curiousa2z
Be patient till the last.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Troll Kingdom
This is a sample guest message. Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!
Freestyle Lost: Season Four
- Thread starter CaptainWacky
- Start date
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Well, eight weeks in real time may be shorter in Freestyle Lost time. Daniel could explain it, but he's just choked to death on a dead mouse.
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
It's Claire's fault. I tried to think of a flashback for her but nothing came.
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
I wonder if she wrote any bleak poetry?
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
(Claire opens her eyes. She's at home, in Australia, with GOTH HAIR. Her mother walks in.)
Mother: Are you okay, Claire bear?
Claire: I had the strangest dream, mum! It was a real DRAG!
Mother: How so, bub?
Claire: I was in the future, watching Neighbours, with some weird bug-eyed bastard!
Mother: Strewth! How do you know it was the future?
Claire: Well, I had blond hair, a baby and there was a WHOOOSH noise.
Mother: Hmm. Do you know what this means?
Claire: No, what?
Mother: It means you should sleep at night so you won't keep dozing off during the day, you great GALLAH!
Claire: Oh mum!
(They both laugh. Claire gets up.)
Claire: I feel like some peanut butter.
Mother: You always do!
(As Claire walks to the kitchen we see someone looking in her window. IT'S BEN! Her mother turns to Ben and shakes her head.)
Mother: Not yet.
(Ben nods in agreement and disappears!)
Claire: Mum, did you just say something?
Mother: Uhh...it was Helen Daniels! On Neighbours!
Claire: But she's been dead for years.
Mother: But she may live again, thanks to a certain island...
Claire: What!?
Mother: Nothing! Strewth!
WHOOOSH
(Claire is in the jungle with GHOST CHARLIE.)
Charlie: Claire, stop having flashbacks and concentrate!
Claire: What do you want, Charlie? I'm over you already, leave me alone.
Charlie: You're over me? I only died a week ago, or something!
Claire: Things happen fast on this island.
Charlie: Claire, you have to find your baby.
Claire: My bay-bee? WHERE IS HE? WHERE'S ERIN?
Charlie: AARON! His name is Aaron!
Claire: Oh yeah.
Charlie: You can't let him be raised by an other!
Claire: Like Ben?
Charlie: Or Kate!
Claire: Kate isn't an other!
Charlie: I'm not using other in that context, Claire bear!
Claire: Don't call me that. Nobody gets to call me that now.
Charlie: Oh shit, Sayid and the Koreans are coming...be right back.
(He disappears in a puff of BLACK smoke. as Sayid, Sun and Jin run around a corner.)
Jinn: We did it! At last! We found Claire!
Sayid: But we were looking for KATE!
Jin: D'OH!
Sayid: You better come with us, Claire.
Claire: We have to find Kate. We can't let Erin...Aaron be raised by an other!
(BEN and Alex step out from behind some bushes.)
Ben: Oh, I don't know that we make such bad parents. I did a great job with Alex.
Alex: Go to Hell, dad.
Ben: That's my girl! BUT NOT MY ONLY GIRL.
Claire: You mean...
Ben: That's right. You're...
Claire: I CAN'T BE!
Ben: ...no my daughter. BUT JACK IS YOUR HALF BROTHER!
Claire: Strewth!
LOST
Mother: Are you okay, Claire bear?
Claire: I had the strangest dream, mum! It was a real DRAG!
Mother: How so, bub?
Claire: I was in the future, watching Neighbours, with some weird bug-eyed bastard!
Mother: Strewth! How do you know it was the future?
Claire: Well, I had blond hair, a baby and there was a WHOOOSH noise.
Mother: Hmm. Do you know what this means?
Claire: No, what?
Mother: It means you should sleep at night so you won't keep dozing off during the day, you great GALLAH!
Claire: Oh mum!
(They both laugh. Claire gets up.)
Claire: I feel like some peanut butter.
Mother: You always do!
(As Claire walks to the kitchen we see someone looking in her window. IT'S BEN! Her mother turns to Ben and shakes her head.)
Mother: Not yet.
(Ben nods in agreement and disappears!)
Claire: Mum, did you just say something?
Mother: Uhh...it was Helen Daniels! On Neighbours!
Claire: But she's been dead for years.
Mother: But she may live again, thanks to a certain island...
Claire: What!?
Mother: Nothing! Strewth!
WHOOOSH
(Claire is in the jungle with GHOST CHARLIE.)
Charlie: Claire, stop having flashbacks and concentrate!
Claire: What do you want, Charlie? I'm over you already, leave me alone.
Charlie: You're over me? I only died a week ago, or something!
Claire: Things happen fast on this island.
Charlie: Claire, you have to find your baby.
Claire: My bay-bee? WHERE IS HE? WHERE'S ERIN?
Charlie: AARON! His name is Aaron!
Claire: Oh yeah.
Charlie: You can't let him be raised by an other!
Claire: Like Ben?
Charlie: Or Kate!
Claire: Kate isn't an other!
Charlie: I'm not using other in that context, Claire bear!
Claire: Don't call me that. Nobody gets to call me that now.
Charlie: Oh shit, Sayid and the Koreans are coming...be right back.
(He disappears in a puff of BLACK smoke. as Sayid, Sun and Jin run around a corner.)
Jinn: We did it! At last! We found Claire!
Sayid: But we were looking for KATE!
Jin: D'OH!
Sayid: You better come with us, Claire.
Claire: We have to find Kate. We can't let Erin...Aaron be raised by an other!
