on my side! It was just far too a tempting off to her!
"Did you sleep with him?" asked Dr Dave, coldly.
"What business would that be of yours?" laughed Tisiphone, cruelly. My anger threatened to burst to the surface as she mocked my friend. "We were never intimate, Dr so called Dave! But no, Dr Dace and I never slept together..."
"Because I was the one sleeping with him!" said the one-legged whore, walking over to Dr Dace. Then they started making out!
"That's right!" said Dr Dace. "I had one thing you never had, Dr Dave. A wife! No, Wackson doesn't count."
"I was snooping around, trying to find out who the legendary Dace was," said Tisiphone. "I didn't know which way I'd go at first, if I'd join him or try to stop him. All I saw was him taking money from the rich and stupid...then I started to like him."
"I had placed my wife in Tisi's whorehouse to watch her," said Dace. "I knew she'd been snooping around, of course. I had my wife approach Tisi with an offer. She could join me, be the only FEMALE criminal in my new world order...in return for handing me Dr Dave's head on a platter! Your only weakness, Dr Dave, the only time you've ever been defeated before was due to your feelings for this woman...and I seduced her to the DACE side."
"He has the coolest stuff," said Tisiphone, nastily.
"So what now," said Dr Dave. "You make me watch as you kill everyone you don't like?"
"Oh, the machine isn't quite finished yet," said Dr Dace. "And this scientist revolt is most unfortunate...but I can always torture them into finishing the work! Besides, I taught myself all the schematic of the machine, I can do the work myself. No, we're not going to wait that long. I know how dangerous you can be, Dr Dave. Even now you're playing your escape. That's why I'm going to kill you right away."
"NO!" I said again.
"You monster!" said cute scientist girl, but I was so worried about Dr Dave that I didn't even give her a comforting hug.
"I had created a machine designed to kill my enemeis, I find it QUITE amusing!" said Dr Dace, as we walked to another room, Tisi holding the knife to Dr Dave's throat all the time. There was a circle on the middle of the floor. "Stand in the centre," ordered Dr Dace. Tisiphone walked Dr Dave to it.
"I just want you to know," she said to him. "You meant NOTHING to me." Then she spat on the floor.
"GRRR!" I said. "I hate using such language about a lady, but you have forced my hand! Tisiphone Adler...you are a NINNY!"
"Dace," said Dr Dave, quickly. "If there's any humanity in you, promise me you'll let Wackson live."
"I don't want to live without you!" I cried.
"Oh, I was planning to," said Dr Dace. "Seeing him suffering will arouse me sexually! Now, as you can see, you're standing on a metallic surface. It will soon begin to rotate. Once it rotates 180 degress, you will fall into the pit below. What's at the bottom of that pit? KILLER SPIKES! You will be impaled, Dr Dave! Ironic, isn't it!"
"Not really," said Dr Dave.
"Shut up!" said Dace. "There is no escape. The walls of the pit are smooth, there's nothing to hold onto. The platform will rotate 360 degress and it will be empty. Then we shall know you have fallen. We shall know you have died. Any last words?"
"Just this," said Dr Dave. For a brief, foolish moment I thought he'd deliver some action movie line and spring into action, winning his freedom. But instead he turned to me. "Wackson, you have to be brave. I know you'll feel like life is over. But I promise you, things will get better. It may take years, but they will. And remember, days can feel like hours sometimes. You are the finest man I have ever met, Wackson. It was an honour solving crimes with you."
"Dave..." I said. I tried not to cry. I tried to be strong for him. But I failed.
"ENOUGH!" spat Dr Dace. "KILL HIM!" And just like that, the platform began to rotate. I watched Dr Dave try to stay on his feet, but he slipped and fell. Then he was out of view, as it completely rotated over. It continued to turn...until it had completed 360 degrees. And just as Dr Dace had said, it was now empty. Dr Dave had fallen down the pit. Dr Dave had died. And with him all hope.
TO BE CONTINUED!?!?
Still, there was always hope when it came to Dr Dave, I thought...until I saw the look on his face. He looked singularly dejected. Completely beaten. I'd never seen such a look before, not even when the Chinaman had been poisoning him and he had decided to take his own life (which turned out to be a masterful act, granted.) There was no glimmer of hope in his eyes.
