Bad Purchasing Decision

[The Question]

Peach whiskey, BITCHEZ!

Seriously cheap, though, like a fin a fifth. Comes with a glass, even. Guess they couldn't sell the shit at its normal $25 asking price so they're just throwing it out the door at $5.

 

[Volpone]

This thread answers the question of what teenage girls drink now that wine coolers are out of style.

 

[The Question]

Except not at all.

 

[The Question]

Wait a minute. Hold up one damn minute -- how many teenage girls are you hanging around with while they drink, anyway? 'Cause you seem suspiciously confident when it comes to claiming you know what kind of drinks are "teenage girl drinks."

Methinks chu got some 'splaining to do.

 

[Oerdin]

I never real understood flavored liquor.

 

[Volpone]

It masks the flavor of the liquor, making it taste better to teenage girls. And Castle.

 

[The Question]

Volpone apparently knows all about what to buy to get teenage girls drunk. Make of that what you will.

For himself, though, he likes a drink that tastes like a Haitian hooker's ass crack.

 

[The Question]

Wait, no, scratch that: He has said he's okay with Fireball. Which is whiskey flavored to taste like fuckin' candy. But he sneers at George Dickel Tabasco Barrel Finish. Which is flavored with hot sauce.

So I dunno. Now I'm all puzzled 'n' shit. Doesn't mind whiskey and candy, can't maintain when it comes to whiskey and Tabasco.

Guess there's just no figurin'.

 

[The Question]

A concoction just to make heads go splodey-dope:

Reese's Feces

1 part Skrewball (peanut butter flavored whiskey)
+
1 part Trader Vic's chocolate liqueur.

 

[Loktar]

Yum. Ever try Frog Farts?

1 part boiled frog anus.

2 parts baked beans.

 

[The Question]

That's more up Volpone's alley. He likes drinks that taste like poo.

 

[The Question]

Tonight's addition to the home bar: Malfy "Con Limone". Not bad for wop gin. Real smooth. Fine sipper.

 

[The Question]

I never real understood flavored liquor.

You understand flavored water, don'tcha?

I'd explain it, but there's no need to if you already understand why people drink things other than tap water.

Don't ask Volpone, though, he can't explain it. Well, he probably could, but he'll pretend he can't. He wants to project this false hyper-macho tough guy image, like he wants us to think he drinks whiskey right out of the bottle like a character off Westworld and then eats the bottle as bar food, or maybe like he's all Bear Grylls 'n' shit drinkin' his own piss. "Mmmmmm, two o'clock this morning vintage. Su-puhhhhhhhhb..."

 

[The Question]

So here's a fine bad purchasing decision:

 

[Volpone]

You know what you should do? Just get one of them big plastic bottom shelf mouthwash bottles of whiskey and a variety pack of Kool-Aid and just have at it.

 

[The Question]

Gross. Never mix dark liquor with light mix*, or light liquor with dark mix. Fuckin' gross.

Jack goes with Coke. Gin goes with juice. 'samatta you.


*Exceptions: Whiskey and ginger, whiskey and lemonade, Scotch and soda. But nothing goes with Kool-aid unless you're making "sizzurp", and human beings don't drink that shit.

 

[Loktar]

[QUOTE="The Highwayman, post: 2194692, member: 789]But nothing goes with Kool-aid unless you're making "sizzurp", and human beings don't drink that shit.[/QUOTE]
Unless you're Blackfoot. But then again it's debateable if he is human.

 

[The Question]

But nothing goes with Kool-aid unless you're making "sizzurp", and human beings don't drink that shit.

Unless you're Blackfoot. But then again it's debateable if he is human.

Yeah, that's sorta what I was goin' for there.

 

[The Question]

New iMac is "Out For Delivery."

Fuckin' boo-yah.

 

[The Question]

Here's another great purchasing decision:

Fuckin' delicious. "555" tobacco flavor profile -- naturally extracted Virginia flue-cured tobacco, plus peanut, plus a touch of honey.

Being enjoyed via one of these, by the way:

The Squid Industries' "Detonator". Hell yes.