"You gonna get another job?"...

[Volpone]

You've seen the hot/crazy video on YouTube, right? Classic. OOH! Hold that thought.

One of the good things about working on an assembly line is that it gives you plenty of time to think. And I know what the right thing to do is: Stick t my guns and tell Dumbo he needs to be out by the end of April. Otherwise I'm just inconveniencing myself to solve a problem of his that he created. And I'm telling him that I'm a weak sucker and a pushover who will let him get away with shit. He knew he was on month-to-month rent and could be given 30 days notice. He was told the new rent an said he understood it. But then he "forgot." Forgot. And maybe I might believe he forgot. Except that I know that he lies to me all the time about things that are blatant. But we'll say I believe he forgot. Because he paid the rent on the 27th (at 10:40pm, making me either come over in the middle of the night or get up early in the morning). He had almost 40 hours to pay the balance by the first. I even sat up until midnight on the first to give him the benefit of the doubt. But he didn't pay the rent by the first. He didn't pay it the 2nd. He didn't pay the rent until 6:51am on the 4th. Because he was "too busy at work." So if I give him 2 more months I'm just telling him the rules don't matter and he can get away with whatever he wants.

While I was fixing my second cocktail of the evening, I remembered a similar incident, way back when I was a junior(?) in college. I was dating this girl. Professor's daughter. Crazy. She was on the verge of flunking out and her Dad had...put his foot down and said she couldn't move home? (It was a long time ago, I forget the exact details.) Well I decided to be the hero and let her stay with *me.* Big mistake. Dad was right. She was out of school and just lazing around. I started asking her about getting a job and she started making excuses. Eventually I moved her out of my bed and onto a cot I'd set up in my office (it was a 1 bedroom but I had it set up like a studio with a futon in the living room and used the bedroom as an office. It also had a formal dining room, but that's not relevant to the story--other than that I used it as a formal dining room). Anyhow...eventually the writing was on the wall and I wound up having to kick her out. Felt like a dick about it.

Funny thing is, years later, she tracked me down online and thanked me for kicking her out. Said it was just what she needed. Ultimately she joined the Air Force and made something of her life. Shit, I can't remember any of the details of this. Did she have any stuff? Did she just go live under a bridge? Did she trade blowjobs for a place to sleep like The Question? I have no idea. I'm a horrible, horrible person.

 

[Volpone]

Yup. I'm right. This morning he texted me, asking if maybe he could stay. So he's already taken for granted that I'll give him a 60 day extension.

Running is a good time to think. On my last run I realized he is a psychopath. Relatively charming, lies without thinking about it, has no concern about his actions, has no concern about others, will use other people's emotions to get what he wants. Feels no guilt about any of this.

 

[Volpone]

I have decided I wouldn't be a very good hitman. I imagine killing people would be a lot more stressful than just telling someone they have to move. And I'm really not enjoying this.

I really resent people who dump their problems on you and then force you to be the dick. You're the dick for putting me in this position.

Just about the time I was leaving Oregon, I had a friend(?) text me, saying she had no place to stay and asking if my spare bedroom was still available. What followed was a master class of 2 people talking past each other and 1 taking advantage of the other's kindness and trust. I said I'd turned it into a guest room--and that I was in the process of listing the place so I could sell it and get out of Oregon, but that (paraphrasing from memory here) we'd figure something out and she could stay there while she was lining up another place. She asked how much I wanted for rent and I said I'd rather she saved her money for storage and a deposit on her place (to which she said she thought storage was a racket). Then I heard nothing from her until, like 8pm on the 31st, when she texted that she was on her way over with something like 5 cars(!)

And by "5 cars" she meant a minivan, a couple SUVs, a car, and a rented van. And they were all full. Including a bedroom set and multiple 5 drawer filing cabinets. For my fully furnished sub-800sf cottage. Of course at this point it's after 9pm and she has nowhere else to stay, so I'd be a monster if I told her she couldn't unload, right? So we made it work. Somehow. After pretty much everything was unloaded she announced "well, I guess I'd better get the cats"(!)