(BEN and Alex step out from behind some bushes.)
Ben: Oh, I don't know that we make such bad parents. I did a great job with Alex.
Alex: Go to Hell, dad.
Ben: That's my girl! BUT NOT MY ONLY GIRL.
Claire: You mean...
Ben: That's right. You're...
Claire: I CAN'T BE!
Ben: ...no my daughter. BUT JACK IS YOUR HALF BROTHER!
Claire: Strewth!
LOST
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
(Ben, Alex, Sayid, Jin, Sun and Claire run out into the clearing in front of Jacob's cabing where everyone else is.)
Jack: YOU.
Ben: Hello Jack.
Jack: GRRRR.
Ben: We just spoke twenty minutes ago!
Jack: SHUT UP.
Miles: Boss, what the fuck is going on? You wanted us to take Richard and Kate prisoner and shit, but now this doctor dude is saying we need to "live together" or "die alone" and Charlotte and Daniel and Frank are going along with it, the cunts. What should we do?
Ben: I think we should do exactly as Jack says.
Saywer: Son of a bitch! Remind me again why we haven't killed this guy?
Ben: Beacause I have information. Like the location of the secret tree city where we can hide from the freighter.
Kate: I know where it is too.
Juliet: And me.
Desmond: Aye, me too, brother.
Ben: ...how did you know we're brothers?
Desmond: What? I call everyone that, brother.
Ben: Oh, right, of course...
Desmond: No, hang on!
Claire: He also said we're half siblings, Jack!
Jack: THAT'S A LIE.
Claire: How do you know?
Jack: BECAUSE...I've had sexual thoughts about you. I'd never have sexual thoughts about my half sister.
Hurley: Dude, Luke had the hots for Leia and she was like, his twin.
Locke: Not to mention Shannon and Booner!
Jack: GRANTED. BUT HE'S PROBABLY LYING. HE LIES ABOUT STUFF. ALEX ISN'T HIS REAL DAUGHTER.
Ben: No, but my real daughter is somebody in this room...
Jack: WE'RE NOT IN A ROOM.
Ben: You win this round, Jack...
Charlotte: I wish I knew who my real parents were...
Ben: Well, since you bring it up...
Miles: SHUT UP! NO ONE GIVES A FUCK THAT WE'RE ALL RELATED. OH WOW, I'M JIN'S HALF BROTHER AND SUN'S SECOND COUSIN, BIG FUCKING DEAL.
Jin: You are!?
Miles: Oh, right, you would say that, you banana, you westernised fuck, I bet all koreans look alike to you!
Jin: I've only been westernised for three episodes!
Miles: MY POINT was that while we're all standing around here jabbering, the killer freighter is getting closer!
Locke: That is a good point.
Ben: TO THE TREES.
Michael: Oh man, climbing? My groind still hurts...
(They head towards the trees but suddenly there is a RUMBLING. Trees start to tumble over and the BLACK SMOKE MONSTER comes rushing towards them!)
Locke: Seriously Ben, what is that thing?
Ben: Oh I don't know! But it's certainly not a manifestation of the guilt I feel for killing my father.
Locke: Okay, I'll score that off the list.
Sawyer: Son of a bitch, it's going to kill us all!
Desmond: I don't thinks so...
WHOOOSH
(18 seconds later. The Smoker Monster and the killer freighter (which is now on land on ROBOT LEGS) are FIGHTING!)
Desmond: It's going to save us!
WHOOOOSH
(18 seconds earlier.)
Kate: Well what is it going to do then?
(The killer freighter (NOW ON ROBOT LEGS) smashes through the trees...and the black smoke flies towards it and they start FIGHTING!)
Desmond: It's going to save us!
Sawyer: Well god damn that! My money's on the Smoke Monster. Anyone wanting to take that bet.
Daniel: I'll, uhh, umm, uhh...
Charlotte: NO DANIEL!
Sawyer: Hey, step off bitch!
Charlotte: You can't let him take that bet!
Sawyer: Why not, Red? That was the name of a Fraggle and that's what I'm refering.
Frank: You can't let him take that bet because he's a COMPULSIVE GAMBLER!
(Everyone GASPS except Miles.)
Miles: Who gives a fuck!
LOST
Jack: YOU.
Ben: Hello Jack.
Jack: GRRRR.
Ben: We just spoke twenty minutes ago!
Jack: SHUT UP.
Miles: Boss, what the fuck is going on? You wanted us to take Richard and Kate prisoner and shit, but now this doctor dude is saying we need to "live together" or "die alone" and Charlotte and Daniel and Frank are going along with it, the cunts. What should we do?
Ben: I think we should do exactly as Jack says.
Saywer: Son of a bitch! Remind me again why we haven't killed this guy?
Ben: Beacause I have information. Like the location of the secret tree city where we can hide from the freighter.
Kate: I know where it is too.
Juliet: And me.
Desmond: Aye, me too, brother.
Ben: ...how did you know we're brothers?
Desmond: What? I call everyone that, brother.
Ben: Oh, right, of course...
Desmond: No, hang on!
Claire: He also said we're half siblings, Jack!
Jack: THAT'S A LIE.
Claire: How do you know?
Jack: BECAUSE...I've had sexual thoughts about you. I'd never have sexual thoughts about my half sister.
Hurley: Dude, Luke had the hots for Leia and she was like, his twin.
Locke: Not to mention Shannon and Booner!
