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Wacky Reviews: Wrestling

24/2/1997

Nitro

Public Enemy vs Steve McMichael and Jeff Jarrett - Jarrett's a Horseman after beating Mongo last night, so they have to team up. Tony claimst he phonelines in the WCW office have been clogged up with calls after what Randy Savage did last night. Really? People phoned the WCW office to complain about a heel turn? Mongo gets cheered, Jarrett gets booed. They work fine as a team and control much of the match, but Mongo ends up hitting Jarrett with the briefcase anyway to cost his team the match. Flair and Arn join them in the ring and Gene talks to them. Mongo says Jarrett messed with him last night as he messed with him tonight. Flair says they have to get along. Arn says "the Dungeon's getting stronger, the NWO's getting stronger..." The NWO yes, but the Dungeon? They force Mongo and Jeff to shake hands.

Hacksaw Jim Duggan vs Galaxy - Who is Galaxy? Hacksaw destroys him in a more violent than usual manner and no sells anything Galaxy does. Duggan gets the pin with a taped up fist punch after shouting Hogan's name. Gene talks to Hacksaw after. Duggan asks Hogan and Savage if they've forgotten the Make A Wish Foundation and the Special Olympics.

Hugh Morus vs Joe Gomez - Why? Morus wins with his moonsault. Next.

The paid for NWO announcements now are always just adverts for t-shirts of jackets or whatever.

La Parka vs Ice Train - Teddy Long does an inset promo tell Miss Jacqueline to get out of the Dungeon of Doom. Parka keeps going to the same spinning heel kick. He hits a good twisting dive to the floor. Train kills him with a clothesline and gets the pin with the standing splah (the "Train Wreck.")

Eddie Guerrero and Chris Jericho vs Meng and The Barbarian - Jericho and Eddie use their speed on Barbarian until he throws Eddie about. Meng powerbombs the shit out of him. Jericho gets the tag but gets murdered too. Barbarian gives him the top rope belly to belly. Jericho hits a nice crossbody after jumping to the top turnbuckle. Jericho also takes the backdrop into powerbomb. Man they used to throw powerbombs about a lot. Jericho hits a Lionsault on a standing Meng and finally tags Eddie. Eddie and Jericho go dropkick crazy. Eddie goes up top but Dean Malenko pushes him off into a Barbarian big boot as payback for what happened last night.

Second hour means we get Tenay and Heenan joining Tony and more talk about Randy Savage's shocking heel turn.

Rey Mysterio Jr. vs Juventud Guerrera - I'm not going to attempt to reap this. Needless to say they do lots of cool, inventive, well executed, high risk stuff. Rey gets the pin with the West Coast Pop.

Prince Iaukea vs Pat Tanaka - Pat Tanaka comes out to what will one day be Bill Goldberg's entrance music. It's very strange watching that now! Tanaka hits a dragon screw legwhip and some chops. He hits a sitout powerbomb for two and none of the commentators mention it. Iaukea hits a springboard butt drop(!) then wins with a crossbody from the top.

Ultimo Dragon vs Dean Malenko - Both are former Cruiserweight champions. Malenko is still popular despite screwing Eddie earlier. They do some good, fast stuff then Malenko offers a handshake. Dragon accepts but Malenko clotheslines him. Dragon hits his fast kicks. Malenko keeps going after him like some kind of wrestling terminator. Malenko hits a big suplex for two then uses a chinlock and camel clutch. Dragon reverses to a bow and arrow and then an Indian deathlock with bridge. Malenko hits a double underhook powerbomb for two. Dragon fucks up a Jericho springboard dropkick but hits a crossbody to the floor. They do some roll-ups for two then Malenko catches a handspring elbow and hits a release German suplex. Malenko then keeps choking him and gets DQed. A good match but the finish was there to show Malenko's new angry attitude. Gene talks to Malenko after and he says he's sick of the lack of respect shown him. He wants Syxx and says Eddie stole the belt from him last night.

Diamond Dallas Page vs Squire David Taylor - DDP hits the fireman's carry Diamond Cutter but Hall and Nash come out. Randy Savage then sneaks out with a spray paint can and hits DDP in the back with it. A fan jumps in the ring and Hall punches him and they get him out the ring. Savage gives Page the flying elbow.

Hall, Nash and Savage are still in the ring after the break. Hall welcomes Savage to the NWO. Then brings out Hogan. He says "BRAH" a lot. I wonder if Hogan and Savage hated each other in real life at this point. They bring out Savage's "reward" for joining the NWO and of course it's Elizabeth. Savage and Elizabeth have a brief and AWKWARD hug. They get away from each other as quickly as possible. Then Hall says they're in NWO country and the fans boo.

Lex Luger and The Giant vs Harlem Heat - Luger and Giant still have the tag titles. But as soon as the bell rings, Bischoff runs out. The NWO come out shortly after. Bischoff says the belts belong to Hall and Nash because Luger didn't have a doctor's release. Luger says he's sick of Bischoff swerving and political moves. He says he'll hand the belts over if at Uncensored the NWO put all their belts on the line. Bischoff agrees and Luger and Giant hand over their belts. Sting comes out with his bat. He stares at Hogan and Hogan hugs him. Then Sting just stands still with the NWO as the show ends.

They did a better job than normal this week in giving the good matches more time.


RAW

It's the ECW invades episode live from NEW YORK. This is the ballroom where the first RAW took place so maybe I was confused a few weeks ago. Who cares, no one's reading this anyway. There's lots of ECW fans in attendance and BWO shirts. Vince and Lawler are hosting this week but they'll have a guest later...

The New Blackjacks vs The Godwinns - Blackjacks attack before the bell. The Godwinns take over on them pretty quickly though. KEN SHAMROCK is in the crowd! From the UFC! The Blackjacks are dull on offense. Phineas gets Windham in a sleeper but Bradshaw hits him with the Clothesline From Hell. But Phineas' foot was on the ropes. What a weak debut if you can't even beat the Godwinns clean. Henry slops the referee after.

The Eliminators give a ring attendant Total Elimination and Paul Heyman says the challenge has been accepted. Vince: "The King's answer has been challenged!"

Big Stevie Cool vs Little Guido - Paul does the ring announcing. We can't hear the huge ovation I'm sure the BWO are getting because the music is dubbed. Heyman joins commentary as well. Stevie tells Lawler "we're taking over" and Vince does his fake laugh. Vince calls the NWO a "clothing line" and Raven appears to watch Stevie. Vince calls him "Stevie Ray." Heyman offers Vince a job as an announcer in ECW. And we get an inset with Goldust for some reason. Heyman says he'd go home with Goldust and Vince no sells it. Goldust calls Chyna "It." Vince plugs La Femme Nikita and Stevie hits the Stevie Kick to win. This was bizarre but very entertaining!

Honky Tonk Man apparently was singing during the adverts. He's the special guest referee of an arm wrestling match between Sunny and Marlena. She gets a huge pop but then heels up on the New Yorkers using Rick Rude's old lines. But still gets cheered when she takes her robe of because she's fucking hot. Marlena has injured ribs from Chyna and she's carrying a cigar. Sunny offers Marlena a forfeit. Marlena implies Sunny is a whore. Sunny keeps stalling. Then Marlena does. A fan shouts "HONKY SUCKS DICK." Sunny throws powder in her eyes when she's about to lose and a fan shouts "YOU FUCKING BITCH!" Savio Vega then comes out to rape Marelna but Goldust saves her and slams his head into the arm-wrestling table.

Goldust vs Savio Vega - Miguel Perez joins commentary and says he isn't proud of Savio. His English isn't the best. Like it's much better than my Spanish but he shouldn't really be on commentary. Vince asks him if he wants to say something in Spanish and he says "oh yeah tha'ts right" and says something in Spanish. The match is boring because it's Savio Vega as a heel. Vega uses a nerve pinch as if to show just how boring he is. Savio FINALLY goes for a splash just so he can hit knees and Goldust can make his comeback. Goldust gets crotched on the top and Savio slaps his ass. Goldust kises him to knock him off. Crush provides a distracton but Vega fucks up his finisher kick. Finally Crush just runs in for the DQ. This was terrible. Miguel Perez gives Vega a dropkick from the top. Vince promises a huge surprise coming up.

Jerry Lawler talks to Ken Shamrock. ABC Network called him the world's most dangerous man! Lawler claims he taught Ken how to fight. Shamrock says he's never met him before. Lawler acts like he doesn't know what Shamrock's talking about and asks him to tell everyone about all the submissions he tuaght him. Umm, what did Lawler excpect to happen here? Did he think Shamrock would lie with him? It makes no fucking sense!

We come back to Paul Heyman saying the show has sucked without ECW. Which is actually true.

Taz vs Mikey Whipwreck - Heyman's on commentary again so we get more semi-shoot stuff with him and Lawler. Taz hits a northern lights and tiger suplex. We get in insent with Faarooq. Sabu appears on top of the R on the "RAW" entrance and dives onto Team Taz. Taz backdrops mike onto Sabu and hits a head and arm Tazplex then chokes him out with the Tazmission. BIG SURPRISE UP NEXT.

The Legion of Doom vs The Headbangers - Yep LOD's return is the big surprise and it gets a big ovation from the small crowd in the balldroom. Big "NITRO SUCKS" chant and Lawler asks what the fans are saying and Vince won't say. So, since LOD are back wouldn't it make sense to have them squash some team in impressive fashion in their first match? Apparently not. Sure, they do destroy the Headbangers for a long while (as the fans chant "BISCHOFF SUCKS"), but the Headbangers eventually get some heat on Hawk after he takes the shoulder to the post bump he takes in every match. Then it ends on a double countout! LOD hits the Doomsday Device after anyway. So why not just let them win the match with it?

We get the sad TELL ME A LIE video for Shawn Michaels! Cards and letters have been pouring in ever since he lost his smile.

Tommy Dreamer vs D-Von Dudley - It's cute how Vince actually tries to call the match in his usual way as Lawler and Heyman bicker. Dreamer uses weapons. The bell, a walking stick and he dropkicks the steps into D-Von's face. Vince starts to get worried. D-Von whips him into the steps in the ring and uses a chair. Lawler says it makes him ashmed to be a wrestler. D-Von misses a headbutt and hits the chair and we go to an inset with Undertaker as Beulah kicks D-Von low to escape him and Dreamer hits a DDT to win. This was poorly timed. Bubba and D-Von give Dreamer 3D after but Sandman shows up drinking a beer to the confusion of Vince. He takes out the Dudleys as Vince has to hold back Heyman to stop him attacking Lawler. Again the semi-shoot comments between Lawler and Heyman made it very convincing that they really were about to start fighting for real.

We get a recap of the whole Austin/Bret/Sid thing last week. We see "Superstars exclusive" footage of Bret looking for Austin backstage, angry. JR and Jim Cornette seem to have been the Superstars commentary team and I'd certainly watch that!

Todd Pettingzoo talks to Ken Shamrock. Shamrock is not a good talker at this point. He has his wife and father with him. He says he thinks Undertaker will beat Sycho Sid because "Undertaker's got a bit more technique, a bit more balance." Faarooq then comes out for his match and has a staredown with Shamrock. He calls UFC "cat fighting" as Vince acts like he's ashmed of all the shoot comments tonight. Shamrock says Faarooq isn't a man because he has his thugs with him and if Vince McMahon wants to put a match together he's up for it. Vince says "uhh..." like he has a lot tonight.

The Undertaker vs Faarooq - Vince says "who knows when the extreme guys are going to come back out, maybe the Blue Guy will come and get you, King!" Faarooq runs away so Taker beats up D'Lo. He hits a fying clothesline and rope walk in the ring. The match is pretty slow. Vince sends condolences to Jim Ross for the death of his father. Faarooq hits some stuff and Taker keeps no selling but the rest of the Nation attack him too. Faarooq hits some boring stuff and does a Savio by going for a splash that will obviously hit knees. Taker gives him the legdrop to the back. Faarooq takes back over and rams Taker's leg into the post. Some fans start shouting "we are the Nation, of Masturbation!" Faarooq hits an EXCITING CHINLOCK. Faarooq hits a powerslam. Taker kind of catches Faarooq coming off the top with his own powerslam. D'Lo pulls the rope down on Taker and Faarooq waddles at him holding the steps but Taker kicks the back into his face. Faarooq hits a piledriver that Taker no sells. The Nation just run in for the DQ because we're out of time. LOD make the save for some reason.

RAW wins! Nitro had better matches this time, but RAW was much more entertaining thanks to the ECW stuff and all the shoot comments and Ken Shamrock.


26/2/1997

Hardcore TV

Joey is in the ring and welcomes us to CyberSlam '97 and introduces the Pitbulls. I can't be bothered listening to them shouting so I'll skip it. Shane Douglas appears on crutches because he's "doing a Shawn Michaels" as a Pitbull puts it. He swears a lot because he think it's manly. He lures the Pitbulls into an attack by Chris Candido and Brian Lee.

The Eliminators vs Rob Van Dam and Sabu - This is a Tables and Ladders (but not chairs) match for the tag titles. There was highlights of a match with these two teams a few weeks ago and I'm not sure if this is the same match or not. I'm pretty sure I don't want to watch it? RVD and Saturn briefly do some wrestling then start punching each other. Sabu and Kronus do the same. I'm just skipping ahead because I don't care. There's lots of sloppy moves. They fight in the crowd was we can't see what's happening. Sabu and RVD do some flying using the ladder. They hit each other with the ladder. It drags. RVD and Sabu do some double team stuff which is sometimes good and sometimes sloppy. RVD does lots of moonsaults off of stuff. Sabu puts Kronus through a table. RVD tries the split legged moonsault with Saturn on a ladder suspended on the ropes and it looks bad. I mean there's a rawness to this match that you wouldn't see in the WWE today but it's still not good. RVD and Sabu run into each other and two Total Eliminations finish him.

Taz vs Tracy Smothers - Freddie Joe Flyod invades ECW! Smother gets some strikes in and an elbow from the top. Taz hits some suplexes and wins with the Tazmission.

Chris Candido makes fun of Terry Funk for being old.

Terry Funk and Tommy Dreamer vs Raven and Brian Lee - There's only four minutes left in the show when the announcer starts speaking so I don't know what they're going for here. Raven takes the mic and says Dreamer has never beat him. He says he's going to lie down and let Tommy pin him, but it will mean Funk doesn't get his title shot at the ppv. Dreamer just punches him instead. And...the show ends thirty seconds into the match. WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT SHIT?
 
3/3/1997

Nitro

The NWO arrive. But then the president of Turner Sports arrives after them. What could this mean?

Steve McMichael and Jeff Jarrett vs Hugh Morus and Konnan - Jarrett goes for his straddle on the ropes move but Konnan pulls Hugh out of the way very early so Jarrett looks stupid still going for it and hurting his own balls. Mongo gets a big pop when he comes in and cleans house. Public Enemy come out and try to take the briefcase from Debra. Jarrett grabs it off them but accidentally hits Mongo with it because every match involving these two has to end with a briefcase shot. Dungeon of Doom get the pin. Flair and Anderson come out to the ring which means we're going to get Mean Gene interviewing them like every fucking week. Jarrett says it was an accident but Flair says he's making him look bad. Debra gets to speak.

Diamond Dallas Page vs Rick Fuller - Larry acts shocked that the fans are chanting for DDP even though they've been doing so for months. DDP wins with the Diamond Cutter. Gene talks to DDP after about Randy Savage.

Juventud Guerrera vs Ray Mondoza Jr. - Juvi hits all kinds of cool stuff including a dive through the second and third buckles from the apron (like Sami Zayn's DDT.) Juvi wins with a 450.

Jimmy Hart, Kevin Sullivan and Jacqueline take over the announce desk. Jimmy finally gets to speak. I always wonder why Kevin Sullivan needs Jimmy Hart when he can talk for himself.

Dean Malenko vs Mike Enos - Yes this random match is happening again. Malenko is still supr pissed off. He keeps choking again. He dropkicks the leg and goes to work on it. Enos hits a suplex but can't stand because of his leg and Malenko goes right back to it. He gets the pin with a small package. Malenko says you just saw what the new and improved Dean Malenko is all about. He's coming for Eddie Guerrero.

Mean Gene talks to Eric Bischoff. He's interrupted by Doctor Harvey Schiller who the fans cheer so I guess they know who he is? He's the president of Turner Sports so he's Bischoff's boss. He asks if Bischoff if he thinks he can do whatever he wants because he has a contract. Bischoff says yes. Harvey suspends him. He says something about a rumour that Bischoff was in a men's room and I'm not sure what he's getting at. Something gay? Tony and Larry are excited that Bischoff has no power.

Eddie Guerrero vs Ultimo Dragon - Eddie rolls through a crossbody and gets his pin with the feet on the ropes. It was going fine but it only lasted about two minutes. This is what I mean about WCW's match times! Gene talks to Eddie after and asks him about Dean Malenko. Gene says Malenko blames Eddie for costing him the US title when it was actually the Cruiserweight title. Eddie struggles to get his words out and Malenko marches to the ring. He doesn't like Eddie.

Tenay and Heenan join Tony to celebrate Bischoff's suspension. We get a replay of the suspension even though it only happened about five minutes ago.

M. Wallstreet vs Scotty Riggs - There's no such thing as a good Wallstreet match. He uses his exciting chinlock. The chinlocks alone probably last longer than the Eddie and Dragon match. Buff runs in to attack Riggs for the DQ so it doesn't even have a finish.

Rowdy Roddy Piper is out next. It's already been revealed by the announcers that the WCW vs NWO match at Uncensored will feature a third team led by Piper. He says that two monkeys have been cloned, one named Hall and one named Nash. And other stuff. He fucking rambles on and loses the crowd. He has a shirt with "ICON" on it and says it stands for "I Cower Over Nothing." He wants to take on six guys. He randomly quotes Biff from Back to the Future. He's having tryouts for his team at Uncensored, I guess. But his involvement in the match was just announced a few minutes ago. How the fuck did he put this together? The first guy he tries out is some muscular guy in jeans. They do some mat wrestling. Piper makes him tap out. This is a mess. The next guy is a muscular guy in jean shorts. He slaps Piper and hits some knees and punches. Piper gets him in the sleeper. Another guy in jeans is out next as the commentators say how bizarre this is. Then a guy with boxing gloves punches him. THE FUCK IS THIS? Piper puts gloves on too. They have a boxing match. Piper punches him down but he grabs Piper's ankle. They keep fighting FOR FUCKING EVER. Piper shakes the guy's hand eventually and the fans boo. This guy's on the team. Realy. This guy. Piper tries to get the fans to cheer but they keep booing. THEN THEY START FIGHTING AGAIN WITHOUT THE GLOVES. THIS IS SO SHIT. Then another guy comes out because this shit isn't over! This guy his bare feet and throws some kicks. He beats up Piper forever and the fans are too bored to even boo now. Actually they do get a "boring" chant going eventually. THIS WILL NEVER END. Piper eventually raises the guy's hand to boos. And finally out comes John Tenta. Yes, that John Tenta. Tenay starts talking about how he's a former sumo star. He has a weak brawl with the other two guys and Piper has his team. THIS WAS A FUCKING ABORTION. I just found out Luther Reigns was on of the jeans guys. That doesn't make it better.

Rey Mysterio Jr. vs Mr. J.L. - This is joined in progress and we go split screen to see Prince Iaukea talking about "growing up on the island." Fans are still dead thanks to Piper so this has no heat. And they fuck some stuff up and the match falls apart a bit. Rey seems really sluggish. He keeps holding his head. Rey gets the pin with the West Coast Pop in one of the worst Rey matches I've ever seen.

Gene talks to Meduas and asks her where the fuck she's been. Medusa said she trashed a world class title to come to WCW and what did she get? Nothing! She blames Eric Bischoff and the NWO. The fans are confused. She says NWO stands for "New Women's Organisation." I think she's supposed to be a face but nobody gives a fuck. Man this Nitro is awful. Luna Vachon randomly attacks Medusa. They have a shit brawl for a few seconds then we go to adverts.

NWO are out next to "save" the show. They all look sad about Bischoff. Their music now has Savage going "OOOOH YEAH" over the top of it. Sting comes out with them. Bischoff says he can't be fired. He's friends with Ted Turner. Hogan cuts his usual weak promo. He talks about Piper "sucking wind" fighting a bunch of wrestling fans. That's scarily accurate. Hogan says "BRAHS" again. Sting is just standing there. Why the fuck weren't people turning over to RAW in their thousands at this point?

Lex Luger and The Giant vs The Steiner Brothers - Luger actually hits a good clothesline on Rick. That's worth noting. Rick gives him a powerslam. Scott Steiner has gotten fucking huge since he's been out with injury. I mean he was already big but he's like Big Poppa Pump size now. Hey, remember that horrible car wreck the Steiners were in? Never mind, here's The Giant. The Steiners give The Giant a double suplex. Then the match just kind of stops as they're waiting for the NWO to run in. The NWO come out through the crowd. Sting walks down the aisle with his bat. Piper's team join the WCW team in the ring to stop the NWO. They start fighting right as the show ends.


RAW

We're in Berlin, Germany! The first European champion will be crowned! And our hosts are Vince McMahon, Jim Ross and...The Honky Tonk Man. Well, okay.

Bret Hart talks about Stone Cold.

Bret "Hitman" Hart vs Hunter Hearst Helmsley - Bret is solidly over with the German fans. No boos at all. Bret works off a headlock. Hunter finally hits a knee to the gut to take control. Hunter works the arm. He does that cool move where he has Bret in a hammerlock and he stands up with his feet in the hammerlock and falls back. You know the one. Bret catches him on the top rope. Bret gets some two counts with his moves. Hunter goes for the Pedigree but Bret reverses to a catapult to the turnbuckle. Hunter rakes the eyes to escape the Sharpshooter. Bret stomps Hunter in the Tree of Woe then shoves the referee and loses by DQ. "That Bionic Woman" (as Vince puts it) then gets in Bret's face and officials escort her out.

We go to the WWF studio for an interview with Steve Austin but his chair is empty. Then we here a toilet flushing. So Austin went to have a shit instead of doing the interview I guess.

Rocky Miavia vs Vader - IC title is on the line and Vince, JR and Honky are talking like it's a sure thing that Vader will win the title. Rocky gets a good reaction in Germany. Vader bullies him with his strikes and size advantage. He puts a sitting abdominal stretch on. Rocky uses his speed and plucky babyface courage to get some offense in before Vader cuts him off with his power. It's a good big heel/plucky babyface match-up! Vader sits on Rocky when he tries a sunset flip. Rocky reverses a suplex. He knocks Vader down with a big clothesline. He hits a back suplex for two. We take an ad break and when we come back Vader hits a splash for two. Splash from the second rope gets two as well. Vader puts a leg submission on but Rocky gets the ropes. Rocky catches him coming off the second rope with a powerslam for two. Rocky hits a belly to belly which looks good. Floatover DDT and he goes up top but overshoots the crossbody a bit. Rocky dropkicks him over the top but Mankind runs out and hits Rocky with the urn. Vader is angry at Mankind. This was a going along well as Rocky was already good in the ring at this point. Vader beats him up after.

We look back at a censored version of the ECW invasion last week. Jerry Lawler talks over the phone. He still doesn't like ECW.

The Sultan vs Flash Funk - Well, this is a step down. Flash is good but Sultan is terrible. I mean he's good as Rikishi and Fatu but he can't work a good match with the Sultan gimmick. Paul Heyman calls in and says he's bored of Jerry Lawler. It's pretty telling that the only person Vince would let feud with ECW was an announcer. Flash gets a second rope moonsault for two. Sultan gets the win with the Camel Clutch.

We take a look back to the last time Stone Cold was in the WWF studios for an interview and he beat loads of people up.

Sid does one of his shouting interviews with a red face. He quotes Thunderdome.

We're getting recaps of the Owen Hart/British Bulldog storyline all night by the way, I should have mentioned that.

Ahmed Johnson comes out for an interview. The German announcer asks him questions in German then translates to English. Sadly we still can't understand what Ahmed is saying because he's Ahmed. Vince has to explain that he said he accepts Faarooq's challenge for WrestleMania and he won't be alone. Seriously I dare anyone to try to make out what Ahmed said.

We take a look back at LOD's return last week and hear them talking on Shotgun Saturday Night. Hawk talks about being woken up by a rat nibbling his face instead of an alarm clock. He should just buy an alarm clock. He could probably afford it.

Sycho Sid vs Mankind - WWF title on the line! Mankind cuts an inset promo in German which is a nice touch. We recap everything that's already happened tonight before Sid's entrance for some reason. Sid is popular in Germany but not as popular as Bret. Sid attacks still in his vest and wearing the belt. Mankind clotheslines the ring post. Sid goes to a chinlock but switches to an arm bar takedown when Mankind escaps. We get an inset promo from Austin in the studio. He isn't happy about the seat he was put in on his flight to the studio. Bret Hart's whining and crying is making him violently ill to his stomach. Meanwhile Mankind attacks Sid on the apron and bites him. Mankind keeps working him over with punches, kicks and bites. Sid comes back with his weird punches and running kicks. Sid misses a kick and gets caught up in the ropes so Mankind can punch him more. Sid is back in control after the adverts anyway. He grabs Mankind in a choke and throws the back of his head into the ring post, then suplexes him on the floor. Mankind manages to clothesline him on the top rope. He hits a second rope legdrop which is unusual for him! Then a chinlock. Mankind gets the Claw on and gets some two counts. Sid pulls the claw out of his mouth but Mankind hits the double arm DDT for two. Mankind then goes to a sleeper. Sid falls backwards on him to escape. Mankind charges into Paul Bearer and Sid hits a chokeslam for two. Powerbomb gets three (with Hebner's stupid slow count.) Good match thanks to Foley but Mankind really isn't a credible world title challenger at this point.

9 days ago on Shotgun, The British Bulldog yelled at Clarence Mason asking what side he was on. Then fired him. Bulldog gets an adorable "WHO'S FIRED, YOU'RE FIRED" chant going.

Stone Cold's still in the WWF Studios. Austin says he blew out his knee at Final Four and asks why Shawn Michaels gets a video when he injuries his knee while Austin busts his ass for twenty five minutes. He ain't got no quit in him. Vince asks him why he's so bitter. Austin says "you treat me like a dog and you expect me to smile?"

Owen Hart vs The British Bulldog - This is the finals in the tournament to crown the first European champion. Bulldog is over like Rover with the Germans, which is nice! Don't mention the war! They do a really great sequence based around wristlocks to start. They counter each other's stuff expertly and nip-up and face off. Owen breaks out his awesome jumping to the top rope to escape move but Bulldog counters his rana with a powerbomb. Bulldog holds the ropes for Owen like a nice guy! Bulldog works the arm and keeps countering Owen. Owen escapes Bulldog's suplex but Bulldog ducks the enziguiri and puts a surfboard on. Owen grabs the ref to escape. Owen backdrops Bulldogt to the floor. Owen holds the ropes open for Bulldog and surprisingly doesn't cheapshot him. Owen feigns a leg injury and cheapshots Bulldog. Bulldog escapes the Sharpshooter as Vince and JR and Honky are going nuts about how they're two young men without artificial hips. Owen hits the spinning heel kick to take control. Fans are solidly behind Bulldog and booing Owen. We sadly interrupt the action for a Rewind to Bret and Chyna but come back to Owen hitting his sweet belly to belly. Owen uses his feet on the ropes for two. He hits a good neckbreaker and second rope elbow for two. Owen tries a superplex but Bulldog falls on him for two. Bulldog makes his babyface comeback with clotheslines. He gorilla presses Owen and drops him crotch first on the top rope. Owen counters a suplex with a sweet bridging German for two. Owen counters the powerslam by holding onto the rope and falling on Bulldog for two. More quick two counts and Owen hits the enziguiri and puts the Sharpshooter on. Bulldog counters a tombstone attempt with the powerslam for two. Owen tries a victory roll while Bulldog argues with the ref but Bulldog counters for three. Great match, one of the best ever on RAW. They shake hands after.

So RAW was obviously way better than NItro this week, with an amazing main event on RAW and that shitfest with Piper on Nitro. And yet the live Nitro destroyed the tape RAW 3.4 to 1.9 in the ratings, the biggest win yet. Some people online say this is when Vince decided to give Russo more control and move away from having great wrestling matches like this on RAW. Which is a damn shame.


