CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Seriously.
Troll Kingdom
This is a sample guest message. Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!
Wacky Reviews: Star Trek
- Thread starter CaptainWacky
- Start date
Eggs Mayonnaise
All In With The Nuts
Some network guy said "He looks a little like Davy Jones BUT NOT ENOUGH!"
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
It's a little known fact that Charles Manson auditioned for the role of Chekov.
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
I, Mudd - A new crewman Mr. Norman is acting strange. Turns out he's a robot(!) and he takes over the Enteprise with relative ease (including a hilariously casual karate chop on one poor redshirt) and takes it to a planet ruled by Harry Mudd. Yes, that Harry Mudd! He was fun in his first appearance but that episode was terrible so let's see how he does here. He explains how he got out of prison in an overly long scene. He's going to leave the Enterprise crew on this planet of androids because it's the only way the androids will let him leave (for some reason) and then he's going to take command of the Enterprise. He made the androids construct him an android version of his wife and programmed it to stop talking when he tells her to shut up. He's a cad! Norman explains that they were constructed by aliens from the galaxy of Andromeda and aliens from other galaxies seem to show up a lot in the original series. Kirk tells some robot girls to leave becaue he doesn't like them and it's funny. Spock and McCoy explore the planet. There's over two hundred thousand androids! We don't see that many.
Harry tries to seduce Uhura by offering her eternal beauty in an android body. Mudd beams down the entire Enterprise crew (we only see the important characters) and replaces them with androids. Harry tries to seduce Chekov by offering him sex with androids (why didn't he offer Uhura that?) He tries to seduce Scotty with enginereeing stuff. There's a weird scene with Uhura and Chekov acting all dreamy and Kirk has to tell them off. Kirk notices he can make the androids glitch by confusing them. That's right, Kirk's going to win the day by out-arguing computers again! The androids turn against Harry and decide to take over the universe for some reason. Spock figures out that Norman is the lead android. Or he controls all the others. I don't know, it's all a load of bollocks really.
As I said, Kirk has a lot of experience with confusing androids and computers so he and the crew and Harry set about being wacky! They do a dance! Uhura beats up Chekov! Kirk tells Chekov to stand still and he does a cossack dance! Even though the androids earlier said that humans are illogical they are somehow fooled by this and start to malfunction. The crew put on a weird abstract play in front of Norman to break him. Despite previously being shown to be super intelligent he's confused by this! Everyone pretends to shoot Scotty with their fingers after he says he's tired of happiness. IT'S FUCKING INSANE. Spock and Mudd pretend to throw a grenade around as the scene begins to seriously drag. It just goes on and on! Smoke starts coming out of Norman's ears after he the simple "everything I say is a lie and that's the truth!" trick. Harry is left on the planet as punishment with multiple versions of his android wife who are now programmed to not shut up. The sixties!
The last episode to feature Harry Mudd was terrible but featured one good comedy scene with him. This time they go completely for comedy which is the right move. The problem is that the plot here is THIN. The Enterprise crew dick around with androids for a while then do some improve to make them blow up. That's it. It's not enough to fill fifty minutes. Similar androids were already done better in 'What Are Little Girls Made Of' and using logical to beat androids/computers has been done many times (maybe the episode is making fun of that trope?) There are some hilarious moments, yes. Everyone laughing at a dead Scotty is probably my favourite. I'm sure I would have loved this episode when I was a kid! It's still not bad, just horribly padded and stretched out.
SCORE: 7/10
Harry tries to seduce Uhura by offering her eternal beauty in an android body. Mudd beams down the entire Enterprise crew (we only see the important characters) and replaces them with androids. Harry tries to seduce Chekov by offering him sex with androids (why didn't he offer Uhura that?) He tries to seduce Scotty with enginereeing stuff. There's a weird scene with Uhura and Chekov acting all dreamy and Kirk has to tell them off. Kirk notices he can make the androids glitch by confusing them. That's right, Kirk's going to win the day by out-arguing computers again! The androids turn against Harry and decide to take over the universe for some reason. Spock figures out that Norman is the lead android. Or he controls all the others. I don't know, it's all a load of bollocks really.
As I said, Kirk has a lot of experience with confusing androids and computers so he and the crew and Harry set about being wacky! They do a dance! Uhura beats up Chekov! Kirk tells Chekov to stand still and he does a cossack dance! Even though the androids earlier said that humans are illogical they are somehow fooled by this and start to malfunction. The crew put on a weird abstract play in front of Norman to break him. Despite previously being shown to be super intelligent he's confused by this! Everyone pretends to shoot Scotty with their fingers after he says he's tired of happiness. IT'S FUCKING INSANE. Spock and Mudd pretend to throw a grenade around as the scene begins to seriously drag. It just goes on and on! Smoke starts coming out of Norman's ears after he the simple "everything I say is a lie and that's the truth!" trick. Harry is left on the planet as punishment with multiple versions of his android wife who are now programmed to not shut up. The sixties!
The last episode to feature Harry Mudd was terrible but featured one good comedy scene with him. This time they go completely for comedy which is the right move. The problem is that the plot here is THIN. The Enterprise crew dick around with androids for a while then do some improve to make them blow up. That's it. It's not enough to fill fifty minutes. Similar androids were already done better in 'What Are Little Girls Made Of' and using logical to beat androids/computers has been done many times (maybe the episode is making fun of that trope?) There are some hilarious moments, yes. Everyone laughing at a dead Scotty is probably my favourite. I'm sure I would have loved this episode when I was a kid! It's still not bad, just horribly padded and stretched out.
SCORE: 7/10
The Tomtrek
Love Wookiee
OR IS IT?
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Metamorphosis - Kirk, Spck, McCoy and a LADY DIPLOMAT named Hepford are in a shuttle (it's the Galileo again which is a nice touch.) She has some kind of space illness and they need to get back to the Enterprise, but some weird space thing hits the shuttle. They land on a planet where their shuttle can't take off. There's a man on the planet named Cochrane and he's amazed by their technology. Also there's some kind of living cloud on the planet! Cochrane explains that it's the Companion and it brought him to the plaent and made him young and healthy. He's "Zefram Cochrane of Alpha Centauri, disoverer of the space warp." He's famous all over the galaxy and he's supposed to have been dead for 150 years! He says the Companion will keep them all on the planet. Cochrane morphs with the Companion to ask if it will help Hepfrod but it won't.
Spock tries to electrocute the Companion but it turns red and chokes him and Kirk. There's a rather dull scene of Scotty in command of the Enterprise hinting for the shuttle. Spock tries to reprogramme the universal translator (first mention, probably!) to speak to the Companion. The Companion talks in a girl's voice and Kirk and Spock instantly include that she must be in love with Cochrane. It brought the others to the planet because it thought Cocrhane needed some bros. Cochrane asks why the Companion had a girl's voice and Kirk explains that gender is a universal concept (die cis scum) and Cochrane is disgusted at the thought of a cloud perving on him all these years. Hepford is sad that she's going to die without ever being loved.