Jack: GRANTED. BUT HE'S PROBABLY LYING. HE LIES ABOUT STUFF. ALEX ISN'T HIS REAL DAUGHTER.
Ben: No, but my real daughter is somebody in this room...
Jack: WE'RE NOT IN A ROOM.
Ben: You win this round, Jack...
Charlotte: I wish I knew who my real parents were...
Ben: Well, since you bring it up...
Miles: SHUT UP! NO ONE GIVES A FUCK THAT WE'RE ALL RELATED. OH WOW, I'M JIN'S HALF BROTHER AND SUN'S SECOND COUSIN, BIG FUCKING DEAL.
Jin: You are!?
Miles: Oh, right, you would say that, you banana, you westernised fuck, I bet all koreans look alike to you!
Jin: I've only been westernised for three episodes!
Miles: MY POINT was that while we're all standing around here jabbering, the killer freighter is getting closer!
Locke: That is a good point.
Ben: TO THE TREES.
Michael: Oh man, climbing? My groind still hurts...
(They head towards the trees but suddenly there is a RUMBLING. Trees start to tumble over and the BLACK SMOKE MONSTER comes rushing towards them!)
Locke: Seriously Ben, what is that thing?
Ben: Oh I don't know! But it's certainly not a manifestation of the guilt I feel for killing my father.
Locke: Okay, I'll score that off the list.
Sawyer: Son of a bitch, it's going to kill us all!
Desmond: I don't thinks so...
WHOOOSH
(18 seconds later. The Smoker Monster and the killer freighter (which is now on land on ROBOT LEGS) are FIGHTING!)
Desmond: It's going to save us!
WHOOOOSH
(18 seconds earlier.)
Kate: Well what is it going to do then?
(The killer freighter (NOW ON ROBOT LEGS) smashes through the trees...and the black smoke flies towards it and they start FIGHTING!)
Desmond: It's going to save us!
Sawyer: Well god damn that! My money's on the Smoke Monster. Anyone wanting to take that bet.
Daniel: I'll, uhh, umm, uhh...
Charlotte: NO DANIEL!
Sawyer: Hey, step off bitch!
Charlotte: You can't let him take that bet!
Sawyer: Why not, Red? That was the name of a Fraggle and that's what I'm refering.
Frank: You can't let him take that bet because he's a COMPULSIVE GAMBLER!
(Everyone GASPS except Miles.)
Miles: Who gives a fuck!
LOST
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
(Everyone climbs up ROPE LADDERS into THE TEMPLE, the secret TREE CITY where the OTHERS live sometimes when they aren't living in one of their other HOMES.)
Locke: We can get a good view of the fight from here! Come on Island, kick that ship's ass!
Ben: You think the Smoke is the island?
Locke: Of course...what else could it be?
(Ben sighs.)
Ben: How small you've become.
Claire: Where's my bay-bee?
Kate: AND MINE?
Richard: Harper has the child. She's an old shrew but she'll look after it...Harper, no!
(On the other side of the city, Harper is DANGLING Aaron over the side!)
Harper: GOODWIN NEVER GAVE ME A BABY...SO I'LL KILL THIS ONE TO GET REVENGE.
Juliet: You stupid bitch, that makes no sense!
Harper: Stay out of this, Nips.
Sawyer: God damn it!
(Below, we see the freighter SMACKED hard in its FACE by the Smoke Monster and it FALLS OVER.)
Sawyer: Son of a bitch! The Smoke Monster won!
(But PEOPLE start running out of the freighter, including KEAMEY, OMAR, THE CREEPY DOCTOR and CAPTAIN UNTRUSTWORTHY.)
Desmond: They're going to surround us and burn us!
Charlotte: There might be something I can do...
Daniel: Of course! The bag of doorknobs...it, umm, holds an, uhh...thing.
Sayid: They are getting closer. WHERE ARE THE GUNS?
Ben: Oh, there are no guns here. This is a temple, remember? Jacob would not allow guns in a place of worship.
Sayid: That's pretty fucking short-sighted of him.
Ben: Yeah. LUCKY I NEVER LISTEN TO JACOB!
(Ben pulls a gun out of his shoe and shoots Oma in the face.)
Ben: Take that, Omar!
Michael: Urrgh...my groin is killing me...and Omar was on on the innocent list!
Ben: Oh, I lied about not killing innocents.
Michael: Oh man! WHy?
Ben: WALT TOLD ME TO.
Michael: What you mean by that!?
Sawyer: God damn son of a bitch, shut up you too!
Jack: THEY'VE GOT FIRE. AND CAMOUFLAGE.
(Sure enough, the freighter people are everywhere below with guns and fire!)
Sawyer: We're totally surrounded!
Daniel: Do it now, Charlotte. DO IT NOW!
Desmond: Do what...ach!
(A bullet whizzes past Desmond's either. Charlotte reaches into her sack.)
Charlotte: FOR THE GRACE OF QUEEN ELIZABETH THE SECOND...
(The pulls out a GLOWING RADIOACTIVE OBJECT.)
Hurley: Dude.
Charlotte: Don't look too long or it'll melt your face!
(She THROWS the glowing object below and it EXPLODES, killing lots of freighter types.)
Miles: You just killed about 20 people we spent time on a boat with!
Charlotte: I know...I'm sorry...
Miles: THAT WAS HOT!
(Miles and Charlotte start making out.)
Sawyer: God fucking son of a damn it to hell bitch!
Jin: Niiiice!