4/3/1997

Hardcore TV

Tommy Dreamer and Terry Funk vs Raven and Brian Lee - We actually get the match after the teaser last week. Story of the match is Raven trying to avoid Terry Funk as if Funk pins him he gets a title shot. I think. Some pointless, boring, brawling in the crowd. Raven punches Funk in the balls and taunts him on the mic. Joey's high pitched voice is annoying as fuck. He claims Raven quit to Funk's spinning toe hold. Lee hits Funk and Dreamer with a garbage can then repeatedly beats Funk in the head with it. After dozens of shots the referee ends the match as there's blood coming out of Terry's ear. Dreamer keeps trying to get Terry to leave. He fights everyone who's trying to get him to stop fighting. The fans chant for Terry. Joey's acting like his career is over. Stevie Richards comes out to face off with Raven. Lee chokeslams him. Lori comes out to beg Raven to stop hurting Stevie. Raven gives her a DDT to cheers. YEAH THAT'S WHAT WOMEN DESERVE. Tyler brings out Tommy Dreamer, who's still bleeding. He gets beaten up some more. Sandman makes the save with his son on his shoulders. He hits Lee with his cane then gives Raven some shots to the head and a DDT. He then pins him? But...he wasn't in a match with Raven. What the fuck does that mean? ECW is dumb as fuck. Sandman carries his son back after and Tommy and Stevie shake hands.

Little Guido vs Chris Chetti - Tommy Rich is with Guido now and heeling it up. His great grand daddy worked for the mafia. He says "y'all" a lot. Chetti looks really awkward and runs weird. Guido controls the entire match but Rich tells Guido to go to the top rope and Guido misses a splash and Chetti gets the upset pin. Joey goes full on high pitched trying to sell this as a big deal. The fans want Guido to fuck Rich up after but he talks his way out of it.

Raven talks about Terry Funk. He's sitting down and Terry Funk arrives (we don't see his face) and tells Raven to stand up. Funk's had concussions before and he still wants to fight Raven. Funk goes down the floor to talk to Raven. Funk says if you breed two idiot horses you get an idiot like Raven. Funk keeps taunting him and Raven won't say anything.

We finish with some highlights of CyberSlam so I don't care.
 
10/3/1997

We start with Denis Rodman and Hulk Hogan doing hand signals together backstage. It's Spring Break 1997! We're outdoors and the ring is floating over a pool, which means someone's going in the water later.

Roddy Piper and his team arrive. They're all wearing kilts.

Jeff Jarrett and Steve McMichael vs High Voltage - Mongo pins High or Voltage with a tombstone to win clean. That's right, no briefcase shot this time! They actually worked together and won.

Mean Gene brings out Roddy Piper, John Tenta and...the two other guys. Piper says he "ain't never" seen so many pretty women all in one place. He has a lot to say about some critics. Howard Stern won't have him on his show because he's afraid. He says Howard is "hung like a pimple" then shouts "UNCENSORED." He mentions the WWF and the "F" is beeped out. He says the WWF said they have no "one hip" wrestlers on their ppvs but really they have no "HIP" wrestlers. And shouts "UNCENSORED" again. This is pathetic. He's not going to give in to the critics and his team will still wrestle on the ppv. He's interrupted by Ric Flair, Arn Anderson, Mongo and Jarrett. Anderson praises Piper's team for taking a beating but says Uncensored should be for professionals, not amateurs. Surely John Tenta is a professional? Flair goes "wooooo" and stuff. He rambles on nearly as bad as Piper. Basically he wants Piper to team with the Horsemen at Uncensored. Piper accepts. So much for not giving into critics. Piper's kilt wearing team are just left standing there like idiots.

Prince Iaukea vs David Taylor - We cut away to show the NWO outside. Somebody's dropped M. Wallstreet in the same way Bubba was dropped a few weeks ago. Iaukea wins the match we only saw a few seconds of with his patented "roll-up" finisher.

Eddie Guerrero vs Jim Powers - Dean Malenko's on comentary talking about his dislike of Eddie. Powers uses his, well, power to throw Eddie about for a minute before Eddie pushes Powers into Teddy Long who's on the apron and gets a roll up to win. Gene interviews Eddie after and Eddie says Dean is the one who isn't himself, not Eddie. Gene says Eddie's the one who's changing and Eddie says he's sick and tired of people accusing him of that.

Diamond Dalls Page vs Craig Pittman - What have we done to deserve a Craig Pittman match? He's so awkward and bad. He hits the shittest belly to belly I've ever seen. DDP wins with the Diamond Cutter in a match that went too long. Gene talks to DDP about Randy Savage and the NWO, but the lights go out and Page's mic cuts. He keeps talking anyway. After the break the lights are on and we get to hear DDP talking. He doesn't like Randy Savage, basically.

Rey Mysterio Jr. vs Galaxy - Rey is always a pleasure to watch, but this is basically a squash with him winning with the West Coast Pop in two minutes.

We go to hour two which means talking.

Gene talks to Miss Monday Nitro and a MTV veejay in the ring. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK.

The Amazing French Canadians, Greg Valentine and Roadblock vs Lex Luger, The Giant and The Steiners - The faces are the WCW team for Uncensored. Roadblcoknearly trips over the rop tagging in, the fat fuck. Scott gives him a suplex, which is scary. Giant chokeslams Roadblock for the pin. Gene talks to Team WCW after. Luger tells Piper not to trust the Horsemen and says they'll beat the NWO and so on. The whole interview goes on too long. Nitro is becoming hard to get through.

Juventud Guerrera vs Ultimo Dragon - This gets more time than most of the matches tonight, which is good because they do some cool stuff. On the other hand they don't work all that well together (Dragon no sells all of Juvi's strikes) at times and the fans are completely silent the whole match. Dragon hits a BIG running powerbomb, twisting rana from the top and gets the pin with a tiger suplex.

Chris Jericho vs Scotty Riggs - I'm sure this will win the fans over! Riggs is wrestling in fucking suspenders for some reason. They wrestle to silence until Buff Bagwell wakes the fans up by running and whipping Buff with a belt. Riggs wins by DQ.

Mean Gene talks to Meduas. That noted great talker. Gene randomly brings up wet t-shirt contests because he's a sexist old git. Medusa talks about herself in the third person to no reaction. She gets the women's champion's name wrong. THIS SHOW IS DEATH.

Kevin Sullivan vs Hardbody Harrison - Jackie beats the jobber up outside the ring as usual. Sullivan takes him into the crowd and it's a double countout I guess. Sullivan and Jackie beat him up all the way to the beach. They take him back towwards the ring and throw him in the water. Gene talks to Jimm, Kevin and Jackie after. They talk for too long and the crowd get bored.

NWO time for the main event, I guess. They showed a pre-recorded video of Hogan and Denis Rodman. It's the thing we saw at the start of ths show. So Rodman isn't here tonight and who cares about this interview now. He'll be at Uncensored. Hogan has an NWO t-shirt for Sting but Sting just stands with them looking sad. Nash and Hall talk and then Savage. Then Hogan some more.

Mean Gene talks to the Public Enemy with two minutes left in the show. Yep, Public Enemy are your main event interivew. They're terrible takers and no one cares about them. Harlem Heat attack them and that's the end of the show. This was scheuled to be our main event(!) but we're out of time.

Another bad Nitro with bad short matches. Maybe it's not possible to do good matches when suspended above a pool?


RAW

HOLY SHIT it's not RAW anymore it's RAW IS WAR! With that memorable opening sequence of wrestlers fighting in a junkyard and the "RAW IS WAR'S A THORN IN YOUR EYE" song! Apparently they actually used Marilyn Manson's 'The Beautiful People' without permission and that's edited off the Network. And the arena is set up differently now with the Titan Tron making its debut. Lots of pyro to pump up the fans. It's all change! Vince, JR and Jerry on commentary.

Sycho Sid is out for the opening interview. Yep, we're getting closer and closer to the standard RAW format they're still using to this day. Sid is supposed to team with Undertaker tonight against Mankind and Vader, but with Paul Bearer around he smells something fishy. Sid continues to be an awful talker. Undertaker interrupts (with his full entrance) and says Sid's logic doesn't make any sense because if Taker takes him out tonight he doesn't get to take the belt at WrestleMania. He says he'll take on Mankind and Vader by himself. Paul Bearer interrupts next with a classic "OOOOOH YESSSSS!" He walks out with Vader and Mankind and says Taker and Sid are both scared of facing them. They have a brawl.

Rocky Miavia vs Tony Roy - Raw is War means the return of jobber matches?! They're interrupted by The Sultan, Iron Sheik and Bob Backlund and the latter two say some crazy stuff. Backlund talks throughout the whole match as Rocky wins quickly with a big crossbody from the top. Sultan attacks after but Rocky easily takes him out with punches and a dropkick. Tony Atlas is in the crowd, the former tag partner of Rocky Johnson, and he jumps the barricade and walks off with Rocky. Feels like he should have saved Rocky from the attack.

Heavy Metal, Octagon and Pierroth vs Latin Lover, Octagon and Hector Garza - I think that's what Finkel said anyway. Fans don't care about this and the commentators talk about other stuff. Okay, one is Octagon and one is Pentagon and they do a quick sequence together. Chyna is in the crowd and Vince says "get that woman out of there! That bionic woman!" A loud "boring" chant breaks out. We cut away to show Chyna and go to split screen to see what Chyna did last week. And we go backstage to talk to Brian Pillman who will be back in action soon. So much for the match! Pentagon or Octagon hits an Asai moonsault and lands on the guard rail. Garaz hits a nice twisting crossbody to the floor on all five. Heavy Metal pins Latin Lover with La Majistral.

Ahmed Johnson vs Roy Raymond - Yep, more jobber action is war! Of course this match is interrupted by the Nation's entrance music as JR complains that we can't have a match without interruptions. Get used to it! Ahmed wins with the Pearl River Plunge as the Nation watch from the top of the ramp. Faarooq talks about what the streets are really like and calls Ahmed an "Uncle Tom." It's lucky it's near impossible to make out what he's saying. Ahmed calls him an "over dressed, choco colourer, PUNK!" He's not scared. Ahmed says he has the Legion of Doom to help him and they come out to their entrance music through the crowd. They eventually speak and Hawk says the Nation will look like a pile of "raw sweat socks" when they're done with them. Ahmed says the Nataion are turning white with fear. This is going on far too long. He finally get a "you're going down" chant going.

Owen Hart and The British Bulldog vs The New Blackjacks - JR tires to talk to Bulldog about winning the Eurorpean title, but Owen says "we all know I could have beat him, but let's not go into that!" The Blackjacks get mic time before the match. Bradshaw says Owen sure has some real pretty lips. Yep, it's the start of Bradshaw's long running homosexual rapist gimmick. We ge an inset promo with Vader and Mankind as they'll challenge Owen and Bulldog at WM. Only Vader gets to talk and McMahon cuts him off. The match is dull and heatless. It's announced that Bret Hart will get a title show next week inside a steel cage, just six days prior to WrestleMania. Then we get an inset promo with Taz who says if Lawler make one more joke about him he'll kill him or something. Lawler makes short jokes. Owen gets the Sharpshooter on Bradshaw but the ref is distracted by Bulldog clothesling Windham a lot. Bulldog ends up shoving the ref and that causes a DQ, which the commentators struggle to understand.

Taz and Fonzie come out after the break. Taz and Lawler start shoving. Sabu appears in the ring and tries to dive on either Taz or Lawler but misses both and goes through a conveniently placed table. A bunch of ECW guys pull Taz away.

Migeul Perez vs Leif Cassidy - This is Perez's debut after his terrible attempt at guest commentary. He has the hairiest back ever. Perez kind of fucks up a nip up. The match is not good as they don't work well together, which JR hints at. And because every match tonight needs to be interrupted we get an inset with Paul Heyman. Leif misses a moonsault and Perez makes a weak comeback. He gets the pin with a body scissors roll up. Bad debut.

We talk to Sid (again) backstage this time. Sid says "I don't react, I react!" or something like that. There's little point in listening to him.

We get the full opening sequence again for hour two. Jim Ross is in the ring to talk to Ken Shamrock. He will be the guest referee for the submission match between Bret Hart and Steve Austin at WM. He is not a good talker at this point and stumbles ovr his words badly, losing the fans. Thankfullyl he's interrupted by Stone Cold telling him to shut his hole. He hopes Bret Hart wins next week so he can beat Bret for the title at WM. Bret Hart comes out to the ring. He says Sid was never as good as him and next week "you'll be looking at the fifth time World Wrestling Federation champion!" I think he meant to say "five." He talks about how many times he's been screwed, mentioning Vince McMahon as someone who screwed him. He tells Shamrock he likes him but warns Shamrock not to screw him.

Billy Gunn ve Aldo Montoya - Honky Tonk Man comes out and heels on the fans. He feels very dated. He's the fucking Honky Tonk Man, of course he does. He refuses to sing. He joins commentary and says he's got his pick for his new guy narrowed down to three people. Billy wins with a top rope legdrop as we're watching an inset promo with Sunny talking about "Undercover with Sunny" on Shotgun Saturday Night.

Mankind is hugging the urn.

Goldust vs Tim McNeany - Yes, we need yet another jobber match. Hunter and Chyna appear at the top of the stage to look at Goldust. Hey, you think Chyna and Hunter are associates!? Goldust wins quickly with the Curtain Call. Chyna slowly walks to the ring so Huner can attack Goldust from behind. Marlena jumps on Chyna's back. Vince: "Marlena's full of spunk!" Marlena slaps her as referees hold Chyna back. Chyna press slams Harvey Wimpleman onto some of the other refs. The fans always react well to the Chyna stuff. There had been nbodoy like her before.

It's time for Jerry Lawler to debate Paule Heyman ("Paul E. Dangerously" is how JR announces him) now. Heyman doesn't get as good a reaction here as in New York. Lawler talks too slow saying ECW only draws 1100 people in Philadelphia while the WWF draws 22,000. The Eliminators are in Heyman's corner. Heyman eventually tells him to shut up and cuts a passionate promo. Tommy Dreamer, Sandman and Beulah come out too and Sandman offers to cane Lawler. Heyman says he'll shoot if Lawler wants him to and says Jerry's own son is ashmed to call himself Lawler (first Brian Christopher reference on WWF tv!) Lawler accues Heyman of being gay because that's the biggest insult you can throw at someone in 1997. The Dudley Boyz come out too and Lawaler says he'll bring some of his friends out too. No one comes out. It is kind of weird how so much time on RAW is being dedicated to promoting the first ECW ppv when WM takes place before it.

The Undertaker and Sycho Sid vs Mankind and Vader - Sid fights both before Taker's entrance. Taker eventually just runs down to the ring. He chokeslams Vader and brawls with Mankind outside. Vader beats down Sid as it turns into a regular tag match. Vader uses a chinlock for a long time. We go to adverts as he starts hitting his good strikes. Taker misses Sid's hot tag as he's fighting with Mankind outside the ring again. Sid makes the tag and Taker chokeslams Mankind as Vince shouts about La Femme Nikita. Taker and Sid end up brawling with each other. Taker does his awesome plancha over the top onto Vader and Mankind after dropping Sid. But Sid comes back by powerbombing Taker and Vader pins him. Sid then for some reason saves Taker from Vader coming off the top and Taker chases Sid away.

We then talk to Bret AGAIN who says he'll win this week.

You can tell they were trying to do things differently here. There was always stuff going on, often too much. There were too many squash matches and just adding heel entrance music playing during them doesn't make them better. But hey, it's a work in progress. At least they're trying something different.


12/3/1997

Hardcore TV

Joey is in the ring and the BWO come out through the crowd. A "fan" jumps in the ring and tries to kiss Stevie. Security tackle her but Stevie says to let her go. He makes out with her. Stevie wants to be the world champion. He wants a shot at Raven at the ppv. Raven comes to the ring and calls Blue Meanie "fat boy" and promises to take his women, shoot his dog and spit on his parents grave.

Taz vs Little Spike Dudley - It's just highlights I guess because we don't deserve a match this great on tv? Taz wins with the Tazmission.

OH you know what fuck this show. It's more clips and highlights. I don't care.

Chris Candid vs Louie Spicolli - This seems to be the only thing resembling a full wrestling match this week so let's watch it. It's an okay match. Francine shakes the ropes when Louie goes up top. They do some pinfall reversals. Louie looks blown up. But maybe that's just what his face looked like. He hits his old Rad Radford finisher the northern lights suplex for two. Cnadido hits a low blow then a top rope rana for two. They do some more quick two counts. Candido gets the pin with a small package. The Triple Threat attack Louie after but the Pitbulls run in.
 
Uncensored 1997

Tony, Heenan and Dusty IF YOU WILL are hosting.

Eddie Guerrero vs Dean Malenko - Eddie's US title is on the line. The story is that Eddie is transforming into a dick to combat Dean who has already transformed into a dick. They do an aggressive start with brawling and angry shoulderblocks. The fans are split. Malenko stomps a mudhole in him, as Dusty puts it. Malenko slaps him and Dusty's loving it. Eddie stomps his own mudhole. Dusty goes on an AMAZING rant about mudhole stomping which I'm not ging to try to recap. Malenko takes back over to a big pop. Then we cut away to show someone has been laid out backstage and the Outsiders and Syxx are standing over him. But e can't see his face and the commentators don't know who it is. Malenko puts a single leg crab on, Liontamer style. It was Rick Steiner who was laid out. Malenko uses the belt as a weapon as this is no DQ. Eddie comes back with something like a t-bone suplex. Now Eddie puts a tonge-wagging on him, according to Dusty. Eddie goes after Dean's leg and jumps over the top to hit Malenko's leg as it sticks out under the bottom rope. Eddie uses an STF. We get to watch Rick Steiner taken away as Hall and Nash make jokes. Eddie dropkicks Malenko's knee into the post. Eddie uses a figure four. When Dean escapes Eddie hits some stiff uppercuts. Things speed up and Eddie misses his crossbody to the floor, hitting the guard rail. Eddie comes back in the ring with his tilt-a-whirl backbreaker and a powerbomb for two. Malenko hits a low blow but Eddie quickly hits one of his own and gets a small package for two. Malenko hits a frog splah of his own but stupidly pulls Eddie up at two. Eddie escapes a powerbomb with a nice rana. They do some nice pinfall reversals. Malneko hits a big german suplex. Eddie hits a tornado DDT and gets his own Texas cloverleaf on. Syxx comes out with his video camera. Malenko gets the camera and hits Eddie with it to win the title. Great match with both showing more character than usual.

Mean Gene talks to Roddy Piper. He eats metal. His tag partners for tonight Jeff Jarrett, Steve McMichael and Chris Benot show up and say Roddy can trust them tonight.

Psychosis vs Ultimo Dragon - So here's a match with no build-up that's bound to kill the crowd. Smart booking, WCW! Tenay joins commentary to explain why we should care about this. Dragon is so fat and good here and hits his cool kick combo. Fans keep shouting "USA" at Sonny Onoo because they're in the USA. Dragon does a cool headstand in the corner but then fucks up running the ropes and an enziguiri. Pschosis hasn't had much offense at all. He reverses a camel clutch to one of his own which isn't exactly going to win over the fans. Psychosis hits the top rope legdrop early out of nowhere for two. He hits an elbow from the second rope for two. Then a chinlock. They trade chinlocks. Psychosis hits a second rope leg lariat and a cool plancha. He hits a slingshot legdrop to the floor which is risky. Dragon properls him into the top rope with his legs on the apron. It's hard to describe. He hits the Asai moonsault. Sonny Onoo hits a big kick. Moonsault gets two on the inside. They do some pinfall reversals. They both go down face first off a superplex which looks weird. They both hit spin kicks at the same time. Psychosis hits a double jump top rope rana for two and Dragon rolls through for two. Dragon hits a running Liger bomb, a messed up twisting rana from the top (Tenay calls it a tornado DDT but I really don't think it was on purpose) and a tiger suplex for three. Match had cool moves (mostly from Dragon) but no story telling at all and no crowd interest. Lasted too long as well.

Mean Gene shills his hotline then talks to DDP. Macho Man won't acknowledge him. DDP wants to fight him. But Savage appears by the announce table with Elizabeth and says he respects DDP. Elizabeth has a copy of "Playboy's Nude Celebrities" and Savage says his old girlfriend Pamela Anderson is on the front. DDP's wife Kimberly is the centrefold andthey show it censored by NWO spraypaint (as Gene helpfully points out.) Kimberly appears crying with NWO spray painted on her. Savage hits DDP from behind laying him out then spray paints him. Kim covers up DDP and Savage and Liz spray paint her some more.

Glacier vs Mortis - Mortis is making his debut (managed by James Vandenberg) and I guess all the hype for his debut was on Saturday Night because I don't remember seeing him on Nitro ever. This is basically Mortal Kombat. But Mortis is Chris Kanyon who is a good wrestler so it could actually be entertaining. Mortis punches him in the ear and Glacier yells "MY EAR!" The match has the same rehearsed feeling that all Glacier's matches do. But Glacier takes a great bump from a Mortis baseball slide dropkick. Mortis runs through a lot of moves that weren't seen much at this time, including a Fameasser. He tries again but gets powerbombed. Glacier hits some of his staged looking moves. Mortis comes back with a nice quick on changing direction from an Irish whip. Glacier crotches him and hits a superplex. Mortis catches him coming off the top with a Northern lights suplex for two. Mortis hides behind the referee to avoid Glacier's kick and htis a superkick for two. Glacier hits his own kick to win and does get a positive crowd response. It was somoething different at least. Felt a bit "fake" like all of Glacier's matches but at least it had story telling. Mortis lays him out after and another Mortal Kombat guy comes out. It's Adam Bomb! He gives Glacier a Rock Bottom.

Let's take a look back at Hall and Nash attempting to murder the Steiners. Apparently the Steiners didn't press charges because they want to "settle things in the ring."

Buff Bagwell vs Scotty Riggs - This is a strap match. Buff keeps stalling and not letting the ref put the strap on. Riggs whips him on the top rope. He hits a top rope superplex very early in the match and Bagwell runs away to avoid more whipping. Riggs pulls him into the ring post and whips him. Bagwell takes over and chokes him with the strap. Bagwell whips him. Riggs comes back by crotching him with the strap and hitting his good dropkick. He can't touch all four buckles. Bagwell hotshots him. Bagwell keeps talking to the camera about how much he loves himself as the match slows way down. He does more choking. He can't touch all the buckles either. Bagwell makes Riggs do the clap which is amusing and Riggs kicks him low. He does more choking as this is seriously dragging. He goes for a pin pointlessly to take up more time. He misses the Blockbuster. Even Riggs' comeback is slow. He touches three buckles but can't make four. Bagwell hangs him over the top rope with the strap, choking him out. Bagwell touches all four (the final one with his ass) to win. This had some good strap match spots...in the first half. Then it dragged on and on pointlessly.

The NWO are backstage in black and white. They talk about men dressing up as women and Hogan says "brah" a lot. It's not good.

Harlem Heat vs Public Enemy - They hit each other with plunder on a split screen. Dusty gets excited at the use of a toliet lid as a weapon. It's hard to follow on the split screen so I'm just going to mention they keep hitting each other with stuff including baking pans. They're just hitting each other in the head hard because it's 1997 and nobody cares about concussions. Dusty is enjoying it anyway! Grunge bleeds. Dusty hoots and hollers and says "I used to do that to my little brother!" when a trash can is over someone's head and someone else punches it. Sherri interferse freely and chokes one of PE with a cable. But like the previous match it just goes on and on and on until the fans are bored. It's good giving matches like Dean and Eddie twenty minutes but that doesn't mean EVERY match needs so much time. P.E. eventually hit their table move on Stevie. Jarrett and Mongo run in. They hit Rocco with the briefcase and Booker hits the Harlem Hangover to win. WAY TOO LONG. Did WCW have anyone actually planning their matches?

Gene talks to Team WCW of Lex Luger, The Giant and Scott Steiner. Rick is out of the match.

Prince Iaukea vs Rey Mysterio Jr. - TV title is on the line. Iaukea gets no reaction. Mike Tenay joins commentary again because Rey's Meixcan. Rey does some of his usual cool stuff to no reaction. I blame Iaukea and the fact that they're following that hardcore tag match. There's an awkward spot leading into Iaukea hitting a slingshot powerbomb. They do a werid spot with Iaukea failing to pick Rey up outside the ring then he just throws him into the rail. He dives off the rail and misses to no reaction. They're just doing moves with no storyline and no crowd interest. "Boring" can be heard shouted by the crowd. It just goes on and fucking on. Fucking hell who was booking WCW's matches? Did they just think they could have anything out there lasting any random amount of time? There's no story-telling, no reason behind the moves, it's just a bunch of stuff. Finally Rey hits a twisting moonsault and the bell rings and he acts like he won, but the referee didn't count three so Rey looks pretty dumb. It was a fifteen minute time limit (probably less) but Rey takes the mic and says he deserves more time. Iaukea agrees and the match continues. Rey hits a springboard legdrop for two. A loud "BORING" chant starts. Iaukea rolls through the West Coast Pop into a sunset flip to win. This was bad.

Team WCW (Lex Luger, Scott Steiner, The Giant) vs Team NWO (Hollywood Hogan, Randy Savege, Kevin Nash and Scott Hall) vs Team Piper (Rowdy Roddy Piper, Chris Benoit, Jeff Jarrett and Steve McMichael) - Michael Buffer is there to explain the insanely contrived rules of this. Basically it's a Royal Rumble but with three times and staggered entrances and eliminations can come by pinfall or submission or going over the top. And the stiuplation that if Team WCW win the NWO must "hand over" all their belt and can't wrestle again for THREE YEARS gives away that they won't be winning. Chris Benoit is the first guy for Team WCW. The commentators don't understand the rules at all. Scott Hall is the first guy for the NWO. The Giant is in first for WCW. Hall and Benoit fight before the bell. Giant slowly comes in and clotheslines them both. This will be the "first five minute round." Giant beats up and throws around both guys. That basically takes up the whole five minutes, with Hall briefly getting Giant in a sleeper. Right before the next man comes in, Giant charges at Hall and Hall moves and Giant goes over the top rope. Giant is eliminated and the commentators obviously didn't know that was part of the rules. Jeff Jarrett is in next for Piper. Randy Savage is next for the NWO. Lex Luger for WCW. They all fight and stuff. This is a two minute "round." Mongo comes out next for Piper, Nash for the NWO and Scott Steinr for WCW. More fighting. Massive Scott Steiner hits power moves on everyone. Nash clotheslines Jarrett out to eliminate him. Hall backdrops Mongo out. Nash kicks Scott Steiner over the top as Piper comes in. Heenan does his flat "what a great match!" line. For some reason we have another countdown before Hoga comes out with Denis Rodman. Hogan just stands around posing with Rodman. Finally he does some weak brawling with Piper. Rodman pulls the top rope down to eliminate Piper. Hall hits the Razor's Edge on Benoit and he's thrown over the top. So Luger is alone against four NWO guys. Luger makes a clothesline based comeback and makes Savage submit to the Rack and clotheslines Nash over the top. He Racks Hall and he submits too, so it's Luger and Hogan. He gets Hogan up in the Rack but Rodman gives Savage a spray can and he hits Luger with it to give Hogan the win. So the NWO win. Pretty terrible match, really. They spray paint Luger after and Rodman slaps him around. Sting repels down into the ring with his bat. He destroys Hall, Nash and Savage with the bat as the fans go insane. He gives them all reverse DDTs as Hogan and Rodman won't get in the ring. The fans are really into this, as they were into Luger's comeback, so I guess the match was something of a success even though it was bad. Hogan finally goes after Sting but gets punched down.

Bad ppv.


17/3/1997

Nitro

We start with ACTUAL VIDEO FOOTAGE of Rodman from the ppv. No still photos this time!

Rey Mysterio Jr. vs Psychosis - Psychosis does what he does best: bumping for Rey. Rey wins with the West Coast Pop (planting him right on his head) after hitting a highlight reel of moves.

Mean Gene talks to Arn Anderson. He's happy that Sting came home. But he's suffered a bad neck injury. He tells a story about his grandmother dying of cancer and waiting to die until he was a mature man. He's waiting to get surgery until the Horsemen are ready to work without him. He says he will be back after surgery but in fact he never wrestled again.

Diamond Dalls Page vs Maxx - Maxx is in the Dungeon of Doom, I guess. He has their entrance music anyway. DDP takes on jobbers every week and wins with the Diamond Cutter and that's what happens here. Gene talks to DDP after. He talks about Kimberly being his wife in "the real world." So when she left him for the Booty Man that wasn't real? Macho Man and Liz appear in the crowd.