The Companion insists that it will keep Cochrane alive forever because she's in love with him. Kirk tells the Companion that it can't truly love Cochrane because they can't have sex (not in those words.) The Companion takes over Hepfrod's dying body, restorying her to health and giving Cochrane someone he can shag. Everybody wins! The Companion repairs their shuttle and Scotty finds the planet. The Companion explains to Zefram that it can't leave the planet and he decides to stay with her. Love wins!
This episode isn't bad. It isn't very good either. It's just pretty dull? You have Kirk, Spock and McCoy together but none of their classic banter. Cochrane is a fairly bland character (him being the inventor of space warp is just a detail to establish his age.) The stuff about the Companion keeping him alive forever for love and his disgust at an alien cloud loving him is interesting. But this no one's favourite episode of Star Trek. NO ONE'S.
Continuity corner: this episode really strongly implies that Cochrane is an alien and that he was the first person anywhere to invent the space warp. We find out much later that he's human and that Vulcans had warp drive thousands of years before Earth. But who cares really!
SCORE: 7/10
Spock tries to electrocute the Companion but it turns red and chokes him and Kirk. There's a rather dull scene of Scotty in command of the Enterprise hinting for the shuttle. Spock tries to reprogramme the universal translator (first mention, probably!) to speak to the Companion. The Companion talks in a girl's voice and Kirk and Spock instantly include that she must be in love with Cochrane. It brought the others to the planet because it thought Cocrhane needed some bros. Cochrane asks why the Companion had a girl's voice and Kirk explains that gender is a universal concept (die cis scum) and Cochrane is disgusted at the thought of a cloud perving on him all these years. Hepford is sad that she's going to die without ever being loved.
The Companion insists that it will keep Cochrane alive forever because she's in love with him. Kirk tells the Companion that it can't truly love Cochrane because they can't have sex (not in those words.) The Companion takes over Hepfrod's dying body, restorying her to health and giving Cochrane someone he can shag. Everybody wins! The Companion repairs their shuttle and Scotty finds the planet. The Companion explains to Zefram that it can't leave the planet and he decides to stay with her. Love wins!
This episode isn't bad. It isn't very good either. It's just pretty dull? You have Kirk, Spock and McCoy together but none of their classic banter. Cochrane is a fairly bland character (him being the inventor of space warp is just a detail to establish his age.) The stuff about the Companion keeping him alive forever for love and his disgust at an alien cloud loving him is interesting. But this no one's favourite episode of Star Trek. NO ONE'S.
Continuity corner: this episode really strongly implies that Cochrane is an alien and that he was the first person anywhere to invent the space warp. We find out much later that he's human and that Vulcans had warp drive thousands of years before Earth. But who cares really!
SCORE: 7/10
Last edited:
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Journey to Babel - The Enterprise is hosting several diplomats on the way to taking them to a conference on Babel to decide if a new planet will join the Federation. This means we get Kirk, Spock and McCoy in dress uniform! Squee! McCoy trying to learn the Vulcan salute instantly makes this better than the previous episode, and this is only the teaser. The Vulcan ambassador Sarek (who looks a lot like the Romulan Commander from Balance of Terror!) comes onboard with his human wife and if you've guessed that they're Spock's parents then you're right! Sarek and Spock aren't speaking because he join Starfleet instead of going to the Vulcan Science Institute. There's lots of other cool aliens on the ship. Little gold guys! Andorians! Tellerites! We find out Spock had a living teddy bear! There's so much good stuff in this episode. There's also a mysterious ship following the Enterprise at WARP TEN and I have to make a joke about them evolving into lizards now.
Sarek gets into an arugment with the Tellerite and easily defends himself LIKE A BOSS by just casually move his arms apart when the Tellerite attacks him. Next scene: the Tellerite is found dead! Could Sarek have done it!? (Also Kirk is shirtless when he finds out if that interests you!) Spock drops his dad in it by revealing that the Tellerite was killed by an ancient Vulcan technique. But then Sarek has a heart attack so it probably wasn't him. He needs a blood transfusion and Spock and McCoy come up with a dangerous procedure which will allow Spock to donate his blood. Amanda doesn't want Spock to do it. We cut to Kirk in mid-fight scene with an Andorian. It'st the one where Kirk runs up the wall and falls backwards at the Andorian but it doesn't help him because he gets stabbed. Spock now won't go through with the transfusion because he's in command of the Enterprise and can't risk his life. Amanda wants Spock to turn command over to save Sarek...even though a minute ago she didn't want Spock to go through with it. I guess it's becasue she's human and irrational! But it is a nice scene as she tries to reach his human part. She ends up slapping him.
Kirk goes back to the bridge even though he's in pain to take command, so that Spock can help Sarek. Kirk's plan is for Scotty to take command but the mysterious alien ship appears again. Turns out the ship is communicating with the Andorian prisoner who is wearing a FAKE ANTENNA and isn't a real Andorian at all. McCoy has to perform the operation while the ship is under attack. The fake Andorian says it was intended all along that the Entperprise be destroyed. The Enterprise plays dead and destroys the attacking ship, which then self destructs and the fake Andorian kills himself. The operation is a success and Sarek is fine. Spock reveals the attacker was an Orion (this part's all a bit rushed to be honest.) Amanda wants Sarek to say thanks to Spock but he says it isn't logical. Spock and Sarek bond over making fun of Amanda. McCoy says "what do you know, I finally got the last word!" when Kirk and Spock are resting in Sickbay.
There is a lot of great stuff in this episode! The first appearance of Sarek, of course, as Mark Lenard is brilliant as the character, the best Vulcan we've seen other than Spock (okay we haven't seen many yet.) Amanda is also a great character with some very nice scenes with Spock. I also love all the stuff with the diplomats. We've heard about the Federation before but this is the first time we actually see what the Federation is: many different alien races coming together. Up until now it's almost seemed like the Federation is just humans (and some Vulcans.) So the episode deserves a lot of credit for that. Where the episode suffers a bit is the story with the Orions. I'm not sure at all what the point of murdering the Tellerite was if they were just going to destroy the ship anyway. Kirk has one throwaway line about it being a distraction or something. It also kind of seemed like the spy had poisoned Sarek but that never comes up. But the thing that probably bothers me the most is that Sarek spends most of the episode out of it in bed. I wanted to see more of him beating up Tellerites and being cool! I do like how there's no moment of him and Spock tearfully coming together and hugging or anything like that. They just show their mutual respect by mocking humans. That's nice.
SCORE: 9/10
Sarek gets into an arugment with the Tellerite and easily defends himself LIKE A BOSS by just casually move his arms apart when the Tellerite attacks him. Next scene: the Tellerite is found dead! Could Sarek have done it!? (Also Kirk is shirtless when he finds out if that interests you!) Spock drops his dad in it by revealing that the Tellerite was killed by an ancient Vulcan technique. But then Sarek has a heart attack so it probably wasn't him. He needs a blood transfusion and Spock and McCoy come up with a dangerous procedure which will allow Spock to donate his blood. Amanda doesn't want Spock to do it. We cut to Kirk in mid-fight scene with an Andorian. It'st the one where Kirk runs up the wall and falls backwards at the Andorian but it doesn't help him because he gets stabbed. Spock now won't go through with the transfusion because he's in command of the Enterprise and can't risk his life. Amanda wants Spock to turn command over to save Sarek...even though a minute ago she didn't want Spock to go through with it. I guess it's becasue she's human and irrational! But it is a nice scene as she tries to reach his human part. She ends up slapping him.