There were more fun adventures in this stressfest but the bottom line is that I pretty quickly told her she had to be out. Now understand that, at this point I'm in a pretty precarious place and this dumb bitch could've screwed up my entire life. Because after reviewing the texts, there was certainly nothing specified that I meant she could stay there with a few things for a few weeks while lining up a place. And I had clearly said she didn't have to pay rent. So legally I was probably stuck with her and couldn't evict her. And if I couldn't evict her, I couldn't sell the place and I couldn't get off the sinking ship Portland Oregon was becoming. The day I told her she had to be out by came and she was still there. She'd acknowledged she had to be out. But she was still there. I asked what her plan was and she complained that her job didn't make enough for her to have a place so she couldn't move. So I told her I was going to solve her problem. And the next day when she went to work I rented a storage locker and a van and loaded all her stuff except the cats and her bathroom stuff into a storage locker. When she got home I told her she didn't live there anymore and she left. Next day she came back to pick up the cats.

It was a fucking dick move--and flat-out illegal I'm sure (so luckily it worked)--but isn't it an even bigger dick move to take advantage of a friend's kindness and then fuck him over when he puts his foot down and force him to have to be a dick? How do yo manage to ruin your own life and then, when you run out of ways to ruin it, proceed to ruin a friend's life? I really need to work on Samuel L. Jackson's "Do you read the Bible? 'Cause there's this passage I've got memorized--Ezekiel 25:17..." speech.

 

[Volpone]

Tired today. "No good deed goes unpunished." I've got my Problem Child renter I've got to live with until at least April 30. I've got these freaking spambot calls and texts to "Antonio" about the [XYZ] that I filled out an application for--that I'm 99% sure is this crazy girl I had a date with last Sunday. Planned to go to church today, so of course things kept coming up in the house that delayed me. Decided to go even though I was late. The usual priest was back--but so was the priest who filled in while the usual one had the 'rona (twice, back to back). The usual priest is pushing hard on 90 and is frighteningly frail. But the fill-in priest is even scarier--hobbles along with a cane and the whole time you're wondering if he's going to go down at some point. And apparently he must have priest seniority, because he did the service while the regular priest only helped out. And he's...painful. His reading style for the Gospel is like he's reading a children's book--or some televangelist--really overemphasizing syllables as he reads. Then he proceeded to babble on and on during the sermon about a visit he did to Mt. Tabor back in 1980 and how they took a bus there, but the bus can't get up to the church on top of the mountain so they transferred to a limo for that part of the tour, and how the person sitting next to him was agoraphobic--that's fear of heights--and etc. etc. etc. For 15 minutes. I DON'T CARE. GET TO THE POINT.

Now I mention church because at times I've considered being a priest. I think I have aspects to my personality that would make me good at it and that it would appeal to me. In the past I held off because I like sex and all, but it is increasingly looking like I have no idea how to interact successfully with women--or I keep picking the wrong women--maybe a little of both, so it seemed like maybe something I should explore. And when I saw the situation we're in for priests, that kind of reinforced it today. But as I sat there it also made me realize that it also sticks me into a hierarchy. The regular priest should've done the Mass. But for whatever reason the fill-in one did. And I don't like our current Pope at all. I'd be a part of that machine with no control over anything above me. And it isn't like you can just quit and go work for the other Catholic Church. So I'm back to square one--and actually the initial premise of this thread: "I don't think I *want* another job." I don't know where I'm supposed to fit in and I'm getting increasingly tired of trying to figure it out and failing. I mean, relatively speaking, my failure is pretty successful, but I'm tired of all the effort. I dunno. Maybe they shouldn't tell you--again, coming back to "Office Space"--as a kid that you can find a rewarding, fulfilling job. Maybe they should just tell you your life is going to suck and continue to suck and then eventually you'll die.

It's been that kind of year. I'm telling myself I'm starting a new year that isn't going to suck on the 17th, but I really don't have any control over the suck, so it may also suck. The best I can do is...I dunno...learn to enjoy the suck?

 

[Volpone]

Huh. The crazy girl appears to have actually deleted/deactivated her account. I remembered that years ago I'd created another profile to market a business I was working on. Turned out I still had the logon info and it was still valid. A bit of searching around and, sure enough, she hadn't blocked me, she was gone. Of course I don't know if that had anything to do with me reporting her for (I assume) signing me up for a bunch of robocalls and texts. Ah well, back to being productive.

 

[Volpone]

I am increasingly an accidental criminal. I'm not even ready to go into my most spectacular one yet--even with the relative anonymity of this place--but doing my bookkeeping tonight, I'm realizing I've shoplifted more than once.

First time, getting groceries. Making small talk with the cashier as I'm checking out. Got home and put everything away. A few days later, as I'm entering my receipts I'm realizing I don't have a receipt for the groceries. Looked everywhere. Now the supermarket has a liquor store too, so I pick up my booze and I had the receipt from that, so I had a pretty good ballpark estimate of the time I went through the checkout. And I kind of remembered about which lane. So I went back and asked. Turned out there was no way of looking it up apparently. I know I stuck my card in the machine, but the cashier must've voided it instead of just running it.