Joe Gomez and Renegade vs Hugh Morus and Konnan - Oh, great. Bischoff, Hall and Nash interrupt before the match can start and say stuff. Then the match starts. It's four guys no one is really interested in. The Dungeon work over Gomez's leg. It's as exciting as it sounds. After several boring minutes Renegade comes in off the hot tag and cleans house...then tags his injured partner back in. Gomez is destroyed and takes No Laughing Matters for three.

Dean Malenko vs Scotty Riggs - Riggs is still coming out to the American Males music and doing the clap and getting no reaction. Malenko is the new US champion. We see still photos from the two matches involving these men last night, so still photos are still a thing! Riggs hit his babyface moves but Malenko catches him with a hot shot and pins him with a body scissors roll-up.

Lex Luger and The Giant vs - Knuckles Nelson and Tarantula - Yes, that's a jobber team for sure. It's goes surprisingly long but it's just to let Giant hit a big double clothesline then chokeslam Knuckles. Luger racks the other guy after the match like a coward! Gene talks to Giant and Lex after. They're happy that Sting has come back home.

Ultimo Dragon vs Bobby Eaton - Dragon wins in a minute with a rana. What was the point?

The NWO come out next. All of them. They don't say much but Hall is hit right on the face by a thrown drink which is funny.

Bobby and Tenay join Tony for hour two.

Alex Wright and Mark Starr vs Steve McMichael and Jeff Jarrett - Mongo takes out Starr's legs and Jarrett wins with the figure four. So they're still working well togethr and let's see how long that lasts. Public Enemy attack with a garbage can after. Debrah slaps Johnny Grunge. Gene talks to them after (becase we need to hear from the Horsemen EVERY TIME they appear) and Debrah gets to speak. Mongo heels it up despite fellow Horseman Arn Anderson being a sympathetic babyface earlier.

Scott Norton vs Chavo Guerrero Jr. - Norton shoves him around. Chavo hits a dropkick but Norton catches him on a plancha. Chavo goes after the leg, briefly. Norton wins with a powerbomb.

Hulk Hogan and Denis Rodman video.

Scott Hall and Kevin Nash vs Bunkhouse Buck and Mike Enos - Hall and Nash sing the Cops theme song before the match. Yes it's the long awaited return of BUNKHOUSE BUCK! He has a good southern face. He makes a lot of noises. Mike Enos refuses to tag in. Finally Nash just throws Buck at him to force a tag. Buck and Enos actually do some cheating to take over on Hall. Enos powerslams him for two. Hall suplexes out of a sleeper and makes the hot tag to Nash. Shouldn't they be playing heel? Nash powerbombs Buck and Hall gives Enos the Outsider's Edge for the win.

Chris Benoit vs Billy Kidman - Benoit uses the Crippler Crossface for the first time to win quickly. Gene talks to Benoit and Woman after and Ric Flair comes out. Benoit is painful to listen to. Flair says that Piper dropped the ball last night. He talks about Arn Anderon liking beer. He dances. He's too much!

We have Michael Buffer out to annunce the main event for some reason. How much money did they waste on having him on some random Nitro match?

The Steiner Brothers vs Harlem Heat - The entire NWO run in after a couple of minutes attacking both teams, rendering Buffer's introduction pointless! Luger and Giant run in to make the save. Then Sting repels down to the ring to a huge pop. He points his bat at Hogan.
 
RAW

Huge pyro display to start. That and the huge Titan Tron with "RAW IS WAR" on it make RAW feel like a more important show already. Lots of "NITRO SUCKS" and even "ECW SUCKS" signs. Vince, JR and King hosting.

The Legion of Doom vs Crush and Savio Vega - LOD attack before the bell and the brawl in and out of the ring. We go to an inset promo with Ahmed Johnson where it's clear Vince can't understand a word he says. The match ends up turning into a regular tag match, which isn't good because Savio and Crush suck. Then we get an inset with Faarooq. Too many insets! He speaks eubonics to Ahmed. We go to Ahmed AGAIN watching backstage but there's a point to it as Faarooq attacks him from behind with a nightstick. LOD set Vega up for the Doomsday Device but Faarooq runs in with his nightstick and the whole Nation attack. Ahmed Johnson makes the save with a 2 by 4 and gives one of PG-13 a Pearl River Plunge. The other takes the Doomsday Device.

Vince says there are rumours that tonight's steel cage match between Bret and Sid might not be for the title and he's trying to find out.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs Flash Funk - Chyna is named as such for the first time. Flash still gets his full entrance despite not winning often. Hunter catches Flash in mid leapfrog with an electric chair, which is something new. Funk hits a top rope legdrop but Chyna pulls him off the pin. Hunter hits a German suplex(!) for two. He wins with the Pedigree after a distraction by Chyna.

Mini Vader and Mini Mankind vs Mascarita Sagrada Jr. and Mini Goldust - We see Undertaker at a press conference announcing "the death of a tax bill" meaning wrestling can return to New Jersey. Okay. Sagrada is the future Max Mini. The mini are midgets dressed as Vader, Mankind and Golust, obviously! Sagrada is genuinely a geat wrestler and gets a good reaction for his high flying. He pins Mini Mankind with a victory roll and the fans like it! Mini matches are fine if they're kept short (NO PUN INTENDED) and don't happen too often. Sagrada hits an amazin dive off the ramp onto Mini Vader after.

Gorilla Monsoon backstage says that Bret Hart will get a title match inside cage with Sid tonight despite The Undertaker not being happy.

Bret Hart comes out to the ring. We see a sign reading "same 5 moves." OUCH. Kevin Kelly interviews him in the ring. Bret is happy Gorilla gave him a title match as he's sick of being screwed. He's getting a lot of boos and plays subtle heel well. He says he'll make Stone Cold quit at WrestleMania and he hopes Ken Shamrock calls it down the middle.

The Sultan vs Mike Bell - Rocky Maivia gets an entrance in regular clothes to join commentary. Sultan wins quickly with the Camel Clutch. He has a facedown with Rocky and Rock calls the IC belt "the people's belt." Hmm. Tony Atlas jumps the barricade to calm Rocky down.

Opening titles again for hour two. That shot of Stone Cold walking through the fire looks cool.

Vince is in the ring to interview Shawn Michaels. Shawn says he found his smile back in San Antonio and now he's bringing it with him wherever he goes. He wants to thank the fans for all the cards and letters. He hopes to be back soon. Lawler makes a remark about a girl in the audience losing bodily functions. He has a bone to pick with Vince. He hasn't been invited to WrestleMania. He wasn't invited to the Slammies either. He stumbles over his words a bit (though he doesn't look drugged up here like sometimes.) He chases Vince around trying to touch his ass.

The British Bulldog vs Vader - Bulldog gets the face reaction and uses his impressive power to suplex Vader and clotheslines him out of the ring. Vader takes over during the ads and hits a second rope splash for two and everyone's amazed he didn't win with that even though he ever does. Vader comes off the second rope some more and hits some strikes. Bulldog catches him coming off the second rope with a slam. Owen and Mankind get involved for a non finish. Bulldog punches out Paul Bearer and hits Vader and Mankind with the urn.

Billy Gunn vs Jobber - Ken Shamrock comes out to join comentary. Billy keeps looking at him. He uses a leglock and then an armlock for the submission win as Vince finally names the jobber as "Eric Fergusson." Gunn then challenges Shamrock to come in the ring. Shamrock quickly takes him down with an armlock and makes him tap. He then takes him down with an ankle lock (who does he think he is, Kurt Angle?) and makes him tap again. Stone Cold Steve Austin appears on the Titan Tron and says he isn't impressed by Ken Shamrock taking advantage of Billy Gunn after a gruelling match. He says Shamrock is overrated and a big piece of trash.

We then talk to Sid as the cage is being set up. He shouts a lot.

Sycho Sid vs Bret "The Hitman Hart" - In a steel cage match for the WWF championship. Bret punches and kicks him down in the corner. Sid comes back with his own wacky punches. Bret tries to climb out early so Sid pulls his crotch into the top of the cage. Sid picks up Bret and runs his back into the cage. Bret comes back with a...punch from the top rope. Bret tries to climb out again but gets press slammed off. Stone Cold runs out and shuts the down so Sid an't escape as Austin wants Bret to win so he gets a title shot at WrestleMania. Bret punches and headbutts Sid's back. Sid hits the powerbomb anyway. Sid tries to climb out but Austin climbs up and they have an entertaining slugfest up there. Bret and Austin actually double team Sid up there. Undertaker runs out. He stops Bret from climbing out. Bret gives Sid a top rope superplex. Austin hits Undertaker with a chair. Bret tries to go out the door but Taker slams it on his face at the last second. Sid climbs out to win. Not much of a match but very entertaining once all the interference started. But the best yet to come...

After the break Bret is still in the ring while the cage is being taken down. Vince says he must be feeling frustrated. Bret pushes Vince over and says frustrated isn't the God damn word for it, this is BULLSHIT! Bret says "god damn it" a lot more as he complains about being screwed and JR apologises. Bret's delivery is great as he says he's the best there is, best there was, and best there ever will be "and if you don't like it TOUGH SHIT!" Austin interrupts on the Titan tron and Bret says he doesn't have the stones to come out and fiht him. Sid comes out with the belt and swears too. Undertaker then marches out. Bret hits a dive on Taker and punches him. Austin attacks Bret. Taker and Sid fight in the ring as Austin and Bret fight outside. Officials seperate them and Bret punches out Pat Patterson as Vince throws a fit nearly calling him a dirty rotten son of a bitch. They all keep fighting leaving several referees out. Shawn Michaels appears on top of the stage and just watches. Shawn walks out and grabs a chair as Vince shouts "NO, SHAWN, NO!" Strong closing angle and a GREAT promo from Bret. It felt more real than just about anything before it on RAW.

Neither show was great, really, but RAW has to win just for the Bret Hart promo.


Hardcore TV

We start with a clip of loads of guys in the ring and Sabu and Taz nearly fight but RVD attacks Taz and Chris Candido attacks Sabu. Also New Jack jumps from the top of the entrance way onto loads of guys for some reason.

Joey close-up face says we're recapping Hostile City Showdown 97 so who kows if we'll get full matches.

Taz vs Rob Van Dam - Taz puts a chair in the ring and dares RVD to use it. He blocks RVD from using it with his mat skills. Taz out wrestles him but RVD hits a spin kick. RVD hits a crazy plancha. Taz German suplexes RVD all the way onto his stomach. RVD tries to use his speed but Taz ties him up. RVD gets a split legged sunset flip butgets suplexed after. RVD hits the Van Daminator. He hits a split legged moonsault with a chair on Taz. Fans chant "you fucked up" for no reason. Taz locks in the Tazmission when RVD does a drop down. RVD fights it for a long time but Taz gets the bodyscissors on to win. Hey, this was good! A good ECW match!

Terry Funk vs Brian Lee - Clips. Lee hits him with a trashcan a lot again. Funk comes back using a chair. This is not a good wrestling match. Funk does hit his ridiculous Asai moonsault to the floor. Funk moonsaults a trashcan onto him the wins with a DDT on the can. Joey goes high pitched.

Shane Douglas vs Pitbull #1 - Clips. Don't care. Francine helps Douglas and his hits him with objects. He hangs Pitbull in the ropes and Pitbull #2 runs out, but Candido and Lee attack him. It's a stinking set-up! He quits or something. Hospital ride.

Joey talks to a mysterious masked man (Rick Rude.) He has a pair of endible undies for Francine this Easter, he says. Then Douglas swears a lot because that's all he's got.

The Eliminators vs The Dudley Boys - Clipped match again. Eliminators are solid fan favourites and the Dudleys hated. Saturn gets beat down while Kronus is bleeding on the apron. Kronus comes in off the tag and hits some kicks, but the Dudleys catch Saturn with 3D to win the tag titles. Not a popular result. Maybe this was because Saturn was heading for WCW soon.

Joel Gertner talks to the Dudleys in an underground parking lot or somewhere. Bubba plays a mouth organ.

Sandman vs Balls Mahoney - Clips. Sandman sucks. He hits Balls with some sick cane shots. Balls bleeds a lot. Balls hits Sandman with some sick exposed chair shots to the head. This is hard to watch now, especially knowing that Balls died at a young age. Sandman wins.

The shaky Joey can somehow get even more annoying.

Sabu vs Spike Dudley - Sabu hits a big top rope legdrop and uses a chinlock. Spike gets a rana from the top and a rolling plancha off the apron. Sabu hits a t-bone Tazplex then uses the Tazmission to win. He calls out Taz but Fonzie comes out and says Taz has been calling him out for a year. Sabu beats up Fonzie. He puts Fonzie through a table by doing a running jump from a chair over the top to the floor (it looked dangerous.) Taz runs out and they finally make contact before the whole locker room pulls them apart.


WrestleMania 13

Here's the thing, if you look back at the start of this thread you'll see that I've already reviewed this show once and it's not a very good WM so I'm not watching it all again. But I will watch the most important match again, which just happens to be one of the greatest matches of all time.

Bret "The Hitman" Hart vs Stone Cold Steve Austin - Submissions match with Ken Shamrock as the guest referee. Great brawling to start with Austin taking Bret down. They fight outside the ring. There's no point me describing every move, let's just say they all look really good. Austin crotches Bret on the rail (in front of some Hall of Famers) and they fight into the crowd. That fat kid with the bowl cut is there! I don't normally like fights in the crowd but the fans are so rabid for this one that it's great. Lawle makes me laugh by saying "hit that drunk with the jacket on" when a drunk fan rubs both their heads. Bret gets whipped into the steps. Most of what they do isn't pretty, but that just makes it feel more real and gritty. Bret hits a swinging neckbreaker which isn't something he does much (if at all.) Vince and JR and I guess King do a great job getting the story across. Austin flashes the fingers to Shamrock in the middle of selling the leg which is amazing. Bret's trying to go for a conventional submissioin here, working on the leg, but it's not that kind of match. Austin hits the Stunner but of course that doesn't help much. Fans chant for Austin and Bret goes right back to the leg. They're getting Austin sympathy here in a subtle way. Bret puts the ring post figure four on. Austin's selling is top level. Bret grabs a padded chair but then drops it and brings in a rough looking blue steel chair. He tries to Pillmanise Austin's ankle but Austin hits him with the chair on the top to a huge fuckdamn pop. Another big chair shot to the back. JR goes on his "it's not about the past or covering a bald spot!" rant. Bret's daughter covers her eyes when Austin kicks him in the balls. Austin uses a neck and arm submission. He works the back with a Boston Crab. Austin tries to use the Sharpshooter but Bret goes to the eyes and Lawler says it would be great if Bret had submitted to the Sharpshooter (Vince: "Hey, it could happen!") Bret reverses a whip to send Austin forehead first into the guard rail, right over the timekeeper. Bret blades Austin as Austin had never bladed before this match. It's one of the best blade jobs ever. Bret slams Austin's head into all the steel. Bret mercilessly works the cut. He hits his backbreaker and second rope elbow but then destroys Austin's knee with the chair. Austin escapes the Sharpshooter. Austin does an amazing woozy sell as Bret punches his wound, then just kicks Bret right in the balls. Austin does his mudhole stomping with middle finger to a big pop. He hits a superplex but that doesn't help in a submission match. He tries to choke Bret out with a cable but Bret hits him with the bell and gets the Sharpshooter on. And you know what happens next. Austin won't quit and we get that amazing iconic shot of him trying to press out of the Sharpshooter with the blood pouring out of him. He nearly escapes but he's too weak from blood less and Bret keeps it on and Shamrock rings the bell when Austin passes out. Vince and JR instantly put over Austin's guts. Bret isn't satisfied and tries to put the Sharpshooter on again, but Shamrock throws him down. Bret backs down from Shamrock to big boos. An amazingly well executed double turn. Great action, but it was the storyline that made it a classic. Austin give a referee a Stunner after because he wants to walk out on his own power.
 
24/3/1997

Nitro

Dean Malenko vs Konan - Malenko is over like rover. Konan does some rolling stuff and stumbles. We go into an inset promo with Syxx. He implies that Eddie Guerrero is on his side. Konan misses a dropkick from the top (really he just falls off and splats down on his back) and Malenko gets the Cloverleaf on. Shockingly short and I'm surprised they jobbed Konan out so easily, but I'm fine with Konan matches not going long. He was shit. Gene talks to Malenko about Malenko's upcoming match with Chris Benoit.

Mortis vs Jerry Flynn - Mortal Kombat continues. Flynn uses lots of kicks. Mortis hits a Fameasser from the second rope and gets a good reaction. James Vandenberg does some choking. Mortis hits more kicks and another face plant thing. Flynn reverses another attempt to a powerbomb. Mortis hits a mule kick, superkick and samoan drop off the second rope to win. Mortis had interesting offense for the time, but Flynn wasn't very good.

La Parka vs Juventud Guerrera - Juvi is amzingly quick, sometimes to the point of being out of control. Parka does his strutting and Juvi does his flying. Parka gets him up for a spinning over the shoulder backbreaker then hits a spinning wheel kick and a crazy plancha of his won. Juvi hits a crazy springboard front flip dropkick. Parka blocks a top rope rana into a powerbomb. He hits a spinning moonsault (like Jeff hardy's Whipser in the Wind) to win. This was entertaining.

We take a look back at the Steiners winning the tag titles and Eric Bischoff stripping them, and Bischoff's suspension. And the Outsiders attempting to murder the Steiners. Mean Gene talks to the Steiners about their tag title shot at Spring Stampede.

Public Enemy vs High Voltage - We just had a good match so we have to quickly go back to something that is guaranteed to be bad. P.E. do get a good reaction TO BE FAIR. High Voltage are too roided to be able to do anything good. One of them tries a standing backflip and misses. Larry instantly buries anyone trying to do an actual athletic move. Actually Larry just buries everyone constantly. The fans chant "TABLE, TABLE" and Rocco Rock puts Rage through it with a flipping senton. Jeff Jarret hits Johnny Grunge with the briefcase while the ref isn't looking and High Voltage get their biggest win ever. Mongo isn't happy for some reason.

Gene talks to Lex Luger and The Giant. They will be in a number one contenders four corners match with Harlem Heat at Spring Stampede, which sounds dumb. They both want Hulk Hogan in the future. Luger says "pick your pick!"

Super Calo vs Psychosis - Another random lucha match, but these two don't get as much of a reaction as the colourful La Parak and the exciting Juvi. Calo does some flying and seems to fuck up going through the ropes to the floor. Pyschosis crotches him on the top and hits a spin kick fromt the buckles. Calo comes back with a nice headscissors on the floor. He then hits his crazy senton to the floor. Pyschosis catches him coming off the top with another spin kick and hits the top rope legdrop to win. Not as good as the previous Lucha match but at least they did stuff.

Hour two at least means Larry and his burying ways are gone.

Chris Benoit vs Hugh Morrus - Benoit is intense as fuck, as always. Morrus hits a press slam and a big charge into the corner. Benoit catches him with a dragon screw legwhip and German suplex. He goes up for the diving headbutt but Konan shoves him off (while Jimmy Hart has the ref) and Morrus hits the moonsault to win. This lasted about a minute. Kevin Sullivan joins Morrus and Konan in stomping Benoit and Dean Malenko tries to save. Ric Flair makes the save, finally throwing punches for the first time in months to a big pop. He struts as the fans go wild.

Harlem Heat vs Meng and The Barbarian - Heat get a good reaction coming out, but the Faces of Fear take over on Booker T right away, killing the heat. Booker comes back with a twisting body press on Barbarian. Stevie Ray has no moves. None. Stevie takes a beating for a minute befoer Booker gets a knee up from the outside and Stevie hits a big boot (okay, one move.) Booker misses the Harlem sidekick and gets crotch on the top rope, then clotheslined off by Meng. Faces hit a double diving headbutt but Booker kicks out without a save. They pound away on Booker. Stevie comes in with no tag and the ref's fine with it? He rocket launches Booker onto Meng for two. Meng hits a sitout powerbomb(!) on Booker for two. Meng runs into Sherri on the apron and Booker hits him with the sidekick to the back of the head then rolls him up for the win.

Mean Gene talks to Ric Flair and Chris Benoit. Benoit says Kevin Sullivan jumped Arn Anderson in his hoterl room last week. Flair says Piper shouldn't whine about going home to his wife and kids because some of us have more wives and more kids. Then "woooos" like crazy. Flair certainly had a lot of energy.

Madusa vs Malia Hosaka - Hosaka has generic plinky plonky Japanese music but comes out slapping hands like a face. Awkward exchange to start. Big racist "USA" chant despite Hosaka being a face. She gets a Boston Crab on. Madusa does lots of hair throwing. Because she's a woman. Hosaka messes up a sunset flip. Madusa hits the bridging German suplex to win. Bad match.

Hacksaw Jim Duggan vs Renegade - What? Why? How the fuck? My "randomly picking names from a hat to decide Nitro matches" theory is proven true. Duggan gets a "USA" chant going even though Renegade is American too. Renegade teases throwing a punch and Duggan acts outraged. Duggan, the guy who tapes up his fist to hit a punch in every match. The commentators talk about Reenegade getting more aggressive so I guess this was a heel turn storyline for him. Duggan still squashes him with clotheslines, a ten punch countalong (why is that okay?), a...front facelock. For some reason. Renegade rakes the eyes but no one notices. He tries a bulldog...I think, but it turns into an ugly headlock takeover. This is terrible. Renegade hits his handspring elbow and pounds aggressively in the only decent moment of the match but Duggan quickly tapes his fist up and hits a big punch to win. Because it's okay for him to cheat because he's American or something. If they were trying to get Renegade over as a heel this was not the way to do it.

The Steiner Brothers vs The Amazing French Canadians - Canadians sing before the match. Scott gives Oulette a big double underhook. Canadians get heat on Scott until Oulette does one of those moves where he comes off the turnbuckles and can only hit foot. We get another "USA" chant because Americans are insecure. Parker trips Scott to distract and the Canadians hit Rick with the cannonball but the ref isn't there to count (and Rick gets his shoulder up anyway so as not to look like he would have lost.) Jacques accidentally hits Oulette with Parker's boot and Rick gets the pin.

The NWO come out, without Hogan or Scott Hall.

Prince Iaukea vs Macho Man Randy Savage - TV title is on the line! Savage hits an arm drag! Iaukea gets a springboard crossbody for two and is actually getting a good reaction for once. He misses a crossbody from the top. Savage hits the flying elbow but pulls him up. That's dumb as DDP jumps over the barricade and attacks the NWO, so the match ends and Iaukea keeps his title despite being squashed. Nash powerbombs DDP as the fans chant "we want Sting." Savage gives him a flying elbow. Iaukea gets powerbombed too. They hold up DDP for a Bischoff martial arts kick. Both get spraypainted. And that's the show. No Sting.


RAW

It's the RAW after WrestleMania! That still isn't really a thing yet. Lots of signs though. You can tell fans care more when there's so many signs in the crowd. Many are supporting Austin. Vince, JR and King host, as usual. JR announces Mankind is the number one contender for the WWF title, which...makes no sense. He lost to Sid a few weeks ago and failed to win the Tag titles the night before. How has he earned a shot? Oh well, at least he'll have a good match with Underweartaker.

Owen Hart and The British Bulldog vs The Headbangers - Tag titles are on the line as the Headbangers won a fourway the night before. Bulldog and Owen are having problems, as they keep trying to pose in front of each other, Bulldog with his European title, Owen with his two Slammies. Owen and Bulldog work well together to start. LOD appear in an inset promo and say they want the titles. Headbangers get some stuff on in both Owen and Bulldog but hardly look like credible tag title challengers. Bulldog runs into Owen on the apron and gets rolled up for two. Owen walks out on Bulldog before the ad break but is back on the apron when we return. They smoke from the pyro at the start of the show still hasn't cleared. Owen leads a sarcastic "Bulldog" tag but hardly reaches for a tag. Bulldog hits a double DDT on both Bangers and finally makes the tag. Owen cleans house with spinning wheel kicks and his great belly to belly. Then tags right back out to Bulldog who's still hurt. Owen come back in and hits a missle dropkick. He gets the Sharpshooter on but the other Banger breaks it. Bulldog powerslams a Banger but Owen shoves him when Bulldog tries to help him. They get into a shoving match and throw the referee down for the DQ. Then they start out and out fighting. Fans are solidly behind Bulldog and JR says it's obvious Owen is jealous. Owen grabs a mic and says he's sick and tired of carrying Bulldog. He wants a European title shot at Bulldog. Bulldog says it doesn't matter if Owen had ten Slammies, he's still better and gives him a rematch. It's a good angle and they've been arguing for months so it was time for a payoff, but the match itself wasn't much because the Headbangers sucked.

Mankind is sitting down backstage looking sad because "he's gone." He says when he beats Undertaker in a month it won't matter because Uncle Paul is gone. JR asks if he's dead or something.

Bret Hart appears on the Titan Tron. He wants time tonight to properly say everything he wants to. Vince says if Bret uses abusive language again he'll beat cut off.

Hunter Hearts Helmsely vs Bart Gunn - Chyna is with Hunter as his regular bodyguard now and she shook Marlena up last night at WM. They show some fire early on hitting chops and punches and Bart hits a press slam and hanging vertical suplex. Bart then misses a top rope elbow (can you remember Bart Gunn ever hitting a top rople elbow) and Hunter takes control as Goldust does an inset promo. He wants revenge for Marlen's broken body but still manages to reference some movies. Hunter is still pretty dull on offense but he's added more moves to run through. Bart hotshots him on the rope and no one mentions how he once nearly broke his brother's neck with that move. Chyna pulls the top rope down on Bart then slams him on the floor. Bart is angry but "can't hit a woman" according to Vince so Chyna throws him into the post too. The replay shows that Chyna completely missed pulling the rope down. Hunter hits the Pedigree to win.

El Mosco, Hysteria and Abismo Negro vs Venum, Super Nova and Discovery - Yeah, more random luchadores no one is going to care about. And really "Discovery"? Let's cut to a Bret Hart inset right away as he's complaining about not having enough time to talk. They do hit some pretty nice moves in this one. And also mess some up. Super Nova hits a cool moonsault to the floor. The guy in yellow does a flip dive. Venum hits a crazy asai moonsault. Super Nova pins Abismo Negro with a rana. This was a bit better than some of the random lucha matches on RAW because it was kept short and actually did have some impressive stuff. It was still completely random and the fans had no reaso to care though. Vince admits the commentary didn't do it justice.

Earlier today, Rocky Maivia and his dad were in the empty arena. They don't say much.

Honky Tonk Man joins commentary because he's still seraching for his new guy in a storyline that will never end.

Flash Funk vs Brooklyn Brawler - Maybe they thought Flash had jobbed too much lately so they gave him a win...over the Brooklyn Brawler. Funk gets his full entrance. Honky wants to make the Funkettes into "Honkettes." Brawler gets some moves in. Funk wins with a 450 as Honky says "MOVE LOMBARDI!"

Ken Shamrock appears on the Titan Tron and gets booed for some reason. He explains he stopped the match last night because Stone Cold was unconscious. Shamrock completely fucks up his lines "there was no cheating involved, there was no holds here!" Vince asks him his opinion of Steve Austin and Shamrock says there's no quit in him and he's one "tough character."

It's finally time for Bret Hart to get his time to speak. About time! Jim Ross is interviewing him in the ring and Lawler is disappointed it isn't Vince again. He'd like to see Bret hit Vince "right on his big nose." Maybe one day! Bret Hart wants to apologise to all of his fans all over the world, listing many countries, especially his great fans in Canada. But to his fans in the United States...he apologises for nothing! He's angry at the fans cheering Steve Austin over him even though Bret beat him. He's angry that they cheered a "pretty boy" like Shawn Michaels screwing him out of the WWF title. He wanted to be a role model, a hero, not someone with earrings all over him who poses for girly magazines. He then says it was actually a gay magazine. SO WHAT IF IT WAS? (It's 1997, gay was still an insult.) He lists all the times he was screwed and complains about the people not doing anything about it. A fan has a towel with "BRET'S CRYING TOWEL" written on it. He mocks Shawn finding his smile. Lawler, who hated Bret at the start of the interview, says "he is telling the truth" as Bret continues to talk about being screwed. The fans cheer as Bret talks about Undertaker slamming the cage door on his face last week. Bret says he gave Stone Cold what he deserved at WM but the fans turned on Bret and sided with Austin. He hates American fans, basically. He says Americans would rather cheer for people lke Charles Manson and OJ Simpons than him. He tells the American to kiss his ass and is finally interrupted by Shawn Michaels. Shawn says Bret can say whatever he wants about him, but he's not a better man than him. He says Bret lives a lie and Shawn is open about his life and makes a semi shoot comment about Bret trying to hold onto the title no matter what. There's so much accidentaly Montreal foreshadowing here. He wants Bret to admit Stone Cold is on tough SOB. He says he wrestles because he likes it but Bret is a mark who thinks the WWF belongs to him. He talks about how America is the only country in the world with freedom of speech or some stupid shit like that. He wants to fight Bret right now then says "America, love it or leave it!" They're really making it easy for people in other countries to side with Bret. Shawn asks Bret how he knew he was in the girly magazine. OH SNAP. Bret attacks Shawn's bad leg from behind. He puts Shawn in the ring post figure four until Sycho Sid makes the save and scares away Bret. Great segmet, another great promo from Bret who's been the star of the show lately.