Sunn: Jin, stop watching that inter-racial makeout session and hold me!
Jin: Aww, you want some Jin lovin'?
Sunn: Something like that...
(Jin holds her...and is SHOT in the BACK.)
Hurley: DUDE!
Juliet: You wanted to use him as a human shield!
Sunn: That's right...
Juliet: That's brilliant!
(Sunn and Juliet start making out.)
Desmond: Stop that!
Juliet: Got caught up in the moment, sorry...mmm Sunn...
Kate: They're still coming! It didn't kill them all!
(Keamey is climing up a tree with one arm, firing a gun with the other. A bullet his Hurley in the knee.)
Hurley: My knee!
Keamey: AHAHAHAHAHA, I LOVE SHOOTIN' STUFF!
Jack: We must retreat!
Kate: I'm not letting them take my baby!
Claire: He's my bay-bee!
Jack: Run Kate!
Kate: No, I can't...
Jack: KATE DAMN IT RUN.
Locke: Hey, where's Ben?
(Ben is CLIMBING one of the highest TREES.)
Ben: Oh, I'll be right back...I'm gonig to the CLUBHOUSE.
WHOOOOOOSH
(A FOURTEEN YEAR OLD SPOTTY BEN climbs into the secret CLUBHOUSE in the PAST. Inside are a teenaged ANNIE and TOM!)
Annie: What kept you, Linus?
Ben: Wanking.
Annie: ...oh.
Tom: Come on, we're going to play spin the bottle!
Annie: But I'm the only girl!
Ben: Exactly!
Tom: And if it does end being me and Ben kissing...I'm sure we'd be able to live with it...
LOST
Locke: We can get a good view of the fight from here! Come on Island, kick that ship's ass!
Ben: You think the Smoke is the island?
Locke: Of course...what else could it be?
(Ben sighs.)
Ben: How small you've become.
Claire: Where's my bay-bee?
Kate: AND MINE?
Richard: Harper has the child. She's an old shrew but she'll look after it...Harper, no!
(On the other side of the city, Harper is DANGLING Aaron over the side!)
Harper: GOODWIN NEVER GAVE ME A BABY...SO I'LL KILL THIS ONE TO GET REVENGE.
Juliet: You stupid bitch, that makes no sense!
Harper: Stay out of this, Nips.
Sawyer: God damn it!
(Below, we see the freighter SMACKED hard in its FACE by the Smoke Monster and it FALLS OVER.)
Sawyer: Son of a bitch! The Smoke Monster won!
(But PEOPLE start running out of the freighter, including KEAMEY, OMAR, THE CREEPY DOCTOR and CAPTAIN UNTRUSTWORTHY.)
Desmond: They're going to surround us and burn us!
Charlotte: There might be something I can do...
Daniel: Of course! The bag of doorknobs...it, umm, holds an, uhh...thing.
Sayid: They are getting closer. WHERE ARE THE GUNS?
Ben: Oh, there are no guns here. This is a temple, remember? Jacob would not allow guns in a place of worship.
Sayid: That's pretty fucking short-sighted of him.
Ben: Yeah. LUCKY I NEVER LISTEN TO JACOB!
(Ben pulls a gun out of his shoe and shoots Oma in the face.)
Ben: Take that, Omar!
Michael: Urrgh...my groin is killing me...and Omar was on on the innocent list!
Ben: Oh, I lied about not killing innocents.
Michael: Oh man! WHy?
Ben: WALT TOLD ME TO.
Michael: What you mean by that!?
Sawyer: God damn son of a bitch, shut up you too!
Jack: THEY'VE GOT FIRE. AND CAMOUFLAGE.
(Sure enough, the freighter people are everywhere below with guns and fire!)
Sawyer: We're totally surrounded!
Daniel: Do it now, Charlotte. DO IT NOW!
Desmond: Do what...ach!
(A bullet whizzes past Desmond's either. Charlotte reaches into her sack.)
Charlotte: FOR THE GRACE OF QUEEN ELIZABETH THE SECOND...
(The pulls out a GLOWING RADIOACTIVE OBJECT.)
Hurley: Dude.
Charlotte: Don't look too long or it'll melt your face!
(She THROWS the glowing object below and it EXPLODES, killing lots of freighter types.)
Miles: You just killed about 20 people we spent time on a boat with!
Charlotte: I know...I'm sorry...
Miles: THAT WAS HOT!
(Miles and Charlotte start making out.)
Sawyer: God fucking son of a damn it to hell bitch!
Jin: Niiiice!
Sunn: Jin, stop watching that inter-racial makeout session and hold me!
Jin: Aww, you want some Jin lovin'?
Sunn: Something like that...
(Jin holds her...and is SHOT in the BACK.)
Hurley: DUDE!
Juliet: You wanted to use him as a human shield!
Sunn: That's right...
Juliet: That's brilliant!
(Sunn and Juliet start making out.)
Desmond: Stop that!
Juliet: Got caught up in the moment, sorry...mmm Sunn...
Kate: They're still coming! It didn't kill them all!
(Keamey is climing up a tree with one arm, firing a gun with the other. A bullet his Hurley in the knee.)
Hurley: My knee!
Keamey: AHAHAHAHAHA, I LOVE SHOOTIN' STUFF!
Jack: We must retreat!
Kate: I'm not letting them take my baby!
Claire: He's my bay-bee!
Jack: Run Kate!
Kate: No, I can't...
Jack: KATE DAMN IT RUN.