Kirk goes back to the bridge even though he's in pain to take command, so that Spock can help Sarek. Kirk's plan is for Scotty to take command but the mysterious alien ship appears again. Turns out the ship is communicating with the Andorian prisoner who is wearing a FAKE ANTENNA and isn't a real Andorian at all. McCoy has to perform the operation while the ship is under attack. The fake Andorian says it was intended all along that the Entperprise be destroyed. The Enterprise plays dead and destroys the attacking ship, which then self destructs and the fake Andorian kills himself. The operation is a success and Sarek is fine. Spock reveals the attacker was an Orion (this part's all a bit rushed to be honest.) Amanda wants Sarek to say thanks to Spock but he says it isn't logical. Spock and Sarek bond over making fun of Amanda. McCoy says "what do you know, I finally got the last word!" when Kirk and Spock are resting in Sickbay.
There is a lot of great stuff in this episode! The first appearance of Sarek, of course, as Mark Lenard is brilliant as the character, the best Vulcan we've seen other than Spock (okay we haven't seen many yet.) Amanda is also a great character with some very nice scenes with Spock. I also love all the stuff with the diplomats. We've heard about the Federation before but this is the first time we actually see what the Federation is: many different alien races coming together. Up until now it's almost seemed like the Federation is just humans (and some Vulcans.) So the episode deserves a lot of credit for that. Where the episode suffers a bit is the story with the Orions. I'm not sure at all what the point of murdering the Tellerite was if they were just going to destroy the ship anyway. Kirk has one throwaway line about it being a distraction or something. It also kind of seemed like the spy had poisoned Sarek but that never comes up. But the thing that probably bothers me the most is that Sarek spends most of the episode out of it in bed. I wanted to see more of him beating up Tellerites and being cool! I do like how there's no moment of him and Spock tearfully coming together and hugging or anything like that. They just show their mutual respect by mocking humans. That's nice.
SCORE: 9/10
Last edited:
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Friday's Child - The Enterprise is trying to form an alliance with a warriorlike race (to obtain a mining agreement.) Kirk, Spock, McCoy and a redshirt beam down, but when the redshirt sees a Klingon he istantly tries to shoot him and one of the natves kills him with a knife thing. Which is fair enough since the Klingon was just standing there. Kirk defends the redshirt's act, arguing that it's reasonable to shoot a Klingon on sight. McCoy apparently spent several months (when!?) with the natives and kind of defends them. The natives wear silly costumes and the chief has a young pregnant wife. McCoy embarrasses the Klingon using his LOCAL KNOWLEDGE. The Klingon commander and Kirk debate the merits of joining each of them. Meanwhile Scotty's in charge of the Enterprise and Uhura picks up a distress call from an Earth vessel. When we cut back to the planet the natives are fighting amongst themselves as a guy with weird eyebrows who likes the Klingons is challenging the chief for leadership (and kills him.) But then the new chief is impressed by Kirk beating up the Klingon. The pregnant lady is to be executed but Kirk saves her and we get another fight scene. Then the pregnant lady wants Kirk killed for touching her. It's getting hard to keep track. Scotty flies the Enterprise away to investigate the distress call. There's a weird bit where we see him standing on the bridge speaking his captain's log instead of it appearing in voiceover like usual.
Kirk, Spock, McCoy and Preggo Lady escape after another fight scene. McCoy tries to treat her despite her slapping him all the time. So he slaps her back. Spock walks in on them flirting! Spock uses sound vibrations from his tricorder to drop rocks on the natives, which is funny at least! The Klingon murders one of the natives for some reason. The woman will only let McCoy touch her (ooh err) which slows things down. The tedious subplot of Scotty searching for the vessel that sent the distress call goes on by the way. If you've gussed by now that it's a Klingon plot than you're smarter than Scotty! He figures it out...but keeps searching anyway. For some reason. The pregnant woman hates her baby but she's about to give birth so McCoy tries to get her to care about it. He delivers the baby easily off camera while Kirk and Spock make bows and arrows. Maybe it's a metaphor for something. The woman knocks out McCoy and runs off (without the baby.) We keep fucking cutting back to Scotty and it's ridiculously repetitive. Finally a Klingon vessel shows up
The woman tells the natives that she killed the child and the Earthmen and suddenly the new chief likes her? Then the Klingon randomly runs away then there's a random fight scene with comedy sound effects. Some more random stuff happens, the Klingon vapourises a native, he gets knifed. Scotty beams down and the natives are fine with the Enterprise crew now? Even though they were just trying to kill each other a minute ago? McCoy says "coochie coo!" the baby and Spock is confused. Everything's randomly fine now. I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT JUST HAPPENED.
This episode is pretty weird! I barely remembered anything about it other than McCoy and the pregnant lady. Probably because that's easily the best part of the episode. They have good chemistry together. There's a lot of outside shots (at Vasquez Rocks) and stuff like Spock causing a rockslide and him and Kirk shooting bows and arrows is fun. I appreciate that the episode tried to make the aliens really alien with weird customs and stuf...but that's where it started to go wrong because their customs end up seeming pretty random and hard to follow. By the time we get to the end scene I had no idea what's going on and why they're now fine with the Enterprise crew and if the mining agreement was even reached. There's also the strange detail about McCoy supposedly spending months on the planet and the Klingon this time is just a generic villain who could be any species (so far John Colicos IS the Klingons.) Plus the Scotty stuff is a complete waste of time. But it's still not quite a terrible episode!
SCORE: 5.5/10
Kirk, Spock, McCoy and Preggo Lady escape after another fight scene. McCoy tries to treat her despite her slapping him all the time. So he slaps her back. Spock walks in on them flirting! Spock uses sound vibrations from his tricorder to drop rocks on the natives, which is funny at least! The Klingon murders one of the natives for some reason. The woman will only let McCoy touch her (ooh err) which slows things down. The tedious subplot of Scotty searching for the vessel that sent the distress call goes on by the way. If you've gussed by now that it's a Klingon plot than you're smarter than Scotty! He figures it out...but keeps searching anyway. For some reason. The pregnant woman hates her baby but she's about to give birth so McCoy tries to get her to care about it. He delivers the baby easily off camera while Kirk and Spock make bows and arrows. Maybe it's a metaphor for something. The woman knocks out McCoy and runs off (without the baby.) We keep fucking cutting back to Scotty and it's ridiculously repetitive. Finally a Klingon vessel shows up
The woman tells the natives that she killed the child and the Earthmen and suddenly the new chief likes her? Then the Klingon randomly runs away then there's a random fight scene with comedy sound effects. Some more random stuff happens, the Klingon vapourises a native, he gets knifed. Scotty beams down and the natives are fine with the Enterprise crew now? Even though they were just trying to kill each other a minute ago? McCoy says "coochie coo!" the baby and Spock is confused. Everything's randomly fine now. I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT JUST HAPPENED.
