Gems from Twitter

[CaptainWacky]

Sorry.

 

[Fuddlemiff]

@luxlisbonuk added me the other day. I wondered why that name sounded familiar! I'll be sure to never fkin say hello.

 

[CaptainWacky]

@JamesBlunt 2h2 hours ago

I get paid £00.0004499368 per stream. Beers are on me! Cheers @Spotify.

 

[Dr Dave]

Portland OR Alerts ‏@pdxalerts 17h17 hours ago

Clark County-Police to Hockinson Community Church for a report of burglary in progress -2 males & a female broke in and are poss having sex

Sex for Jesus?

 

[Dr Dave]

Portland OR Alerts ‏@pdxalerts Oct 16

Portland - Police out near Dancin Bare Strip Club with a male, high on meth, who reportedly tried to punch several random people on the MAX

Strip clubs, meth, The MAX (light rail), it's a Portland tweet!

 

[Dr Dave]

Portland OR Alerts ‏@pdxalerts Oct 16

Portland - police to 17th/Going - report of a male running down the street shooting at a moving car, shooter dropped his slippers in road

Naturally...

 

[Dr Dave]

Portland OR Alerts ‏@pdxalerts Oct 16

Portland-Police responding-report of a male going up & down N.Burrage Ave, digging through peoples trash, stealing their used /dirty diapers

There are no words.

 

[Dr Dave]

Portland OR Alerts ‏@pdxalerts Oct 16

Portland - Police responding to SE 62nd/Flavel - report of a #homeless male attempting to light things on fire at a nearby church

He's probably just trying to recreate the burning bush from The Bible.

 

[Dr Dave]

Portland OR Alerts ‏@pdxalerts Oct 16

Portland-Police resp to Linnton Comm Center-report of a homeless male w/ a machete trying to setup camp on the property,threatened customers

It's the machete that sells it.

 

[Dr Dave]

Portland OR Alerts ‏@pdxalerts Oct 15

Portland-PPB North Precinct-subject in lobby requesting a police officer, wants to report problems w/ his home internet connection

It's comcastic! (best joke I could come up with)

 

[Dr Dave]

Portland OR Alerts ‏@pdxalerts Oct 15

Portland- Police responding to Whole Foods (Sandy) - report of a subject stealing "nutritional and body care products", loading getaway car

Stealing is wrong kids, though their prices are a bit high. The desperate hipster may end up doing such bad things.

 

[Dr Dave]

Portland OR Alerts ‏@pdxalerts Oct 14

Portland-Police resp to Fred Meyer(W. Burnside)-report of an aggressive homeless male shouting slurs at ppl & writing them in chalk on walls

Good to know literacy is not dead.

 

[Eggs Mayonnaise]

Portland OR Alerts ‏@pdxalerts Oct 16
Portland - Police responding to SE 62nd/Flavel - report of a #homeless male attempting to light things on fire at a nearby church

I like the bit of politicial editorializing on the part of the tweeter, making a hashtag out of "homeless".

Portland OR Alerts ‏@pdxalerts Oct 15
Portland-PPB North Precinct-subject in lobby requesting a police officer, wants to report problems w/ his home internet connection

If I was stuck with Comcast, I'd be calling the cops right and left too.

Portland OR Alerts ‏@pdxalerts Oct 15
Portland- Police responding to Whole Foods (Sandy) - report of a subject stealing "nutritional and body care products", loading getaway car

Maybe they've started production on a Portland edition of Real Housewives?

 

[Fuddlemiff]

Portland seems to have a lot of mentally ill people. And churches are a lucky dip of weirdos.

 

[CaptainWacky]

Hipsters eat TRENDY food that causes mental illness probably.

 

[Cassie]

 

[Eggs Mayonnaise]

Surrrrrrre, Donno.

 

[Fuddlemiff]

Amazed he didn't get "hacked" like celebs usually claim.

 

[Dr Dave]

We drink a lot here.

 

[Cassie]

Lucy Lawless Retweeted
michael ‏@michaeljhudson Oct 25

we were skating and this kid came up to us with some weed and talking about how cool Jeb Bush is