Locke: Hey, where's Ben?
(Ben is CLIMBING one of the highest TREES.)
Ben: Oh, I'll be right back...I'm gonig to the CLUBHOUSE.
WHOOOOOOSH
(A FOURTEEN YEAR OLD SPOTTY BEN climbs into the secret CLUBHOUSE in the PAST. Inside are a teenaged ANNIE and TOM!)
Annie: What kept you, Linus?
Ben: Wanking.
Annie: ...oh.
Tom: Come on, we're going to play spin the bottle!
Annie: But I'm the only girl!
Ben: Exactly!
Tom: And if it does end being me and Ben kissing...I'm sure we'd be able to live with it...
LOST
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
(Locke is sitting in a FACTORY, making a cardboard BOX. There are boxes all around him. BUT IS THIS A FLASHBACK...OR AN IRONIC FLASHFORWARD?)
Locke: Hello? How much longer do I have to keep doing this?
(No one answers.)
Locke: I did everything you asked of me so WHY am I doing this?
(No answer.)
Locke: I'm going to get up and WALK out of here!
(WHISPERING VOICES. And then a single one.)
Voice: We both know you can't do that, John.
Locke: DON'T TELL ME WHAT I CAN'T DO.
Voice: There are still boxes that need making, John. And if you don't make them, who will?
Locke: This isn't what I'm supposed to be doing! This isn't my fate!
Voice: Don't mistake coincidence for fate.
Locke: Who are you? Why are you holding me here?
Voice: Holding you here? I thought you could get up and walk out anytime you wanted...
(Locke angril WHEELS backwards. He's back in his wheelchair!)
Locke: It's been two and a half years since the explosion! Why haven't you fixed me yet?
Voice: You are exactly as we want you to be and exactly where we want you to be, John.
Locke: GOD DAMN IT.
(Pullback to show more and more boxes...and more and more...and more and more...a seemingly endless pile of boxes in a seemingly infinite room. SUDDEN ZOOM BACK IN ON LOCKE FOR DRAMATIC EFFECT. One of the boxes opens. A man steps out.)
Locke: You! You're behind all this!
(It's CHRISTIAN SHEPHERD! Not Ben!)
Christian: You should have been nicer to my son, John.
WHOOOOOSH
(Kate is jumping from tree to tree to get to Aaron.)
Kate: Mommy's coming, Aaron!
Claire: His name is ERIN...BITCH!
(Claire kicks Kate, sending her crashing back against a tree.)
Claire: And he's MY bay-bee!
(Claire starts to walk off when Kate runs up behind her and PUSHES HER OFF THE TREE. Claire plummets towards the fire and freighter people below.)
Kate: Oops.
(Harper steps out of treehouse holding Aaron.)
Harper: You killed her!
Kate: I, uhh, didn't mean to...that English bitch made me do it. Or Juliet. Probably Juliet.
Harper: I saw what happened, Kate. And I...LIKED IT. Let's make a deal.
Kate: What kind of deal?
(Harper licks her lips.)
Harper: Come in and I'll tell you...
(MEANWHILE, the battle rages on!)
Captain: It's over, Jack! I have the low ground!
Jack: IT'S NOT OVER UNTIL EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US IS DEAD.
Sawyer: Real smart thing to say, Doc!
Captain: I've already killed Jin and shot Hurley in the knee...
Hurley: And it reall hurts, dude!
Captain: What next? Killing some random extra to prove I'm serious?
(He shoots some random extra in the face to prove he's serious.)
Desmond: Oh no, not Bruce!
Juliet: I think his name was Keith.
Captain: It doesn't matter, he's dead! And so will you all be soon! UNLESS!
Sayid: Wait a minute, there's an unless?
Captain: Sure there is!
Sayid: Why didn't you tell us that BEFORE you started killing us and shooting our knees?
Captain: MORE FUN THIS WAY.
Sayid: Fair enough.
Jack: WHAT'S THE UNLESS?
Captain: I'll let you live...if you turn over Benjamin Linus.
Hurley: ...that's it.
Captain: I know, it's a lot to ask, you are all loyal to Benjamin...
Jack: No we're not!
Sayid: Yeah, fuck Ben!
Hurley: Fuck him right in the ear!
Locke: Wait a minute guys...let me ask the island what it thinks.
Jack: Oh Jesus...
Locke: Well, I asked the island...and it said "FUCK BEN!"
(They all laugh.)
Daniel: Uhh, aren't we, umm, being, uhh, paid muh-mony to kuh-keep Ben ah-live...guys?
(Charlotte and Miles are still making out and ignore him.)
Daniel: Oh. Well, fuck Ben!
Sunn: So you mean to say that Jin died for nothing?
Captain: Come on, you're glad he's dead!
Sunn: Well, okay, maybe a little...
(She looks at Juliet, awkwardly. Juliet's nipples harden.)
Desmond: Are you cold, Juliet?
Juliet: Uhh, yeah, sure...
Desmond: You know, I think I might just dump Penny and start a new life with you.
Juliet: WHAT!?
Desmond: What? You love me, right?
(Juliet looks deep into Sunn's eyes.)
Juliet: Umm...sure...
Desmond: Great! Penny isn't really English anyway, she fake the accent!
(Charlotte looks up from Miles.)
Charlotte: What a bitch!
Desmond: Aye, tell me about it!
Miles: So, wait, we're not all about to die?
Jack: NOT IF WE HAND OVER BEN.