This episode is pretty weird! I barely remembered anything about it other than McCoy and the pregnant lady. Probably because that's easily the best part of the episode. They have good chemistry together. There's a lot of outside shots (at Vasquez Rocks) and stuff like Spock causing a rockslide and him and Kirk shooting bows and arrows is fun. I appreciate that the episode tried to make the aliens really alien with weird customs and stuf...but that's where it started to go wrong because their customs end up seeming pretty random and hard to follow. By the time we get to the end scene I had no idea what's going on and why they're now fine with the Enterprise crew and if the mining agreement was even reached. There's also the strange detail about McCoy supposedly spending months on the planet and the Klingon this time is just a generic villain who could be any species (so far John Colicos IS the Klingons.) Plus the Scotty stuff is a complete waste of time. But it's still not quite a terrible episode!
SCORE: 5.5/10
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
The Deadly Years - Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Scotty, Chekov and some randoms are on an away mission (why do the need the ship's four most senoir officers on one away mission? I don't know!) Chekov gets scared by a dead body. They meet two young people who look old as fuck! There's a Commodore (who calls Kirk "sir" despite outranking him?) There's also a woman doctor who OF COURSE has a history with Kirk. I thought they'd kind of moved away from that in season two but it's back! Kirk's ready to snog her in seconds despite her being married. Kirk and others from the away team start to show signs of aging...then Scotty walks into Sickbay looking hilariously old. Spock says they'll all be senile vegetables soon. So that's nice! Old McCoy gets more southern, just like hippy McCoy did. Only Chekov is uneffected. If you've already worked out that it's because he was scared by the dead body then you're smarter than McCoy! Woman doctor decides now is a good time to tell Kirk about her true feelings. Maybe wait until he's not about to die? Kirk says "are you offering me love...or a going away present?" Fucking Chekov complains about McCoy doing too many tests on him. Chekov's a dick.
Old Man Kirk keeps slipping up. He gets angry at people questioning his orders. The Commodore wants Spock to take command because Kirk's gone senile, but Spock says he is suffering as well and can't take command. The episode then takes what I've always thought was a weird turn as it becomes a court room drama with the Commodore trying to prove that Kirk isn't fit for command and he should take over. The young girl who was on the away team dies of old age because of her metabolism. McCoy says he and Kirk and the others could have just hours left to live. So let's spend them on a compency hearing! As first officer, Spock has to prove Kirk isn't fit for command. The problem is we already KNOW Kirk isn't fit for command because we've watched him fuck up several times and now we have to hear Sulu and others testify to stuff we've seen. It's tedious. We do find out Kirk is 34 in this episode! I'm sure the Okudas loved that canon information! Shatner does some good acting though when he gets sad about Spock putting him on trial.
The Commodore takes command even though he's never commanded a ship before. Even old Kirk sees this is a stupid idea. Kirk gets older and older and his make-up gets worse and worse. They finally remember that Chekov got scared and Spock works on a cure with Chapel and Lady Doctor (I have no idea why she's in the episode really.) Romulans join Klingons as recurring villains (becasue it's cheaper to use them than a new model) and attack the ship after stupid Commodore flies through the Neutral Zone like a twat. He just sits there while the Romulans shoot the Enterprise. McCoy uses the cure on Kirk and luckily it not only stops him aging it also makes him return to his original age! Instantly! That's some cure. Kirk then uses THE CORBOMITE MANOEUVRE (and the fact that he knows the Romulans have cracked their communication code) to defeat the Romulans and that use of continunity almost redeems the episode!
It's not really that bad of an episode. The fear of getting old is something we can all relate to, probably! The acting is pretty good. I like Kirk bursting onto the Bridge to save the day. It just gets a bit dull once the court case starts. So I don't know. Not one of the worst ever but not great.
SCORE: 6/10
Old Man Kirk keeps slipping up. He gets angry at people questioning his orders. The Commodore wants Spock to take command because Kirk's gone senile, but Spock says he is suffering as well and can't take command. The episode then takes what I've always thought was a weird turn as it becomes a court room drama with the Commodore trying to prove that Kirk isn't fit for command and he should take over. The young girl who was on the away team dies of old age because of her metabolism. McCoy says he and Kirk and the others could have just hours left to live. So let's spend them on a compency hearing! As first officer, Spock has to prove Kirk isn't fit for command. The problem is we already KNOW Kirk isn't fit for command because we've watched him fuck up several times and now we have to hear Sulu and others testify to stuff we've seen. It's tedious. We do find out Kirk is 34 in this episode! I'm sure the Okudas loved that canon information! Shatner does some good acting though when he gets sad about Spock putting him on trial.
The Commodore takes command even though he's never commanded a ship before. Even old Kirk sees this is a stupid idea. Kirk gets older and older and his make-up gets worse and worse. They finally remember that Chekov got scared and Spock works on a cure with Chapel and Lady Doctor (I have no idea why she's in the episode really.) Romulans join Klingons as recurring villains (becasue it's cheaper to use them than a new model) and attack the ship after stupid Commodore flies through the Neutral Zone like a twat. He just sits there while the Romulans shoot the Enterprise. McCoy uses the cure on Kirk and luckily it not only stops him aging it also makes him return to his original age! Instantly! That's some cure. Kirk then uses THE CORBOMITE MANOEUVRE (and the fact that he knows the Romulans have cracked their communication code) to defeat the Romulans and that use of continunity almost redeems the episode!
It's not really that bad of an episode. The fear of getting old is something we can all relate to, probably! The acting is pretty good. I like Kirk bursting onto the Bridge to save the day. It just gets a bit dull once the court case starts. So I don't know. Not one of the worst ever but not great.
SCORE: 6/10
Eggs Mayonnaise
All In With The Nuts
A theme to be revisited with the Genesis project and in Insurrection.
Actually Insurrection is just a PSA against excessive plastic surgery or something.
Actually Insurrection is just a PSA against excessive plastic surgery or something.
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Yeah it was. She said "McCoy" funny.
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Obsession - Kirk smells something familiar and orders his crew to fire on any gaseous clouds they see. Two redshirts are killed by a cloud and a third hesitates to fire because it's so weird. It's an intriguing start! Kirk has McCoy and Chapel wake the injured redshirt up so he can question him abou the odour. He seems quite OBSESSED about it. New security officer Garrovick reports to the bridge and Kirk knew his father. They beam back down to the planet and that damn cloud shows up. Garrovick hesitates for a second before firing and more redshirts get it. This episode is brutal for redshirts. Kirk believes the cloud is the same entity which killed two hundred crewmembers on the USS Farragut eleven years ago, a ship he served on. He tells off Garrovick for not shooting right away. Garrovick goes and cries in his bed. Kirk snaps at Scotty and Chekov on the Bridge. He seems OBSESSED about something! Spocks talks to McCoy (about OBSESSION, yes!) and reveals that Garrovick's father was Captain of the ship. He gives McCoy a recording from the Farragut. Turns out the young Kirk delayed firing on the cloud eleven years ago and blames himself for all the deaths.