Vince is in serious mode when we come back. Lawler is cheering on Bret now.

Rocky Miavia vs Leif Cassidy - Match starts during an ad break then Bret comes out again right after the break. So we don't exactly see much action. Bret joins commentary and repeats some of his main pointes. "Undertaker, there's a great role model!" he says sarcastically. Rocky hit his nice floatover DDT. He gets the with the top rope crossbody. Bret says he'll show everyone bad and attacks Rocky. Leif gives Bret a thumbs up, which is funny.

Ahmed Johnson vs Savio Vega - Ahmed runs shoulder first into the ring post almost right away and Savio hammers away. The rest of the Nation line up on the stage but Faarooq is missing as he was injured by Ahmed at WM. STONE COLD will be LIVE...next week. Savio runs out of moves as usual so goes to choking. Ahmed crotches him on the top and Ahmed runs into him sending them both over the top. Ahmed alos hits a crazy front flip on a standing Savio from the top. No wonder he injured himself all the time. Savio hits a big kick. He puts a sleeper on. Ahmed hits a Rock Bottom. He hits a spinebuster but the Nation come down and Crush pulls Savio out of the ring for a lame DQ. Ahmed has his big 2 by 4 and takes the mic. He says it's gone too far between him and the Nation. He then says something like "if I beat ONE OF YOU you guys leave the WWF." JR instantly says "they ain't going to go for that" as if Ahmed's got his lines wrong. Which I think he has. Vince says "Ahmed issuing a challenge...I'm not exactly sure what that challenge is." The Nation just do their salute. Ahmed bangs his 2 by 4 on the ramp and drops it then has to go back and pick it up.

Paul Bearer is backstage looking sad.

Undertaker come out to the ring as Vince intrdouces him as the new WWF champion. Taker's first line is "creatures, welcome to the dark days of the World Wrestling Federation!" He thanks Sid for being a man last night. Vince talks about Mankind being the number one contender and Taker says he's the most dangerous person in the WWF. Sad looking Paul Bearer comes out with a mic. He seems to want Undertaker back. But as he's talking we have Manind ont he Titan Tron wanting Uncle Paul back and then the show just ends. Weird ending but worth noting that it's the start of the Kane angle.

No great wrestling on RAW, but not much on Nitro either, and RAW had a great performance by Bret Hart so it can win. But weird how there was no Steve Austin on the show, not even a prerecorded interview from the hospital or something.


Hardcore TV

Big ad for the upcoming Barely Legal ppv to start.

Terry Funk vs Axl Rotten - The Terry Funk Banquet is coming the day before Barely Legal! If he doesn't win the title it will be a retirement banquet! Match is clipped. Funk takes a chair shot to the head which seems needless but it's ECW. They fight in the crowd and Funk starts no selling. Axl starts bleeding the Funk hits him with a bottle of cleaning fluid. Axl counters the spinning toe hold with a small package and Funk hits a DDT to win. The Dudleys then attack Funk. Brian Lee joins them. Tommy Dreamer and Sandman make the save. Funk accidentally punches Sandman so they get into a shoving match. The heels beat them up until the Eliminators save. Raven appears in the crowd because why not.

Funk cuts a promo.

The Sandman vs Balls Mahoney - Last week they hit each other in the head with stuff. This week they hit each other in the head with stuff. I'm not watching this garbage. Sandman wins.

The Eliminators cut a promo about how edgy they are.

Taka Michinoku, Terry Boy and Dick Togo vs The Great Sasuke, Gran Hamada and Gran Naniwa - Jonined in progress. I'm not even going to attempt to recap this. Dick Togo looks a lot fatter here than when he'd join WWF. Taka takes his trademark backdrop to the floor bump. The fans respectfully applaud after big moves. Naniwa does a crab walk down the second rope to hit an elbow. Fans get louder as it goes on. Taka's team heel it up and try to take Sasuke's mask off and pose on him. They do some nice double and triple team stuff and lots of suplexes. They hit a big triple team powerbomb (like the Shield!) on Sasuke for two. Sasuke looks great on offense, including hitting an Asai moonsault that hits the stage. He and Taka feel like the standout performers. Taka hits the Michinoku Driver (not yet named!) but Sasuke catches him with a dropkick on a springboard. Terry Boy gives Hamada an inverted atomic drop from the top. Taka hits his amazing running dive onto Sasuke on the floor. Naniwa kicks out of a Doomsday Device. Togo gives him a top rope senton for three. This was cutting edge stuff at the time and certainly more entertaining than almost any other ECW match I've seen.

Joey's face talks about Tracy Smothers joining the FBI. But Taz came out during a tag match with Smothers and Guido vs Spike and Chetti and suplexed them all. He and Sabu briefly brawled but the entire locker room split them up again. Taz cuts a promo after. Sabu beat the Tazmaniac but he can't beat Taz.
 
31/3/1997

Nitro

The NWO arrive in a limo. Hulk Hogan, Eric Bischoff and Scott Hall are missing.

Lex Luger and The Giant vs Road Block and Rick Fuller - Fans are super into Luger and Giant. They're rabid! Even though this is a squash it goes about five minutes, possibly because Luger and Giant are having so much fun in front of the crowd. Road Block even gets to take over on Luger for a while and hits a running headbutt. Road Block misses a second rope elbow and Luger finaly makes the hot tag to Giant. Giant hits the big double clothesline again and chokeslams Road Black for the pin as Luger (kind of) Racks Fuller. He has to pull his hair because he can't reach his head. Harlem Heat attack Luger and Giant after but get run off. Gene talks to the Heat and Sherri after who are getting big boos now after being cheered last week. Booker says they are seven time champions and deserve respect. Stevie calls Giant a "big tall drink of water" and says "it's on like napalm, sucka!" Match was more entertaining than you'd expect and it had a good promo after!

Toshie Uematsu vs Meiko Satomura - This is a first round match in a tournament for the WCW women's cruiserweight title. I've never heard of that title. Or either of these women. Mike Tenay gets to join commentary anyway. Toshie wins a short match with a nice top rope splash.

Psychosis vs Villano IV - More foreigners means we get more Mike Tenay. Tony claims the fans are rabid for WCW and Larry says "well give them a shot!" Tenay takes a shot at Vince McMahon saying they're luchadores, not matadors (as Vince was calling them last week.) Villano does a nice armdrag. Psychosis does his spinning wheel kick to crotched opponenent and spinning moonsault to the floor. Villano catches him(?) coming off the top for two. We cut backstage completely away from the match to show Kevin Nash drinking coffee. The NWO are having a disagreement and M. Wallstreet walks away. Villano misses a moonsault and Pyschosis hits his top rope legdrop but Larry tells Tenay to shut up so he can talks about the NWO. Dick.

Mean Gene talks to Ric Flair in the ring. Roddy Piper comes out pretty quickly. Piper isn't happy with what Flair's been saying lately. Flair says it's hard to call Piper the man when he can't find him at the bar. Anyway, they eventually decide to stand side by side and team up instead of arguing. Flair orders Piper's music to be cut so he can speak more. He brings out a lady in a Pper t-shirt. He wants Piper to cheat on his wife, basically? Piper seems happy about this.

Prince Iaukea vs La Parka - TV title is on the line. They fuck something up early. Parka hits a big senton from the top for two. Twisting headbutt thing gets two. Parka takes a good bump into the ring post and Iaukea follows with a springboard dive. Parka hits his tope with Iaukea sitting in a chair. They do an awkward spot in the ring. Parka baseball slides the chair into him which somehow isn't a DQ. Parka hits a springboard dive to the floor using the chair to jump to the top rope. The bell rings but it was a mistake. Iaukea crossbodies the chair onto Parka for the three. Weird match as they didn't work well together, but entertaining enough.

Mean Gene talks to Lord Steven Regal. He call the fans peasants when they chant "USA." He calls Rey Mysterio Jr. a bloody dwarf! He's going to win the TV title on Sunday and give Rey the first shot then turn him into a bloody vegetable, sunshine.

Steven Regal vs Chris Jericho - Fans chant "USA" in this match between a Brit and a Canadian. Fans are distracted for the whole match by something in the crowd. Jericho hits a Lionsault. Regal hits knees and uppercuts. Jericho wins out of nowhere with a rolling reverse cradle. So the guy going into the ppv title shot loses. Tony and Larry sell this as a huge upset and Regal attacks Jericho right after. He hits a top rope double underhook suplex and piledriver. He puts the Regal Stretch on, Renegade runs out...and just stops without helping Jericho. Joe Gomez runs in and gets destroyed too. Billy Kidman gets headbutted. Lenny Lane gets kicked in the balls! Regal is an unstoppable monster who loses in two minute matches.

Hour two, fireworks, Larry gone, Bobby and Tenay here. They talk about the NWO having problems. M. Wallstreet walks out the building.

Akira Hokuto vs Debbie Combs - Two women's matches on one show? It's the Divas revolution come early! Combs is...old school. She has some perm on her. Hokuto throws her around by it. Onoo clothesline Combs on the top rope! Hokuto does lots of choking. Debbie hits a shit gutwrench suplex. Hokuto hits a German suplex to win (Tony calls it a tiger suplex.) This was a total mess. Madusa then cuts a crazy, drunk sounding promo with Mean Gene, calling her opponent "Hokuto Akira" again. They brawl and are seperated by other ladies.

We take a special look at Sting, again.

Jeff Jarrett and Steve McMichael vs The Amazing French Canadians - I'm sick of any combo of these teams and Public Enemy wrestling each other. Canadians sing again. Jarrett has a nice dropkick. Let's give him that. Public Enemy attack Jarrett and try to hit him with the briefcase but Parker grabs it. Jacques hits Mongo with it and the Canadians win. Gene talks to Jarrett, Mongo and Debra (sigh) after. She talks some shit and then Jeff and Mongo argue. Again. We're back to that. Fuck's sake. Gene just cuts them off almost right away.

Chris Benoit vs Hugh Morrus - Benoit was really good at wrestling. I know it's been said before, but really it's true. His selling and intensity and execution were all top level. He pins Morrus in short order with a bridging German. Kevin Sullivan and the rest of the Dungeon attack Benoit as Jackie attacks Woman on the floor. Jackie gives Benoit a top rope splash but when she goes for a second Woman shakes the rope and crotches her. Where the fuck are Jarrett and Mongo? They were just out here! Ric Fliar has to make the save instead (with Arn Anderson on the floor.) Flair gives Sullivan low blows, punches and puts him in the figure four. Sullivan walks by Anderson without attacking him out of respect. Gene of course talks to these Horsemen after, because he has to talk to eveyrone all the time. There's loads of shit thrown into the ring. Benoit talks for way too long and he's bad at it. Flair just gets to say woooo basically at the end.

Diamond Dalls Page vs Lance Ringo - Ringo has the PlayBoy issue with Kimberly! Heenan talks about reading the articles. Lance Ringo is "Sick Boy" Scott Vick according to the internet. Ringo hits a springboard dropkick. DDP wins with a fireman's carry Diamond Cutter. Gene talks to DDP after. DDP says he's pround of his wife being in PlayBoy because she's one of the most beautiful women in the world. But he can't forgive Savage spraypainting his wife. Savage and heel Elizabeth appear in the crowd. Fans chant "MACHO SUCKS" really loud. Gene keeps trying to cut Savage off as they're obviously going long. He thinks DDP has no balls. DDP says "I'm bringing the lady, you might as well bring the tramp" to Spring Stampede.

The Steiner Brothers vs High Voltage - Yep, this is your main event. High Voltage go after Rick's bad ear. They get some two counts. Rage or Chaos misses a sention by a mile. Scott hits the Steiner Screwdriver to wn and if you've never seen that before look it up on YouTube. It's crazy risky looking.

Kevin Nash and Syxx come to the announce desk. Heenan climbs over it to escape which is funny. They aren't happy at Hogan and the others being away at Denis Rodman's movie or something. He doesn't know if Scott Hall will be with him on Sunday. He then randomly takes a shot at short wrestlers. Which seems unconnected to everything else. This was bizarre and confusing.


RAW

We start with a recap of Bret Hart's great promo and attack on Shawn Michaels last week before the opening sequence. Actually there is no opening, we just go straight to the pyro after that. Vince, JR and the King host and the picture looks weird this week.

The British Bulldog vs Owen Hart - European title is on the line. Owen stats aggressive with a baseball slide dropkick before Bulldog can get in the ring. He rams Bulldog's back into the post. No more pretending to get along. He hits a twisting crossbody for two as the bell finally rings. They get into a fist fight and Bulldog is winning it to cheers, but Owen hits him low. Owen keeps cutting off Bulldog's comebacks. Owen hits a piledriver. After the ads Owen's still in control. Bulldog catches an Owen missile dropkick and puts the Sharpshooter on but Owen knows how to escape and hits the enziguiri. Bulldog fights out of a superplex but Owen backflips off the top and knocks Bulldog to the floor. Bulldog catches him and drops him onto the railing and finally makes his comeback in the ring. Bulldog hits a suplex on the ramp. Bulldog runs into the ref. Owen tries to use a chair but Bulldog clotheslines him into the chair. Bret Hart runs in and holds the chair to Bulldog's throat and tells him to wait. Bret keeps getting between Bulldog and Owen as they keep fighting. Bret gets the mic and tells them that the American fans want to see Bulldog and Owen fight. Bret cuts a great promo blaming the Americans for all the problems he's had with Owen and Bulldog. Owen starts crying as Bret talks about looking after him when they were kids. He musses up Owen's hair and they hug, then hugs Bulldog. Owen and Bulldog shake hands as Bret smiles evily. Lawler pretends to cry. Normally I'd be angry at such a good match having no finish, but this angle was some next level stuff. Great performance by all three.

Sunny comes out next because she's still popular so they need to have her on the show. She joins commentary.

El Mosco vs Super Nova - Yep, just throw two random luchadores in there and expect the fans to care. Nothing they do gets much of a reaction and the commentators just talk about Sunny and upcoming shows. Super Nova hits a flipping tope as we're on a split screen showing Sunny talking to the Spanish announce team. El Mosco hits a powerbomb and a weak slingshot moonsault to win.

Jim Ross talks to the Legion of Doom in the ring about facing Owen and Bulldog. Hawk says "doggy dumplings" and calls Owen "stinky" a lot. Vince says Hawk has been gargling with razor blades again. What!?

Honky Tonk Fucking Man is out next because his angle's still going on.

Jesse James vs Jerry Fox - Jesse has a scared looking little boy with him. It's his "guest manager." Honky Tonk likes Jesse's singing. Double J wins with the pumphandle slam. Honky gets in the ring after and said he's had thousand of cards and letters telling him to hurry up and make his decision. He says his guitar has been in his family for generations or something and it's an heirloom and presents it to Jesse. He eventually smashes up the guitar. Well, that's a bit harsh. All Honky did was make him an offer!

Crush and Savio Vega vs Rod Bell and Adam O'Brien - Jobber matches are bad enough, but jobber matches with Crush and Savio!? Luckily Shawn Michaels phones in so we don't have to pay attention to this. His knee is even more badly hurt after what Bret Hart did last week. Savio pins a guy with one foot on his chest after a double team legdrop.

Ken Shamrock will be on RAW next week.

Paul Bearer comes out to the ring to what sounds like Papa Shango's old music. All night the commentators have been saying Bearer and Undertaker might be back together. He says he turned on Undertaker to help him because he was holding him back and now Taker's the WWF champion. Undertaker comes out (slowly) and locks a casket that's sitting at ringside. Because yeah, there just happened to be a castket sitting at ringside. Vince makes a topical reference to "the movie LIAR LIAR" referencing the King. Taker's music continues to play as he talks about considering forgiving Paul. But then he punches Bearer and the music stops. Bearer's cowardly selling is hilarious. Mankind comes out from under the ring and throws a fireball in Taker's eyes. It was a set up all along! Sid comes out to chase Mankind away for some reason. Remember when Sid hit an old man with a camera and powerbombed that man's son onto a table just to fuck with Shawn Michaels? Why does he have morals now?

Sid cuts a promo backstage saying if Mankind wants to mess with fire he's messing with someone who messes with fire! Or something. I don't know why they have Sid cutting promos on Taker's behalf.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs Goldust - Marlena and Chyna have both been banned from ringside. Goldust runs in and attacks angrily. Lawler goes on a stupid rant involving Barry Manilow and the Easter Bunny. Fans don't react to Hunter's offense. He still isn't that over without Chyna. Hunter gets a two with a swinging neckbreaker. He uses a chinlock and Goldust does manage to get the fans behind him by slamming the mat. Goldust hits a crossbody for two. He usually misses that and rolls out of the ring. Chyna shows up at the top of the stage as Hunter comes from the second rope to the floor. High flying Hunter! Goldust makes a quick comeback after ads in time for Chyna to run in as he hits the Curtain Call. She kicks Goldust in the ribs then in the face. Hunter hits Pat Patterson but Patterson starts fighting back! He actually beats Hunter in a fist fight before Chyna attacks him. They both beat up Patterson (Vince keeps saying "HALL OF FAMER" before his name) until Goldust makes the save.

Vince introduces Stone Cold Steve Austin. He gets a good ovation but not on the level of Shawn Michaels or Undertaker. I feel like they should have had him come out the day after WrestleMania and he would have got a better reaction. He points out that he never said he quit at WM. Bret Hart interrupts him on the Titan Tron and says he kicked Austin's ass (censored) at WM. Bret says he's finished with Austin but Austin says he'll have to kill him to be finished with him. One of these days Austin is going to look down at Bret's grave and it will say "here lies Bret The Hitman Hart and he was the biggest piece of trash to ever walk the Earth!" That's a line that's stuck with me for nineteen years.

Rocky Miavia vs Bret "The Hitman" Hart - IC title is on the line. This would be a dream match a couple of years later, but Bret was being wasted in WCW when Rocky was taking off. A "Rocky sucks" chant breaks out at the start. They started off slow with Bret walking away to bring the heat back on him and the "USA" chants start. They do some basic chain wrestling. Bret hits a knee to the mid section and gets more aggressive. He does some eye-raking. He slowly runs through his moves while taunting the fans. It's not exactly an exciting match but it's great character work. He does some choking. Bret gets two with a back suplex. He hits his backbreaker but Rocky avoids the second rope elbow. Rocky hits some punches and a fisherman's suplex for two. Belly to belly gets two. Messed up floatover DDT. Bret rolls through the big top rope crossbody but Rocky barely kicks out. Bret puts the ringpost figure four on and gets DQed. Originally Bret was supposed to win clean but he had it changed because he saw a lot in Rocky and didn't want to hurt his career. Austin runs out to attack Bret after but Owen and Bulldog attacks Austin. LOD then run out and chase the Harts away.


Hardcore TV

We start with a clip of Shane Douglas trying to pull Rick Rude's mask off but we go to the titles before we find out if he did then Joey's smug face after. He starts by running down the card for Barely Legal. He obnoxiously shouts down the camera.

Raven talks about stuff. Memories of the e-fed I joined in 1999 come flooding back every time he talks.

Raven and Shane Douglas vs Tommy Dreamer and Terry Funk - Dreamer fucks up a bulldog on Douglas. Raven doesn't want to fight Funk. Dreamer and Funk use parts of a table outside the ring then bring it in and break it for "EC DUB" chants. Douglas uses a fryng pan. They fight in the crowd and stuff. Brian Lee ambushes Dreamer. Funk runs out to save. Raven uses Funk's own spinning toe hold against him. The BWO run in and Stevie hits the Stevie Kick on Raven. Then on Funk. Then Sandman runs in becauase why not. He canes Stevie. Beulah and Francine have their catfight. This is like a greatest hits of annoying ECW moments. Raven pins Dreamer after Douglas gives him a belly to bely.

The Dudley Boys vs The Gangstas vs The Eliminators - Nope, no way I'm watching this. Sign Guy Dudley breaks a mirror over Saturn and the Dudleys win.

Sabu vs Louie Spicolli - Chris Candido joins commentary and he's injured and sad about that. Louie hits a nice spinebuster. Sabu sort of jumps off a chair into a rana. Taz runs in after a ref bump (even though ECW is no DQ) and shoves Sabu through a table. RVD runs in and gets a chair in the face. Taz chokes out Louie for some reason. Sabu hits a moonsault to win.

Taz talks about Sabu. Chris Candido interrupts him.

Terry Funk talks sitting down because he's an old bastard. Raven shows up and starts shouting at him to fight him. They brawl.
 
Spring Stampede 1997

Tony, Dusty and Heenan host. The show has an old west theme and a bottle of booze appears over Bobby Heenan's name. Rumours were he was drunk on a lot of WCW shows. Scott Hall is missing.

Rey Mysterio Jr. vs Ultimo Dragon - Tenay joins commentary. Pretty good mat wrestling to start. Dragon works the arm. He does a cool spinning over the shoulder backbreaker. He uses a sleeper. Dragon hits some cool powerbombers but never goes for the pin. Which is weird. He hits a tombstone and pulls Rey up at two. Then goes back to a sleeper. The commentators suggest Dragon is confused without Sonny Onoo. Dragon's kicks are always fun. He puts a nice bridging Indian deathlock on. He uses the sleeper AGAIN a while after that. Rey fnaly gets his own sleeper on. Rey does some flying. We go to split screen to show Lee Marshall trying to talk to Kevin Nash. Rey goes up for a moonsault but Dragon dropkicks him on the ass sending him to the floor. Rey does an in ring moonsault but Dragon dropkicks him in mid air which looks cool. Dragon does a giant swing like he's Cesaro! But he ends up dizzy too. Rey cartwheels into a rana for two. Dragon hits an enziguiri for two. Dragon hits his twisting rana from the top for two. Pinfall reversal sequence. Rey comes off the second rope on the inside with a rana to win. Got very good in the end, though the first half of the match was weird with Dragon completely dominating and not knowing what to do to win.

Kevin Nash spits on Scott Steiner. Scott tries to attack him and security mace Scott's eyes! That escalated fast.

Akira Hokuto vs Madusa - Hokuto's women's title on the line. Lee Marshall drops in to talk about the macing of Scott Steiner. First move of the match is a hair pull as the fans chant "USA!" Sigh. Hokuto also does the "standing on the second turnbuckle to choke" thing. All the classics! Madusa hits the Trish Stratus handstand rana thing at least. Hokuto goes after the leg. Sonny Onoo jabs Madusa in the face. Hokuto bites the leg. Women's wrestling! Madusa just randomly starts hitting her dropkicks from the second rope. She hits her German but Hokuto has to kick out because...I think they messed something up with Sonny distracting. Madusa goes for a powerbomb while the ref is now distracted by Sonny and Luna kind of kicks her in the leg and Hokuto kind of rolls her up to win. This was a mess.

Prince Iaukea vs Lord Steven Regal - TV title is on the line. Slow paced mat wrestling start. Regal is always fun to watch though. Well, he actually seems a bit tentative here. They do the knuckle lock spot. Regal goes to the eyes. They mess up a sunset flip. This is bad. Regal's having a bad night. The internet says he and Chris Benoit were in a car crash the night before. I guess that's why. Okay, he does one cool thing by casually walking out of the way of an Iaukea cross body. Prince wins by sitting down on a roll up. Regal puts him in the Regal Stretch after.

Mean Gene talks to Ric Flair, as usual. Flair will be returning to action soon. He announces that Kevin Greene will be teaming with him at the next ppv.

Public Enemy vs Jeff Jarrett and Steve McMichael - Loads of stalling to start. P.E. seem to be playing heel despite coming out slapping hands with kids. Jarrett does an abdominal stretch with Mongo holding his hand from the outside. This is slow and dull. Mongo stumbles win for a terribly executed spot where Grunge gives Jarrett an atomic drop to send him crashing into Mongo. This is shit. Grunge and Jarrett gently roll around on the floor "brawling." Mongo and Rock walk around a bit. Debrah keeps slapping Grunge so he tries to put her on a table. Jarrett hits him with a chair. Mongo and Rock fight amongst the cowboy themed set. Grunge "hits his own plundah!" in the words of Dusty (he goes through a table.) Dusty: "we've got deady cows back there. Horns and bulls everywhere!" After some more sloppy "action" Jarrett gets the figure four on Grunge and Rock comes off the bottom buckle (yes, really) with the briefcase and P.E. win. Heenan blaims Debrah for leaving the briefcase unattended.

Mean Gene says there's a new "clique" in WCW but he'll only let you know on the hotline. Cunt. He talks to Harlem Heat. Is this it? Is Booker going to say it? YES! "Hulk Hogan, we comin' for you NIGGA!" Brilliant. Makes up for the last three pieces of shit matches. Of course I've watched this a hundred times on YouTube but it was good to see it in context.

Dean Malenko vs Chris Benoit - Dean's US title on the line. They have mutual respect and fight to a stalemate several times. The match is slow as they both work holds and escapes. They do the knuckle lock spot too. It really doesn't speed up even after that. Finally Malenko picks things up a bit before Benoit catches him with some hard chops. Malenko uses a camel clutch. That must have been one bad car crash for Benoit to be involved in such a boring match. Malenko then randomly goes to a short arm scissors. THIS IS THE THING that annoys me a bit about Malenko sometimes. He switches from hold to hold without working on a single body part. Surely if he was a real mat technician he'd pick one body part of work on? Benoit nearly picks things up but then puts on abdominal stretch on. God this is boring. Benoit does hit a cool inverted suplex. Jackie marches out to the ring. She waffles Woman. Jimmy Hart runs out. Benoit hits the divng headbutt. Jimmy Hart steals the US title for some reason and Eddie Guerrero shows up in a sling. Arn Anderson hits Dean. Kevin Sullivan comes out with a stick and Anderson lets him pass again. He hits Benoit. Dean hits Sullivan. Match just ends. Crap finish to a mostly boring match. Eddie relunctly leaves with the Dungeon and the belt. Malenok says "he was not supposed to be here" to Benoit and no one knows what he's talking about.

Kevin Nash vs Rick Steiner - Tag title is on the line...in a singles match. That's our WCW! Nash works on Steiner's injured ear. Rick hits cotheslines and a belly to belly. Nick Patrick is the referee so we have his annoying counts to put up with. Nash takes over with help from Syxx and runs through his moves slowly. Really slowly. Rick hits a blatant low blow right in front of Patrick who for some reason doesn't DQ him. He's a biased ref with a legit reason to DQ the face and he doesn't take it? Rick hits his top rope bulldog but Patrick counts weird as that's his only heel action. Syxx starts to take the pad off the turnbuckle. He's using a knife but it's still taking ages. DiBiase has to help him. Nash hits Snake Eyes on the exposed buckle twice. DiBiase says that's enough. Since when does he have compassion? He was fine with the attempted murder of the Steiners but not this? Nash hits another and DiBiase walks out. Another Snake Eyes. Nash finally hits the powerbomb and Patrick won't count for some reason. Finally he does and Nash wins to retain the tag titles in a singles match.

Mean Gene taks to Lex Luger and The Giant.

Lex Luger vs The Giant vs Booker T vs Stevie Ray - This is a four way match for a shot at the WCW world title. Why are Harlem Heat in a match to earn a shot at a singles title? They ONLY compete in tag matches! They've done nothing to earn this. Luger hits some weakass clotheslines. It's worked like a regular tag match for a while. Luger and Giant got at it eventually and Luger goes for a slam but Giant falls on him for two. Then they both tag in Harlem Heat. OH SNAP. They face off for a long time but do actually fight each other. But in a scientific way. Then they tag out. Booker and Stevie work over Giant. Booker hits a good high Harlem Sidekick. Giant eventually just casually tags out to Luger. Match slows down a lot and Heat work over Luger like a regular tag match again. Heat miss a Rocket Launcher and Luger tags Giant. Giant cleans house but tags Luger back in and allows him to Rack Stevie to win. A good friend! This started off pretty good but like a lot of matches tonight it went on too long and they could have done a lot more with the four way aspect of it.

NWO music plays. Randy Savage and Elizabeth are walking around backstage. Oh, they're just coming out for the main event, I guess.