Miles: So why the fuck am I kissing you!
(He steps off her and walks away, coldly. A single tear rolls down Charlotte's face.)
Captain: LOOK, are you idiots going to hand over Ben or not?
Jack: SURE. WHERE IS HE.
Jin: He's in the clubhouse!
Everyone: JIN!?
Jin: That's right!
Sunn: But you're dead!
Jin: Nah! The bullet became lodged in my back and didn't hit any vital organs!
Sunn: Oh...how...lucky.
(Sunn looks at Juliet in shock.)
Juliet: Don't worry, we'll kill him later...and Desmond.
Desmond: What'd you say?
Juliet: I said...BEN!?
Ben: Hello!
(Ben has come out of the clubhouse...wearing a suit of ROBOTIC ARMOUR.)
Captain: What the fuck are you wearing?
Ben: Just a little something DHARMA designed...bitch.
(Ben shoots FLAMES out of his robot hands, killing the captain.)
Keamey: Run! He's got flames too!
LOST
Locke: Hello? How much longer do I have to keep doing this?
(No one answers.)
Locke: I did everything you asked of me so WHY am I doing this?
(No answer.)
Locke: I'm going to get up and WALK out of here!
(WHISPERING VOICES. And then a single one.)
Voice: We both know you can't do that, John.
Locke: DON'T TELL ME WHAT I CAN'T DO.
Voice: There are still boxes that need making, John. And if you don't make them, who will?
Locke: This isn't what I'm supposed to be doing! This isn't my fate!
Voice: Don't mistake coincidence for fate.
Locke: Who are you? Why are you holding me here?
Voice: Holding you here? I thought you could get up and walk out anytime you wanted...
(Locke angril WHEELS backwards. He's back in his wheelchair!)
Locke: It's been two and a half years since the explosion! Why haven't you fixed me yet?
Voice: You are exactly as we want you to be and exactly where we want you to be, John.
Locke: GOD DAMN IT.
(Pullback to show more and more boxes...and more and more...and more and more...a seemingly endless pile of boxes in a seemingly infinite room. SUDDEN ZOOM BACK IN ON LOCKE FOR DRAMATIC EFFECT. One of the boxes opens. A man steps out.)
Locke: You! You're behind all this!
(It's CHRISTIAN SHEPHERD! Not Ben!)
Christian: You should have been nicer to my son, John.
WHOOOOOSH
(Kate is jumping from tree to tree to get to Aaron.)
Kate: Mommy's coming, Aaron!
Claire: His name is ERIN...BITCH!
(Claire kicks Kate, sending her crashing back against a tree.)
Claire: And he's MY bay-bee!
(Claire starts to walk off when Kate runs up behind her and PUSHES HER OFF THE TREE. Claire plummets towards the fire and freighter people below.)
Kate: Oops.
(Harper steps out of treehouse holding Aaron.)
Harper: You killed her!
Kate: I, uhh, didn't mean to...that English bitch made me do it. Or Juliet. Probably Juliet.
Harper: I saw what happened, Kate. And I...LIKED IT. Let's make a deal.
Kate: What kind of deal?
(Harper licks her lips.)
Harper: Come in and I'll tell you...
(MEANWHILE, the battle rages on!)
Captain: It's over, Jack! I have the low ground!
Jack: IT'S NOT OVER UNTIL EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US IS DEAD.
Sawyer: Real smart thing to say, Doc!
Captain: I've already killed Jin and shot Hurley in the knee...
Hurley: And it reall hurts, dude!
Captain: What next? Killing some random extra to prove I'm serious?
(He shoots some random extra in the face to prove he's serious.)
Desmond: Oh no, not Bruce!
Juliet: I think his name was Keith.
Captain: It doesn't matter, he's dead! And so will you all be soon! UNLESS!
Sayid: Wait a minute, there's an unless?
Captain: Sure there is!
Sayid: Why didn't you tell us that BEFORE you started killing us and shooting our knees?
Captain: MORE FUN THIS WAY.
Sayid: Fair enough.
Jack: WHAT'S THE UNLESS?
Captain: I'll let you live...if you turn over Benjamin Linus.
Hurley: ...that's it.
Captain: I know, it's a lot to ask, you are all loyal to Benjamin...
Jack: No we're not!
Sayid: Yeah, fuck Ben!
Hurley: Fuck him right in the ear!
Locke: Wait a minute guys...let me ask the island what it thinks.
Jack: Oh Jesus...
Locke: Well, I asked the island...and it said "FUCK BEN!"
(They all laugh.)
Daniel: Uhh, aren't we, umm, being, uhh, paid muh-mony to kuh-keep Ben ah-live...guys?
(Charlotte and Miles are still making out and ignore him.)
Daniel: Oh. Well, fuck Ben!
Sunn: So you mean to say that Jin died for nothing?
Captain: Come on, you're glad he's dead!
Sunn: Well, okay, maybe a little...
(She looks at Juliet, awkwardly. Juliet's nipples harden.)
Desmond: Are you cold, Juliet?
Juliet: Uhh, yeah, sure...
Desmond: You know, I think I might just dump Penny and start a new life with you.
Juliet: WHAT!?
Desmond: What? You love me, right?
(Juliet looks deep into Sunn's eyes.)
Juliet: Umm...sure...
Desmond: Great! Penny isn't really English anyway, she fake the accent!
(Charlotte looks up from Miles.)
Charlotte: What a bitch!