Kirk thinks the creature is alive and evil. He has the Enterprise chase the creature at Warp 8 despite Scotty's "she cannae take much more" type warnings. He finally slows down to Warp 6. Chapel brings soup to the self-pitying Garrovick and tells him off. He accidentally opens the ventilation in his quarters (what bad luck.) The cloud creature enters the Enterprise through the impulse vents. Bones does a "Captain Ahab must have his white whale" bit with Kirk (okay he doesn't actually mention Moby Dick.) Spock goes to Garrovick's quarters and the creature comes through the vents. He saves Garrovick's life and survives due to that green blood of his. Krik and Garrovick have a nice moment when Kirk tells him it made no difference that he delayed in firing earlier and both Kirk and Garrovick get over ther guilt. The Enteprise baits the creature with red blood cells as it likes eating blood. Kirk and Garrovick attempt to bait the creature with blood. The creature surprises them by eating all the blood and Garrovick tries to knock Kirk out because he thinks the Captain will sacrifice himself. But Kirk just jumps up and punches him because he's fucking Kirk. After some transporting drama they get beamed up and kill the creature with an anti-matter explosion. We get a nice ending with Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Scotty and Garrovick smiling. Kirk promises to tell Garrovick stories about his father.
It's a very good episode! It's fair to say that season two has been a lot more lighthearted than season one and I've kind of missed the seriousness of season one. Not that I don't like the lighthearted stuff (and there's still funny crew interactions here) but it's good to have an episode about something heavy. It's the first Moby Dick story Star Trek has done (well, I guess The Doomsday Machine was a bit Moby Dick, but with Decker rather than a main character) and there will be many more. Shatner does a good job playing an obsessed Kirk in his Shatner way and the stuff with him and Garrovick is great. The only problem is that despite him being set up here like a major character we never seen Garrovick agian. But you can't really blame this episode for that!
(For some reason Netflix have the original version of this episode rather than the remastered.)
SCORE: 8.5/10
Kirk thinks the creature is alive and evil. He has the Enterprise chase the creature at Warp 8 despite Scotty's "she cannae take much more" type warnings. He finally slows down to Warp 6. Chapel brings soup to the self-pitying Garrovick and tells him off. He accidentally opens the ventilation in his quarters (what bad luck.) The cloud creature enters the Enterprise through the impulse vents. Bones does a "Captain Ahab must have his white whale" bit with Kirk (okay he doesn't actually mention Moby Dick.) Spock goes to Garrovick's quarters and the creature comes through the vents. He saves Garrovick's life and survives due to that green blood of his. Krik and Garrovick have a nice moment when Kirk tells him it made no difference that he delayed in firing earlier and both Kirk and Garrovick get over ther guilt. The Enteprise baits the creature with red blood cells as it likes eating blood. Kirk and Garrovick attempt to bait the creature with blood. The creature surprises them by eating all the blood and Garrovick tries to knock Kirk out because he thinks the Captain will sacrifice himself. But Kirk just jumps up and punches him because he's fucking Kirk. After some transporting drama they get beamed up and kill the creature with an anti-matter explosion. We get a nice ending with Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Scotty and Garrovick smiling. Kirk promises to tell Garrovick stories about his father.
It's a very good episode! It's fair to say that season two has been a lot more lighthearted than season one and I've kind of missed the seriousness of season one. Not that I don't like the lighthearted stuff (and there's still funny crew interactions here) but it's good to have an episode about something heavy. It's the first Moby Dick story Star Trek has done (well, I guess The Doomsday Machine was a bit Moby Dick, but with Decker rather than a main character) and there will be many more. Shatner does a good job playing an obsessed Kirk in his Shatner way and the stuff with him and Garrovick is great. The only problem is that despite him being set up here like a major character we never seen Garrovick agian. But you can't really blame this episode for that!
(For some reason Netflix have the original version of this episode rather than the remastered.)
SCORE: 8.5/10
Last edited:
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Wolf in the Fold - Scotty is grinning at an alien belly dancer. It keeps cutting between Scotty's grin and her belly. He chats her up by talking about the fogs of Aberdeen. McCoy reveals that A WOMAN caused Scotty to suffer a head injury so as a doctor who ordered him to this sex planet to have sex so that he didn't end up resenting women.
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS EPISODE.
Kirk and McCoy find the belly dancer dead ("she's dead, Jim") and Scotty standing beside her looking off his face. Scotty says he can't remember brutally murdering her. A high-pitched voiced short guy named Hengis starts investigating. The head of the planet shows up too and reveals his wife he empathic abilities. But then a female officer is murdered ("she's dead, Jim") and Scotty is again passed out next to her. Kirk accuses a jealous alien of the murder. Spock FINALLY makes an appearance (this must be the episode with the least Spock?) but it's just more padding before we get the alien empathic ritual. The woman says "REDJAC!" thent he lights go out and GUESS WHAT? She's been murdered and Scotty's standing there with blood literally on his hands. Kirk decides the blow on the head must have driven Scotty insane and made him murder women. KIRK LITERALLY SAYS THAT. James Doohan does some pretty poor acting here by the way. The alien leader says if he's guilty he'll be killed by slow torture. What, they'll make him watch this episode?
Scotty faces a SPACE LIE DETECTOR back on the Enterprise but wouldn't you know it, a woman is carrying out the test. Because putting a woman in a room with a man accused of murdering three women in the last couple of hours is a great idea! The lie detector goes on for a while and isn't very interesting. Spock does a Google search for the words the dead alien lady said. They find out that "Redjac" was a name for "Jack The Ripper" (it wasn't really.) Hengist keeps whining all the time by the way, making it pretty obvious he's the killer. Spock and the computer come up with the idea of an entity that exists on hate and conclude that it's Jack the Ripper and it's been moving through space killing women. Spock says the alien obviously has the ability to make people forget it exists and I guess that's what happened to Scotty (or else he was just drunk) SPOCK SAYS "IT FEEDS ON WOMEN BECAUSE THEY'RE MORE EASILY TERRIFIED THAN MEN." He literally says that right in front of a woman. And she just sits there because women are only allowed to die in this episode, not talk.
They try to make Hengis take the stand when they find out a murder took place on his home planet. Hengis tries to escape and his much taller stunt double kicks Kirk. He dies and the entity flies into the computer...somehow. Why didn't it use its super amnesia abilities? It speaks in a "scary" voice (which still sounds like Hengis even though he was only a body it possessed) and fucks aruond with the ship. All of the crew are injected with happy drugs so the entity can't feed on their fear. Spocks asks the computer to calculate Pi to the final digit to drive the entity out, which is the most clever thing that's happened in the episode. The entity ends up jumping back int Hengis' dead body (umm, what? Oh, who cares) and they beam his body out into space to kill it or leave it powerless and I guess Hengis deserved to die because he was annoying? Everyone's left laughing because of the happy drug and Spock suggests they go back down to the sex planet again and get laid. What an appropriate ending to an episode where they just stopped the worst killer of women in history!
This episode is a piece of shit. I KOW it was the sixties but the show is so progressive in other ways (and had Number One right back in the original pilot) so there's really no excuse for it being completely sexist as fuck. For an episode that starts out being Scotty centric it ends up just making you hate Scotty and his creepy perving and bad acting. Jack the Ripper being an alien ghost that can possess computers? It's shit! The Pi bit is good, okay. It's still shit.
SCORE: 2.5/10
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS EPISODE.