Randy Savage vs Diamond Dallas Page - Doesn't really feel like a pay per view main event, but it's good that they have confidence in DDP. It's a no DQ match. Gene talks to DDP backstage. Kimberly will be in his corner tonight. Kim looks good in rubber pants. Michael Buffer does the ring introductions and says its the biggest match of DDP's career. They fight outside the ring. DDP goes for the Diamond Cutter early but Savage blocks. They fight in the crowd and DDP hits him with trashcans. Savage hides behidn Kim and Liz scartches DDP's back. Savage hits the double axe to the floor. He uses a chair in the ring. He slaps David Penzer and Heenan deadpans "there's nothing wrong with that." DDP tosses Savage a chair then punches it into his face. Savages keeps cutting off his comebacks but when he tries use the ring bell Kim grabs it and DDP gets his feet up when Savages goes for the flying elbow. Savages blocks the Diamond Cutter and mule kicks him. Savage gives referee Mark Curtis a good looking piledriver. Then whips him. He hits the flying elbow but of coursse he just took out the ref so that was a bit silly! Nick Patrick comes in to take over. Kevin Nash appears smiling. DDP slips out of a slam and hits the Diamond Cutter. Patrick counts the three. Pretty good match and impressive that they put DDP over (even though Savage had him beat when the ref was out.) Nash grabs Patrick and Bischoff comes out and points at them. Fans just chant "we want Sting." Nash powerbombs Patrick (who takes a hell of a bump.) Savage wants to hit Km but Bischoff stops him. Savages shoves Bischoff and the NWO get in between them. They're falling apart!

Weird ppv, really. It felt more like a Clash of the Champions. Good opener, good main event, but everything in between was dull or bad (or both.) Still they pushed DDP a little further up the card so it wasn't a total waste of a show.


7/4/1997

Nitro

We start with a replay of the ending of last night's show. How did they get the video tape so fast!

Konan and Hugh Morrus vs Alex Wright and Psychosis - Psychosis does some big flying for a throw away Nitro match. The heels work him over as we go to a split screen of DDP arriving all banged up. Wright hits nice dropkicks after the hot tag. And a not so good Japanese armdrag. Morrus gives him a swinging neckbreaker and No Laughing Matters to win.

Lord Steven Regal vs Rey Mysterio Jr. - Tony calls Rey "Prince Iaukea" and doesn't correct himself. And they get no entrances, we just start with them in the ring. Regal is angry about recent loses and throws Rey around. We cut completely away to show Hogan, Bischoff, DiBiase and Vincent arrive. They all look sad. Rey finally gets some moves in. Regal takes a fake looking bump over the turnbuckle. Rey gives him a headscissors from the top. West Coast Pop gets two and Regal immediately cuts him off with an inverted suplex and puts the Regal Stretch on. Rey gets the rope but Regal won't break and Rey wins by DQ. Prince Iaukea runs out to save but Regal easily puts him in the Stretch too. Regal leaves both guys lying as ANOTHER limo arrives, this one with Savage, Syxx, Nash, Liz and the rest of the B-Team.

Chris Benoit vs Ice Train - Of course we go to split screen to show Hogan talking to the NWO as that's more important. Nancy gets up on the apron, Teddy Long gets up to point at her. Benoit bulldogs(?) Ice Train into Teddy then gives him a DDT to win.

Hulk Hogan and Denis Rodman were at some movie premiere or something and Hogan shook hands with Jean Claude Van Damme.

Kevin Sullivan vs Hector Guerrero - Jackie beats up Hector on the floor. Sullivan uses the Tree of Woe and double stomp to win. Total squash.

NWO come out to the ring next. Scott Hall is still missing. Lots of trash thrown on them. DiBiase says they're going to air all their problems. Hogan asks Nash if he has a problem with him gong to movie premieres and says they have "air their shorts out in public." Nash says he doesn't have a problem and Hogan says Nash can come on the NWO easter egg hunt, brother. He wants to know where Scott Hall is. Hogan and Nash end up nearly coming to blows. But Nash says he doesn't have to love Hogan to respect him and he's NWO for life. Savage is still angry about something. Fans just want Sting. Hogan says if he and Nash can get along, Savage and Bischoff can too and they all make friends.

Hour two with Tenay and Heenan replacing Larry.

And now it's time for Mean Gene's weekly interview with Ric Flair in the ring. He says "woooo" a lot and Roddy Piper comes out. They high five. Piper doing that laugh thing after every line is annoying. Piper talks some bollocks. I think the upshot is that they'll team up with Kevin Greene against the NWO. He joins them in the ring. He still says "baby" a lot. He starts spazzing out and Flair and Piper do too. I don't know what this was.

Dean Malenko vs Chris Jericho - Malenko is still in ultra intense mode, marching to the ring. US title is on the line. Jericho hits a lot of moves early before Malenko powerbombs him. Jericho gets the ropes to escape the Cloverleaf. Jericho catches him with a top rope superplex. Malenko kicks Jericho right in the face to hurt when Jericho is down hurt. Short match but all action.

Public Enemy vs High Voltage - This match. Again. It sucks, as usual. Grunge tries to put Chaos through a table but misses and goes through it. Rage gives Rocco Rock a northern lights suplex (but no bridge) to wn clean. Mean Gene talks to P.E. after and they want a street fight next week in Philadelphia.

Harlem Heat vs Jeff Jarrett and Steve McMichael - Jarrett comes out with Debrah but Mongo is missing. So it's a handicap match to start. So is Jarrett supposed to be the plucky babyface here? Because the fans never get behind him, ever, so that's poor booking if he is. Sherri distracts him and Booker hits a kick. They beat him down with stomps and the scissors kick. The fans do cheer Jarrett a little for his hope spots. This goes on for far too long. Booker crotches himself on the top when Jarrett avoids the sidekick. Mongo finally shows up. He looks grumpy. He tags in and cleans house but then tags Jeff back in. Jarrett is pinned right away by a Booker sidekick. So we're back to these two hating each other as tag partners and the Horsemen having internal problems. Gene talks to them after of course and Jarrett is sick of Mongo's crap. Mongo says...stuff. I don't know. It was shit.

Prince Iaukea vs Ultimo Dragon - TV title is on the line, despite Dragon losing clean to Rey last night. Why doesn't Rey get the shot instead? Iaukea's ribs are taped up from Regal destroying him earlier. Dragon hits his good kicks. Dragon wins the title clean in two minutes after a series of kicks to the ribs. So the Iaukea experiment is over? Not sure why they didn't just put the belt on Regal the night before.

The Giant vs Scott Steiner - No match as Hugh Morrus and Konnan(?) attack Scott on his way to the ring. Giant makes the save. And...that's it. No match. They just all go backstage.

Diamond Dallas Page comes out to no music but lots of "DDP" chants. He wants Savage again for what he did to Kim. Savage comes out on crutches but Hogan stops him. Hogan's going to take on DDP but Sting repels down and faces down Hogan and the NWO.
 
RAW

Owen Hart and The British Bulldog vs The Godwinns - Honky Tonk Man and Vince are on commentary for some reason. Owen takes the mic and thanks Bret for bringing them back together. Shawn Michaels does a brief inset. Lots of "USA" chants so that angle's going well already. Phineas does his "fit" thing. Owen and Bulldog cheat and get good heat, not because the fans love the Godwinns but because of the Hart Foundation angle. Owen hits Henry illegally to get the pin while LOD do one of their childish inset promos. Godwinns try to slop Owen and Bulldog but miss and slop LOD and have a big brawl while Owen and Bulldog point and laugh. Owen and Bulldog do an interview after where they keep asking for replays of the slopping. Stone Cold Steve Austin arrives and shouts at them with some referees in between.

Stone Cold Steve Austin vs Billy Gunn - JR's on commentary now and Honky comes out with Billy Gunn. He has his broken guitar in a bag. Austin gets a good reaction but not anything amazing. I feel like they should have had him appear on the show after WrestleMania. Honky goes back to commentary to say he likes Billy Gunn. SEXUALLY? The fans get behind Austin pretty easily when he beats Gunn down in his usual intense way. We get an inset with Bulldog and Owen complaining that Austin interrupted their good laugh. That head tilt thing Austin does get a great response. Billy crotches him on the top rope but Austin ducks a clothesline and hits the Stunner (not as fast as it will end up being, but he's getting there) for the win. Honky still wants Billy to be his man and says he can get him some sideburns and teach him how to shake, rattle and roll. He says Billy doesn't have to thank him now as he'll have plenty of time to thank him later. Billy punches him and walks out.

Some army guy comes out. JR aks "who's that yahoo?" He's The Commandant, leader of the Truth Commission. The next RAW will come from South Africa. He's studying the longterm effects of democracy on the citzens of America. That's a bit deep for wrestling fans, surely. They get bored of him quickly as he goes on about law and order. He goes on way too long and his delivery is weird and South African. Finally he shows a video of Bret Hart from South Africa. Bret says South Africans still respect him. Sycho Sid has a million dollar body and a ten cent brain.

Shawn says something.

Vince interviews Shawn in the ring. Shawn says people are asking him why Bret Hart is suddenly a bad guy. He says Bret has actually always been a bad guy. He says Bret exploits his famiily by dragging them on tv to make Bret richer. He then starts making semi shoot comments about Bret not wanting to do the favour for him (put him over at WM) and how he only did it "kicking and screaming." What does that even mean in storyline? Wrestling's fake and Bret's bad because he didn't want to lose to Shawn? But this interview is REAL? He says the WWF did its best business in six years without Bret, which seems kind of unlikely when Hogan was still around six years before that. He says "horseshit" with no bleep and says Bret stabs the WWF in the back to get more money out of Vince by using WCW as a negoitiating tool. A fan asks "what about you"? and Shawn says "I'll tell you about me" and says he isn't in it for the money and all kinds of organisations have been offering him money to leave the WWF but he sticks around because Vince deserves him. He says Bret's obsessed with being the champion and being the hero. Fans boo and some cheer Bret and chant "boring" and Shawn says that used to bother him but it's fine because the fans have freedom of speech and can say what they want. In America you can do whatever the hell you want! Honky eventually says "what a whiner!" which is funny. He goes on way too long too and it's not as horrible as the Commandant but it's a bit cringey. Eventually he takes his jacket off and does a little dance for Bret. This was...a thing. A worked shoot with much of what Shawn said being how he really felt about Bret. They'd both continue along these lines and end up having a backstage fight. But I wonder how much of it the audience actually understood. Still, it was fascinating watching. Bulldog and Owen (again!) come out to attack Shawn but he grabs a chair.

We get the opening titles again because it's hour two.

The Headbangers vs Barry Horowitz and Freddie Joe Flyod - Honky's still on commentary with Vince and JR for some reason. Do we really need him? We get an insent from Vernon White who will face Ken Shamrock in a UFC match tonight. Honky says he's heard South Africa has some "crazy little woman" and he's "gonna get me one" next week when RAW comes from South Africa. Weird to see Freddie Joe here when he's also Tracy Smothers in ECW. Bangers run through their moves and win with the Stage Dive.

Ken Shamrock vs Vernon White - This is a "UFC Exhibition" match, whatever that means! Shamrock's body is HOT I have to say. I mean, I'm not very bi anymore but I still feel slight gay twingers. Vernon escapes an ankle lock attempt early. Shamrock gets on top of him and hits some punches and White taps out. A pool of blood is left on the mat and the camera tries not to shoot it. JR talks to Shamrock after. He says White got carried away so he lost his temper. Vader's music cuts him off.

Vader vs Frank Stiletto - This is Vader's own exhibition. Mankind does an inset promo saying he did a bad thing to the Undertaker by burning him. He hits a big German suplex, strikes in the corner, two Vader bombs and a powerbomb to win.

Gorilla Monsoon reveals that Sid isn't here for his match with Mankind (Sid is not reliable) and the only suitable opponent he has for Mankind is Stone Cold Steve Austin. He shows up and says Sid has a yellow streak running down his back and Austin isn't going out for another match to save the show for Gorilla. But then he says he'll do the match if it means he gets Bret Hart at the next ppv instead of Sid getting Bret.

Mankinds comes out to the ring. JR talks to him. Mankind says he was sad that he and Undertaker had such brutal matches and Undertaker still didn't know him at all. He sat on an airplane with the smell of his own burned flesh for fourteen hours and when he walked own his wife asked "what's burning?" and it was him! He told that story in his first (and best) book. His children wake up to the sound of gunfire and white trash bombard his house with trash chanting "DIE, MANKIND,DIE!" Not sure if that parts true. He's on his seventeenth concussion. He wrestles main events for half the money that pumped up pretty boys (Marc Mero) make in the opening match. This is all good stuff and the start of his face turn. He talks about how we all watch Kennedy's brain being blown out and Undertaker/Mankind matches are the modern version of Christians and the lions. His music plays throughout this by the way. He's made a new Mankind mask for the Undertaker as he's going to disfigure him. Taker's music cuts him off. But he's just a prerecorded promo on the Titan Tron. He says some cliched, dated stuff. Mankind's cutting edge interview kind of shows him up.

Stone Cold Steve Austin vs Mankind - The brawl outside the ring to start, kind of like their tough man contest last year. Austin hits a suplex on the ramp. It's good but not as intense as that previous match. We get ANOTHER inset promo with Bulldog and Owen and they're angry that Bret will have to face Stone Cold at In Your House. Mankind and Austin keep throwing each other into stuff outside the ring. Austin hits some punches but also uses a chinlock. Bulldog and Owne are watching from the crowd. Mankind uses a chinlock too and Austin hits a chinbreaker. Mankind pulls the mat up at ringside and hits an elbow from the apron. He tries a piledriver on the ramp but Austin shoves him off into the guardrail. Owen and Bulldog come out to ringside but LOD run out too. Vader runs in and charges at Austin but he moves and he hits Manind. Vader and Mankind brawl. Paul Bearer gets them to make up.

RAW wins this week. It had its faults but it was a more entertaining show.


8/4/1997

Hardcore TV

The whole show is just a preview of Barely Legal. So let's skip it and move on to that ppv!


Barely Legal

ECW's first ever ppv. We start with in the ring and a rabid crowd of sign wavers chanting "EC DUB!" We're in the ECW Arena. The Dudley Boys cut off Joey. Fans chant "fuck you, D-Von." Then we get opening titles.

The Dudley Boys vs The Eliminators - Joel Gertner does an overly long introduction for the Dudleys. Sign Guy Dudley takes Total Elimination right away. Bubba powerbombs Kronus and D-Von hits a diving headbutt right away. D-Von high crosses Kronus on a Bubba suplex for two. Saturn comes back on both Dudleys by himself. They block 3D. Eliminators hit loads of double teams spots on both Dudleys. No tags at all yet. Kronus throws Saturn to the floor with a moonsault on both Dudleys. Then hits space flying tigeer drop. They run through more moves with the Dudleys getting nothing, including a cool running moonsault from Saturn and 450 from Kronus. They pin Bubba with Total Elimination to win the tag titles. After the opening minute this was a total squash. They give Gertner Total Elimination after.

Even though it's a ppv we still get the fucking shaky cam close-ups of Joey's fucking face.

Chris Candido cuts a promo in the ring. His arm's in a sling. He came back to ECW and it wasn't what he wanted it to be and he should be in the main event.

Rob Van Dam vs Lance Storm - Candido was supposed to be in this match instead of RVD. Storm has a hilarious rat tail! RVD ets "you sold out!" chants as there were rumours he was jumping to WCW. RVD does some nice stuff and hits a flip dive to the floor. Storm does a cool elbow after jumping to the top rope. Styles does his pathetic "no pretty blue mats in ECW" line. Yeah, who cares about protecting the health of your wrestlers! RVD hits his skateboard chair dropkick but the fans chant "sell out." He hits the frog splash but it isn't his finisher yet and Storm kicks out. Storm hit a suplex thing on the chair. Storm does a rollover into a Boston Crab. Storms hits a weak chair shot to RVD's head and gets booed then hits a sitout powerbomb on the chair for two. RVD slips going for a slingshot. Storm hits another weak chairshot to boos. I understand him not wanting to hit RVD full force in the face but he should have just not down chairshots at all. RVD hits the Van Daminator to win. Okay match. Would have been better if they hadn't done any chair stuff. RVD refuses a handshake after and says he doesn't give a shit about respect. He says he "sold out" by appearing on this event.

Great Sasuke, Gran Hamada and Masato Yakushiji vs Taka Michinoku, Terry Boy and Dick Togo - Taka's team are in BWO shirts. Fans throw streamers into the ring before the match like in Japan, which is nice. Once again I'm not going to attempt to recap this. I'll just say that Great Sasuke is always great to watch. Maybe that's how he got his name! BWO do their cool triple teaming. Sasuke does an ELECTRIC sequence with Terry Boy. BWO hit a cocky triple team on Sasuke and pose on him. No tags are required in this match, seemingly, if you go out of the ring your partner can come in. Joey doesn't really mention this? Sasuke hits a great asai moonsault to the floor. Taka does his running dive. Lots of great moves and dives from everyone. Taka's belly to belly on Sasuke is TIGHT. Michinoku driver gets two. Sasuke pins him with a tiger supex. Great match, doubt anything else on this show will beat it!

Raven interview with music playing too loud over it. Then Stevie with Blue Meanie.

Shane Douglas vs Pitbull #2 - TV title on the line. Douglas has security guards with riot gear with him. Douglas has to do a shoot promo before the match, of course. Pitbull #1 is in the crowd in a neck brace. They do the annoying thing of Pitbull fighting while his music still plays, and his music is overdubbed on the Network so we don't hear any natural crowd noises to start. To be frank...I'm just going to skip throught most of this match. It seems to last a long time judging by the time index on the Network and I don't see how they can fill it. I'm already bored a minute in. I mean, Pitbull's using a front facelock to no reaction. Pitbull slowly beats him down (even skipping ahead it's slow.) He hits lots of clotheslines. Douglas twice reverses powerboms to ranas and hits some piledrivers. He slowly works the neck as the bored fans amuse themselves by slut shaming Francine. Pitbull just eventually starts no selling and hitting more clotheslines. And we're still not halfway through. He dumps Douglas through a table in slow motion. Pitbull #1 jumps the barricade but the Riot Squad drag him away. They use a guard rail as the referee loudly tells them there's still TWELVE MINUTES to go. END THE PAIN. More dull action and "she's a whore" chants follow. Even constantly skipping ahead this NEVER ENDS. Douglas hits him with loads of objects and Pitbull no sells and hits his boring moves again. Chris Candido runs in and gets punched. Douglas eventually his his belly to belly...to win? After hitting him with all that stuff he wins with a fucking belly to belly. This was over TWENTY MINUTES and fucking terrible. Rick Rude's voice talks and the masked man comes out. He kisses Francine. Douglas pulls the mask off and it's Brian Lee. The real Rick Rude is wearing a riot squad helmet and he punches Douglas. Lee hits a chokeslam. Joey suggests that Francine enjoyed being sexually assaulted. Let's move on.

Another Raven interivew. He's a bit like Kurt Cobain, you see.

Taz talks about Sabu. He says Fonzie placed a bet on the outcome of the match.

Taz vs Sabu - I will AGAIN say that Heyman is a great stroyteller and did a masterful job setting this up. I know I'm down on ECW a lot but I can see why people were into it at the time. Yet the fans are strangely silent for the opening minutes of this. Sabu counters some suplexes and the Tazmission but Taz keeps taking him down. Sabu is busted open early. Sabu takes control by going to the floor and hitting a double jump plancha over the rail. Taz gets a bow and arrow in the ring. This match really isn't working. It's not a total disaster like the previous one but you can feel the slight disappointment of the crowd. Sabu picks things up a bit with some of his chair assisted moves. Taz suplexes him into the crowd. Sabu tries to DDT him through a table but Taz blocks and he goes through himself. They keep breaking down into messy brawling. Sabu hits a rana from the top. He hits a nice double jump legdrop from the top. Taz hits a head and arm Tazplex. Sabu hits a Tazplex of his own. But Taz no sells. Sabu gets the Tazmission on but Taz suplexes out. Taz hits another Tazplex then gets the Tazmission on...to win. Well, that's that feud settled then! Match was awkward in places but got good by the end...then ended. Taz takes the mic after and says Sabu has his respect now and he wants to shake his hand. They shake and Sabu raisies his hand. BUT RVD attacks Taz from behind! Sabu then joins RVD in attacking Taz. They give him legdrops including with chairs. Sabu put him through a table (after messing it up.) Fonzie then reveals his wearing a Sabu t-shirt and raisies Sabu and RVD's hands. It's a double turn! Like Bret/Austin, except the match wasn't as good! Fonzie says Taz cost him a lot of money because he placed a bet on Sabu to win. Well, I think that's the idea. It's hard to make out.

Tommy Dreamer and Beulah join Joey on commentary. The respectful fans chant "SHOW US YOUR TITS" at Beulah.

Stevie Richards vs Sandman vs Terry Funk - Fat fuck Sandman takes forever to get to the ring and busts himself open before the match. Idiot. Sure he was authentic and the fans loved him. But he was an idiot. Winner gets Raven right after. I'm sorry but Sandman is just embarrassing to watch. Funk hits lots of neckbreakers on Stevie. Drunk fucker Sandman throws a ladder in the ring at Funk. Funk does a moonsault off the ladder where he comletely misses Stevie. Sandman uses the ladder on Stevie. Joey calls all other wrestling a "cheap imitation" which is silly. Sandman and Stevie pointlessly climb the ladder like it's a ladder match even though there's nothing hanging from the ceiling. Funk does his spinning around with the ladder on his shoulders thing which is always fun. Stevie hits the Stevie Kick on Sandman for two, then the same on Terry. Funk hits chairshots on both their heads outside the ring. Sandman throws a big trashcan right into Funk's head in a scary spot. They suplex Stevie on it. A lot of fans are behind Stevie to win. Sandman fucks up catapulting the ladder onto Stevie and it goes flying and could have killed a fan. EC DUB! Stevie is eliminated after a double powerbomb, which gets a surprsingly flat reaction. Funk whips Sandman with barbed wire. Sandman wraps it around himself. Stevie Stevie kicks a trash can on Sandman's head and Funk hits a moonsault onto Sandman and the barbed wire to wn. Some of this was pretty sick but I will give them credit for it being all action with no boring spots, unlike a lot of ECW matches.

Raven vs Terry Funk - This start RIGHT AWAY as the show was running late and the power was about to go out and Paul E was panicking in the back. No intro for Raven, he just hits Funk with the belt after the bell. Dreamer is terrible on commentary, though he tries to sell it as concern for Funk. Funk is busted open badly and the referee wants to stop the match. Fans look at Tommy and chant for him as Terry has his big dramatic moment refusing the doctor who wants to stop it. Raven works on the cut. Raven uses tables. He puts Funk through one with a wild dive over the top. Everyone's killing themself. Raven's new entourage attack Funk including a fat woman named "Reggie Bennet" who hits a bad powerbomb. Finally Dreamer has had enough and starts pointing at Raven. Big Dick Dudley attacks Dreamer from behind. He's out of jail, apparently. Raven gives the referee a DDT for some reason. Dreamer chokeslams Big Dick off the stage through some tables. The fans chant "ECW" and this is like some crazy cult? Dreamer gives Raven a DDT. Funk covers for two but the bell rings anyway? Funk gives him a small package right after and the ref counts super fast to give him the win. Funk gets the feel good ECW title reign.

Well...I give Paul E credit for putting this show on. It doesn't seem like it was easy. For me it doesn't hold up in 2016 but I can't deny the rabid fanbase at the time. It goes off the air super quick because they were out of time.
 
14/4/1997

Nitro

Last week, the NWO were in turmoil. We start with some clips of that.

Then we get Tony and Larry talking before the NWO interrupt. Scott Hall's still missing. Nash says they're in NWO country. He sucks up to the fans with his singalong "too sweet" catchphrase. This is what people are talking about when they accuse the NWO of being "cool heels." The fans should hate them but they don't act like proper heels and end up making WCW's faces look lame by comparison. Anyway, they just leave again after that. We're in Philadelphia the day after Barely Legal.

Chris Benoit vs The Barbarian - It's eight minutes into the show before we get a match, which is longer than it used to be! Jimmy Hart interferes and Benoit grabs him and Barbarian just watches until Benoit punches him then hits a big boot. Barbarian hits his crazy belly to belly from the top, throwing Benoit all the way across the ring. He then misses a diving headbutt. Benoit hits a splah to win. Entertaining for a two minute match and the fans were into Benoit. The Dungeon attack Benoit after and destroy him in the Tree of Woe. Jarrett and Mongo save. Gene talks to Benoit after and hey this Benoit guy is not good at talking.

Dean Malenko vs Hector Guerrero - US title is on the line despite Hector being totally squashed the last time we saw him. Absolutely no heat for this match despite the fact Malenko used to work for ECW. They do react when he gets the Cloverleaf on to win. They did not work well together. Dean won't break the hold so Eddie comes out with his arm in a sling.

Rey Mysterio Jr. vs Juventud Guerrera - Larry is still calling him "Guerrero" because he's lazy. Tony does try to correct him but Larry says "whatever" because who cares about learning the names of wrestlers. Fans chant for "ECW", whoever that is! Juvi matches are hit or miss and this one is a bit of a miss. He does hit a crazy sunset bomb to the floor. They do a sloppy contrived thing in the ring to boos. Rey wins with the West Coast Pop. Not good.

Gene talks to Luna Vachon.

Ultimo Dragon vs Lane Carlson - Dragon as ever has nice kicks. Carlson looks awkward and hits a Rocker Dropper. "Boring" chants are heard. Lane hits a painful looking senton from the top to the floor. Sonny Ono hits some kicks on him. Dragon gets the pin with a tiger suplex.

Syxx vs Prince Iaukea - Former TV champ Iaukea gets no reaction. Syxx hits a bronco buster and gets some laughs. He misses a flipping senton. Prince hits some of his Jimmy Snuka moves to no reaction as Larry keeps yelling at him. Springboard clothesline gets two. Messed up sunset flip from the top gets two. Syxx gets him in a crossface chickenwing right away to win.

Gene talks to Ric Flair and Roddy Piper. Kevin Greene is there too. Piper says that every time he's here "the big bald guy" (Hogan) stays home. Piper's stupid heavy breathing/laugh after every sentence is annoying. He make a Right Said Fred reference (about five years late) and implies that the NWO are gay. He talks for too long, as always. Kevin Green says Hogan stabbed him and the little Hulksters in the back. "These idiots are nothing but a bunch of rookies!" he says about the NWO, which doesn't make any sense, then talks about football. Finally Flair gets to speak so the fans can go "wooooo!" He talks about Verne Gagne and gives his age away by listing lots of dates. Seriously, compare this to the NWO being all cool and young and "too sweet." WCW looks uncool and old by comparison.

Public Enemy vs High Voltage - It's a street fight and Public Enemy are over like rover in Philly. Lots of shots with trashcans and lids. A toilet seat is also involved. High Voltage go for a spinrgboard doomsday device but Rock blcoks with a trash can lid in a nice spot. P.E. put Rage through two stacked tables with the Drive By to win. Short enough to be entertaining!

The Giant vs Big Al - Big Al is former ECW wrestler 911. He's not as tall as The Giant. Remember his whole thing in ECW was chokeslamming people. Giant squashes him with a weak chokeslam to boos.

Diamond Dalls Page vs Konan - DDP is over in Philly. He has Kim with him in a really short skirt so that probably helps. DDO wins QUICKLY with the Diamond Cutter. Konan looks like a jobber. Macho Man appears in the crowd. He tells Kim to stop calling him. And that's it.

Harlem Heat vs Jeff Jarrett and Steve McMichael - Fans are not really into this match, probably because boths teams are heel. And not cool heels. Some sports guy is in the crowd and keeps looking at Mongo. I don't care. Seriously the crowd who were so hot a few minutes ago are completely silent. It's a dull match and the longest so far tonight. Booker's scissors kick and sidekick do look good as always and get a bit of a reaction as Heat beat down Jarrett. Mongo tries to use the briefcase but Sherri grabs it. Sherri grabs Debrah and they just stand around as they've fucked up. Sherri tries to hit Debrah with the briefcase and it's supposed to bounce back in her face I think but that looks bad too. Mongo and Jarrett win by DQ. Bad match, terrible finish. And to top it off Gene talks to Jarrett and Mongo after. Mongo heels up on the crowd and Reggie Wight (or White?), the sports guy. He gets in the ring. Mongo spits on him. Reggie takes him down. Security get between them.

