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Make up more lies about Christmas thread

CaptainWacky

CaptainWacky

I want to smell dark matter
Tis the season!

1) Jesus wasn't actually born on December 25th. But Buddha, Mohammed, Richard O'Brien and Jake Sisko were.

2) Christmas was first celebrated in 1892 by Queen Victoria and Charles Coke, the founder of the Coca Cola Company.
 
3) One of the Three Wise Men was actually Mary Kay, founder of Mary Kay Cosmetics.
 
4)God decided to have Jesus born in Bethlehem instead of Italy, because he couldn't find a virgin and three wise men in Italy.
 
5) God wouldve gotten Jesus on weekends, but there was tension between him and Joesph. Everyone thought it best that God stay outta the picture as much as possible.

6) The Christmas lights hanging around the manger burnt out after only 3 hours.
 
7) Jesus wasn't circumsized.
 
8) The "friendly" inn keeper actually charged Mary & Joseph 2 donkeys to stay in the stable. Bastard.
 
9) There was a fourth wise man that brought a card and some cheese-log.
 
10) Jesus lied about prayer, and had a sentient third nipple.
 
One of the things that concerns me is the many untrue statements and stories that people make up and pass on in order to cause others to believe that Jesus is going to drop out of the sky at any moment or any second. Believe it or not to believe in an eminent return of Christ at any moment has produced a lot of lies that people use to try and convert a lost soul. It seems to be the thinking of some that whatever it takes to get some one saved is ok. This kind of thinking might be all right among the belief of some religions in this world but it is totally unacceptable in Christianity. We do no lie about anything to get people to receive Jesus. In fact I believe that it is the absurdity of some of this stuff that goes around that causes people to feel sick in the pit of their stomach when approached by some Christians. They do not trust people that come on with all of this unfounded information.
 
Temple Stones hidden in Wal Marts:

There is another end time story that makes it way around the Church and that is the Temple building stones. We all know that the Temple in Jerusalem must be rebuilt before the anti-Christ invades the city because he will go into it and declare himself to be God. So in an effort to hurry up the coming of the Lord and to make people believe that Jesus could drop out of the sky any second another story has it that everything is ready to begin the rebuilding of the Temple. In reality part of this story is true but it has some added information that rocks the boat on ridiculous. Many parts of the Temple furniture has been built in Israel and many are hopeful that the situation in Israel will change so that the Temple can be built. However since it would take time to build this temple it is told that all of the Temple stones have been already built and numbered so that all they have to do is say the word and they can throw the Temple together in just a few days. Guess where these Temple Stones are supposed to be? It is told that they are hidden in Walmart warehouses all across the United States. Whew! Now that ought to get peoples attention right? Wrong, even a sinner isn't gullible enough to believe that. Walmart has a very difficult time even saying Merry Christmas let alone hiding stones for the Temple.
 
Israelis use particle beam to make what could be smallest Old Testament, inscribed on the head of a pin.
 
14) Santa is Jesus' lover. They have a nice condo down in Ft Lauderdale.
 
Jesus mom had sex first.
 
15)Santa uses flying hampsters not raindeer to drive his sled
 
16) The Christmas tree is a phallic symbol.

17) The chimney Santa comes down is a phallic symbol.

18) Santa's bulging sack is a TESTICULLAR symbol.
 
19) Rudolph's red nose is a VENERIAL DISEASE symbol.
 
Wait, did I really type "likes" in the thread title or did SOMEONE (Eggs) edit it?
 
No, you typed "likes" but I just fixed it now.
 
And no one corrected me until now. Maybe you were all laughing at me. NO MAYBE ABOUT IT.
 
WE WERENT LAUGHING AT YOU, WE WERE LAUGHING WITH YOU.
 
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