Gems from Twitter
- Thread starter Fuddlemiff
- Start date
The Question
Eternal
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Hagar the Horrible is a wise man.
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Eggs Mayonnaise
All In With The Nuts
She's wise.
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
I want her to write a grown-up Harry book where his life has gone shit and he calls Ron a cunt on the first page.
50 Nerds of Grey @50NerdsofGrey Sep 10
As he lay at her feet, bound, gagged and sore, he realised he had learned his first lesson - never to say Star Trek is better than Star Wars
50 Nerds of Grey @50NerdsofGrey Sep 7
'My tastes are very singular,' he said, stroking her neck and staring deep into her eyes. 'I'm lactose intolerant and I can't eat peas.'
50 Nerds of Grey @50NerdsofGrey Sep 5
'How do you feel about wearing black leather?' he asked.
'Ok,' she said.
'Good,' he smiled, 'Then you can be Darth Vader and I'll be R2-D2.'
50 Nerds of Grey @50NerdsofGrey Sep 5
'It's so long and hard!' she said, stroking the shaft.
'Of course,' I beamed 'It's a limited edition replica Return of the Jedi lightsaber.'
As he lay at her feet, bound, gagged and sore, he realised he had learned his first lesson - never to say Star Trek is better than Star Wars
50 Nerds of Grey @50NerdsofGrey Sep 7
'My tastes are very singular,' he said, stroking her neck and staring deep into her eyes. 'I'm lactose intolerant and I can't eat peas.'
50 Nerds of Grey @50NerdsofGrey Sep 5
'How do you feel about wearing black leather?' he asked.
'Ok,' she said.
'Good,' he smiled, 'Then you can be Darth Vader and I'll be R2-D2.'
50 Nerds of Grey @50NerdsofGrey Sep 5
'It's so long and hard!' she said, stroking the shaft.
'Of course,' I beamed 'It's a limited edition replica Return of the Jedi lightsaber.'
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Does Darther Vader have a metal arse?
Fuddlemiff
Is this real life?
Was his bum damaged?
Daniel Holmes @DannyHolmes93 20 Dec 2011
Watching that Black Mirror on 4OD, be amazing if David Cameron fucked a pig, the dirt
2,412 retweets 1,400 favorites
Brad III @bradcuhz 1d1 day ago
@DannyHolmes93 this is going to get about 15k retweets, prepare yourself lad.
95 retweets 138 favorites
Daniel Holmes @DannyHolmes93 24h24 hours ago
@bradcuhz the fucks going on? Has he fucked a pig?
Watching that Black Mirror on 4OD, be amazing if David Cameron fucked a pig, the dirt
2,412 retweets 1,400 favorites
Brad III @bradcuhz 1d1 day ago
@DannyHolmes93 this is going to get about 15k retweets, prepare yourself lad.
95 retweets 138 favorites
Daniel Holmes @DannyHolmes93 24h24 hours ago
@bradcuhz the fucks going on? Has he fucked a pig?
Fuddlemiff
Is this real life?
I was up quite late last night laughing my arse off at the #snoutrage/piggate/hameron tweets. Twitter at its best.
I'M COPYING THE ENTIRE ARTICLE FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT
http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2015/09/troll-defends-edward-scissorhands-on-hln.html
Twitter Comedian Defends NSA-Leaker Edward Scissorhands on HLN
It isn't easy being a cable-news booker. There are so many talking heads in the Beltway! And sometimes their names get confused. But when you're looking for a prominent Twitter pundit to provide an earnest defense of NSA outlaw Edward Snowden, you probably shouldn't pick the guy whose handle is @fart.
On Wednesday afternoon, HLN anchor Yasmin Vossoughian wanted to provide some in-depth analysis of Snowden's recent decision to create a Twitter account. Earlier in the day, former New York governor and nominal GOP presidential candidate George Pataki tweeted:
George E. Pataki
✔
@GovernorPataki
.@Twitter is a great American company that should not give a platform to terrorists or traitors - @Jack shutdown @Snowden today.
To test the governor's argument, Vossoughian decided to run it by prominent Twitter user John Hendren. Unfortunately, her staff did not book John Hendren (@johnhendren), the Al Jazeera journalist, but rather Jon Hendren (@fart), comedian and troll.
The interview began auspiciously enough, with the cable-news host asking what makes Snowden not a terrorist. Hendren replied that the whistle-blower is actually a true patriot.
"Jon, Twitter shut down ISIS’ account, why do you think Snowden is any different?” Vossoughian asked.