Lex Luger vs Kevin Nash - Nash has Syxx and the B-Team with him. Luger knocks NWO members off the apron and Nash hits the big boot early. Nash puts a slow beating on him. Then the NWO run in to destroy Luger. DDP tries to make the save but there's too many of them. Giant walks out slowly but Nash has a big pipe. Giant goes to the ring anyway. Sting comes out with three baseball bats. He gives one each to Luger, DDP and Giant. They clear the ring but without much fighting. Fans seem disappointed. Show over.


RAW

Presented in most complete form possible due to original production technical difficulties! Okay! We're coming from the United States and South Africa! Vine and Jim Cornette(!) are hosting from the US and Jim Ross and Honky Tonk Man from Suoth Africa.

The Legion of Doo vs The Godwinns - LOD are sick of the Godwinns' shit and attack them violently to start. Phineas gives Hawk a piledriver right away and he no sells. There's blood stains on the ring showing that this was taped last week after the Ken Shamrock MMA match. Hawk continues to no sell everything until he takes his usual bump into the ring post and the Godwinns work his arm. Bulldog and Owen shot up and Bulldog hits Animal in the head with a title belt and Henry pins him.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs Jesse James - From South Africa and picture quality and sound quality are poor. After the Germany episode did poor ratings you'd think they would have learned their lesson. I guess they had no choice but to do a split show like this because half the roster was on tour in South Africa. JR and Honky's commentary cuts out and we get these two doing basic sequences to little crowd noise. It's like broadcasting a boring house show! Hunter does a fucking waistlock takedown. No wonder Nitro was killing them in the ratings. Finally Honky and JR return so at least we can listen to them. Even though Honky is pretty bad. Then they cut out again as James slowly works the arm. THIS IS FUCKING AWFUL. Hunter takes over with his dull heel offense. He gets face pops for some of his moves, oddly. Maybe the South Africans were confused. This match feels about half an hour long. Honky Tonk trips James the punches him in the gut and Hunter hits the Pedigree to win. That's right, HHH needed help from the Honky Tonk Man to beat Double J. This was horrible. Jesse says that Honky has a mystery man for him on Sunday at In Your House, but he wants Honky right now. Honky acts like he's going to fight him but after lots of stalling just walks away and James holds up a "chicken" sign. TAKE THAT, NWO!

Part of a Bret Hart interview.

Rocky Miavia vs Savio Vega - We're still in South Africa. Looks like only the opening match was from the US. Faarooq isn't there, but at least D-Lo is. As if this couldn't get any worse we get an inset with Ahmed Johnson babbling. We go over to Vince and Cornette so Cornette can make fun of Ahmed's speech. Which is fair enough. Savio hits one spin kick, which means he doesn't have many moves left. He does some pounding and some choking. Then a DOUBLE HANDED NERVE PINCH. Faarooq comes out with his arm in a sling. The commentary cuts out again. The "skip ahead ten seconds" button is really useful. Savio has nothing as a heel. NOTHING. Rocky's selling of the nerve pinch is pretty good, so at least he's trying. Rocky gets a nice high cross to pop the crowd before Savio takes over agian with the nerve hold of doom. He should be ashamed of himself. Rocky finally makes his comeback. But then hits a belly to belly and both sell lying on the mat for a long time. Fisherman's suplex gets two. Rock Bottom(!) gets two. Even bland face Rocky is so clearly light years ahead of Savio. He goes for the shoulder breaker but Savio escaps and rolls him up with the tights to win. Yeah, got to push Savio Vega. The Nataion whip Rocky until Ahmed saves with his big plank. South Africans love the big Johnson.

Back to America for Vince to interview Stone Cold Steve Austin in the ring. He says Bret hasn't been screwed yet because he ain't been screwed by Steve Austin. He's going to beat the living Hell out of Bret at In Your House. Pretty generic stuff from Austin.

Goldust vs The Sultan - From South Africa. A Sultan match. That will save the show! No commentary, looks like a house show. This is mercifully short but Sultan still gets a chinlock in. Hunter and Chyna run in to attack Goldust for the DQ. Sultan puts him in the Camel Clutch (but Sheik doesn't order him to fuck his ass) and Hunter punches away.

Bret Hart promo from Kuwait with EVEN WORSE video quality. Holy shit this episode. America bad, rest of the world good is what Bret's saying.

Vader and Mankind vs The Headbangers - We're back in America at least so the picture's good and we get commentary. Vader slowly beats up a Headbanger then runs into him and falls over. Mankind brawls with both Bangers up the ramp. Vader bowls the Bangers over. Vader and Mankind basically squash the Bangers until Mosh spits "some kind of liquid" into Mankind's eyes for the DQ. Mankind is blind and puts the Mandible Claw on Vader. Remember, Mankind is challenging for the world tilte on Sunday. They couldn't just have him beat the Headbangers?

Undertaker's voice says some stuff in South Africa.

Now we get a special look (trailed all night) of various WWF women in little clothing from the Slammies. The Funkettes, Terri, Sunny and last of all Sable and holy shit they were right to keep Sable until last because she's the hottest one, hotter than Sunny, and maybe I didn't think so in 1997 but my dick certainly thinks so now. Her ass is better.

The Commandant is in the ring in South Africa cutting a promo. This is in pretty poor taste. He says "sissy liberals" a lot.

Ahmed Johnson vs Crush - This is your main event from South Africa. As I said, Ahmed is over like rover in South Africa but it's still a fucking Crush match. They both run into each other early and lie about selling. It's a new record for laziness! JR and Honky talk some nonsense about rhinos having sex in a safarai park earlier. Ahmed hits a scissors kick and luckily doesn't tear anything. D-Lo punches Amed in the kidney and Crush suplexes him. Savio come out too. Crush puts A FUCKING NERVE HOLD on. I'm skipping this shit. Ahmed wins with a roll up, the end. Faarooq cuts a promo on Ahmed and carefully lays out a chalenge where if Ahmed can beat Savio, Crush and Faarooq in one night the Nation will disband. Faarooq struggles to speak nearly as badly as Ahmed. I think this is what Ahmed was supposed to challenge Faarooq too a few weeks ago and he fucked it up.

HOLY SHIT THIS WAS SHIT. Worst RAW on this watch through possibly ever. Another show that got terrible ratings and had Vince decide to give power to Vince Russo. A disaster.


Hardcore TV

Highlights from Barely Legal. No reason to watch it then!
 
In Your House: Revenge of the 'Taker

Vince, JR and King host.

Owen Hart and The British Bulldog vs Legion of Doom - Tag titles on the line. LOD hit some shoulderblocks and clotheslines. Bulldog hits the hanging vertical suplex on Hawk and Owen hits him off the top and goes for the Shapshooter, but Hawk blocks. More clotheslines. Animal powerslam gets two. Stone Cold Steve Austin has just arrived in the building as he was having car trouble. Owen and Bulldog take over on Hawk. It's funny how Hawk always takes the heel when he seems to hate selling. LOD make a comeback pretty easily and clothesline Bulldog from both sides. Animal powerslams him from the second turnbuckle for the pin? And the titles? But it turns out Owen was the legal man so the match must continue! Owen and Bulldog are ordered to return or they will be stripped of the titles. They double team Animal. Animals has the pin with a sunet flip (yes, by Animal) while the ref is distracted. Hawk gets the hot tag and hits some clotheslines(!) and they hit Owen with the Doomsday device. Then the referee goes to count, stops, waits around, Bret Hart runs in and breaks up the pin just as the ref finally starts to count for the DQ. THAT WAS SHIT.

Dok talks to Owen and Bulldog who don't believe that Stone Cold is here. Owen: "Are you sure, there's a lot of bald guys walking around!" Owen cracks me up.

Rocky Miaiva vs Savio Vega - IC title is on the line. I'd forgotten Rocky was still the champion. Savio pinned Rocky in a terrible non title match from South Africa to earn this shot. Kevin Kelly talks to Rocky and it's still weird hearing such bland Rocky interviews. Savio attacks while Rocky is still wearing the belt and Rocky punches him down then goes arm drag crazy. Faarooq strolls out with his arm in a sling and joins commentary. His headset doesn't work so JR gives his up. Savio takes over and puts the fucking nerve pinch on. Faaarooq tries to explain the challenge to Ahmed Johnson AGAIN. SAVIO IS SO FUCKING BORING. Rocky's babyface fire is quite good (and the fans are cheering him here) but the fucking nerve holds kill everything. Rocky gets the fisherman suplex for two. He comes back with a slightly sloppy floatover DDT. Savio uses the same roll up as in the South Africa match but doesn't pull the tights so Rocky kicks out. Rocky hits a big Rock Bottom for two. That should be his finisher! Savio throws Rocky out of the ring into Crush. Savio hits the heart punch on the floor and Rocky is counted out because Savio is too lazy to go and roll him back in the ring and win the title. Savio then blames Crush for the loss when really it was his own fault. The Nation do the stomp down on Rocky after and Ahmed makes the usual save with his big plank. Ahmed agrees to Faarooq's challenge to take on "that illegal immigrant, convict and your black ass!" Match was no where near as bad as the South Africa match as Rocky did work hard (even though the character wasn't good) but Savio is horrible.

Dok Hendrix talks to Marc Mero and Sable. She was voted "Miss Slammy" and is happy about it. He talks to Marc Mero about his injury but it's cut off by something going on in the men's room. Dave Hebner reports that Owen and Bulldog just did over Stone Cold.

Jesse James vs Rockabilly - So Jesse James is here to take on Honky's new man. This angle's been going on for like six months now. Honky comes out by himself at first and the announcers speculate he's going to fight himself. But no, his protege used to be Billy Gunn and now he's...Rockabilly. To shit entrance music. What the fuck. Didn't Billy punch out Honky a few weeks ago? And now he's wearing a "ROCKABILLY" shirt and a fan's holding up a "GIRLIE MAN" sign. "Rockabilly's such a handsome man" is a line in his song. JR asks Honky what the fuck is going on. Honky was impressed by Billy punching him out so he hounded him down. Okay. Jesse James hits babyface hiptosses, arm drags and dropkicks. He gives Billy a flying clothesline from the apron and says "you're next, buddy!" to Honky. JR's already suggesting Rockabilly will want to go back to being Billy Gunn. Rockabilly hits a finger to the eye and the Fameasser (not yet named as such, of course.) And now it's time for a boring heat section on Jesse James. He hits a pretty good neckbreaker then stalls for ages before ging for a pin. Then it's chinlock time. Announcers are bored and talking about Austin. Fans don't give a shit about either of these guys. Rockabilly misses the Stinger Splash like he always does. James takes an ass first bump to the floor. Rockabilly keeps dancing. Double J rolls him up with a small package to win. Yep, after all that build up they jobbed Honky's new man in his first match. What a disaster. These two would eventually save their careers by becoming a tag team but that's still months away.

Dok Hendrix is shilling an Undertaker door banner for THIRTY DOLLARS.

Kevin Kelly asks Stone Cold if he's in any condition to compete tonight. Austin says you'll have to kill him to keep him from fighting Bret Hart. Gorilla says he's putting the Bret/Austin match in the main event to give Austin time to recover.

Lance Wright (who?) talks to the Hart Foundation. Bulldog claims Austin tried to attack Owen so they beat him up.

Dok Hendrix talks to Mankind and Paul Bearer. Bearer was one hell of a good promo guy and Mankind is obviously great (at this point in time.)

The Undertaker vs Mankind - WWF title match. Taker has a bandage over part of his face. Mankind attacks before the bell and they punch each other a lot. Mankind goes after the injury. They go to the floor early and Mankind's thrown into the railing. Taker throws him over into the crowd. Taker works the arm and does the rope walk, but hits a flying clothesline from that position rather than the usual, which looks good. Mankind hits Taker in the bandage with the urn when Paul Bearer distracts the ref. Mankind his his running knee. He keeps working the injured area. JR mentions that Vader's in jail in Kuwait. Mankind uses a...nerve hold. Not you too, Mick! It doesn't even make much sense since he's been working the eye until now. Taker hits his rapid fire gut punches/uppercut combo to escape. Mankind hits him with a water pitcher outside the ring. Chair shot to the head as well. He hits the Cactus Elbow from the second rope to the floor. Mankind's starting to look like a credible threat again. He keeps working the eye as well. Piledrier gets two. He hits a second. They get into a slugfest and Taker wins that. He hits a regular flying clothesline. Ref is bumped and Mankid gets the Claw on. Another ref comes in but Mankind Claws him to the floor. Paul Bearer throws a chair in but that isn't good enough for Mankind so he brings the steps in. Undertaker dropkicks(!) the steps back into Mankind's face. Taker hits a sick chairshot to Mankind's face. Mankind's mask comes off when they try the hangman spot. Taker rams the steps into Mankind knocking him off the apron and head first through the Spanish announce table. I'm guessing the table was gimmick since his head just leaves a hole in it instead of splitting it down the middle like normal but it was still a great spot. Taker hits a chokeslam for two. Tombstone gets three. A return to form for these two after the diappointing Survivor Series match. The problem is that Mankind wasn't a credible world title challenger going in. Taker made him look like one with his selling and having to resort to such extreme tactics to win. Taker goes after Paul Bearer after. Mankind's supposed to attempt to throw a fireball at Taker and miss and hit Bearer. Taker throws Bearer at Mankidn twice for the spot, but Foley can't get the fire ball to work. Taker takes the flash paper and just does it himself, burning Bearer's face off. Paul covers his face with his jacket as Mankind helps him backstage.

Dok Hendrix talks to the Hart Foundation. We can hear Paul Bearer cry in pain in the background which is a nice touch. Bret says he wouldn't forgive the American fans even if they begged him.

Stone Cold Steve Austin vs Bret "The Hitman" Hart- Owen and Bulldog try to come to ringside with Bret but Gorilla and referees order them to the back. Quite a lot of "Austin 3:16" in the crowd. They brawl right from the start. Austin's a face but still wrestling like he did beore with stomps and chokes. Which makes sense! He whips Bret into the steps. He mocks Bret's taunts then uses the other steps. They fight down the aisle and into the crowd a bit. Austin hits a secod rope elbow smash for two, a move he shares with Bret. They fight over a chair and Bret dropkicks Austin and the chair into the ref then works Austin's leg with the chair. Bret targets the leg after that, of course. He puts the ring post figure four on. He chairs the leg again which the ref somehow misses, I guess. Lawler says hi to Princess Diana watching live from the UK. She'd be dead soon after this. COINCIDENCE? Austin tries to fight back but Bret keeps going to the leg. Bret takes Austin's brace off to do more damage. Austin hits a low blow to come back as Hebner again has to pretend to be blind. They should have just made this no DQ. Bret cuts him off by going for the leg again. Bret's leg work is better than most and Austin's selling is great. But it's still taking up most of the match. Bret puts the figure four on. Will Austin pass out like at WrestleMania? No. He reverses it and Bret gets the ropes. They go outside and Austin backdrops him over the rail. Bret takes his front first bump into the turnbuckles. Austin hits a boot to the gut and the fans pop a bit like he's going to do the Stunner, but Austin goes for a piledriver instead and his leg gives out. Bret stomps the shit out of the leg again. Austin collapses when Bret tries to Irish whip him. Austin stun guns him into the turnbuckle. Bret grabs the ropes to avoid the Stunner. Bret hits a mule kick and top rope superplex. Bret goes for the Sharpshooter but Austin hits him with his knee brace and puts it on himself. Owen and Bulldog run in to break it but Austin gets it on again. Bulldog hits Austin in the back with a chair for the DQ. So both Hart Foundation matches tonight had the same DQ ending. I understand not wanting to have them lose at this point when they're such a hot act, but it's kind of annoying! The match was very good as any match between these two would be, but not up to the level of their previous two. Sadly this would be their last ppv singles match as Austin was injured later in the year and Bret left at Survivor Series. Austin hits Bret in the knee with a chair and puts the Sharpshooter back on. Bulldog and Owen are held back by officials.

Pretty forgettable ppv. Taker/Mankind was very good but there was no long lasting impact to the whole show.


21/4/1997

Nitro

J.J. Dillon arrives in a limo. What a way to open the show, declares Mike Tenay.

Dean Malekno vs Yuji Nagata - Nagata gets big boos coming out just for being Japanese. Larry just calls him "the Japanese guy" because who cares about learning the names of wrestlers for your job. He adds that every Japanese guy is a martial arts expert. Fans chant "USA" to support noted patriot Dean Malenko. Reggie White is in the crowd again and Larry says "hey, it's Denis Rodman!" because he's literally a racist. Malenko gets a big pop for a brainbuster. Nagata is not very exciting on offence. He uses the martial arts stomp a lot. Every Malenko comeback gets a big reaction from the Michigan fans. Nagata hits a big overhead belly to belly. Malenko ducks an enziguiri, drops an elbow to the leg, and gets the Texas Cloverleaf on to win. The fans being so into Malenko helped this a lot.

Glacier vs Ciclope - Glacier gets his full snow entrance and wins in seconds with his kick over "one of the Mexican guys" as Larry puts it. Loud "GLACIER SUCKS" chant in those few seconds though! Glacier is interrupted by Wrath in a helmet. He slowly walks to the ring and Mortis sneaks in and superkicks Glacier. James Vaderberg is there too. They torture Glacier and steal his magic helmet.

Nick Patrick comes out to the announce desk. He wants to be reinstated. He doesn't like the NWO anymore. Fans just boo him anyway. Larry doesn't believe him.

Ultimo Dragon vs Bobby Eaton - I will always praise Dragon's quick kick combo. Sonny Ono hits a pretty nice combo too outside the ring. Dragon wins with a Dragon Sleeper in a squash. Sonny Ono makes the referee take a pic of him and Dragon after because "they love those cameras" as Larry puts it.

Mean Gene talks to Steven Regal. Gene says Regal spent the night with Fergie. Regal says it was like "spending the night with a ripped out bloody fireplace!" No reaction to this even though it was great. He says the Americans can't deal with the Japanese and he'll take the TV title back because he's a real man. He says "bloody" a lot and calls Americans "xenophobic bloody toads." This was great.

Chris Jericho vs Meng - C'MON BABY! Something happens in the crowd so the fans look away for the start of the match. Megn does a lot of clawing at the eyes. Match is a real styles. Meng catches Jericho coming off the top and drops him throat first over the top then puts on the Tongan Death Grip to win. This is the first time he used that hold judging by Tony and Larry's reaction. Gene talks to Jimmy Hart after about Meng's upcoming match with Chris Benoit. Kevin Sullivan and Jackie come out. Sullivan says "let's stop making a wrestling interview" because apparently everything he says is a shoot and everything else is fake. Meng was "recruited from Tonga by the Japanese." He talks about being disappointed by his daughter Shannon. Then he wants Meng to put him in the Death Grip but Jackie stands between them. Meng then speaks in English(!) and says if it wasn't for Jimmy he'd take them both out.

The Steiner Brothers vs Public Enemy - P.E. get a huge reaction coming out. Putting people through tables gets you over! Steiners don't show up when their music starts. We see them fighting Konnan and Hugh Morus backstage. Security get between them and the Steiners come out in front of their home state fans. Their parents are in the crowd and the fans bark a lot. Match lasts about two minutes before Konnan and Morus run in. You'd think they'd give the Steiners a proper match in front of their home state crowd but nope! P.E. team up with the Steiners to destroy the Dungeon.

Gene talks to J.J. Dillon. He's been put in a position of power by the board of directors or something. He says Eric Bischoff has no authority, but he has an iron cland contract. Bischoff comes out with his beard and big grin as Dillon keeps talking despite the fans drowning him out by booing Bischoff. Dillon just keeps going on with no regard for what's happening around him. He says something about Buff Bagwell and Scott Norton having WCW contracts but Bischoff tells him to "bite me." He says it again. He just keeps saying it and no selling whatever Dillon is supposed to be saying. He keeps talking when the music is playing him out but he's just saying random things that make no sense. This was a terrible debut.

Jeff Jarrett vs Scotty Riggs - Riggs beat Jarrett on Saturday Night two days ago with his feet on the rope. Jarrett went nuts after and gave him a piledriver. Jarrett backdrops him over the top while Debrah distracts the ref. I can't remember the last time I saw anyone get DQed for throwing someone over the top. Mongo comes out with the briefcase but Reggie White jumps the barricade and grabs it from him. Mongo backs away.

Syxx vs Rey Mysterio Jr. - Fans are into Rey's offence. Syxx is the bigger wrestler for once and throws Rey around. Scott Hall's absence is brought up. Nash powerbombs Rey while the ref isn't looking and Syxx puts the Buzzsaw on to win. Nowhere near Rey's usual level but the heat for Syxx was huge. J.J. brings a stretcher out for Rey.

NWO video with Hogan on the set of his new movie "Mackenzie's Island." Yeah, that one set the fox office on fire! Grace Jones(!) is with him and she's the ruling queen of the NWO now! Robert Vaughn makes an appearance in a NWO shirt too. Obviously Hogan just asked them to wear it as a laugh on set.

The NWO come out to the ring, despite just being out there a minute ago. Syxx talks about "banana nose" Ric Flair. Nash runs down Piper and talks about old guys leaving nothing for young guys like him. WCW was nothing but a bunch of old guys pushing their sons. He brings up that he's from Detroit to get a face pop. You're supposed to be a heel, Kevin. He has no problem flying commercial while the Horsemen and Piper flying in private jets. They're fixing the business ruined by old guys. It's pretty obvious that Nash means all this. It doesn't seem like a heel promo at all.

Diamond Dallas Page vs Psychosis - DDP wins in seconds with the Diamond Cutter from the top. Randy and Liz appear in the crowd after. DDP calls Liz a "bimbo" again. He likes sticking to insults once he comes up with them.

Main event interview with Gene talking to Flair, Piper and Kevin Greene. They simply call the NWO out for a fight. Scott Hall returns and hugs Nash and Syxx. Only the B-Team get in the ring and they get their asses kicked. Everyone gets in the ring right as we go off air.
 
RAW

Loads of signs in the crowd tonight. Show fans are into the product!

We start with Stone Cold Steve Austin coming to the ring for Vince to interview him. Interestingly the glass smashing sound doesn't get a huge pop yet. I guess the fans haven't quite learned it yet. A sea of "3:16" signs. Vince annonces that Austin will get the title shot at Undertaker on the next ppv. But Austin isn't done with Bret yet and wants to fight him tonight in a street fight. They have a timer counting down 30 seconds for Bret to accept. Bret appears on the Titan Tron with Owen and Bulldog and calls Austin "American scum" and accepts the match. Bret continue to be ON FIRE on promos. Austin marches around backstage shouting for Bret and spitting! This was a good feud.

Ahmed Johnson vs The Sultan - Ahmed has a bandaged up hand. Vince says, AND I QUITE "Ahmed galvanised a whole nation in South Africa last week, SOMETHING NELSON MANDELA HASN'T MANAGED TO DO!" WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? Ahmed does some wild kicks. Sultan hits a piledriver. The Nation appear at the top of the ramp so Ahmed beats up the Sultan with his plank of wood and loses by DQ.

Stone Cold is trying to bash his way into Bret Hart's locker room while Bret is being cocky inside.

Vader held hostage, day 9! He goes to court in Kuwait this Wednesday. Jerry Lawler drew a sketch of Vader shovelling camel dung. Ken Shamrock joins the announcers and says he has a problem with bullies so he has a problem with Vader. Lawler asks Shamrock about the rumours of him fighting Mike Tyson. Shamrock challenges Mike Tyson on national tv and says he's another bully. Shamrock mentions Tyson's rape charge (funny how that didn't come up in 1998 when Shamock did appear for the WWF) and says he'll do hard time in the ring. This was quite something!

Stone Cold Steve Austin vs Bret "The Hitman" Hart - In a street fight. Bret delays a lot before coming out. Both are in street clothes, which makes sense since it's a street fight! Bret won't get in the ring and it's all a set up as Owen and Bulldog attack Austin from behind before Bret joins in. Shawn Michaels comes out through the crowd with a chair and hits Owen and Bulldog with it to chase them off. Bret's still in control though and punches Austin a lot. He hits a piledriver (with awesome sell from Austin) then get a chair. Bret tries to Pillmanise Autin's knee but Austin moves and hits Bret in the leg with the chair. Austin works over the leg to a big reaction. Bret begs off in the corner but Austin just smashes the leg more. He puts the Sharpshooter on. Bret doesn't seem to quit or pass out but several referees come in and try to stop it and drag Austin off. So I guess Austin won? They finally get him off.

When we come back after Bret is hurt in the ring and Bulldog says his leg is broken. Gorilla tells off Austin backstage but of course he doesn't care. Bulldog and Owen help Bret down the aisle.

Hour two means opening sequence again.

Tiger Ali Singh vs Salvatore Sincere - Not a very auspicious debut for Tiger. I dind't know Salvatore was even still around. We go to split screen right away to see Bret carried on a stretcher. Tiger gets no reaction as he slowly beats down his opponent. And he's supposed to be a face! Owen is angry at everyone backstage. Vince calls Sal "underrated" as the "BORING" chants start. Meanwhile Bret can't move his foot! Tiger can't even run the ropes right. He hits a lame spinning heel kick to win. And this guy won the Kuwaiti Cup! How!?

Bret is being wheel backstage and they go over a bump and his groins in pain. Owen shouts "WATCH HIS KNEE, YOU IDIOT!" Finally he's put in an ambulance...and Steve Austin's in the front! Uh oh! Austin attacks Bret in the ambulance in a classic RAW moment. They do so many backstage attacks now but at the time this was really fresh and shocking and fun! Owen and Bulldog vow to "kill" Austin.

After the break they're marching around backstage looking for Austin to murder him.

Jesse James vs Rockabilly - Christ, why? Wasn't it bad enough last night? It's amazing how they can go from some of the greatest stuff ever with Bret and Austin to...this. Jesse James even gets to sing his full song! Rockabilly attacks before the bell showing some fire...then does a stupid dance. He misses the Fameasser in a contrived looking fashion and Jesse puts an armbar on. Billy takes over and slowly hits moves then poses. Repeat. A vertical suplex is the biggest move of the match. Then more choking and posing. We even get a chinlock! HOLY SHIT IT JUST KEEPS GOING. This is like one of those South Africa matches. Any fans who enjoyed the Austin/Bret stuff will have turned back over to Nitro by now. JJ makes a brief comeback before Billy drops him face first on the top turnbuckle and hits Honky's Shake Rattle and Roll neckbreaker to win. Why didn't they have him win last night? And why was this match so long and shit? Honky smashes a guitar over Jesse after.

Austin is shouting at Shawn Michaels for sticking his nose in his business. Gorilla says Austin is "this close" to losing his license.

We talk to Mankind on the Titan Tron. He's rocking back and forth upset about Paul Bearer's "handsome face" being burned.

The Undertaker vs Hunter Hearst Helmsley - Taker's face is still bandaged and his angry and attacks Hunter in the aisle. Triple H hits his knee to the face move to the bandaged area then follws up with some punches. Take catches him with a big boot and clothesline. Taker works on the arm. He always works the arm for a while then gets bored and hits the rope walk and forgets the arm after that. He uses a chinlock and keeps beating Hunter down outside the ring. Hunter goes after the eye to take over and rakes it and rubs it against the ropes and such. Taker hits the legdrop to the back and Hunter takes a Flair like bump in the corner. Taker then puts a nerve hold on like he's Savio Vega. I hate nerve holds. Hunter escapes and hits Taker's head into the steps as this match drags on. Hunter uses a chinlock with his feet on the ropes. What a heel! Goldst and Marlena are watching in the crowd, but dressed like normal people. JR calls them "Dustin and Terri!" Taker hits a chokeslam as Mankind walks slowly down the aisle with a blowtorch. Vince leaves the announce desk in concern. Mankind hits Taker with the blowtorch (not turned on.) He struggles to light it (probably a reference to him fucking up the fireball last night) and Taker sits up and chokes him. They fight in the crowd. Marlena grabs Chyna in a choke with her handbag and Goldust jumps Hunter.

Vince talks to Austin in the ring again. Austin heels on the crowd by saying he doesn't know why they're so happy he took out Bret when he did it by himself. He doesn't care about all the signs or Vince's little dimple chin. He tells the fans to shut up when they boo him for saying he'll beat Undertaker. He quotes Sid saying he's the ruler of the world. He tells Vince he'll never be a good role model. Foreshadowing! Owen and Bulldog attack. Vince tries to stop them and Owen shoves him down! Shawn runs out with his chair again. Just when Austin pulls himself up, Brian Pillman jumps the barricade and attacks him. He hits Austin in the back with a chair and slaps and spits on him. He tries to Pillmanise the ankle (which would be only fair, really) but Shawn saves AGAIN with his favvourite chair.