Thursday I picked up a couple hanging baskets of pansies to dress out some planter hooks on a patio. It was a pain in the ass getting the self-checkout to do what it was supposed to do and the screen said "Transaction voided." So I was just about set to stomp over and wait in the interminable Wal*Mart checkout line when the machine spit out a receipt. I grabbed it. It had the items listed on it. And the amount. Huh. I guess it went through after all. Happily strolled out of the store with a brace of flowers and a receipt in hand. Well today I was trying to put it into the computer and saw that apparently the auto checkout creates receipts for voided transactions. Who'd-a thunk it?

 

[Lanzman]

It was a pain in the ass getting the self-checkout to do what it was supposed to do . . .

It always is. Self-checkout is rarely self-checkout. Seems like there's always something going wrong and you need a breathing hunk of meat to come to the register and clear the error or perform percussive maintenance or something.

 

[Loktar]

It always is. Self-checkout is rarely self-checkout. Seems like there's always something going wrong and you need a breathing hunk of meat to come to the register and clear the error or perform percussive maintenance or something.

Not always. I use the self check out with no problems all the time. Only have trouble when I use gift cards. They need clearer choices on the menu screen. Purchase or balance....no I don't want to purchase the gift card...oh that's the correct choice....oh I see...I'm using it toward my purchase.

 

[Volpone]

Ye gods, Thursday can't come fast enough. Sitting in a meeting on the other computer where they're haggling over how to fix a bug related to daylight savings time on a global sharepoint calendar.

 

[Lanzman]

Switch to zulu time and don't worry about DST at all is the solution.

 

[jack]

I fucking hate daylight savings.

Especially when I'm corrected by some asshole saying "It isn't daylight savings, it's daylight saving".

I'm catching that lost hour sleeping in every. fucking. day. til it changes back.

Also a part of me wants to just leave all the clocks back an hour yet still be on time for all appointments and dates, etc.

 

[Volpone]

Ha. Zulu time. They get confused by military time. God forbid someone try to convince them to switch to GMT for everything. (Anyway, for whatever reason the IT weenies have set the SharePoint up to Pacific Time--even though standard time is the preferred, um, standard.) Shit, why and I blabbering about this? I don't even care. Half day tomorrow, full day Wednesday and I'm out. And never say never, but I'd have to be incredibly bored, they'd have to pile a shit ton of money in front of me, and my friend would probably have to give me his teenage daughter for me to sign on for this torture again.

 

[Volpone]

The hilarious thing about my problem child is how he plays to lose. God, where to begin? The final straw was that rent went up after a year--at the same time he was off lease and on month-to-month. Says he doesn't want to have to move out because he loves the place. So what's he do? "Forgets" to pay the new rent and then takes 5 days to cover the difference. Then he acts hurt and surprised when he gets notified that he has to move out. Calls up right away to try to get out of it. Refuses to understand that it is because he underpaid the rent and then paid the balance late. Starts making threats when cajoling and flattery get nowhere. Next morning he texts to apologize for losing his temper, beginning a progressive string of bargaining to try to get to stay. Eventually he asks if he can have another 60 days and I say I'll consider it. Interestingly, the same day that I've decided that giving him an extension will accomplish nothing except prolonging my suffering, he texts, asking if maybe he can stay after all. In otherwords, he thinks the old fox is a soft, gullible pushover and that he's already gotten the extension and is now looking for more.

Once I had all my ducks in a row (2 days later) I replied that staying wasn't possible and that I couldn't give him an extension either but, if the place was in good shape on the move out inspection, I would be willing to refund a portion of his damage deposit that day. Did he say "thank you?" Did he say "I'm sorry to hear that but I can respect your decision?" Nope. He said "I should be able to get 100% back." OK. Fine. I try to do something for you that I don't have to do (to be fair, it was a carrot to try to get the place back in as good a shape as possible) and you bitch about it. I'll get you whatever the settlement on your deposit remains within the legally required 30 days. And then he has the gall to ask yet again why he has to move. Gee, I dunno. Because you're a shifty, dishonest, disagreeable cunt who creates nothing but headaches for me and doesn't even do the barest minimum to meet his commitments? I wonder if that's why?

Right now I'm debating sending him an invoice for April rent with a $32.40 late fee but that may be counterproductive. Sure, it will be fun, but then I just get a bunch more butthurt texts to ignore.

