SPAMCAPITAL OMEGA: THE REMAKE OF THE REMAKE OF THE SPAM

[The Dork Lord]

"Spirit!" he cried, tight clutching at its robe, "hear me!
I am not the man I was. I will not be the man I must
have been but for this intercourse. Why show me this, if I
am past all hope!"

 

[The Dork Lord]

For the first time the hand appeared to shake.

 

[The Dork Lord]

"Good Spirit," he pursued, as down upon the ground he
fell before it: "Your nature intercedes for me, and pities
me. Assure me that I yet may change these shadows you
have shown me, by an altered life!"

 

[The Dork Lord]

The kind hand trembled.

 

[The Dork Lord]

"I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it
all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the
Future. The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. I
will not shut out the lessons that they teach. Oh, tell me I
may sponge away the writing on this stone!"

 

[The Dork Lord]

In his agony, he caught the spectral hand. It sought to
free itself, but he was strong in his entreaty, and detained it.
The Spirit, stronger yet, repulsed him.

 

[The Dork Lord]

Holding up his hands in a last prayer to have his fate
reversed, he saw an alteration in the Phantom's hood and dress.
It shrunk, collapsed, and dwindled down into a bedpost.

 

[The Dork Lord]

A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens

STAVE V:

THE END

OF IT

 

[The Dork Lord]

YES! and the bedpost was his own.
The bed was his own,
the room was his own.

 

[The Dork Lord]

Best and happiest of all, the Time before
him was his own, to make amends in!

 

[The Dork Lord]

"I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future!"
Scrooge repeated, as he scrambled out of bed. "The Spirits
of all Three shall strive within me.

 

[The Dork Lord]

Oh Jacob Marley! Heaven, and the Christmas
Time be praised for this! I say it on my knees,
old Jacob; on my knees!"

 

[The Dork Lord]

He was so fluttered and so glowing with his good intentions,
that his broken voice would scarcely answer to his call.

 

[The Dork Lord]

He had been sobbing violently in his conflict with
the Spirit, and his face was wet with tears.

 

[The Dork Lord]

"They are not torn down," cried Scrooge, folding one of his
bed-curtains in his arms, "they are not torn down, rings and all.

 

[The Dork Lord]

They are here--I am here--the shadows of the things that would
have been, may be dispelled. They will be. I know they will!"

 

[The Dork Lord]

His hands were busy with his garments all this time;
turning them inside out, putting them on upside down,
tearing them, mislaying them, making them parties to every
kind of extravagance.

 

[The Dork Lord]

"I don't know what to do!" cried Scrooge, laughing and
crying in the same breath; and making a perfect Laocoön
of himself with his stockings.

 

[The Dork Lord]

"I am as light as a feather, I am as happy as
an angel, I am as merry as a schoolboy.

 

[The Dork Lord]

I am as giddy as a drunken man. A merry Christmas to
everybody! A happy New Year to all the world. Hallo
here! Whoop! Hallo!"