Kirk and McCoy find the belly dancer dead ("she's dead, Jim") and Scotty standing beside her looking off his face. Scotty says he can't remember brutally murdering her. A high-pitched voiced short guy named Hengis starts investigating. The head of the planet shows up too and reveals his wife he empathic abilities. But then a female officer is murdered ("she's dead, Jim") and Scotty is again passed out next to her. Kirk accuses a jealous alien of the murder. Spock FINALLY makes an appearance (this must be the episode with the least Spock?) but it's just more padding before we get the alien empathic ritual. The woman says "REDJAC!" thent he lights go out and GUESS WHAT? She's been murdered and Scotty's standing there with blood literally on his hands. Kirk decides the blow on the head must have driven Scotty insane and made him murder women. KIRK LITERALLY SAYS THAT. James Doohan does some pretty poor acting here by the way. The alien leader says if he's guilty he'll be killed by slow torture. What, they'll make him watch this episode?
Scotty faces a SPACE LIE DETECTOR back on the Enterprise but wouldn't you know it, a woman is carrying out the test. Because putting a woman in a room with a man accused of murdering three women in the last couple of hours is a great idea! The lie detector goes on for a while and isn't very interesting. Spock does a Google search for the words the dead alien lady said. They find out that "Redjac" was a name for "Jack The Ripper" (it wasn't really.) Hengist keeps whining all the time by the way, making it pretty obvious he's the killer. Spock and the computer come up with the idea of an entity that exists on hate and conclude that it's Jack the Ripper and it's been moving through space killing women. Spock says the alien obviously has the ability to make people forget it exists and I guess that's what happened to Scotty (or else he was just drunk) SPOCK SAYS "IT FEEDS ON WOMEN BECAUSE THEY'RE MORE EASILY TERRIFIED THAN MEN." He literally says that right in front of a woman. And she just sits there because women are only allowed to die in this episode, not talk.
They try to make Hengis take the stand when they find out a murder took place on his home planet. Hengis tries to escape and his much taller stunt double kicks Kirk. He dies and the entity flies into the computer...somehow. Why didn't it use its super amnesia abilities? It speaks in a "scary" voice (which still sounds like Hengis even though he was only a body it possessed) and fucks aruond with the ship. All of the crew are injected with happy drugs so the entity can't feed on their fear. Spocks asks the computer to calculate Pi to the final digit to drive the entity out, which is the most clever thing that's happened in the episode. The entity ends up jumping back int Hengis' dead body (umm, what? Oh, who cares) and they beam his body out into space to kill it or leave it powerless and I guess Hengis deserved to die because he was annoying? Everyone's left laughing because of the happy drug and Spock suggests they go back down to the sex planet again and get laid. What an appropriate ending to an episode where they just stopped the worst killer of women in history!
This episode is a piece of shit. I KOW it was the sixties but the show is so progressive in other ways (and had Number One right back in the original pilot) so there's really no excuse for it being completely sexist as fuck. For an episode that starts out being Scotty centric it ends up just making you hate Scotty and his creepy perving and bad acting. Jack the Ripper being an alien ghost that can possess computers? It's shit! The Pi bit is good, okay. It's still shit.
SCORE: 2.5/10
Colonel Kira's Left Tit
Bearded Belly of Bajor
Awww, come on. If nothing else there's always Piglet as the villain, "DIE DIE, EVERYBODY DIE! KILL, KILL, KILL YOU ALL!" and "Whoever he is he sure talks gloomy!"
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
The Trouble with Tribbles - While Star Trek has generally gotten less serious and increased the comedy in season two, they've only had one pure comedy episode so far in 'I, Mudd' and while it had funny moments, it wasn't exactly much of an episode. This one, on the other hand, feels like a proper episode with a plot! The Enterprise heads to a star station after a distress call. Turns out it was sent by a stuffy bureaucrat who wants the Enterprise crew to protect some wheat! The good thing is we get to see the crew hanging around on the space station with wacky space station people. A guy (Cyrano Jones, a less evil Harry Mudd) at the space bar gives a furry creature called a tribble (HMMM) to Uhura (it eats some grain that stupid Chekov left lying around, that's important.) Then a Klingon battlecruiser arrives at the station and William Campbell from 'The Squire of Gothos' is playing the Klingon commander Koloth! He's already the second best Klingon we've ever seen at this point, behind the great John Colicos but way ahead of that guy in 'Friday's Child'. He's a more comedic Kling than Kor but that's fine! Klingons can be diverse.
Uhura's tribble has babies and everyone loves them, even Spock who strokes one WHICH IS DELIGHTFUL. The Klngons and the Enterprise crew both go for shore leave on the planet and Kirk orders Scotty to go too in a nice scene which erases memories of the horrible Scotty from 'Wolf In The Fold'. Even Chekov's "everything is Russian!" thing is more likable in this episode as he's not saying it in the middle of a crisis or after someone's just been murdered. A Klingon starts insulting Kirk and Chekov wants to fight him, but a calm Scotty stops him...until the Klingon insults the Enterprise. Then Scott throws the first punch and the awesome, fun bar fight starts and you've seen this scene before I don't have to describe it! Kirk lines up the Enteprise crew and questions them and HEY this scene is awesome too! Scotty admits he started the fight to defend the Enterprise rather than Kirk's honour and is confined to quarters. Scotty is happy because it means he can study technical manuals. THIS IS THE BEST SCOTTY EVER.
Meanwhile the tribbles continue to multiply at an alarming rate and are soon all over the Enterprise and Kirk sits on one WHICH IS GREAT. McCoy reveals that tribbles are bisexual(!) and Uhura looks adorable holding loads of tribbles and a space pen in her mouth and this episode is great. There's a great scene with Kirk being the fucking man with the bureaucrat and Spock being sassy ("he simply could not believe his ears") then Kirk orders a chicken sandwich and coffee and there's a tribble in it. There's tribbles everywhere! Kirk is worried that they'll eat the grain and opens a storage compartment to check and gets buried in tribbles. When Statner dies (hopefully not for a long time!) they should bury him in tribbles. Spock finds out that a lot of the tribbles are dead so the grain's been poisoned. A tribble reacts angrily to the bureaucrat's assistant and Kirk realises he's a Klingon in disguise (tribbles are racist against Klingons)! He poisoned the grain as part of a Klingon plot and Koloth leaves in disgrace. Kirk sentences Jones to pick up the tribbles and Scotty beams the tribbles onto the Klingon ship. Where they'll all be murdered. EVERYONE SMILES AND LAUGHS AND IT'S EARNED.
Star Trek doesn't have to be serious all the time. There's nothing wrong with serious episodes, but the fun part of Star Trek is just as important to. This episode is just downright fun and likable. The whole cast are great in it and I don't think any Star Trek series has ever quite matched the chemistry of the original crew. Scotty is particuarly great here, I really believe this episode is the reason why Scotty is so loved as a character. Compare this Scotty to the one who Kirk thought could start stabbing women after a bump on the head. (Sadly Sulu isn't in it at all and I feel a bit bad for George Takei for the first time ever!) Even the guest characters feel like real people: you can imagine Jones and the bartender having many previous wacky run-ins! And the tribbles themselves are just so cute and well done! They're actually some of the most believable aliens we've seen yet.
