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DREAM THREAD Part Pi.Pi!

That's an interesting question. I think there are times that I know that I'm dreaming, but I'm still compelled (voluntarily, habitually, or otherwise) to obey the rules of the dream. So no flying for me--unless it's a dream where I'm able to fly. And the other thing--and apparently it's not just me that has this--is my dreams are the most frustrating things. I hit like a girl in dreams. If I'm in a dream where I need to use a gun, it never works. NEVER. I'll be like "OK. I'm going to triple check this thing because I'm dreaming and I know I always forget to load it or it jams or some stupid thing and it STILL won't work when it's time that I need to shoot something. Also sex. I almost never have sex in dreams. I can be naked in bed with 2 hot naked girls, but the phone will ring or someone will be at the door or someone needs to go use the bathroom--or one of those things after another until the opportunity passes.
 
You don't want to have sex in your dreams anyway. The hot girls always turn out to have dicks growing out of their armpits, eyes in their butts, or their pussy turns into a literal pussy cat and it starts singing the Meow Mix jingle.
 
Great,
Why did I read this right before I am about to fall asleep?
Yeah, I have terrible sex dreams also.
But I have been able to change my dreams-but that was when I was having bad dreams-I don't have them anymore thankfully. I could invent a body of water to jump into to safe myself from whoever was chasing me-just like in inception.
Also sometimes I could just tell myself I was dreaming and wake myself up. Haven't had to do that in a long time also.
And I used to have those dreams where I couldn't walk-so I would start rolling down a hill or something-similar to your gun not working.
 
Was this bear an animal the hibernates and shits in the woods, or a hairy, chunky, leather-clad homosexual? It's important.
 
Had a weird one last night. Dreamed I was at the library and Stephanie from Lazy Town was the librarian. Like, older, middle-aged version, but I knew it was her. And she kept bugging me to look at her tits, but I really did not wanna see 'em. But the most troubling part of it was, I was smoking a cigarette. I quit smoking over six years ago, but for some reason, every now and then, I'll have dreams in which I'm smoking again and have no idea why. Closest I get to having nightmares. :(
 
Almost no content remembered from this dream, but a name too cool not to share: I was...somewhere. And one of our...places? had been attacked by "Commander Salamander Saucepan." So I had to travel to the dimension...he? was from. I didn't find him, but I did find the cute girl he worked for, who was leading The Resistance in her dimension and was lonely because she was the only one of her kind (human? female? I dunno).
 
Last night's was... disturbing. Mostly because of how weird it was. Dreamed I was laying out on my balcony (I don't have a balcony in the real world) naked from the waist down but under a blanket, drinking vodka straight from the bottle while a girl I had a thing for in high school was searching through my apartment for evidence that I had fucked some other broad. As in, that I had ever fucked somebody other than her.

Meanwhile, I'm sort of hiding out out on the balcony -- no idea why, this girl was in reality like "The Waltons" level wholesome, so the dream version of her was totally out of character.
 
Dreamed I was riding around on one of those recumbent bikes. Stopped at a fast food joint, but it was one of the ones from the GTA games franchise, a Cluckin' Bell or something. Got a chicken sandwich and two sides, mashed potatoes and gravy, and coleslaw.

Finished eating while some biker in a nazi hat and his trailer park skank watched me like they'd pounce on anything I left behind, then went out to the bike and there was some 1950s greaser type fucking with it. Asked him WTF he was doing and he giggled and ran off. He'd swapped the positions of the seat and handlebars somehow. They still each worked the way they were supposed to, just were opposite where they were supposed to be at. Couldn't switch them back because 1. I didn't have any tools and 2. I had no fucking idea how the fucker had done what he did. So I just rode off on this backward-ass recumbent bicycle. On the freeway. At about 70 mph.
 
Oh man, I don't have time to type this out, but last night was such a goldmine that I have to--relatively coherent, a flowing narrative... I first remember, I'm hanging out in a backyard or something, down a fairly steep hill from a wooded/residential area. But smack-dab among the houses are signs for a massage place and a strip club. This seems sketchy enough in an interesting way that I decide to check it out. Inside is a kind of rustic log cabin/dinner theater motiff. 2 scorching redheads in stripper attire are milling about in the stage area (there's no pole, it's like a stage/dancefloor area you'd see in a little bar). There's an older but once attractive "madam" type running things and she gets me to a table. Along with the menu is another menu explaining how things work. Clearly it's more than a strip club, but I can't read the print that details what other services you can get.