Desmond: Aye, tell me about it!
Miles: So, wait, we're not all about to die?
Jack: NOT IF WE HAND OVER BEN.
Miles: So why the fuck am I kissing you!
(He steps off her and walks away, coldly. A single tear rolls down Charlotte's face.)
Captain: LOOK, are you idiots going to hand over Ben or not?
Jack: SURE. WHERE IS HE.
Jin: He's in the clubhouse!
Everyone: JIN!?
Jin: That's right!
Sunn: But you're dead!
Jin: Nah! The bullet became lodged in my back and didn't hit any vital organs!
Sunn: Oh...how...lucky.
(Sunn looks at Juliet in shock.)
Juliet: Don't worry, we'll kill him later...and Desmond.
Desmond: What'd you say?
Juliet: I said...BEN!?
Ben: Hello!
(Ben has come out of the clubhouse...wearing a suit of ROBOTIC ARMOUR.)
Captain: What the fuck are you wearing?
Ben: Just a little something DHARMA designed...bitch.
(Ben shoots FLAMES out of his robot hands, killing the captain.)
Keamey: Run! He's got flames too!
LOST
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
(Michael and Walt are in the little motorboat, having just left the island.)
Walt: We're really going home, daddy?
Michael: That's right, son. Just need to stick to this heading.
Walt: Yay! Wessa goin' home!
Michael: That's right!
Walt: Then we can send help for everyone else!
Michael: Umm...maybe.
Walt: You saved me, daddy!
Michael: Yeah, just pipe down for a while, son. The sharks might hear you...
(Walt starts bouncing up and down.)
Walt: YOU SAVEDEDEDED MEEEEE!
Michael: Shut your trap, damn it!
Walt: I bet you did something really heroic, too!
Michael: ...
Walt: Don't be modest, daddy! What was it? Did you wrestle a polar bear? Did you? Did ya? Didja? Did you wrestle it down, daddy?
Michael: SHUT UP!
Walt: Boy howdy, it must have been something MIGHTY BRAVE if you want me to shut up that badly...
Michael: I KILLED TWO WOMEN, OKAY? TWO INNONCENT GODDAMN WOMEN. WITH NO MERCY. I SLAUGHTERED THEM. LIKE DOGS. DOGS!
Walt: ...
Michael: You don't understand...they take my...you. Right out of my hands!
Walt: I mean...but killing women...
Michael: One of them was Ana Lucia!
Walt: Okay, that's not so bad...
Michael: And Libby, but that was kind of an accident.
Walt: YOU BASTARD!
Michael: Son, please!
Walt: EMERGENCY TEMPORAL SHIFT.
(Walt DISAPPEARS right out of Michael's hands!)
Michael: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALT!
WHOOOOOOOOSH
(Back in the future. The freighter people are scattering, under attack from Ben's flames.)
Ben: AHAHAHAHA, AHAHAHA! DIE, WIDMORE SCUM!
Sawyer: Well, looks like Tony Stark here has taken care of our problem for us. Shame, I was lookin' forward to handing his worthless hide over to them.
Sayid: We still could...
Ben: Hand me over to who? Their charred remains?
Jack: YOU EVIL BASTARD. ONE DAY WE'LL HAVE A MORALLY JUSTIFIABLE REASON TO KILL YOU.
Ben: But this is not that day, Jack.
Juliet: Strange that you had that robotic suit of armour up in the clubhouse. And those robot legs you have too...it's almost as if you have a robotics scientist trapped in that clubhouse and you're forcing him to make weapons for you...
Ben: Almost!
Locke: Well I'm just glad this whole mess is over with and we can get back to what's important. Namely MY spiritual journey.
Sunn: And the journey into lesbianism Juliet and I are ready to embark on together...
Jin: What did you say, dear?
Sunn: NOTHING!
Jack: Yeah, guess this wraps everything up...
(SUDDENLY, the CREEPY DOCTOR from the freigther comes lunging at Jack with a scalpel.)
Doctor: DIE, GOOD DOCTOR!
Michael: No!
(Michael JUMPS IN THE WAY, taking the scalpel to the forehead! Sawyer quickly shoots the creepy doctor right between the eyes.)
Sawyer: God damn my aim is gettin' good!
Michael: Urgh!
Locke: Michael!
Michael: Do you think...dying like this...that Walt will forgive me?
Locke: No.
Michael: Oh....damn...Waaaaaaalt...
(Michael KEELS OVER. Jack checks his pulse.)
Jack: Umm, you're not actually dead, Michael.
Michael: Oh, right. But I guess I'm one of you now, at least!
Jack: No.
Michael: Shit.
(Kate returns with Aaron.)
Hurley: Kate! Where's Claire?
Kate: Umm...she fell to her death. Keamey pushed her or something. Yeah, very sad. I'm taking Aaron as my own.
Hurley: Oh. Okay.
Jack: NO. HE'S MY HALF NEPHEW. I SHOULD HALF TAKE HIM.
Kate: Over my dead body...
Ben: Wait a minute, where's Alex?
(Everyone looks around.)
Locke: She's not here!
(Cut to the JUNGLE where Keamey and Omar are carrying a captured Alex!)
Keamey: Least we captured us somethin' sweet...
Alex: Wait! I'm his daughter! I'm Ben's daughter!
Keamey: Uhh, we know. That's what makes it extra sexy! Haha!
(They throw her in the a CAGE. Someone else is in the cage, just waking up.)
Alex: YOU!