"OH but it is!" said Dr Dace. "You figured out so much, Dr Dave. So, so much. Yet you couldn't see what was right in front of you! Did you really think a woman like Miss Tisiphone Adler would side with you? Knowing what I planned to do, of course she'd be on my side! It was just far too a tempting off to her!
"Did you sleep with him?" asked Dr Dave, coldly.
"What business would that be of yours?" laughed Tisiphone, cruelly. My anger threatened to burst to the surface as she mocked my friend. "We were never intimate, Dr so called Dave! But no, Dr Dace and I never slept together..."
"Because I was the one sleeping with him!" said the one-legged whore, walking over to Dr Dace. Then they started making out!
"That's right!" said Dr Dace. "I had one thing you never had, Dr Dave. A wife! No, Wackson doesn't count."
"I was snooping around, trying to find out who the legendary Dace was," said Tisiphone. "I didn't know which way I'd go at first, if I'd join him or try to stop him. All I saw was him taking money from the rich and stupid...then I started to like him."
"I had placed my wife in Tisi's whorehouse to watch her," said Dace. "I knew she'd been snooping around, of course. I had my wife approach Tisi with an offer. She could join me, be the only FEMALE criminal in my new world order...in return for handing me Dr Dave's head on a platter! Your only weakness, Dr Dave, the only time you've ever been defeated before was due to your feelings for this woman...and I seduced her to the DACE side."
"He has the coolest stuff," said Tisiphone, nastily.
"So what now," said Dr Dave. "You make me watch as you kill everyone you don't like?"
"Oh, the machine isn't quite finished yet," said Dr Dace. "And this scientist revolt is most unfortunate...but I can always torture them into finishing the work! Besides, I taught myself all the schematic of the machine, I can do the work myself. No, we're not going to wait that long. I know how dangerous you can be, Dr Dave. Even now you're playing your escape. That's why I'm going to kill you right away."
"NO!" I said again.
"You monster!" said cute scientist girl, but I was so worried about Dr Dave that I didn't even give her a comforting hug.
"I had created a machine designed to kill my enemeis, I find it QUITE amusing!" said Dr Dace, as we walked to another room, Tisi holding the knife to Dr Dave's throat all the time. There was a circle on the middle of the floor. "Stand in the centre," ordered Dr Dace. Tisiphone walked Dr Dave to it.
"I just want you to know," she said to him. "You meant NOTHING to me." Then she spat on the floor.
"GRRR!" I said. "I hate using such language about a lady, but you have forced my hand! Tisiphone Adler...you are a NINNY!"
"Dace," said Dr Dave, quickly. "If there's any humanity in you, promise me you'll let Wackson live."
"I don't want to live without you!" I cried.
"Oh, I was planning to," said Dr Dace. "Seeing him suffering will arouse me sexually! Now, as you can see, you're standing on a metallic surface. It will soon begin to rotate. Once it rotates 180 degress, you will fall into the pit below. What's at the bottom of that pit? KILLER SPIKES! You will be impaled, Dr Dave! Ironic, isn't it!"
"Not really," said Dr Dave.
"Shut up!" said Dace. "There is no escape. The walls of the pit are smooth, there's nothing to hold onto. The platform will rotate 360 degress and it will be empty. Then we shall know you have fallen. We shall know you have died. Any last words?"
"Just this," said Dr Dave. For a brief, foolish moment I thought he'd deliver some action movie line and spring into action, winning his freedom. But instead he turned to me. "Wackson, you have to be brave. I know you'll feel like life is over. But I promise you, things will get better. It may take years, but they will. And remember, days can feel like hours sometimes. You are the finest man I have ever met, Wackson. It was an honour solving crimes with you."
"Dave..." I said. I tried not to cry. I tried to be strong for him. But I failed.
"ENOUGH!" spat Dr Dace. "KILL HIM!" And just like that, the platform began to rotate. I watched Dr Dave try to stay on his feet, but he slipped and fell. Then he was out of view, as it completely rotated over. It continued to turn...until it had completed 360 degrees. And just as Dr Dace had said, it was now empty. Dr Dave had fallen down the pit. Dr Dave had died. And with him all hope.
TO BE CONTINUED!?!?