Your mom...

[Riotgear]

You act like this is a deterrent. Ever heard of Praying Mantis Syndrome? The sex is extra extra good if there is actual fear of dismemberment at the end...

I wish I was joking. She's 61, crazy as hell and going strong.

How about dismemberment during instead of at the end?

When my brothers and I were kids she beat up a teacher and got in a high speed chase in the same day.

She became a jehovas witness for two years under the story that she was HIV+ and convinced the church to pay her rent and buy her groceries for much of that.

She's crashed 8 cars. Killed a dog in a fight and sold coke for a living while married to a cop.

The last time I talked to her she demanded $10,000, when I refused to give her money she accused me of turning my back on my family and stopped speaking to my kids.

One time I told her I try to be tolerant of other people and she asked me who the fuck I thought I was to suggest I was in a position to tolerate anybody.

When I was born I was born with my umbilical cord wrapped aroud my neck and I was being strangled to death. The doctors had to save me from her first thing.

We've been going at it ever since.

I think I'm going to keep her flowers (again) this year.

 

[Donovan]

I wish I was joking. She's 61, crazy as hell and going strong.

How about dismemberment during instead of at the end?

When my brothers and I were kids she beat up a teacher and got in a high speed chase in the same day.

She became a jehovas witness for two years under the story that she was HIV+ and convinced the church to pay her rent and buy her groceries for much of that.

She's crashed 8 cars. Killed a dog in a fight and sold coke for a living while married to a cop.

The last time I talked to her she demanded $10,000, when I refused to give her money she accused me of turning my back on my family and stopped speaking to my kids.

One time I told her I try to be tolerant of other people and she asked me who the fuck I thought I was to suggest I was in a position to tolerate anybody.

When I was born I was born with my umbilical cord wrapped aroud my neck and I was being strangled to death. The doctors had to save me from her first thing.

We've been going at it ever since.

I think I'm going to keep her flowers (again) this year.

LOL okay maybe not YOUR mom. If it means anything, I have similar family experiences, too many to list on a page like this, and I have found peace by realizing that parenting doesn't come with a learner's permit, and sometimes they teach us right from wrong by showing us what NOT to do. I remember a brief conversation with a family member who complained I acted distant and like I didn't really care to be around them as an adult. My answer: "When you were busy fucking up my childhood, what exactly did you think was gonna happen?"

 

[Donovan]

I'm old enough to be "your mom", does that count Donovan?

How are you at baking cookies? I'll look in my closet and see if I can find my Oedipal issues...I think I put 'em with the Christmas ornaments.