(It's Claire!)
Claire: Alex? That bitch Kate...she pushed me. But those nice men caught me before I hit the ground...and put me in a cage!?
Alex: Claire...I think it's a rape cage.
Claire: Oh shit!
(Another person walks out of the shadows in the cage. It's Danielle!)
Danielle: Not if anything to say about it I have.
Alex: Mom!
LOST
Walt: We're really going home, daddy?
Michael: That's right, son. Just need to stick to this heading.
Walt: Yay! Wessa goin' home!
Michael: That's right!
Walt: Then we can send help for everyone else!
Michael: Umm...maybe.
Walt: You saved me, daddy!
Michael: Yeah, just pipe down for a while, son. The sharks might hear you...
(Walt starts bouncing up and down.)
Walt: YOU SAVEDEDEDED MEEEEE!
Michael: Shut your trap, damn it!
Walt: I bet you did something really heroic, too!
Michael: ...
Walt: Don't be modest, daddy! What was it? Did you wrestle a polar bear? Did you? Did ya? Didja? Did you wrestle it down, daddy?
Michael: SHUT UP!
Walt: Boy howdy, it must have been something MIGHTY BRAVE if you want me to shut up that badly...
Michael: I KILLED TWO WOMEN, OKAY? TWO INNONCENT GODDAMN WOMEN. WITH NO MERCY. I SLAUGHTERED THEM. LIKE DOGS. DOGS!
Walt: ...
Michael: You don't understand...they take my...you. Right out of my hands!
Walt: I mean...but killing women...
Michael: One of them was Ana Lucia!
Walt: Okay, that's not so bad...
Michael: And Libby, but that was kind of an accident.
Walt: YOU BASTARD!
Michael: Son, please!
Walt: EMERGENCY TEMPORAL SHIFT.
(Walt DISAPPEARS right out of Michael's hands!)
Michael: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALT!
WHOOOOOOOOSH
(Back in the future. The freighter people are scattering, under attack from Ben's flames.)
Ben: AHAHAHAHA, AHAHAHA! DIE, WIDMORE SCUM!
Sawyer: Well, looks like Tony Stark here has taken care of our problem for us. Shame, I was lookin' forward to handing his worthless hide over to them.
Sayid: We still could...
Ben: Hand me over to who? Their charred remains?
Jack: YOU EVIL BASTARD. ONE DAY WE'LL HAVE A MORALLY JUSTIFIABLE REASON TO KILL YOU.
Ben: But this is not that day, Jack.
Juliet: Strange that you had that robotic suit of armour up in the clubhouse. And those robot legs you have too...it's almost as if you have a robotics scientist trapped in that clubhouse and you're forcing him to make weapons for you...
Ben: Almost!
Locke: Well I'm just glad this whole mess is over with and we can get back to what's important. Namely MY spiritual journey.
Sunn: And the journey into lesbianism Juliet and I are ready to embark on together...
Jin: What did you say, dear?
Sunn: NOTHING!
Jack: Yeah, guess this wraps everything up...
(SUDDENLY, the CREEPY DOCTOR from the freigther comes lunging at Jack with a scalpel.)
Doctor: DIE, GOOD DOCTOR!
Michael: No!
(Michael JUMPS IN THE WAY, taking the scalpel to the forehead! Sawyer quickly shoots the creepy doctor right between the eyes.)
Sawyer: God damn my aim is gettin' good!
Michael: Urgh!
Locke: Michael!
Michael: Do you think...dying like this...that Walt will forgive me?
Locke: No.
Michael: Oh....damn...Waaaaaaalt...
(Michael KEELS OVER. Jack checks his pulse.)
Jack: Umm, you're not actually dead, Michael.
Michael: Oh, right. But I guess I'm one of you now, at least!
Jack: No.
Michael: Shit.
(Kate returns with Aaron.)
Hurley: Kate! Where's Claire?
Kate: Umm...she fell to her death. Keamey pushed her or something. Yeah, very sad. I'm taking Aaron as my own.
Hurley: Oh. Okay.
Jack: NO. HE'S MY HALF NEPHEW. I SHOULD HALF TAKE HIM.
Kate: Over my dead body...
Ben: Wait a minute, where's Alex?
(Everyone looks around.)
Locke: She's not here!
(Cut to the JUNGLE where Keamey and Omar are carrying a captured Alex!)
Keamey: Least we captured us somethin' sweet...
Alex: Wait! I'm his daughter! I'm Ben's daughter!
Keamey: Uhh, we know. That's what makes it extra sexy! Haha!
(They throw her in the a CAGE. Someone else is in the cage, just waking up.)
Alex: YOU!
(It's Claire!)
Claire: Alex? That bitch Kate...she pushed me. But those nice men caught me before I hit the ground...and put me in a cage!?
Alex: Claire...I think it's a rape cage.
Claire: Oh shit!
(Another person walks out of the shadows in the cage. It's Danielle!)
Danielle: Not if anything to say about it I have.
Alex: Mom!
LOST
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Keamey is the big guy on the freighter who locked Desmond up when he first landed, and was "shooting stuff" in Michael's flashback.
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
I thought he was quite memorable.
Who haven't I given a flashback/forward to yet?
Who haven't I given a flashback/forward to yet?
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Page 1. Pirate ship. Arr.
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
I don't think I did Sunn or Jin and they're still alive. BUT MAYBE ARZT WILL POP UP IN SOMEONE ELSE'S FLASHBACK...