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SPAMCAPITAL OMEGA: THE REMAKE OF THE REMAKE OF THE SPAM

"It's hanging there now," replied the boy.
 
"Is it?" said Scrooge. "Go and buy it."
 
"No, no," said Scrooge, "I am in earnest. Go and buy
it, and tell 'em to bring it here, that I may give them the
direction where to take it.
 
Come back with the man, and I'll give you a shilling.
Come back with him in less than five minutes and
I'll give you half-a-crown!"
 
The boy was off like a shot. He must have had a steady hand
at a trigger who could have got a shot off half so fast.
 
"I'll send it to Bob Cratchit's!" whispered Scrooge,
rubbing his hands, and splitting with a laugh.
 
"He sha'n't know who sends it. It's twice the size of Tiny Tim.
Joe Miller never made such a joke as sending it to Bob's will be!"
 
The hand in which he wrote the address was not a steady
one, but write it he did, somehow, and went down-stairs to
open the street door, ready for the coming of the poulterer's
man. As he stood there, waiting his arrival, the knocker
caught his eye.
 
"I shall love it, as long as I live!" cried Scrooge, patting
it with his hand. "I scarcely ever looked at it before.
 
What an honest expression it has in its face! It's a
wonderful knocker!--Here's the Turkey! Hallo! Whoop!
How are you! Merry Christmas!"
 
It was a Turkey! He never could have stood upon his
legs, that bird.
 
He would have snapped 'em short off in a
minute, like sticks of sealing-wax.
 
"Why, it's impossible to carry that to Camden Town,"
said Scrooge. "You must have a cab."
 
The chuckle with which he said this, and the chuckle with
which he paid for the Turkey, and the chuckle with which
he paid for the cab, and the chuckle with which he recompensed
the boy, were only to be exceeded by the chuckle
with which he sat down breathless in his chair again, and
chuckled till he cried.
 
Shaving was not an easy task, for his hand continued to
shake very much; and shaving requires attention, even when
you don't dance while you are at it.
 
But if he had cut the end of his nose off, he would
have put a piece of sticking-plaister over it, and
been quite satisfied.
 
A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens

He dressed himself "all in his best," and at last got out
into the streets. The people were by this time pouring forth,
as he had seen them with the Ghost of Christmas Present;
and walking with his hands behind him, Scrooge regarded
every one with a delighted smile.
 
He looked so irresistibly pleasant, in a word, that three
or four good-humoured fellows said, "Good morning, sir!
A merry Christmas to you!" And Scrooge said often
afterwards, that of all the blithe sounds he had ever
heard, those were the blithest in his ears.
 
He had not gone far, when coming on towards him he
beheld the portly gentleman, who had walked into his
counting-house the day before, and said, "Scrooge
and Marley's, I believe?"
 
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