THIS EPISODE IS AMAZING AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT THEN I DON'T WANT TO KNOW YOU.
SCORE: 10/10
Uhura's tribble has babies and everyone loves them, even Spock who strokes one WHICH IS DELIGHTFUL. The Klngons and the Enterprise crew both go for shore leave on the planet and Kirk orders Scotty to go too in a nice scene which erases memories of the horrible Scotty from 'Wolf In The Fold'. Even Chekov's "everything is Russian!" thing is more likable in this episode as he's not saying it in the middle of a crisis or after someone's just been murdered. A Klingon starts insulting Kirk and Chekov wants to fight him, but a calm Scotty stops him...until the Klingon insults the Enterprise. Then Scott throws the first punch and the awesome, fun bar fight starts and you've seen this scene before I don't have to describe it! Kirk lines up the Enteprise crew and questions them and HEY this scene is awesome too! Scotty admits he started the fight to defend the Enterprise rather than Kirk's honour and is confined to quarters. Scotty is happy because it means he can study technical manuals. THIS IS THE BEST SCOTTY EVER.
Meanwhile the tribbles continue to multiply at an alarming rate and are soon all over the Enterprise and Kirk sits on one WHICH IS GREAT. McCoy reveals that tribbles are bisexual(!) and Uhura looks adorable holding loads of tribbles and a space pen in her mouth and this episode is great. There's a great scene with Kirk being the fucking man with the bureaucrat and Spock being sassy ("he simply could not believe his ears") then Kirk orders a chicken sandwich and coffee and there's a tribble in it. There's tribbles everywhere! Kirk is worried that they'll eat the grain and opens a storage compartment to check and gets buried in tribbles. When Statner dies (hopefully not for a long time!) they should bury him in tribbles. Spock finds out that a lot of the tribbles are dead so the grain's been poisoned. A tribble reacts angrily to the bureaucrat's assistant and Kirk realises he's a Klingon in disguise (tribbles are racist against Klingons)! He poisoned the grain as part of a Klingon plot and Koloth leaves in disgrace. Kirk sentences Jones to pick up the tribbles and Scotty beams the tribbles onto the Klingon ship. Where they'll all be murdered. EVERYONE SMILES AND LAUGHS AND IT'S EARNED.
Star Trek doesn't have to be serious all the time. There's nothing wrong with serious episodes, but the fun part of Star Trek is just as important to. This episode is just downright fun and likable. The whole cast are great in it and I don't think any Star Trek series has ever quite matched the chemistry of the original crew. Scotty is particuarly great here, I really believe this episode is the reason why Scotty is so loved as a character. Compare this Scotty to the one who Kirk thought could start stabbing women after a bump on the head. (Sadly Sulu isn't in it at all and I feel a bit bad for George Takei for the first time ever!) Even the guest characters feel like real people: you can imagine Jones and the bartender having many previous wacky run-ins! And the tribbles themselves are just so cute and well done! They're actually some of the most believable aliens we've seen yet.
THIS EPISODE IS AMAZING AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT THEN I DON'T WANT TO KNOW YOU.
SCORE: 10/10
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
The Gamesters of Triskelion - Kirk, Chekov and Uhura are taken prisoner and find themselves in an arena fighting for thier lives. Yeah, it's the "main character forced to join a fight club" episode that every show ever does eventually! Some aliens named The Providers are behind it. All the "thralls" have shock collars on to control them. The standard "forced to fight in an arena" deal! McCoy gets angry at Spock for not being panicked enough. You'd think he would know what Spock's like by now! Uhura's "drillthrall" goes into her cell and...rapes her? Seriously that's what it seems is happening. But he comes out again and they're both fully clothed and maybe he was "just" beating her up. I don't know. It's an odd and bad moment. McCoy continues to get angry at Spock and it's annoying. Chekov's drillthrall is an ugly woman and it plays out like a comedy scene haha just forget what happened to Uhura! Kirk's is, OF COURSE, a hot woman and he instantly starts manipulating her with flirting. I'm fine with that, he's trying to find a way to escape. McCoy keeps questioning literally everything Spock does and fuck this version of McCoy. He's smarter than this.
Kirk has his hands tied behind his back and is made to fight a tall alien. Kirk's hot instructor gives him some space cola and advice and he beats the tall alien up while the Vulcan fight music from 'Amok Time' plays. It's fun. And it gets Shatner's shirt off if you like that! He was hotter in season one. The Providers are just voices which bet "quatloos" on the fights. Kirk flirts with his instructor again and she doesn't know there's other planets or understand what stars are. I think South Park stole all this dialogue in a scene once. The Providers torture her for telling Kirk stuff. She falls EVEN MORE in love with Kirk because he helps her and they kiss. Bones and Scotty keep questioning Spock and he asks if they're going to declare a mutiny. They calm down a bit after that. Kirk kisses Shana (that's her name) again then punches her to escape his cell. This is ltierally what Garak made fun of in 'Our Man Bashir'! The head thrall stops them anyway. The Enterprise arrives at the planet but The Providers make the lights flick on and off to scare them.
Finally the Providers reveal themselves to Kirk: they're glowing multi-coloured brains 100 metres undergournd with a re-used matte painting in the background. Kirk says that they're not very superior beings if they practice slavery and they're not as evolved as they believe. Kirk tells them that humans are super gamblers and challenges them to one big final fight. If the Enterprise crew win the thralls get to go free. If they lose they'll all become slaves forever. The Providers decide that Kirk will fight three fighters on his own to decide the winner. One is an Andorian! (I'm not sure what Kirk's plan was here? Did he just think he'd win the fight no matter what because he's so manly?) Shatner's stunt double wins an awkwardly edited fight scene and then Kirk has to fight Shana, who's angry about him leading her on. She hesitates to kill him so he wins the fight. Kirk apologises to her and she asks to come to space with him. He says she can't because her people have to learn from the Providers first and leaves. And while I had no problem with Kirk maniupating her to escape, this ending feels like bullshit! The Providers don't seem honourable, how does Kirk know they won't just enslave everyone again?
Anyway, the episode is okay, I guess. Some of the fight scenes are fun, some not so much. The Uhura possible rape bit is weird and disturbing and never mentioned again after it happens. The Providers are pretty lame. Trek has done the "superior beings" things a lot and this time it's just brains in a jar who like watching fighting? There's no attempt at a message or metaphor here (not every episode needs one, but it could have added something.) It's also disappointing tha Chekov and Uhura are beamed down with Kirk but then do nothing else important. We don't even get to see them fight. It's the kind of episode that's okay to watch but I'd never try to watch it again.
SCORE: 6/10
Kirk has his hands tied behind his back and is made to fight a tall alien. Kirk's hot instructor gives him some space cola and advice and he beats the tall alien up while the Vulcan fight music from 'Amok Time' plays. It's fun. And it gets Shatner's shirt off if you like that! He was hotter in season one. The Providers are just voices which bet "quatloos" on the fights. Kirk flirts with his instructor again and she doesn't know there's other planets or understand what stars are. I think South Park stole all this dialogue in a scene once. The Providers torture her for telling Kirk stuff. She falls EVEN MORE in love with Kirk because he helps her and they kiss. Bones and Scotty keep questioning Spock and he asks if they're going to declare a mutiny. They calm down a bit after that. Kirk kisses Shana (that's her name) again then punches her to escape his cell. This is ltierally what Garak made fun of in 'Our Man Bashir'! The head thrall stops them anyway. The Enterprise arrives at the planet but The Providers make the lights flick on and off to scare them.
