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Star Trek 12 news/countdown thread

Star Trek: The Videogame, as it’s so enigmatically titled, is a steaming turd dropped from the ugliest bumhole in the world. It is a quite exceptionally terrible game, from its numbingly dreary repetition, useless broken AI, archaic combat, clumsy construction, and utter nothingness story. And Simon Pegg.
At the start you choose between playing Kirk or Spock. I picked Spock. I’ve no idea how different it is if you’re Kirk, because playing it a second time is lower on my to-do list that drilling into my eye sockets and sliding down a razor-blade strewn banister. Clearly it wants to be a co-op game, but since the PC version’s co-op isn’t working for anyone (except for developers pretending to be customers), and since I don’t know anyone I hate enough to play this with if I could get it working, I played it solo. In this case the game’s deranged AI takes over the character you didn’t pick, and off the one-and-a-half of you go, on an epic adventure.

STTVG lays its cards on the table pretty much immediately. Right at the start of the game Spock and Kirk make their way to the bridge, whereupon the AI controlled Kirk started running like a lunatic back and forth across the room. As Spock I simply raised an eyebrow at his mad antics, and sighed. Perhaps this wasn’t to be the game we’d been hoping.

And indeed it isn’t in any sense. Where the trailers might have implied something akin to Mass Effect, that’s absolutely not what you’ve got here. Instead it’s a fundamentally broken cover-shooter, with some of the worst third-person platforming since Tomb Raider: Angel Of Darkness. The ship-flying bit you might have seen in the trailers? That happens once early on, is utterly terrible and bemusing, and thankfully never happens again.

[...]

It all looks like something developed years ago, the creepy almost-right character faces opening and closing their mouths like ventriloquist dummies, rather than properly lip-syncing, the dull environments taking as much advantage of Starfleet’s lack of wall textures as they can. And most of all, it’s so achingly repetitive. No matter whether you’re on the Enterprise, a Starfleet star base, or an alien planet the other side of the universe, you’re still just running between computers that open doors and shooting at the same five lizards. For hours and hours. Even the ending shown at the beginning is a fake-out, letting you optimistically think you must almost be done by the time you reach it again. (And wow, do they cop out of that cliffhanger.)

I think what I’m trying to say is: don’t buy Star Trek: The Videogame. It’s awful. Really, really awful.
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Fuddlemiff was supposed to receive this video game today. I hope he enjoys it :).
 
It is in front of me now, concealed in its protective cardboard. Considering returning it without opening.

It's that or get drunk, install and lol at it.
 
CaptainWacky said:
That would be a bizarre move.
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Dennis the Menace would work.

Colonel Kira's Left Tit said:
This thing looks like a hefty dog turd rolled around in flour, dropped in an eggwash, coated in panko and deep fried and served up for the price of a movie ticket.

No thanks. :)
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WOHHHH!!!!!!, as Paulie from "The Sopranos" would say.

Hold your horse's son! Those spoilers might be horse hockey? Anyway, best to reserve judgment until you see it. Whether that's in the theater or at home several months from now.
 
Shatner should be in xIII! As the old(er) Abrams Kirk looking back & reminiscing over his life & career, in a way reminiscent of Ru'afo's reminiscing of Mozart in "Amadeus" (1984).
 
Aquehonga said:
Shatner should be in xIII! As the old(er) Abrams Kirk looking back & reminiscing over his life & career, in a way reminiscent of Ru'afo's reminiscing of Mozart in "Amadeus" (1984).
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That's suspending belief a little too much. I can't imagine Pine Kirk ending up looking like original older Kirk.
 
Loktar said:
That's suspending belief a little too much. I can't imagine Pine Kirk ending up looking like original older Kirk.
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Even teh Shat was young once.

And I think they picked a pretty good likeness to match him.
 
Oh yeah....need to revisit my childhood and start watching the TOS episodes again. Its easier to remember fat, old, toupee Kirk.
 
Jar Jar abarms said SOMETHING recently about TJ Hooker being in "star track 3: the search 4 future schlock". So meesa post was taking me best shot ... in2 darkness!

:shrug:
 
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"PSST! ... John Harrison is actually a CARDASSIAN chrononaut from my universe's 2379. The second half of STiD's a ginormous things blow up real good convoluted lens hyperflared space war that makes NO SENSE upon any scrutiny.

Y'see the Feds, Klings, Rommies, Ent Ent al, get mowed down & bowled over by fleets of THOUSANDS of Cardie ships. JJ shoulda called Spoonheads Into Darkness.

All TRUE. Scout's honour.

Would I lie:phpquestion:

I'm a Starfleet Officer.

Wesley Crusher 1.0"
 
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"I should've played George Harrison in STiD. NOT that pompous nuSherlock douche! AND I'd have made SURE Harrison WASN'T Data's creator/"father" either.

That's WHO Holmes 2.0 is playing y'know. Data's 'father'. BAD casting! Brett Spiner's PISSED, but fuck him in the neck."
 
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