So this RAW sums up a lot of 1997 RAWs. The Austin and Hart Foundation stuff was great, everything else was pretty bad. It was a more entertaining show than Nitro on the whole, but WCW was the hotter product and still killing them in the ratings.


Hardcore TV

Ravishing Rick Rude talks about how he split up the Triple Threat. They Joey and Shane Douglas talk so I skip ahead.

Raven is sad that he's lost everything. He says he forgives Stevie Richards and invites him home.

Stevie interview talking about being bullied in school and picked last in gym class and stuff and Raven is the only who made him feel the same way in life.

Seriously was no one else annoyed by all the close-ups of Joey's face?

Spike Dudley and Chris Chetti vs Little Guido and Tracy Smothers - The faces work on Guido's arm. Smother tags in but Spiker gives him a headscissors and rana. Smothers kind of rolls through a top rope crossbody for two. Chetti hits a plancha on both FBI guys. Tommy Rich intereresand Spike gets whipped into the barricade then crotched on it. This match has been pretty good so of course the mutant fans have spoil it with a "faggot" chant. Chetti hits a sumersault legdrop. Chetti ends up cradling Guido to pin him.

Chris Candido AND SUNNY are backstage and Candido is angry at Brian Lee. RVD walks by and grabs Sunny's ass(!?) so Candido hits him from behind. I mean RVD totally deserved that, surely.

RVD and Sabu attack Candido on a Fan Cam. Taz makes the save. Candido offers a handshake but Taz suplexes him too.

Balls Mahoney vs Corporal Punishment - Balls wins with a top rope elbow.


28/4/1997

Nitro

We start with footage of Ric Fliar beating up and pinning Vader with Tony saying Ric Flair has sent big men out of WCW. He will return to the ring on May 18th.

Piper's music plays and he comes out with Flair. They go to the announce table. Piper says he's tired of the "young generation who just wants to skateboard and collect their cheque." That's an exact quote. He was talking about the "potholes in the road" Nash accused the older generation of leaving so I guess he jumped to skateboarding from that. It still makes him look like a grumpy old man. The opening titles come soon.

Dean Malenko vs Prince Iaukea - US title is on the line and we got to an inset promo with Jeff Jarrett who will challenge Dean at the next ppv. He says "ha ha" like Double J. Fans are solidly behind Dean and boo former underdog hero Iaukea. Malenko hits a powerbomb. He gets the Cloverleaf on without much trouble to win.

Syxx vs Juventud Gurrera - I just noticed that Larry and Bobby are on commentary together (with Tony) for some reason. Oh, it's because it's only a one hour show tonight because of some sporting event. Syxx dominates until Juvi crotches him and hits the twisting rana from the top. Springboard sumersault dropkick gets two as well, but he misses a springboard moonsault and Syxx gets the Buzzkiller (crossface chickenwing) to win.

Kevins Nash and Scott Hall come with Syxx (why did he leave?) next. They take over the announce desk. They get booed a lot as Hall says everyone's here for the NWO. Nash says they'll take on Flair, Piper and Greene but it'll be for 75% of the gate.

Chris Benoit vs Steven Regal - Regal gets no entrance. These two work great together. Really smooth and realistic looking (in pro wrestling terms anyway) and stiff. They headbutt each other in a test of strength. Regal ends up bleeding from it but he's fine with that and they keep going full on. We annoyingly go to a long shot because of the blood. Kevin Sullivan runs in and throws Regal down to attack Benoit. Only lasted a minute or two. Benoit kicks Sullivan in the balls up the aisle. Meng grabs Benoit in the Tongan Death Grip. Regal tries to help Benoit (or get revenge) but is kicked down.

NWO video with Savage and Elizabeth. He's still on crutches. Hey, have you noticed that Savage is almost always seperate from the rest of the NWO?

Lex Luger and The Giant vs The Amazing French Canadians - Canadians hit an impressive move double team dropping Luger gut first on the top rope. They give him some more moves and Luger selling is not pretty. He makes the hot tag to Giant who pins Jacques with a big chokeslam while Luger Racks Oulette.

Steve McMichael vs The Barbarian - Mongo's mannerisms in the ring are quite good so I'll give him credit for that. Barbarian boots him in the face. He whips Mongo into the rail and rams his back into the post. Barbarian hits a piledriver for two. Debrah hands Mongo the briefcase and distracts the ref so Mongo can hit Barbarian with it for the pin.

Flair and Piper come to the ring for the "feature event" on Nitro. Flair's been world champion more times than Syxx has had pieces of ass. Wooo! The NWO music starts but paper falls from the ceiling instead of anyone coming out. They read "Tradition bites! NWO 4 Life." That sure showed Flair and Piper! Piper stares at one and Heenan says "Piper looks like he can't read!" which makes me laugh. Nash, Hall and Syxx come out and send Syxx running (they get pelted by rolled up paper.) Flair takes out Syxx and kicks Nash low but the numbers take over on him. Where's Piper? Flair gets beat up as the announcers yell that Piper is just standing in the ring. He finally goes to help as we go off the air. Weird.

Being a one hour show meant none of the matches got any time, but it's often like that on the two hour shows.
 
RAW

We start with a replay of last week's Austin/Hart Foundation stuff, which is smart since it was great.

Brian Pillman comes to the ring to start. There's no one in the ring to interview him, which is different from usual. They don't normally have someone just come to the ring and talk by themself at this point, so you could see this as a change of direction! Or maybe they do and I've just forgotten. Anyway, Pillman says he has a sensitive side and is deeply religious. He says he's started praying for all our misgivings. He asks everyone to join him in praying and closes his eyes and prays for Bret Hart. He prays for people who enjoyed the brutality of last week's show. He prays for people who enjoy Stone Cold Steve Austin. He prays for America and the destruction of Stone Cold. His delivery is pretty great. Austin interrupts on the Titan Tron and says Pillman better pray Austin doesn't come out and beat the Hell out of him. Pillman "turns the other cheek" and points his ass (in jeans) at Austin. Fans are hot for Austin and his music plays and he comes to the ring but Owen and Bulldog jump out. Autin escapses through the crowd as a fan in a Stone Cold t-shirt tries to hug him or protect him or something. Pillman wants to keep praying with "Brother Owen" and "Brother Davey." They all get down on the knees and pray for Bret Hart. Austin's music plays AGAIN and he runs out with an axe handle and chases them all away. Austin says they should give their souls to the Lord because their asses are his. This was a strong opening to the show. Of course the opening interview segments are going to get out of hand and last too long (and it is fifteen minutes in before the first match) but looking at this in context it was a strong segment.

Pillman is praying for Bret Hart again backstage.

Flash Funk vs Rockabilly - Flash doesn't get his full entrance and no Funkettes, so they've officially given up on him. Funk's flying moves like a twisting crossbody from the top do get a good reaction. He hits a double jump dive to the floor as well. Billy hits a left arm clothesline on the apron. He hits a tornado DDT but dances and poses. Honky pointlessly gets on the apron and Flash whips Rockabilly into him and hits a rana to win. So yeah, Rockabilly has lost two matches and won one since switching to this new character. Rockabilly does hit him with the guitar after.

Vince is in the ring. He announces that Bret Hart underwent knee surgery after the actions of Stone Cold last week. We see footage of the surgery. Vince announces that Bret is here and he comes out on a wheelchair (with his leg up) wheeled by Davey and Owen. He stays at the top of the stage instead of coming to the ring. He calls the Americans a pack of lousy stinking hyenas. He asks the fans if they're sick of him saying he's the best and says if they are then they know how the rest of the world feels about America. The fans chant "USA" and Bret mentions that his mother is American. He ends by saying the people make him sick and tells Davey and Owen to get him out of there.

Austin is barging around backstage looking for the first aid room. There's been a lot of talking on this show so far but at least it's the good talkers talking.

The Legion of Doom vs Doug Furnas and Philip LaFon - Furnas and LaFon get no reaction after being pushed a few months ago. There's an inset promo where they turn heel by saying the fans can't cope with their style and they're international superstars. They're wrestlers, LOD are clowns. The commentators mention their lack of connection with the fans. Henry Godwinn has suffered a broken neck. Furnas goes to legdrop Hawk and kiind of lands with his ass on the back of Hawk's head. They hit some moves on Hawk but he never seems to be in trouble. LOD hit a "double double clothesline" (double clotheslines on both guys at the same time.) LaFon saves Furnas from the Doomsday Device but Hawk just hits a regular flying clothesline on Furnas for the pin anyway. JR talks to Furnas and LaFon in the ring after. Furnas says they pinned the illegal guy. JR asks LaFon if they're blaming the fans and LaFon says "nevermind!"

Let's go back to "Sunny Undercover" on Shotgun which is Sunny in a bed on the stage but the Headbangers come out and join her in bed.

Ahmed Johnson sent The Sultan to the hospital last week. He shouts at Vince asking what he expects and says if anyone wants a gang fight he'll give them one. And shouts a lot. He's a gang member, baby! Vince says "I think we've head enough of this."

Bret, Owen and Davey are huddled together.

Brian Pillman is kissing Owen's Slammies?

Rocky Miavia vs Owen Hart - IC title is on the line! Bulldog and Bret come out to the top of the stage. Owen dedicates the match to Bret. Rocky gets almost no reaction coming out. JR and Vince talking about Rocky having a "rocky ride" as champion. Owen attacks before the bell so we don't get a pre-taped interview with Rocky. Rocky fights him off and later gets a powerslam for two. He works an arm bar. Owen throws Rocky over the top rope and baseball slides him into the guard rail. Missile dropkick gets two for Owen. He uses a chinlock. He drop toe-holds Rocky into a leg grapevine and works the leg. Owen goes for the Sharpshooter but Rocky grabs his hair to escape. Rocky hits the floatover DDT. He does his comeback and hits a messy Rock Bottom for two. Owen hits the spinning heel kick out of the corner which looks good. Rocky sells and bumps well. Owen goes for a moonsault but Rocky crotches him and hits a blockbuster suplex for two. Owen slips out the back on a suplex attempt and gets the feet under the shoulders roll-up to win the title clean. A good tv match and it's nice to see Owen win a title. Owen gives the title to Bret and Bulldog wheels him around as Bret waves it around in celebration.

Austin is wheeling himself around in a wheelchair with his axe handle before the opening credits and pyro again for hour two.

Vince is in the ring to speak to Steve Austin. He comes out through the crowd with his axe handle and wheelchair. Vince leaves the ring. He'll beat up all the Harts and Pillman and at the next ppv he'll whoop Undertaker's ass. The Harts appear on the Titan Tron and Bret says Austin will be leaving in the ambulance tonight. Austin says they will be.

Vader is backstage punching the air and he's out of jail. We see the footage of him grabbing the Kuwaiti host as Undertaker just calmly sits there. Then we take a special look at Ken Shamrock. He's not a good talker yet. We see footage of him beating up Billy Gunn and that other guy and taking down Bret Hart at WM and part of his challenge to Mike Tyson (not the rapist part.) We see him with his wife and kids.

Vader vs Jesse James - Jesse James is still singing "with my baby tonight" on his way to the ring and it's a bit sad. James does his "pull the collar up, hit a dancing clothesline" thing and some good punches but that's only a couple of seconds. The rest is Vader squashing him. He pulls James up at two after a second rope splash and hits the Vader Bomb to win in barely over a minute. JR goes to talk to Vader in the ring after (they're doing that a lot now, like Mean Gene over on Nitro.) JR asks Vader if he has any remorse or feels shaem for embarrassing himself in Kuwait. Vader apologises for nothing and to no one. JR says he's not going to ask if wrestling is fake because he doesn't agree with the question (weird to bring that up at all on a wrestling show) and asks if Vader overreacted. Vader knocks his cowboy hat off and shoves him. He says he'll finish what he started in Kuwait and takes JR's glasses off. Ken Shamrock saves with a belly to belly suplex on Vader. Now we'll never know if wrestling is fake or not!

Goldust vs Hunter Hearst Helmsley - Goldust runs to the ring and attacks before the film effect on his entrance is even finished. No Marlena. Goldust beats him up and hits a butt butt. Hunter hits an inverted atomic drop out of the corner. He used the knee! Then hits his high knee as the commentators talk about Goldust's story and wanting to hear it. Chyna hits some cheapshots outside the ring. "Little Marlena" as JR puts it ("she's spunky!") comes out but the ref gets between them. Vince says "shades of Ellen" about Chyna. WHAT THE FUCK? This was long before the WWF was getting GLAAD awards. He says Goldust "comes out of the closet" next week. Goldust hits a bulldog. Chyna is going after Marlena but Goldust gets in the way. Marlena throws powder in Chyna's eyes and she grabs Hunter in a choke thinking it's Goldust. Fast paced and action packed match but short.

Undertaker appears on the Titan Tron. Undertaker says no man deserves their flesh burned from their face but "he who covets the flame ends up getting burned." Okay? He says Stone Cold may just rest in peace.

Pillman is now praying that Bulldog beats Undertaker.

Stone Cold is pacing.

The Undertaker vs The British Bulldog - Owen wheels Bret out to the top of the ramp. Bulldog dedicates the match to Bret and mentions that Bret introduced him to his wife (Bret's sister Diana.) This is a non-title match, so Undertaker isnt' going to win the European title tonight! Owen's scared face at Taker's dong is funny. We got to ads a few seconds in after Taker dominate Bulldog. We come back to Bulldog hitting his suplex. Taker comes back right away with a chokeslam and Owen runs in. We saw LESS THAN A MINUTE of the actual match. Owen and Bulldog beat down Taker in the corner but Austin runs out through the crowd and attacks them. Austin takes the WWF title belt into the ring and faces off with Taker. He drops the belt on the mat and hits Taker with the Stone Cold Stunner (but he still has to set the Stunner up properly instead of just hitting it super fast like he would later.) Taker gets up and chokeslams him. Austin then spots Bret at the top of the ramp in his wheelchair on his own and goes after him. Bret has crutches. But Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart attacks Austin from behind. Bret hits Austin with his crutch sending him off the stage. Austin is carried out on a stretcher. Pillman is praying backstage but suddenly looks up with a crazy grin and laughs. A wild angle to end the show!

RAW is changing. This episode had a lot more talking than wrestling. That is the kind of thing that annoys me usually, but at this time I can see why it was necessary to spend so much time on character development for Austin and the Harts. But it would have been nice to have more than one (Rocky/Owen) good match! Still I'm enjoying the Hart Foundation angle more than the NWO stuff.


29/4/1997

Hardcore TV

We start with a replay of RVD sexually assualting Sunny. "All disrespect intended!" he says.

Why does the camera need to be so close to Joey's face? He makes fun of WCW's troubles getting videos toether.

Blue Meanie and Hollywood Nova vs Little Guido and Tracy Smothers - No Stevie Richards with the BWO but they do have Thomas "The Inchworm" Rodman. Tommy Rich cuts a promo before the match as he's still with the FBI. We get full introductions for both teams for some reason and the fans chanting "FAGGOT" at the FBI. It's like five minutes since this segment started before the match starts. Smother asks Nova to "tag the fat boy." There's lots of stalling. Meanie is pretty damn fat here. I skp forward a lot. FBI miss a rocket launcher. Meanie cleans house and Joey does his annoying high pitched thing. He hits the Meaniesault on Smother but Tommy Rich hits Meanie with brass knuckles and the FBI win.

The Eliminators cut a promo about being three time world tag team champions. Then there's a music video dedicated to them.

RVD, Sabu and Fonzie talk. Fonzie first. Then RVD says he's interested in exploring his other employment opportunities.

Rob Van Dam vs Little Spike Dudley - RVD is cocky. He controls but keeps being cocky and Spike gets some headscissors and a messed up rana to the floor. He hits a sumersault plancha from the apron. RVD hits a spin kick on the floor. He puts Spike on the guard rail and leg drops him. He hits the frog splash in the ring but doesn't go for the pin. Spike comes back with a bulldog and rana from the top. He tries to hit the running up the buckles bulldog but RVD crotches him and hits a springboard kick. RVD throws a chair right in Spike's face. He hits the Van Daminator to get the pin with an arrogant cover. RVD is on the list of entertaining ECW characters. He gives Spike the skateboard chair dropkick in the tree of woe after. Sabu runs out and splashes Spike from the top as RVD hits a top rope legdrop. Sabu then puts him through a table on the floor.

Tommy Dreamer attacks Joel Gertner after he says rude things about Beulah. Louie Spicolli drags Joey away. Joey's face then explains that Spicolli talks to much and I guess he's heel now.

Louie Spicolli vs Chris Chetti - We cut away to see Tommy cut a promo on Louie. Spicolli hits the death valley driver and the does NWO "too sweet" hand signal. Tommy runs in and gives Louie a DDT. He "breaks" Louie's fingeer according to Joey. He puts the hand in a chair and legdrops it. Did I miss a lot of storyline here?

Raven talks about pain and suffering and anguish holding a hammer. He goes looking for Stevie Richards. He wants Stevie to end his pain and hits him with something. He begs Stevie to end his life for him. LOL. He ends up hugging Stevie saying "I feel your pain."
 
I really need to update this thread that no one will ever read! I have lots of unposted RAW and Nitro reviews. And I even wrote a Survivor Series review three months ago and never posted it, so here's that.

Survivor Series 1987

I have randomly decided to bring this thread back by reviewing the first ever Survivor Series, which I have never watched before. It's thirty years since it happened! Howard Finkel presents Jesse "the Body" Ventura and Gorilla Monsoon, who are hosting. They talk about Thanksgiving turkey a lot.

We get a video package of some random action as opening credits.

Gorilla explains the rules of the elimination matches.

Craig Degeorge talks to The Honky Tonk Man and his team. Honky promises to give Elizabeth exactly what she deserve if she gets invovled!

The Honky Tonk Man, Harley Race, Hercules, Outlaw Ron Bass and Dangerous Danny Davis vs Randy Savage, Ricky Steamboat, Hacksaw Jim Duggan, Jake The Snake Roberts and Brutus The Barber Beefcake - Talk about a mismatch! The face team destroys the heel team in terms of star power. Honky and Savage get their own entrances, as team captains. Savage gets a HUGE cheer. Beefcake nearly eliminates Herc early with a sleeper but he gets to his corner. Beefcake takes out all the heels to a big reaction. Crowds were hot in the eighties! Danny Davis takes an ass-kicking from all the faces. Harley tosses Steamboat over the top twice but Steamboat skins the cat both times. Duggan clotheslines Harley over the top and they brawl on the floor. Both are counted out super fast, as will often happen in SS matches. Savage shows some intensity against Ron Bass, but Honky tags in after Bass knocks Savage down. He tags out quickly when Savage comes back. Bass is abruptly pinned by a beefcake high knee. Things slow down with Herc working Beefcake's arm. Honky works it too. Honky likes the slow pace. Beefcake makes a comeback but doesn't tag out. Davis knees him from the apron and Honky eliminates Beefcake with the Shake, Rattle and Roll neckbreaker. Savage is just great to watch because he acts like it's all real. Jake nearly gets the DDT on Honky. Honky gets his feet up in the corner on him and Jake is worked over by the heels. Man the referee is ugly. Jake makes a comeback on Davis and eliminates him with the DDT without even needing to tag out. The heels continue to beat down Jake. It's a slow beating since it's Honky and Hercules. There's a chinlock in there. And a second. They even do the "dropping the arm" spot that no one does now, from a chinlock. Steamboat gets the hot tag and gives Herc loads of chops, before tagging in Savage who pins Herc with the flying elbow. Savage finally gets his hands on Honky for a moment but runs into the corner, but Savage quickly comes back with a running elbow. The faces tag in and out, taking turns destroying Honky. Honky's finally had enough and runs down the aisle to lose by counout. It was an enjoyable opener. All the wrestlers had good, well defined characters and the fans were into them and the storyline of them all wanting to get Honky. But it was still an eighties WWF match so don't expect anything amazing in terms of wrestling action (and the Roberts heat segment was dull.)

Degeorge talks to Bobby Heenan's heel team, who will take on Hulk Hogan's team tonight. Slick's there too! Andre says he's here for Hogan's soul.

The Glamour Girls (Judy Martin and Leilani Kai), Dawn Marie, Donna Christanello and Sensational Sherri vs The Jumping Bomb Angels (Itsuki Yamazaki and Noriyo Taten), Velvet McIntyre, Rockin' Robin and Fabulous Moolah - Wait, Moolah's a face? Weird. Moolah looks old even here. She does hair mares. McIntyre eliminates Donna with a victory roll early. They're all moving at a fair pace here, but the action is sloppy. Robin pins Dawn Marie with a crossbody (even though one shoulder was up.) This isn't the Dawn Marie who married Al Wilson, by the way. The Jumping Bomb Angles do some cool stuff. Jesse is impressed. They move so fast that Moolah looks confused. Sherri pins Robin with a suplex and a grab of the tights. There's boos when Moolah tags in. When it's Glamour Girls vs Jumping Bomb Angels it's a good match. The Glamour Girls are the woman's tag champions by the way. Wonder why they don't bring those titles back. The action gets a bit random before Moolah is eliminated(!) by a sneaky double clothesline from the Glamour Girls. Sherri drops Velvet on her head with a botchex suplex. Fans are dead now as this has gone on for a while. The bell rings on a pin attempt on a Bomb Angel that she obviously bridged up from. Gorilla doesn't know which Bomb Angel is which, so neither do I. Velvet does a giant swing on Sherri. She then pins Sherri with a victory roll, a big win over the champion. Fans seems to like Velvet a bit at least. Judy Martin seems to sandbag the Jumping Bomb Angels. Velvet still seems to be in pain after the botch from Sherri earlier. Kai pins her with an electric chair drop, using the top rope to bounce her back. A top rope crossbody eliminated Kai. Judy Martin picks a Bomb Angel up in a fireman's carry position and roughly throws her down face first. She gets caught with a top rope kneedrop. Jimmy Hart is dropkicked off the apron and Martin is pinned by a top rope clothesline. Jumping Bomb Angels survive! The action here was all over the place at times, and it went on a bit too long, but the Jumping Bomb Angels were good to watch and it was nice to see them win.

Degeorge now talks to the heel team in the upcoming tag team elimination match. Ten wrestlers and four managers.

The British Bulldogs, The Killer Bees, The Fabulous Rougeaus, Strike Force and the Young Stallions versus The Bolsheviks, Demolition, The Hart Foundation, The Dream Team and The Islanders - The Bolsheviks sing the Soviet national anthem before the match. Jesse stands for it, which is funny. Mean Gene talks to the face team, who don't say much. But they have Matilda with them! When one member of a team is eliminated, their partner goes too. So you've got nine men standing in each corner, which is crazy. Tito Santana eliminates Boris Zhukov with the flying forearm quickly to send the Bolsheviks home. This is hard to keep up with. We get Dynamite Kid and Haku going at it briefly, which is fun. Paul Roma of the Young Stallions takes a beatdown, but tags his partner Jim Powers...who gets his ass kicked too. Ax pins Jacques Rougeau after his misses a second rope crossbody. The Young Stallions get beaten up again. All the heels take turns destroying them. Dynamtie Kid comes in with a stiff clothesline on Smash but gets destroyed in the heel corner. Smash shoves the ref and Demolition are DQed. Bret Hart freaking kills Dynamite with a jumping piledriver. Sadly we go back to the Young Stallions getting destroyed again after that. Rick Martel gets the Boston Crab on Tama but he tag Neidhart from there. Tito gets the flying forearm on Neidhart but Bret makes the save and Neidhart quickly pins Santana. We go back to the Young Stallions getting beaten up again. It's pretty ridiculous how many moves they've taken but still manage to kick out. Maybe it's supposed to get them over as being super tough. We get another great Dynamite/Bret sequence before it's back to the Young Fucking Stallions. Everyone tries headbutting Haku. Davey Boy press slams Bret. Running powerslam on Haku gets two because it's not Davey Boy's finisher yet. Dynamite foolishly gives Haku a second rope headbutt and knocks himself out and Haku superkicks him for three. Then the match defaults to the Young Stallions selling again. Dino Bravo gives Jim Powers a sideslam but foolishly tags Greg Valentine, giving Powers the chance to make a blind tag to Paul Roma. Roma pins Valentine with a sunset flip. The Killer Bees get to hit more stuff than the Young Stallions so I guess they're a step up the ladder. Bret Hart takes a beatdown from the faces. It goes back and forth for a while. Jim Brunzell picks Bret up for a powerslam and Tama dropkicks Bret back into him, but Brunzell rolls through for the three. Killer Bees take the heat segment this time. They get a hot tag to Jim Powers, who finally gets to clean house. The Islanders do some double team stomping on Roma. Killer Bees do their deal where the illegal Bee puts a mask on and uses a sunset flip to get the pin. Cheaters! Killer Bees and the Young Stallions survive. You'd think this would mean the start of a huge push for both teams, but I don't think it did. This was all action, like the woman's match, but the action here was a lot better. The only downside was that it got really unrealistic that the Young Staillions could stay in the match after taking a million moves.

We find ot how the Million Dollar Man spends his Thanksigiving. He shows clips of himself being cruel to children. And to a woman who he makes bark like a dog. He laughs evily a lot. He even paid to have a bunch of kids kicked out of a pool because he wanted it to himself. HAHAHAHAHA! He was a great character.

Jesse and Gorilla put over the Jumping Bomb Angels. In fact they do a review of the whole card so far. It's nice to see them have a relaxed, friendly chat with each other, actually!

Craige Degeorge talks to Honky Tonk Man and Jimmy Hart live in the arena.

Hulk Hogan, Paul Orndorff, Ken Patera, Bam Bam Bigelow and THE ROCK Don Moraco versus Andre The Giant, Ravishing Rick Rude, King Kong Bundy, The Natural Butch Reed and The One Man Gang - Heenan does a big ring intro for Andre like he's Paul Heyman introing Brock. Gene talks to Hogan's team after the heel entrance. Hogan's certainly had his Thanksgiving cocaine! Jesse calls Bam Bam ugly which makes me laugh for some reason. Hogan gets a big (and not mixed) reaction. Jesse hates Joey Marella and points out that he refs every Hogan match. Marella was Gorilla's son so Jesse ripping into him is an inside joke. But still funny in its own right. Rick Rude bounces around for all the faces to start. Bam Bam press slams him. Why wasn't Bam Bam a bigger star during this run? Butch Reed is tagged in and takes a beating too. Frequent tags from the faces. Hogan effortlessly pins Reed with the legdrop. Andre comes in while Hogan's celebrating. Marella tells Hogan to get out of the ring because he high five Patera and Joey's counting that as a tag. Jesse says Marella is saving Hogan! Hogan objects but doesn't just tag himself back in. Andre then just tags out to Bundy. Good heeling! Fans are super into everything here, Orndorff just punching the Gang gets the kind of reaction Roman Reigns wouldn't get for hitting a hundred spears. Ken Patera ends up in the heel corner. He and Gang hit a double clohtesline but Gang ends up on top because he's bigger and gets the pin. Rick Rude does more bumping for the faces. Bundy hits Orndorff with a cheapshot and Rude rolls him up with the tights for three. Hogan hits Rude with a high knee(!) and Don Moraco follows with a powerslam to eliminate Rude. It's down to the six biggest guys in the match. Gang eliminates Moraco with a splash, so it's down to the five biggest. Bam Bam Bigelow is really good, moving like a much smaller man. He takes a heel beatdown, mostly from Bundy and Gang since Andre smartly doesn't get in much. Bammer makes the hot tag and we get Hogan and Andre in together at last. Bundy pulls Hogan out of the ring though. He slams Gang on the floor. He slams Bundy on the floor. But the ref counts Hogan out! Hogan keeps hitting people after he's counted out and the Fink announces that if Hogan doesn't leave his team will be disqualified. Bam Bam keeps fighting despite being three on one down. He hits a dropkick. He pins Bundy with a slingshot splash. Gang misses a top rope splash where he actually lands on his feet and Bigelow pins him. Bigelow is getting the big push! Andre pins him with a hiptoss style suplex. Hogan runs right back down and attacks Andre with the championship belt, to the disgust of Jesse. What a sore loser! Another very entertaining 1987 syle WWF match. Gorilla keeps calling Hogan the "greatest professional athlete alive" as Jesse gets more and more irate.
 
SummerSlam 1992

Random return of this thread with a review of the first WWE show I ever watched in full, 27 years ago, two houses down the road because we didn't have Sky then. It's from Wembley Stadium with a crowd of 80,000 fans which is a lot! Some little kid declares that the British Bulldog's going to win "whether he wants to or not!" to start off the evening and I don't even know what that means. Vince McMahon and Bobby Heenan host. Heenan puts a crown on. That's not his gimmick!

