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I hate dislike Sunday night again

I forgot to mention in my earlier ranting how I EAT LIKE CRAP SOMETIMES ON MY DAYS OFF
But Not really all the time
I mean yesterday I made BORSCHT. FUCKING BORSCHT
I made it and I ate it and still have some for my lunch tomorrow
but I can't eat that all day long
and I don't eat the best sometimes on my days off
but last week I did
I fucking made FRESH SPRING ROLLS AND I ATE THOSE and the ingredients with yummy peanut sauce all WEEK LONG
But then this week is different and I still have to eat
but I dont want to
and for some reason I'm not eating ice cream righ tnow
because I eat ice cream ALL THE TIME
and last week I also made brownies
I FUCKING MADE BROWNIES
AND I TOOK THEM TO A POTLUCK THING
and not all of them got eaten so I had some for my lunches and ice cream
and probably too much sugar
and stuff
so
yeah
I'm fine
srsly
 
Even tho I am not going to work tomorrow I still feel some sort of Sunday evening pressure.

It is because for the weekend I was safe, starting tomorrow at any time I could recieve an email telling me to get my stuff together. And I'm not ready yet! But also, I need to start working some hours again.
 
Weird energy abounds today. Full moon. Three planets lining up. Voting is filling the population with fear, dread, excitement, joy.

Potpourri of emotions.
 
I just did a search for all of the Sunday threads that have been created becuse it is my Sunday night sort of since I had the day off today and I don't want to go to work tomorrow.
Acutally it isn't the job I don't want to do, its the commute. Actually I like the commute, its the fact that I will walk the first mile to work and won't get to carry everything I want to when I go back home so I am figuring out how to do that.
That is all.
 
I can't let go of anything
I have to hang on to everything
help me

move forward GIF by Chibird


not that kind of letting go

traveling space travel GIF by Matthew Butler


Simplify The Simpsons GIF
 
Its like going to the mall and trying to make something out of junk and when I say mall I mean compactor because that is where everyone goes for a good time, just kidding they don't have a good time there, but they do shop and by shop I mean just look at the junk other people have left and when I can endure it when the smell isn't ba I browse too and I look at the books and the clothes and I think "That woudl be cool"
last week was a cool pic of the mountain and a clock that was a ship wheel and stuff like that
 
Here we are
Sunday night
I rage! Against the Machine!!!!
What was the weekend?
There was no cake or pie, no jokes, no fuzzy times
Just work and no play
Everyone out gardening but not enjoying it
Me, I'm just chasing ants
Mother fucking ants all day
So much fun
 
This Sunday night is not too bad as I enjoyed some outdoor time this weekend and got a lot done. Also I have house guests so I am glad to go to work tomorrow.
 
Am I going to remember this?
Last night I had a dream that I was at a meeting. Here is how it went

At one point I was walking with some people or a gal and she asked me where I was going and I told her I didn't know but i had a general idea or 3 dif addresses and she told me I didn't want to go to that neighborhood, and I said it would be fine. So we went our ways. And then I went to that neighborhood and the windows were all boarded up and then I walked by this yard with some people in it and my instinct was fear, I could hear their conversation and it sounded like a fight was about to break out so I ran and I met up with the girl and others who were walking on a more crowded street and she asked what happened and I said that she was right. Then I continued to jog and I found a meeting hall, and only 2 people were there smoking in the front room and a gal came in after me and she noticed there was supposed to be a meeting happening so she was working on starting it. I think I was going to do a reading, I can't remember. And then some people wanted to move the meeting into the back hall. I had already moved back there because it was cooler and there was no cigarrette smoke. So then everyone was there-and then for some reason the meeting moved to my car. I feel lit was hilarious, I wasn't driving, there was a cowboy in the front passenger seat, I was squeezed into the back between 2 people and after the opening I was called on.
I put my hands on my face and I didn't know what to say, it had been so long since I had been in an acutal meeting (in my dream) and so I spoke and like typical fashion there were distractions and no one was listening-except sometimes the cowboy and the one thing I remember saying, besides that I hadn't been to meetings enough was this:

"If you have regrets you just move those over to your goal side and if you have something you don't like, you just let it go."

And then the guy that owns the building that the meeting hall is in walked by and everyone knew they had to go talk to him about the keys and he could be seen out of my back window pouring out alcohol and I thought it was cool and I asked about it and we could hear him saying, "Nah, my buddies drove by and asked why I was drinking that shit and so their going to buy me the real stuff"
Like a car full of alcoholics we would have drank that shit dude. But not anymore. So its like is that guy an alcoholic or not? But it isn't for us to decide. So then after someone let the guy know about the key-I think it was time to start sharing again and not sure if it was still my turn and when I started to speak there was a loud truck nearby so no one could hear so that either indicates its all b.s. or that i need to try harder.
After this I think we merged into a restaurant and then some of us had to use the restroom and then suddenly I found myself in my sister's place where I was housesitting, or a place she was housesitting and a guy shows up and has a question about the bath or shower so I answer it for him.
And then I head into the bath, only I am wearing a bikini instead of being naked and I leave the door open and so this guy keeps interupting me and at one point he looks at me and says, "That could be fun to take a bath like that" like he wanted to put on some shorts and join me, but I didn't give him an opening so he went back downstairs to the kitchen and started singing and I started pleasuring myself and then I heard a loud sound like someone had just came home, no big deal but i wanted to know if it was my sister so I stood up, wrapped a towel around me and I was in the kitchen and the guy was laughing at me and I'm pretty sure something fun was going to happen
and then I woke up.
And then my cat was scratching at the door. Bastard. (This part is real life)
I let the cat in and I sat on my bed and replayed the dream in my head. I've never had a dream like that. It was pretty crazy. This was after a 2 hour meditation session tonight and a burning of the Christmas tree where I was talking about "letting it go" and I really wanted to hang on to parts of it. Some in a good way, like I could make a coat rack out of the base, but some in a wierd "hanging on to shit" way.
So a lot of things were in my mind.

I slept with my windows closed last night. I shall open them up now and let everything out.

Goodnight.
 
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