Finally the Providers reveal themselves to Kirk: they're glowing multi-coloured brains 100 metres undergournd with a re-used matte painting in the background. Kirk says that they're not very superior beings if they practice slavery and they're not as evolved as they believe. Kirk tells them that humans are super gamblers and challenges them to one big final fight. If the Enterprise crew win the thralls get to go free. If they lose they'll all become slaves forever. The Providers decide that Kirk will fight three fighters on his own to decide the winner. One is an Andorian! (I'm not sure what Kirk's plan was here? Did he just think he'd win the fight no matter what because he's so manly?) Shatner's stunt double wins an awkwardly edited fight scene and then Kirk has to fight Shana, who's angry about him leading her on. She hesitates to kill him so he wins the fight. Kirk apologises to her and she asks to come to space with him. He says she can't because her people have to learn from the Providers first and leaves. And while I had no problem with Kirk maniupating her to escape, this ending feels like bullshit! The Providers don't seem honourable, how does Kirk know they won't just enslave everyone again?
Anyway, the episode is okay, I guess. Some of the fight scenes are fun, some not so much. The Uhura possible rape bit is weird and disturbing and never mentioned again after it happens. The Providers are pretty lame. Trek has done the "superior beings" things a lot and this time it's just brains in a jar who like watching fighting? There's no attempt at a message or metaphor here (not every episode needs one, but it could have added something.) It's also disappointing tha Chekov and Uhura are beamed down with Kirk but then do nothing else important. We don't even get to see them fight. It's the kind of episode that's okay to watch but I'd never try to watch it again.
SCORE: 6/10
Last edited:
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
A Piece of the Action - The Enterprise is investigating a planet where a starship was lost a hundred years ago. That seems to happen a lot. Kirk, Spock and McCoy beam down and find it's a GANGSTER PLANET. There's wiseguys walking around with tommy guns and hats and I don't know gangster lingo just believe me they're gangsters. Our heroes are taken to the boss who says a lot of gangster stuff. There's lots of "hits" going on. Spock finds a book (an actual paper book) called "Mobs of Chicago" that was published in 1992 and left behind on the planet by the other starship. The planet took it as an instruction on how to live life. The boss wants Kirk to give the new "heaters" phasers so they can kill more people. There's not much point recapping this whole episode because I'd just be typing "and then the gangsters point guns at Kirk, Spock and McCaoy again" a lot!
But there's the "fizzbin" scene where Kirk invents a confusing fake card game to escape some mobsters. That's great! Kirk is grabbed by a different mobster. Spock never pinches a woman and McCoy praises his technique. I like it when they get along. They get back to the ship while Kirk's taken to another boss. He wants to do a deal for guns too and the episode's starting to drag. The other boss makes a deal with Spock. Kirk escapes captivity in a funny action scene. McCoy and Spock are taken prisoner from the chief boss AGAIN. (And yes I've started recapping everything again because I can't watch Star Trek without constantly typing now.) Kirk saves them and we get Kirk and Spock dressed as gangsters holding tommy guns, which is fun! Kirk doesn't know how to drive because in this timeline his father didn't die so he never rebelled by stealing cars. A child gives them advice on how to murder more effectively. Kirk and Spock are captured AGAIN!!!!
Kirk pretends to be a gangster and makes a speech with a gangster accent, which is funny. Kirk has Scotty beam the mob boss up to the Enterprise. Kirk does more gangster talk with the other mob boss. Again even though Sthatner's fun in these scenes they do drag. There's a lot more arguing between the mobsters. Kirk has Scotty fire the Enterprise phasers on stun all around the building they're in to show the Enterprise's power. They finally agree to Kirk's terms and stop killing each other and will pay the Federation 40% every year. Back on the Enterprise Spock thinks it isn't logical to leave criminals in charge of the plaent and how Kirk's going to explain it all to Starfleet. Kirk says something and it's all fine! Bones admits he left his communicator behind on the planet. Kirk makes a joke, THE END!
So yeah, I know this is a much loved episode and I can see why is there is a lot of fun stuff in it: the fizzbin, Kirk and Spock dressed as gangsters, Shatner's accent. It's just that it's really really repetitive? I can't count how many times someone gets guns pointed at them or is captured. Kirk trying to reason with gangsters goes on too long. And he didn't really solve the problem of the planet's culture being contaminated by the old starship? It doesn't help that it's anothered comedy episode just two episodes after The Trouble With Tribbles which is far better in all ways. HAVING SAID THAT I still like the episode, there's a lot of fun to be had. It's just padded fun.
SCORE: 7.5/10
But there's the "fizzbin" scene where Kirk invents a confusing fake card game to escape some mobsters. That's great! Kirk is grabbed by a different mobster. Spock never pinches a woman and McCoy praises his technique. I like it when they get along. They get back to the ship while Kirk's taken to another boss. He wants to do a deal for guns too and the episode's starting to drag. The other boss makes a deal with Spock. Kirk escapes captivity in a funny action scene. McCoy and Spock are taken prisoner from the chief boss AGAIN. (And yes I've started recapping everything again because I can't watch Star Trek without constantly typing now.) Kirk saves them and we get Kirk and Spock dressed as gangsters holding tommy guns, which is fun! Kirk doesn't know how to drive because in this timeline his father didn't die so he never rebelled by stealing cars. A child gives them advice on how to murder more effectively. Kirk and Spock are captured AGAIN!!!!
Kirk pretends to be a gangster and makes a speech with a gangster accent, which is funny. Kirk has Scotty beam the mob boss up to the Enterprise. Kirk does more gangster talk with the other mob boss. Again even though Sthatner's fun in these scenes they do drag. There's a lot more arguing between the mobsters. Kirk has Scotty fire the Enterprise phasers on stun all around the building they're in to show the Enterprise's power. They finally agree to Kirk's terms and stop killing each other and will pay the Federation 40% every year. Back on the Enterprise Spock thinks it isn't logical to leave criminals in charge of the plaent and how Kirk's going to explain it all to Starfleet. Kirk says something and it's all fine! Bones admits he left his communicator behind on the planet. Kirk makes a joke, THE END!
So yeah, I know this is a much loved episode and I can see why is there is a lot of fun stuff in it: the fizzbin, Kirk and Spock dressed as gangsters, Shatner's accent. It's just that it's really really repetitive? I can't count how many times someone gets guns pointed at them or is captured. Kirk trying to reason with gangsters goes on too long. And he didn't really solve the problem of the planet's culture being contaminated by the old starship? It doesn't help that it's anothered comedy episode just two episodes after The Trouble With Tribbles which is far better in all ways. HAVING SAID THAT I still like the episode, there's a lot of fun to be had. It's just padded fun.
SCORE: 7.5/10