"He’s a hero. He’s doing what any one of us should have done in that situation," Hendren replied. "He’s got a voice. He’s been isolated for so long."
But when Vossoughian asked about the possibility that Snowden's leaks may have caused harm to American intelligence agents, the two started to talk past one another.
“Well, you know, to say he couldn’t harm someone ... well, absolutely he could,” Hendren said. “But I think to cast him out, to make him invalid in society, simply because he has scissors for hands ... I mean, that’s strange. People didn’t get scared until he started sculpting shrubs into dinosaur shapes and whatnot.”
"All right. Well, now Snowden's living in Russia," the anchor replied, not realizing that NSA-Leaker "Edward Scissorhands" does not live in Russia, but in director Tim Burton's fevered imagination.
"We’re treating him like an animal, like someone who should be quarantined and put away," insisted Hendren, who, remember, uses the Twitter handle @fart. "Just because he was created on top of a mountain by Vincent Price, incomplete with scissors for hands and no heart. Edward Scissorhands is a complete hero to me.”
"But what about the choice that he made to live in a country like Russia?" Vossoughian asked.
"I mean, where else is he going to go? You know?” Hendren said. “We cast him out. We got scared when he poked a hole in a waterbed with his scissor fingers, and that was unreasonable of us.”
Unmoved and surprisingly unflustered, Vossoughian carried on with the sacred task of upholding the fourth estate: "Well, John, I appreciate you giving us your opinion."
http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2015/09/troll-defends-edward-scissorhands-on-hln.html
Twitter Comedian Defends NSA-Leaker Edward Scissorhands on HLN
It isn't easy being a cable-news booker. There are so many talking heads in the Beltway! And sometimes their names get confused. But when you're looking for a prominent Twitter pundit to provide an earnest defense of NSA outlaw Edward Snowden, you probably shouldn't pick the guy whose handle is @fart.
On Wednesday afternoon, HLN anchor Yasmin Vossoughian wanted to provide some in-depth analysis of Snowden's recent decision to create a Twitter account. Earlier in the day, former New York governor and nominal GOP presidential candidate George Pataki tweeted:
George E. Pataki
✔
@GovernorPataki
.@Twitter is a great American company that should not give a platform to terrorists or traitors - @Jack shutdown @Snowden today.
To test the governor's argument, Vossoughian decided to run it by prominent Twitter user John Hendren. Unfortunately, her staff did not book John Hendren (@johnhendren), the Al Jazeera journalist, but rather Jon Hendren (@fart), comedian and troll.
The interview began auspiciously enough, with the cable-news host asking what makes Snowden not a terrorist. Hendren replied that the whistle-blower is actually a true patriot.
"Jon, Twitter shut down ISIS’ account, why do you think Snowden is any different?” Vossoughian asked.
"He’s a hero. He’s doing what any one of us should have done in that situation," Hendren replied. "He’s got a voice. He’s been isolated for so long."
But when Vossoughian asked about the possibility that Snowden's leaks may have caused harm to American intelligence agents, the two started to talk past one another.
“Well, you know, to say he couldn’t harm someone ... well, absolutely he could,” Hendren said. “But I think to cast him out, to make him invalid in society, simply because he has scissors for hands ... I mean, that’s strange. People didn’t get scared until he started sculpting shrubs into dinosaur shapes and whatnot.”
"All right. Well, now Snowden's living in Russia," the anchor replied, not realizing that NSA-Leaker "Edward Scissorhands" does not live in Russia, but in director Tim Burton's fevered imagination.
"We’re treating him like an animal, like someone who should be quarantined and put away," insisted Hendren, who, remember, uses the Twitter handle @fart. "Just because he was created on top of a mountain by Vincent Price, incomplete with scissors for hands and no heart. Edward Scissorhands is a complete hero to me.”
"But what about the choice that he made to live in a country like Russia?" Vossoughian asked.
"I mean, where else is he going to go? You know?” Hendren said. “We cast him out. We got scared when he poked a hole in a waterbed with his scissor fingers, and that was unreasonable of us.”
Unmoved and surprisingly unflustered, Vossoughian carried on with the sacred task of upholding the fourth estate: "Well, John, I appreciate you giving us your opinion."
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Good interview!
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Show off.
Hey Mandy, Stu again, sorry just a reminder that we have a new OFFICIAL account over @luxlisbonmusic so will probably close this one quite soon. If you fancy catching up with us there that'd be cool, and we'll also send you 10 free songs as a thankyou by DM when you follow us - so see you over at @luxlisbonmusic
DAMMIT, STU. This is getting a bit creepy, okay?