Then I realize she's coming around to take orders and I haven't even looked at the real menu yet, so I explain that I want, like, an 8oz steak and a baked potato and she says they have an 8oz steak with a potato and a slice of meatloaf so that's what she'll get me. While this is happening, the show is apparently starting and a couple curvy (not fat, but not scrawny) blonds in some kind of brown furn onesies are out on stage. Are they bears? Beavers? Reindeer? Who knows, but by the time I've placed my order they're down to neon tie-die bikinis. I have more time to study they other "menu" and still can't make out the bit I want to know, but apparently there are 3 levels of lap dance: A basic lap dance, one where there's some light touching, and the last level, where you get a handjob.

The host comes back so I ask her how I go about seeing one of the redheads (I'm still not sure how legal any of this is, so I'm using couched words). So she takes me out back to show me the operation. It's basically the scene from "You Only Live Twice," with the ninja training camp, only instead of Japanese ninjas, it's dozens and dozens of naked girls, tied up in various bondage positions outdoors for sexual training. Some are learning lesbian stuff. I got to finger one for a bit and then, of course, the dream moved on.

Oh! Almost forgot it, but it came back. I had to go. Because I was late for church. A funeral? Possibly. So I'm doing all the stuff I need to do, but I'm having computer problems. Then we're renovating a house that is based on my late Aunt's house and it's coming along nicely. Someone there has the new iPhone and the text recognition is interesting but I still decide Android's Swype is better so I go to show them that and, of course, my phone is having problems. After some troubleshooting, it is clear it has a virus. I'm trying to decide how to deal with this when I wake up.

Then there's a brief, completely unrelated dream that takes place in the 30 minutes I'm hitting the snooze alarm where I'm either a pilot/copilot of a spaceship or I'm playing one in a cheezy 80s sci-fi movie. There's some kind of problem with some alien creatures on Earth that they're turning evil, so we're shuttling them back to Jupiter, where they came from. We have to stop off at Mars for resupply and then another skinny pointy-headed alien who, it turns out, is played by having by a face, drawn on the tricep of someone who is holding their elbow up above their head and waving it around while doing the voice, is freaked out by the other aliens, who've turned completely evil back in the cargo area. And I wake up again.
 
You know how some of us have said that our "sex dreams" suck? Like, "I always wake up before the really good part" or something like that. Well last night, I didn't wake up and I should have. I fell asleep listening to some news story about something disturbing and then I have a dream that things were being inseted into oriffces that have never had things in them before. It was wrong and I should have woke up! But I didn't.
And now my dream self is in therapy.
 
I had a recurring dream last night
I am in the city
and usually in a car
but last night I was on foot finally
so I am trying to get into the other side of the city-
and I think going through a restaurant will work-but it is like a market where there are several restaurants.
So I walk (or drive) into one and it only takes me furhter and furhter into this web of restaurants that I can't escape.
Then
I find a bridge
But it is a draw bridge, but when it finally goes down we can all cross, but I am stopped because I am inapropriatly dressed.
Which is strange-because on one hand I had no top on-except a scarf, and I got a lot of whistles in the park,
but each time I looked down I had sleeves on, and pants! But also I was BUCK Naked at times.
I was encouraged to purchase a sweatshirt and of course
WOKE UP
during this whole process.
 
Had a dream that I was buck naked an one of my exes had a collar and a leash on me and was parading me around outdoors. Now, ordinarily I wouldn't put up with that, but she was like 10x bigger than me, as was everybody else. I was still pretty irritated by the whole situation, though, so when this hot chick comes up and compliments my ex on her "pet", I do what I figure any guy would do in my place -- I get a running start, jump, and head butt her right in the cooch. Well, she gets a horrified look on her face and I'm all :p but then my ex goes, "Oh, don't mind him, he's just friendly and always excited to meet new people.

And that's when I get it.

I'm a dog. Like, an actual, not-metaphorical dog, on a leash being walked.
 
Yup. It's the end-of-night, morning dreams that are golden. Woke up around 5 for assorted physical discomforts (stuffy nose, gas, thirsty, etc) and took some time getting back to sleep. Then the Dog woke me up around 7. Turned out she didn't want to go out, she just wanted me to open curtains. That done, I proceeded to grab another 2-3 hours of sleep. Then an hour later I had to get up to let her out. Didn't think I'd get back to sleep at this point, but I did. I think both these came between 8 and 10.

First one was a fairly boring in the wrong place; dressed wrong one. I'd come to some pool to go for a swim, but there was apparently a kids swim team training there at that time. So I'm trying to discreetly change back into street clothes without looking like a creeper (because in dreams, pools don't have a locker room, you're stuck changing on the steps down to the pool). In the process, the pool eventually changed to a movie theater. It was taking so long for me to try to get long underwear on without taking my pants off that the movie had ended and the shorts before the next movie were coming on (what is this, 1932 or something?!). By the time I was dressed and got back to the top of the steps where I'd left my stuff, of course some of it was missing. So did someone steal it or did I just misplace it? Again, mildly interesting, but a pretty basic dream form.