 

[Volpone]

On an unrelated note, I love when you jump through hoops because you want something from someone and they still tell you "no," then they contact you a month or two later, wanting you to do something for them--*maybe*.

Tried to adopt a puppy and got turned down because I work 2 nights a week. In the process I had to wear a mask for a home visit, promise to replace the bungee that holds my fence gate closed with a latch, to never open my front door, and to never let a dog walk off leash. And this from an agency that specializes in retrievers. You understand what retrievers are bred for, right?

Now they're wondering if I'm willing to foster a Great Pyrenees. I really don't want or need a 120# dog. Not going to rule it out 100%, but geez. A dog that size needs to live outdoors and have a herd of sheep to guard. Not a house dog.

 

[Volpone]

Gotta love when you're on the Titanic, with a big empty lifeboat standing by, and you try to bring some people with you and they're like "No, no. All my friends and family are onboard. Besides, I like the climate." And then, 5 years on, they're like, "FUCKING ICEBERG! I'm DOOOMED1!!!" And you're like, "well, that sucks, but I *did* try to warn you.

 

[Volpone]

10 minutes. Today's my last day on my contracting gig, and it took 10 minutes for me to be done with the insanity and BS. Meeting at 10am my time, so that's when I need to be on. Fire up the computer to learn that at 8:48am my time, the organizer rescheduled the meeting to 9:30. But that's OK because she'd double-booked it over a meeting that was less important but that I'd rather be at. Except Microsoft Teams for some reason thinks I don't have an Internet connection. Microsoft Outlook can see I'm connected to the Internet. So can Microsoft OneDrive. But not Microsoft Teams for some reason. Tried shutting it down and restarting it. At this point I'll just finish deleting all the automated e-mails from my inbox, play my games of solitaire, and then see if rebooting the computer fixes it.

 

[Volpone]

Microsoft Edge thinks I'm online. Microsoft SharePoint thinks I'm online. Just not Teams.

[I wound up going into Task Manager and killing it there before restarting. That worked. ]

 

[Lanzman]

My experience with Teams is that it wants to monopolize your connection. If something else is using your intarwebz it will either boot out the competing app and take over or else refuse to see the connection at all. IL5 seems to be better about it than IL2, tho.

 

[Volpone]

Did a couple trouble tickets, helped the intern with a question on a ticket she was working, and fucked off the rest of the day. Would've liked to touch base with the person in Ireland, but with the time difference and her taking a half day off today, that wasn't possible. Looked at my friend's schedule and, as always, he's booked full. I see he still hasn't signed off on the tasks he has that he was pestering me to pester people to sign off on.

That sentence is confusing enough that I'm going to restate it for clarity: For various reasons, at the end of the month, people haven't signed off on some of their checklist tasks. This has to be done for compliance purposes, so my friend has me look up who still has open items and then badger them to get them completed. My friend has 7 open items. I've asked him to close them out because he has told me to make sure anyone who still has open items closes them out and he has open items. He still hasn't done anything with them.

So you can imagine why I'm not in too much of a hurry to do anything today.

 

[Volpone]

I'll probably wind up logging on at least once more. I should have sent someone the latest version of a few tools I built but they were out and I was being a slug. But I shut off the computer tonight, put it in the closet and pulled the power cord out from behind the desk. It felt really, really good. Start of the week was change to Daylight Saving's Time, we've got a full moon coming up, Spring begins on Sunday.

A month or two ago I started blocking out Thursdays to get things done for my own business--and we promptly had the crappiest weather of the week--and the season--every Thursday after that. Tomorrow--Thursday--promises to be the nicest day of the week. I took Friday off because I'll be listing my vacant rental Thursday and I want to make sure I'm available for showings. I might even find time to wash the car this weekend. Or install the new, screen-accurate external sun visor on the Awesome Van. The trigger has been pulled on my Problem Child tenant so now I just need to hope he's out before April 30 without too much drama, turn that place and get someone who isn't a turd in it, and then find myself my next rental.

Oh, the PITA dog adoption people sent me pictures of this 11 month old Great Pyrenes they want me to foster. I really don't want an 11 month old Great Pyrenes, but what the hell. Maybe it's supposed to happen. Tomorrow is the anniversary of my Dog's death, so it will be sad. And I will probably get very drunk and cry a lot, but that's OK. Actually, I kind of think a part of me enjoys mourning my Dog. I so very rarely experience emotions, so the level of grief I feel over her is interesting. It makes me feel like maybe I'm human after all.