The Legion of Doom vs Money Incorporated - IRS cuts a nonsensical promo about the British not paying their taxes and putting the burden on the royal family. LOD ride out on motorbikes with Paul Ellering and Rocco, a dummy. Yes. Hawk was high as a kite and supposedly burned himself on his bike on the way to the ring. He left the WWF right after this match. Like literally just walked out after it. The fans love chanting "LOD" and there's a lot of fans as I mentioned before! Vince yucks it up at Rocco. Hawk successfully clotheslines DiBiase over the top rope and Animal hits one on the floor. Animal uses IRS's tie and press slams him. IRS gets a sleeper on Hawk, who fights out but misses a top rope clothesline and goes straight to the floor. Big bump for someone who was high. Money Inc use heel tactics like swapping in without making the tag when they have Hawk in chinlocks. The bastards. Hawk hits a clothesline (of all things!) but can't make the tag and Money Inc choke him and stuff. Hawk gets the tag while DiBiase holds him in a facelock but as always the ref misses it. Bring that spot back! Or not. Doube clothesline and Hawk finally makes the hot tag to Animal. He cleans houses including the always popular double clothesline. Hawk goes up for the Doomsday Device but IRS dropkciks Animal to stop it. Animal then pins DiBiase with a powerslam anyway. I guess London didn't deserve the Doomsday Device. Standard 1992 WWF tag match.

Mean Gene Okerlund talks to Ric Flair. He's in his robe despite not having a match. Flair wanted the shot at Randy Savage tonight but it went to The Ultimate Warrior instead. Mr Perfect will be in the corner of either Randy Savage or Warrior tonight. We just don't know who! Man Flair looks rough and old here and it's 27 years ago. His promo isn't great either. I guess WWF Flair never really worked.

Sean Mooney talks to Virgil, who wants revenge on evil convict Nailz for what he did to Virgil's friend The Big Bossman. Virgil spouts out some random phrases.

Nailz vs Virgil - Why does Nailz dress like a convict? It's not like he just escaped prison. He was legally released! Literally all he can do is the same standing strangle choke. Well okay he can do it on the mat too. Virgil hits a clothesline and dropkick but otherwise gets choked a lot. Nailz wns with a sleeperchoke. This was terrible. Nailz hits and chokes him with a nightstick after. Heenan enjoys it.

Gene talks to Sensational Sherri and pervs on her. He explains how Rick Martel had Bret Hart in a Boton Crab but Shawn Michaels attack Hart, costing "The Model" the IC title. And Martel also winked at Sherri! Well I never! Sherri has added a stipulation to this match that neither man can hit the other in the face, because they're so handsome.

The Model Rick Martel vs Shawn Michaels - Martel is dressed as a tennis player and Vince mentions "Wimpleton." Not sure if he meant to say it like that. Sherri holds a giant mirror for Shawn. Vince talks about a "stide" headlock. Seriously what's wrong with him. They do standard technical exchanges to start, but with heelish taunting. Shawn dropkicks Martel in the face, Heenan brings it up and Vince no sells it. Shawn pulls the hair and Martel nearly punches him. He then pulls Shawn's hair and Shawn nearly punches him. Martel throws Shawn over the top. Heenan's having a good time asking what the exact rules are with the whole no hitting in the face thing. Martel hugs Sherri and she likes it. Martel hits a high back body drop. They reverse each other's rolling reverse cradles, pulling the tights so we see both their bums. Shawn hits a weak superkic to the chest for two. They get angry at each other's constant cheating and slap each other in the face. Sherri FAINTS at the thought of them punching each other and it's hilarious. Martel tries to do CPR on Sherrir so Shawn finally punches him. Sherri's sits up because she was faking it. Both are counted out. Shawn tries to carry the "unconscious" Sherrir to the back but Martel up and punches him. Then he carries Sherri away. Shawn attacks him and Sherri takes another bump. Heenan: "Why don't they just roll her back?" This was ridiculously stupid but kind of funny. Martel finally get a face pop by throwing a bucket of cold water over Sherri, who acts like this is the most horrible thing that could ever happen to her.

Mooney talks to the Nasty Boys and Jimmy Hart. They wanted the tag title match. Too bad!

The Natural Disasters vs The Beverly Brothers - The Beverlys are managed by The Genius, who recites a poem before the match. Earthquake and Typhoon use clotheslines and their bellies. Blake tries to slam Typhoon but he falls on him for two. Earthquake accidentaly squashes Typhoon in the corner. Heenan announces that Shawn Michaels has left the stadium. Beverlys do some jumping and choking and that leapfrog onto the back move. They choke with the tag rope and Vince doesn't even mention it! They do the exact same "ref misses the tag during a facelock" spot as the opening tag. More choking. Typhoon hits a double clothesline when they're throwing him back into the buckles. He picks up a Beverly but the other dropkicks him from the top so his brother falls on top for a two count.They hit Typhoon with the Genius's metal scroll but Earthquake makes the save with a big running elbow drop. Hot tag finally made. Quake does a belly to belly suplex which Heenan declares he's never seen him done before. More squishing in the corner. Quake hits a powerslam and the butt splash to win. Genius complains about nothing so they throw him over the top rope. Just another standard 1992 tag match but I think it was a bit better than the opener. The Beverlys at least hit some double team moves and I kind of enjoy the Naturals using their bellies instead of just clotheslines like LOD.

Gene talks to the Bushwhackers. They're annoying.

Alfred Hayes thinks Mr Perfect is in the Ultimate Warrior's dressing room. He tries to barge in but Warrior slams the door. Hayes says this was a shocking and vulgar act of rudeness. You were the one tryng to walk into a dressing room without knocking.

Crush vs Repo Man - Demolition explode! Crush does an overhead press (with multiple reps) right at the start as Vince ejaculates. He hits a running clothesline on the floor. He hits some bad punches with Repo lying on the corner. Backbreaker. Repo pokes the eyes and that's somehow equal to all the moves he just took. He hits a backsuplex but Crush no sells and hits a belly to belly. Okay maybe it wasn't equal. Crush stupidly goes for a kneedrop off the top and misses. Then just starts no selling again when Repo hits him. Repo slams his face into the mat but Crush kicks out by pressing Repo out of the ring (kind of.) He catches Repo coming off the top with a powerslam and does his terrible head vice finisher to win. Basically a squash.

Recap of the Savage/Warrior feud which is all about Flair and Perfect messing with them. The thing is Flair and Perfect beat up both guys at different times yet each believes the other is going to have Perfect in his corner. So they're both dumb.

Macho Man Randy Savage vs The Ultimate Warrior - WWF title match. Warrior runs all the way to the ring (as he does) which is quite far! He doesn't have Perfect with him so Vince and Heenan INSTANTLY conclude that means Savage has sold out. But Savage doesn't have him either. Both men get huge reactions. Savage asks for a handshake and Warrior eventually does so, but then pulls Savage into his massive chest. But not as massive as it used to be, maybe, as there's steroid testing now and Warrior's wearing a singlet. The sky is getting dark. Savage hits a clothesline from the front then behind for two. He tries the double axe early but Warrior punches him on the way down and hits atomic and invertex atomic drops ("reverse piledrive" if you're Vince.) Clothesline gets two. He misses an elbow and Savage kneedrops him for two. Fans are behind Warrior. He hits a jawbreaker out of a Savage chinlock. Warrior hits punches and kicks because he has no weardown holds. Another clothesline for two. Savage pulls him into the buckles by the tights (they mess it up first tmie but repeat it right away.) Savage hits a double axe off the top but Warrior doesn't go down. A second gets two. Top rope crossbody is caught (which is really impressive) and Warrior backbreaker gets two. Warrior works his back with Irish whips and shakes Savage aruond with a bearhug for a two count. He hits a sideslam for two. Warrior doesn't normally do this many moves! Savage keeps in it with a small package for two and a spinning neckbreaker to boos. I always preferred Savage as a child so I'm mad at the Wembley fans, really. Savage does that move where he clotheslines Warrior on the top rope by jumping to the floor. Somebody should use that in 2019. Savage's back is too hurt to hit a suplex so Warrior pounds away at the back. He hits a suplex for two and the fans are still behind him. Warrior runs at him but Savage moves and he goes to the floor. Savage hits his double axe to the floor which always looks like a big deal. Savage beats him up outside the ring and gets two in the ring as Vince does his annoying "one, two, HE GOT HIM!" thing for every two count. Flair and Perfect walk out. Warrior splash hits knees for two. Double clothesline, a popular spot in 1992. Perfect trips Savage and Vince INSTANTLY declares this is proof Warrior sold out and is evil. Ref is bumped and Warrior hits his own double rope double axe. The ref is slow to count and it gets two. Ref is bumped by Savage kneeing Warrior into him. Savage hits a piledriver and goes to get the ref. Perfect holds Warrior for Flair to punch him with a foreign object. Vince and Heenan are confused. Savage hits a weak flying elbow from the top but the ref's count is still slow and it gets two. Warrior does his rope shaking no selling comeback and hits a bunch of clotheslines and flying shoulder block. He does the press drop but Flair hits him in the back with a chair. Savage figures out what Flair did. He goes up, but instead of hitting the elbow he jumps at Ric Flair on the floor. Flair hits his knee with the chair on the way down. Hebner does a super fast countout and Warrior wins, but the title doesn't change on countout. Flair puts on the figure four on the floor. So the plan was just to fuck with Savage and Warrior then ruin the match? And damage Savage's leg, but they didn't know he'd jump for Flair at that exact moment so that was just luck. Warrior chases them away with the chair. Match was good for a Warrior match, with great heat, though it became obvious they were just doing stuff to fill time before the non finish. So entertaining but ultimately pointless! Fans pop huge for Fink announcing Warrior as the winner by countout, but then boo when Savage is declared as still being champion. Did they not know about that rule? Warrior holds the belt over the wounded Savage but then helps him up, much to Heenan's disgust.

Gene talks to Flair and Perfect who say plan A didn't work (whatever that was) and now plan B is to beat up Savage I guess.

The Undertaker vs Kamala - Harvey Wippleman does the ring announcing for Kamala. Heenan declares that Kamala is going to put Taker in a pot and cook him. Even in 1992 this must have been horribly outdated and racist. Taker has a super memorable reference here, driven down to the ring standing on the back of a hearse. There's a coffin inside. Kamala does comedy wobbling selling when Taker upperthrusts his throat. Taker does the ropewalk after the Network edits out a botch. He tries another but Wippleman shakes the rop (with the referee staring right at him) to knock Taker off. It doesn't hurt him anyway. Kamala hits some weak chops and kicks and uses the steps. Taker comes back with a sick looking chokeslam, holding the choke after. From how Heenan reacts this was the first time he ever did it? He hits the flying clothesline which always got a big reaction. Kimchee runs in and hits Taker with a hat for the DQ. This was terrible but the fans loved seeing Undertaker doing his stuff. Kamala beats him down after with a splash, a splash from the second rope and one from the top (which looks bad.) Vince and Heenan declare Taker legally dead. He then sits up. Kamala is scared and runs away. Uh huh.

Mooney talks to Davey Boy Smith about how this match has torn the family apart. Why would having a match with your brother in law tear the family apart? They're both wrestlers working for the same company! Gene talks to Bret. He's angry at Bulldog for saying when they wrestle it'll be like they've never met. Bret was the one who introduced Bulldog to Bret's sister Diana and helped him with his career in the WWF.

The Balmoral Highlanders play bagpipes to mild boos from the racist English fans. They play Scotland the Brave until ROWDY RODDY PIPER comes out to a huge pop. He joins them in playing the bagpipes.

Mooney talks to Diana Hart Smith who gives an completely unemotional interview about how hard this match is going to be on her. She says "aboot" so some Canadians really do do that!

Bret "The Hitman" Hart vs The British Bulldog - Intercontinental title match. Lennox Lewis comes out with Bulldog. Heenan asks if Bulldog has butterflies in his stomach. Vince says maybe more than that. Heenan says "maybe bats!" That line always stuck with me. Bulldog gets a big pop, Bret gets booed but not hugely (yet.) Bret gives his shades to a little boy in the first row. Bulldog shoulderblocks him to the floor early. Bret controls with a headlock and gets a reverse rolling cradle and small package for quick two counts showing he can outwrestle Bulldog. Bret is booed for elbowing his face. Bulldog rolls and flips out of a wristlock and gets an armbat on, showing he can wrestle too. He catches a Bret leapfrog and hits a catapult to the corner. Bulldog controls the arm and gets a crucifix for two. Fans are doing duelling chants years before John Cena. Bret finally hits a knee to the gut to end the arm work. He puts a chinlock on and does some spot calling. Bret hits an inverted atomic drop which Vince still thinks is a "reverse piledriver." He counters a crucifix with a Samoan drop for two. Davey comes back with a big monkey flip but Bret gets his feet up when he charges into the corner. Bret hits a good looking bulldog and goes to the top but Bulldog throws him off. Bulldog misses the Dynamite Kid diving headbutt from the top (Vince doesn't mention it was his former tag partner's move.) Bret dives over the top but Bulldog is too near the rng, so Bret hooks him around the neck on the way down which looks brutal. Bret starts working the back. Side Russian legsweep (Vince: "neckbreaker!") gets two. Bret hits great looking European uppercuts and a standing dropkick to the mouth. Backdrop for two. Snap suplex gets two. Nobody executes moves like Bret now. He keeps going to the chinlock to call spots and let Bulldog get his breath back. Bulldog gets a backslide to gives the fans hope for two. Second rope elbow to the back of the neck from Bret for two. Bret pulls Bulldog off the mark and slams him down by the hair to big boos. Bret get a sleeper on as Vince goes over the top claiming the match is definitely over now, because nobody has ever escaped a sleeper. They keep showing Diana's pained reaction in a small screen. Ref drops Bulldog's arm twice but that's how you make a comeback when in a sleeper and Bulldog rams him backwards into the buckles. He gets Bret up for a press slam but drops Bret on the top rope. Three sleeprs for two, then he does the press slam properly for two. Hanging vertical suplex for two with Bret timing his kickouts perfectly. Bret goes chest first to the buckle for two. Bulldog hits the running powerslam but Bret shockingly kicks out. Bret slips behind on a suplex attempt and hits a German for two. Bulldog hits a top rope suerpplex for two. Double clothesline and Bret hooks the Sharpshooter with both men flat on their backs in a great display of wrestling. Bulldog gets the ropes. Bret goes for a sunset flip but Bulldog sits down and leans forward hooking the legs for the pin. Fans go insane and Vince even shuts up for a minute to let them be heard. Bret looks sad after and nearly walks out without shaking Bulldog's hand but eventually hugs him. Bulldog supposexly showed up for this match wasted and Bret had to call it all in the ring. You can see Bret calling spots at times in chinlocks, but really you wouldn't know Bulldog wasn't at 100%. Great match. Diana hits the ring and raises both hands after. Pyro!

It's obviousl a very memorable show from my chidlhood, but does that mean it's any good? The main is certainly still a very watchable match, and Warrior/Savage has some entertainment, but otherwise there's not much in the ring. Still doing a show with 80,000 rabid fans in a London (DO A PPV OVER HERE AGAIN, VINCE) makes it worth watching for anyone. Maybe. Heenan is very funny on commentary even though he keeps claiming Bulldog is in his "back yard" when he's supposed to be from Leeds.
 
Survivor Series 1992

It's only been three months but a lot has changed since SummerSlam. Ric Flair beat Randy Savage for the world title, then lost it to Bret Hart a month later (due to Flair suffering balance problems.) British Bulldog lost the IC title to Shawn Michaels then left the company before they could fire him for steroids. Ultimate Warrior is also gone for steroid related reasons, which is inconvenient as he was supposed to be teaming with Randy Savage against Flair (his balance problems weren't too bad I guess) and Razor Ramon. Mr Perfect is the unlikely replacement for Warrior having suddenly turned face. Steroids have a lot to answer for!

High Energy (Owen Hart and Koko B. Ware) vs The Headshrinkers (Samu and Fatu with Afa) - There's a guy dressed as Paul Bearer in the crowd and he rules. Headshrinkers don't even get an entrance for some reason. HIgh Energy wear parachute pants. Owen and Samu do a fast sequence with Owen hitting a crossbody and dropkicks. Ware can also throw a dropkick. Afa hits Koko with a kendo stick from the floor then eats a raw chicken. It was 1992. Owen's hair is really ugly. Dull heat segment on Koko. Koko gets a sunset flip in as often happens in 1992 WWF tag matches. Shrinkers just keep pounding Koko and using boring nerve holds. Samu jumps into the ringpost in the corner and Koko makes the hot tag to Owen. More dropkicks. Top rope crossbody, spinning wheel kick, but Samu powerslams him. Fatu hits the splash from the top for the clean pin (Koko too late to make the save.) Bad opener.

Sean Mooney talks to Nailz. Holy fuck he's the worst promo ever. You have to look up one of his interviews on YouTube because I can't describe how weird he talks. He's taking on Big Bossman in a nightstick on a pole match tonight and promises to break Bossman's legs. He randomly adds that he was innocent and jailed for crimes he didn't commit. He's a worse talker than Ahmed Johnson.

Mean Gene talks to The Big Bossman. He's seen Nailz's file and he's not innocent! He should be in for life, in fact. Of course Bossman won't state what Nailz's crime is because it's 1992 WWF and it's a cartoon. Nailz is in the ring already.

Big Bossman vs Nailz - Bossman just runs to the ring with no music and it starts. Nailz has bad punches, Bossman has good ones but Nailz sells them poorly. Nailz slams Bossman off the top like Flair when he climbs up for the stick. Bossman misses a splash. Nailz gets crotch on the to rope after climbing. Every move he takes looks so awkward. Ugly double clothesline. Bossman gets the stick and hits him twice. Nailz kicks him and hits him with the stick twice (Bossman sells it well bless him.) Bossman hits the Bossman Slam to win and runs off Nailz with the stick. Vince says he isn't sure it's over. Nailz would be fired for threatening to murder Vince shortly after this.

Gene talks to Ric Flair and Razor Ramon. They show a clip of the moment Savage asks Perfect to be his partner. Bobby Heenan slaps Perfect for accepting then does a great acting job begging for his life. Jesus WWF Flair looked old. Is it just me? Did they not let him wear make-up?

Tatanka vs The Model Rick Martel - Tatanka is undefeated. Martel stole some feathers from him. Tatanka does chops (because he's an Indian), a backdrop and dropkicks. Atomic drop and he clotheslines Martel out. Vince keeps reminding us that Tatanka's a Native American. Martel drops him throat first on the top rope to take over. He follows up with chokes. Facelock. Hey he's working the throat at least. Doink the Clown (not yet named) comes out during a second facelock. Tatanka tries to make a comeback but Martel hits him in the throat and gvies him a neckbreaker for two (Heenan: "That's okay, hit the Indina in the throat!") Another long facelock by Martel as the Clown keeps making balloon animals. Martel finally runs into the post so Tatanka can make his comeback...with arm wringers. At this point in the match. He armdrags into an armbar. Martel throws him over the top rope. Good, he deserved it. Martel works the back in the ring. He jumps off the second buckle into a punch. Tatanka makes his ethnically based comeback. He hits the chop to the head from the top rope and the Samoan drop to win. Well they tried to have a long epic match but Tatanka wasn't very good. At least he gets his sacred eagle feathers back after. The pay off to Doink being at ringside is him popping the balloons he gave to the kids.

Mooney talks to Randy Savage and Mr Perfect. Perfect says Flair has always wanted to be like him but there's only one Mr Perfect. He tries to explain that Heenan's been holding him back for years because Flair was scared of him, but really this whole story was made p a week ago to explain Warrior not being here. Macho is happy he got Perfect to betray Flair.

Macho Man Randy Savage and Mr Perfect vs Ric Flair and Razor Ramon - Savage comes out by himself then introduces Perfect, I guess to make sure the fans cheer him. Perfect starts with Razor. It's speed versus power. Flair keeps strutting down the apron and nearly gets knocked off by Perfect and Razor hitting the ropes. Perfect takes Razon down and musses up his hair, the ultimate insult. Perfect chops Flair off the apron and Flair tags in, angry. Perfect punches the shit out of him and Flair takes his usual backdrop. Dropkicks, clotheslines, chops, Flair flip over the buckle but Savage knocks him down. Flair's comical selling does fit 1992 WWF, but I can see how I thought he was just a crazy old man when I was watching this as a child. Savage comes in with a double axe to the back and they each punch Flair around. Savage goes clothesline mad. Razor hits a knee from the apron for the heels to finally get control on Savage. Razor goes for the leg but Savage manages to keep moving out of the way, so Razor just grabs him in a double handed choke and throws him down. Flair gives Savage punches and chops. Razor works his back and does the usual abdominal stretch. Flair throws Savage over the top. Razor slams Savage's head into the steps and Flair hits a kneedrop for two. Razor uses a half Boston crab. Perfect gets bored of watching Savage sell the back and starts to walk out on him. He stops halfway down the aisle and walks back. Savage is bleeding a bit too. The fans are into this as Savage's selling is great and they want Perfect to help him. Savage gets a backslide on Flair for two but the heels stay in control. Razor hits a chokeslam for two. Flair punches and chops Savage but gets press slammed off the top (can you believe it!) Perfect finally gets the hot tag and hits his neck slap on Razor. Atomic drop, kneelift, lots of punches. Flair chairs Savage in the head outside the ring. Perfect fights off Flair but the ref is bumped. Perfect flips out of the Razor's Edge and hits the Perfectplex but there's no ref. A second comes but Flair breaks up the pin. Perfect hits the Perfecplex on Flair and the first ref counts but he's not even legal! Razor and Flair won't leave the ring so the refs DQ them, which is lame obviously but I guess nobody could afford to lose. Flair puts Perfect in the figure four but Savage hands him a chair and Perfect hits Flair with it a coupel of times. Entertaining match due to the talent involved but it had no finish.

Yokozuna vs Virgil - Vince claims this will be an extraordinary match. Not a squash then? Yoko looks thin compared to how he'll eventually look. Virgil hits three dropicks but runs into a thrust kick. Yoko kills him with a Rock Bottom. Virgil hits some punches and does a dramatic forward roll but Yoko hits a sideslam and legdrop. Virgil tries a roll-up but Yoko sits on him really quickly. He splats Virgil in the corner with his ass and hits the Bansai Drop (not yet named) to win. I guess this was one of his first matches on tv.

Mooney talks to Savage and Perfect. Perfect has Thanksgiving turkeys for Flair and Razor, a little baby turkey for Heenan.

The Beverly Brothers and Money Incroporated vs The Natural Disasters and The Nasty Boys - This is the only Survivor Series elimination match of the show and it's one where both members of a tag team are eliminated if their partner is pinned. So it's barely a SS match. I guess Vince decided SS matches were old fashioned this year. Nasties turned face at some point after SummerSlam. Typhoon throws around a Beverly. He picks him up over his back and drops him into an Earthquake bearhug. They do a double team belly squash in the corner. Nasties come in to no reaction as I guess they aren't over as faces yet. Sags gives a Beverly a pump-handle slam. DiBiase comes in but Sags reverses a suplex. Money Inc still hit a double clothesline. Knobs tries to get the fans to chant "Nasty!" and a few of them go for it. Sags hits some rough hiptosses and staggers around confused. Beverlys are going to do their double team leapfrog move but they take too long to set it up and just kick Sags instead. I don't know if Sags is hurt or just bad. Sags finally tags Earthquake and before long all eight men are in the ring. Earthquake pins a Nasty with the Earthquake splash. Money Inc give Earthquake a double back suplex. They beat him down and do more double teaming. Quake's selling is better than Sags' was. DiBiase jumps off the second rope right into Earthquake's boot. Typhoon gets the hot tag and splashes IRS. DiBiase trips him from the outside and IRS pins him with his foot on the rope. Sags then schoolboys IRS right away to win. Earthquake and DiBiase were the best two in the match and worked well together (despite the stupid jump into boot spot) but it was bad when the others were in. Nasty Boys have just pinned the tag champions (Money Inc must have won them after SummSlam...a lot happened in those three months) but will never win the titles.

The Undertaker vs Kamala in a casket match - The first ever casket match! Paul Bearer wheels a massive casket to the ring and Kamala is scared. Kamala does comical selling of Taker's throat thrusts. Taker hits the rope walk. Kamala hits some stuff and Taker "sells" it by stepping back a bit. Kamala clothesline him over the top and puts him into the steps twice. Taker just staggers around. Kamala hits him with a chair in the back. Kamala hits slams but Taker keeps sitting up. A third slam keeps him down long enough for a splash. And two more. Bearer gets up on the apron and Kimchee trips him (good apron bump by Bearer!) sending the urn into the ring. Kamala is scared of it because he's African. Taker hits him with the urn and then...pins Kamala. I guess they haven't worked out the casket match rules yet. Taker rolls him into the coffin to win the match (even though the bell rang after the pin.) Then Taker and Bearer NAIL THE COFFIN SHUT. KAMALA IS LITERALLY DEAD. Vince calls this a coffin match so they really this doesn't count as the first casket match.

Mooney talks to Intercontiental champion Shawn Michaels. He's not with Sensational Sherri anymore as she was injured when Shawn pulled her in the path of Marty Jannetty.

Gene talks to new world champion Bret Hart. He's taken all comers since winning the title. Including Virgil!

Bret The Hitman Hart vs Shawn Michaels - The problem with this match is that Bret's only been the champion for a month after having been at the IC level for years, and you wouldn't normally see the IC champ challenge the world champ on ppv, so this really has the feel of an IC title match going in (only the World title is on the line I should note!) Bret does get a pretty strong reaction coming out. They start with mat wrestling. Different from a Hogan title match! But there's angry shoving in there too. Bret controls the arm despite Shawn taking him down by the hair at one point. Shawn keeps pulling the hair but Bret smoothly reverses his headlock to a hammerlock. Bret escapes Shawn's hammerlock by sending him to the floor. Bret gets a crossbody and sunset flip (from the apron) for two then goes right back to the arm. He's the excellence of execution! Shawn gets bored and just starts punching him. He flips out of a hiptoss but Bret clotheslines him for two. Shawn finally takes control with a hotshot/stun gun (the move where he drops Bret's throat on the top rope.) He keeps control when he avoids a charging Bret and the Hitman's shoulder hits the ringpost. Shawn gets two after Bret takes his chest first bump to the buckles. Shawn goes to the chinlock. Fans aren't really chanting for Bret or anything but do clap him on a bit here. They were definitely more into Savage and Perfect and Undertaker, but again Bret's reign is only just starting. Bret finally escapes the chinlock but Shawn hits a dropkick for two. Backbreaker for two. Back to the chinlock. Bret fights out and hits a swinging neckbeaker. Shawn punches him in the throat to stay in control. Shawn switches to a front facelock as his rest hold now. Bret fights out, gets his boots up in the corner, hits a bulldog, but misses a second rope elbow (not the way he executes it when he hits it.) Shawn does the facelock again and they do the hand dropping thing, which does pop the crowd when Bret's arm stays up at three. Bret gets a perfect small package for two. He hits a back suplex and Shawn does a cool sell. Bret hits a catapult and Shawn does a crazy sell! Shawn bumps all over the place for Bret's comeback, including getting crotched and taking a huge backdrop. Side Russian legsweep for two. Backbreaker and second rope elbow for two. Bret hits a second rope superplex but hurts himself before getting two. The ref (Hebner, just like Montreal five years later!) is bumped but gets up right away so not sure what the point was. Shawn gets Bret outside and rams his back to the post. Shawn works the back with a hard Irish whip inside for two. Shawn hits a backdrop, which you rarely see a heel do, for two. Shawn argues with the ref and Bret cradles him for two. Vince is typically annoying calling every nearfall like it's the finish. Shawn hits the superkick out of nowhere but it's not his finisher yet. He goes for the Teardrop suplex but Bret punches him, then misses a punch and Shawn hits it for two. Vince, please, stop. Bret hits a flying forearm and Shawn is tied in the ropes. Bret charges him but Shawn escapes and Bret bumps wildly into the ropes. The fans are way more into it now by the way. Shawn jumps off the second rope for a I guess a dropkick but Bret catches his feet and puts the Sharpshooter on to win. Then Santa Claus runs down to the ring (...) and Vince declares "that's the real deal!" This actually kills the fans who had just been into Bret's win. It starts snowing and that gets the fans back. Vince does an obnoxious "HO HO HO HO!"

It's an entertaining show for 1992 WWF.
 
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