This one was trippy. It was basically a classic Star Trek episode. Kirk and the gang are on some alien planet where the aliens turn out to be dangerous and they need to get off the planet. Although in this dream the Enterprise may or may not have been landed on the planet. Anyhow, it starts out pretty standard--everyone is split up, exploring, when Kirk realizes the danger and orders everyone to get back to the rendezvous point. Initially sustained phaser blasts can slow the aliens down (they're standard classic 'Trek human in shiny clothes aliens) but over time they have less and less effect. Also, the phasers look more like squirt guns or something. Kirk and some guest star character go into a ship? computer complex? to try to save everyone. Meanwhile the hot yeoman/ensign chick who's decided to stay behind and live on the planet is having second thoughts and trying to get back. While this is happening, the walls around Kirk start closing in and will crush him and the other guy if Spock can't stop it from outside.

Up to this point, you'd think I wasn't in the dream. You'd be wrong. Turns out I'm a Time Lord. And me and another Time Lord who may or may not be The Doctor jump into our TARDIS to try and use its systems (computer, force field, etc) to help Kirk and company. Of course first both of us have to put on our fez's and scarves. Eventually I think my brain ran out of things to do in the story and I woke up.
 
Oh, and while Kirk and Spock are waiting for the rest, the aliens are getting crazier and crazier. There's a guy sitting at a table at the rendezvous, just cutting at an empty plate in front of him. Hoping to placate him, Kirk puts some food on the plate, but the guy just keeps cutting and mashing it up and knocking it off the plate without eating any of it.
 
I've had recurring dreams about Star Trek -- not involving Star Trek characters, but involving Star Trek tech. Specifically, TNG hand phasers. I think I had a toy one when I was a kid or something.

Anyway, no particular one of these dreams stands out from the others, but as recurring dreams they all involve vaguely the same sequence of events. I'm a kid again, looking around my parents' house (though I actually grew up in gods know how many houses, because in the real world, my mother had this obnoxious fucking obsession with buying fucking dumps and making me help her fix them up so she could flip them). ANYWAY...

That aside, I look around and I find a TNG hand phaser. I instantly know it's not a replica or a toy, because it's heavy and it's metal and feels like an actual gun vis a vis its build quality. So I proceed to wander around phaser-ing shit with it. It's totally non-destructive, though. Nothing gets vaporized or "explosively decoupled", it just makes the phaser noise and a visible beam of light comes out of it.
 
Today's dreams were mundane enough that I briefly thought they were real. I work for a shipping company and the lady that schedules training (we do have a lady that schedules training, but she's completely different than in this dream, as is her job) was scheduling me to go to 8 months of drone training. And she pointed out that it was close enough that I could commute to it. 1) Cool, we're going to deliver with drones and 2) I'm going to be flying them and 3) 8 months of not actually working for a living. Although, at the time, I should have realized it was a dream, because IRL I also don't have to worry about hiding the blanket I use to take naps on the job because I don't actually take naps on the job. But what clinched it was when a Life Flight-type helicopter came to pick me up for some other training. They were happy to find they'd be hauling a passenger, not a patient, and the co-pilot settled into a seat facing back to me and said "this will make the 8 hour flight to Utah go a lot faster." At that point I spent the rest of the dream trying to get my boss on the phone because clearly I couldn't just fly off to Utah with a dog and cat waiting at home for me.
 
Less impressive than my Star Trek dream, but with at least some narrative: There was some land nav/scavenger hunt contest. My team was working on the starting point, heading and distance from the clue book but we were having problems because there was no map of Virginia to find what town we were supposed to go to to look for the whatever. No one has paper maps anymore. It was bad enough, trying to decide if we should factor in magnetic declination and remembering how to calculate that, but you can't very well lay a compass on a monitor and turn it until it is facing the right way. Someone said to just print out a map but the problem is that you wouldn't know if the scale for the distances was right. There was also some app where you were supposed to be able to plug your data in and let the computer do the work but nothing really came of that. This part of the dream was mostly involving ex-military friends.

Eventually my brain must have given up on how to link that part of the narrative and just moved on because next thing I know, I'm trying to sneak into this abandoned house and get to a trap door but the local village elders have forbidden going in that house and once someone spots me all the neighborhood kids want to come in and see what I'm doing while someone else, no doubt has told the people who will come and punish me.

Another jump in the narrative and I'm in a house with friends from Portland. There's a bad storm coming, but we also know this is just cover for the ninjas/boogymen/whatever that is coming because we disturbed whatever was under the trap door. Luckily I've brought a good selection of guns. Of course this being a dream, I've forgotten to bring any ammunition for any of them, but I start taking them out anyway, like show-and-tell to show my liberal friends all the cool toys that could help protect us had I not stupidly forgotten the ammo. That's about when I woke up.
 
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