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The Dork Lord said:
Never Mother, or Mommy Dearest?
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Ha, ha, ha, ha ... you obviously don't know the dynamics in my daughter's and my relationship. She starts, "Mommy, you remember ...." And, I ask, "What do you want?"
 
My daughter: "Daddy, I had a dream MOMMY CUT HER HANDS OFF!"

Me: "I could see how she'd cut off one hand, but what about the other one?"

My daughter:"Ummmmm I think you helped her!"



^Troo story!
 
The Dork Lord said:
My daughter: "Daddy, I had a dream MOMMY CUT HER HANDS OFF!"

Me: "I could see how she'd cut off one hand, but what about the other one?"

My daughter:"Ummmmm I think you helped her!"



^Troo story!
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LOL! Man that's a grrreat story!

This is the shit I get to look forward too?

Splendid, fucking absolutely splendid.

We made a mistake! We actually let the lil' girl into the bed now she wont sleep unless she's in there, and she fucking hogs the damn thing!

I'm on one sliver of the bed, her mom's on the other and she gets to chill in the middle. I need to get kicked to the couch right?

Oh yea, my "reeeeel" name is:

MOTHERFUCKER!!!


I got it changed. Pisses off cops like Bill Sarek when they pull me over, lol.
 
You are in for some amazing things when your little girl reaches puberty. This is my advice for when that happens: keep a diary, take voice recordings, videos and lots of still pictures. Be sure to lock the originals of these items in your bank box to which only you have the key. You will need these to remind her she was not perfect as a youngster. This evidence will also come in handy when she tries to blackmail you for your own embarassing transgressions.
 
eloisel said:
You are in for some amazing things when your little girl reaches puberty. This is my advice for when that happens: keep a diary, take voice recordings, videos and lots of still pictures. Be sure to lock the originals of these items in your bank box to which only you have the key. You will need these to remind her she was not perfect as a youngster. This evidence will also come in handy when she tries to blackmail you for your own embarassing transgressions.
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You mean like getting too drunk and puking on her promd date while the wife snaps pictures?


How else am I gonna talk the two outta taking the "next step" you know?
 
BitchSlapSmitty said:
You mean like getting too drunk and puking on her promd date while the wife snaps pictures?


How else am I gonna talk the two outta taking the "next step" you know?
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Oh, you're going to do just fine. That is years away and you've already got an excellent plan!
 
eloisel said:
You are in for some amazing things when your little girl reaches puberty. This is my advice for when that happens: keep a diary, take voice recordings, videos and lots of still pictures. Be sure to lock the originals of these items in your bank box to which only you have the key. You will need these to remind her she was not perfect as a youngster. This evidence will also come in handy when she tries to blackmail you for your own embarassing transgressions.
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My niece swears, "I'm never going to hate you Auntie Laura, you're the best auntie ever." To which I reply, "I'll remind you that you said that when you're grounded and can't go to the party of the century and have decided to make voo-doo dolls of myself and your uncle with all of your spare time."
 
Laker_Girl said:
My niece swears, "I'm never going to hate you Auntie Laura, you're the best auntie ever." To which I reply, "I'll remind you that you said that when you're grounded and can't go to the party of the century and have decided to make voo-doo dolls of myself and your uncle with all of your spare time."
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Now is the time to make those videos. Save those special presents they made at school too. All too soon it will happen. You'll ask them a simple question like, "Where are you going?" Their little head will spin around on their neck and a demon's voice will issue forth from their mouth, "What business is it of yours?" You'll need something to remind you that inside that twisted acne ridden skinbag of raging hormones is a child you dearly adore.
 
eloisel said:
Now is the time to make those videos. Save those special presents they made at school too. All too soon it will happen. You'll ask them a simple question like, "Where are you going?" Their little head will spin around on their neck and a demon's voice will issue forth from their mouth, "What business is it of yours?" You'll need something to remind you that inside that twisted acne ridden skinbag of raging hormones is a child you dearly adore.
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Note to self: Be sure parents are available to help raise my children as I will be in jail for beating my niece to death.
 
LOL - okay, true story time. One of my sister's kids was having some serious behaviour problems and decided she wanted to come live with me because I am oh so very cool while her mom was such a bitch. So, I was at their house observing the situation. Kid put on one of her mom's nightgowns and sat around the living room mouthing off at her mother. Her mom told her to put up her gown, then put on her own pajamas and go to bed. Kid would not obey. Instead, kid argued with her mom and begged to come live with me. I told her that would be fine. However, I'm much different than her mom. I wouldn't ask her twice or argue with her. I'd tell her once to take my gown off and put it up. If she did not do it immediately, I'd rip that gown off of her and throw her butt outside naked. She was also having a problem sneaking out of the house and staying at other people's houses overnight or longer without permission. I told her that, too, would stop immediately. If she snuck out of the house, I would have her tracked down and then she'd spend her nights chained to the toilet. If she disappeared, I'd have her hunted down by the biggest, ugliest, scariest guys I know. The only time she wouldn't be chained to the toilet is when she went to school. The chain would be long enough for her to sleep in her bed, come to the dining table, and clean baseboards with a toothbrush in various places throughout the house. I further explained to her that I believe on making the punishment fit the crime most of the time so she might want to be real careful about what she chose to do to misbehave. She made the mistake of thinking I was kidding with her. By the end of the first week she decided that she had the sweetest most wonderful mom on the planet and could she please go back home to the mother she adored with all of her heart. I kept her a month. Now she is grown. She works for the Police Department and I am the godmother of her children. I am a very nice and generous person except when I am not.
 
Actually it's catching her going down on her prom date in your living room that next morning.
 
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