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Revolution
- Thread starter Cassie
- Start date
Ugh, io9 gave it a good review. They didn't even mention how silly it was for Mark Pellegrino's character to send in his soldiers one at a fucking time to die until the rebel sniper used up all his bullets. You can't build up a sycophantically loyal militia with terrible leaders!
Filthy Whore
Mad Arse Face
Lucifer's a fun addition to the cast though.
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Watch Alphas (and Clone Wars.)
Episode number 4: WHEN DOGS ATTACK 
THE BAD:
Katniss still not getting dirty. She was jumped by a militiaman, rolled down a hill, and had a little tussle, NOT A LEAF OR TWIG LODGED IN HER PERFECT APOCALYPSE HAIR. On the other hand her brother, Twinkniss, has been held prisoner, with his hands cuffed, and somehow he's managed to lose a sleeve, and get a few smudges of dirt on his white shirt. Not even blood sticks to Katniss, one scene her hands are covered with blood, next they're clean again. MAGIC. Cute boys can get dirty, cute girls, NEVER.
A doberman, a German shepherd, and a rottweiler walk into an amusement park... WHO'S STILL BREEDING PUREBREDS? Oh it's the loon, who's been living like a hermit in an abandoned amusement park since his daughter was killed by a nail. Somehow he's been able to keep his hair and metrosexual chin beard perfectly trimmed even though his norelco electric razor hasn't worked for 15 years!
Big bad ELECTRICAL storm moves in and threatens Twinkniss and his captors with a tornado. Now if only they could find a way to harness the lightning! This was a terrible plot device, I guess meant to give us a little background on Giancarlo Esposito's character, to make us understand why he joined the bad guys, and to underline just how far he's fallen. He tricked Twinkniss! What an asshole. They're really over playing the bad guy attitude here. You can't just be a bad guy on Revolution, you have to be SUPERBAD!
The whole amusement park scenario was incredibly stupid. What the fuck was the point of the amusement loon creating an elaborate crossbow with a string winding around and attached to the door so that when her rescuers come, it will be them that kill her? That bit just seemed tacked on and didn't fit at all. I can just see the writers going "oh wouldn't it be cool if....? " NO MOTHERFUCKERS, IT ISN'T COOL TO HAVE CHARACTERS DO THINGS THAT DON'T MAKE SENSE.
The GOOD:
The action was better this episode. The fights weren't as fake looking. They did a good job with the dogs being scary. They also did a good job making me care about Maggie, even Katniss did better making me care about her. I was truly feeling it there when Maggie was remembering her kids, and telling Charlie goodbye.
I almost care about what's going on with Juliet. I can't imagine what the writers will come up with to explain why she was taken and held prisoner all these years, but I'm positive it will be silly.
There was a lot more bad than good, AS USUAL, but I actually enjoyed this episode more than the first three.
THE BAD:
Katniss still not getting dirty. She was jumped by a militiaman, rolled down a hill, and had a little tussle, NOT A LEAF OR TWIG LODGED IN HER PERFECT APOCALYPSE HAIR. On the other hand her brother, Twinkniss, has been held prisoner, with his hands cuffed, and somehow he's managed to lose a sleeve, and get a few smudges of dirt on his white shirt. Not even blood sticks to Katniss, one scene her hands are covered with blood, next they're clean again. MAGIC. Cute boys can get dirty, cute girls, NEVER.
A doberman, a German shepherd, and a rottweiler walk into an amusement park... WHO'S STILL BREEDING PUREBREDS? Oh it's the loon, who's been living like a hermit in an abandoned amusement park since his daughter was killed by a nail. Somehow he's been able to keep his hair and metrosexual chin beard perfectly trimmed even though his norelco electric razor hasn't worked for 15 years!
Big bad ELECTRICAL storm moves in and threatens Twinkniss and his captors with a tornado. Now if only they could find a way to harness the lightning! This was a terrible plot device, I guess meant to give us a little background on Giancarlo Esposito's character, to make us understand why he joined the bad guys, and to underline just how far he's fallen. He tricked Twinkniss! What an asshole. They're really over playing the bad guy attitude here. You can't just be a bad guy on Revolution, you have to be SUPERBAD!
The whole amusement park scenario was incredibly stupid. What the fuck was the point of the amusement loon creating an elaborate crossbow with a string winding around and attached to the door so that when her rescuers come, it will be them that kill her? That bit just seemed tacked on and didn't fit at all. I can just see the writers going "oh wouldn't it be cool if....? " NO MOTHERFUCKERS, IT ISN'T COOL TO HAVE CHARACTERS DO THINGS THAT DON'T MAKE SENSE.
The GOOD:
The action was better this episode. The fights weren't as fake looking. They did a good job with the dogs being scary. They also did a good job making me care about Maggie, even Katniss did better making me care about her. I was truly feeling it there when Maggie was remembering her kids, and telling Charlie goodbye.
I almost care about what's going on with Juliet. I can't imagine what the writers will come up with to explain why she was taken and held prisoner all these years, but I'm positive it will be silly.
There was a lot more bad than good, AS USUAL, but I actually enjoyed this episode more than the first three.
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Remember when Kate wore the same thing for like two whole seasons of Lost? That's my contribution to this thread.
Filthy Whore
Mad Arse Face
Well that was disappointing, Maggie was the only character that I actually liked.
EPISODE 5: UGH THAT WAS TERRIBLE
The first four episodes were kind of fun to watch, because the terribleness was fun to point and laugh at. Maybe I wasn't in the mood for it last night? THAT WAS PAINFUL TO WATCH.
Anyone watching the show because they are fans of Giancarlo Esposito should be pissed at how poorly written his Captain Neville is. He went from mild mannered do gooder, to evil sadistic bastard practically overnight. He was an insurance adjuster, giving people coverage for things they weren't covered for, he gets fired the day the lights go out. He's in the basement beating the shit out of a punching bag because he doesn't have the balls to stand up to his asshole boss, or his punk ass neighbor who plays music too loud in mild mannered suburbia. Then the world ends, and he and his wife and son cower in their home under the covers... UNTIL punk ass neighbor breaks in and starts stealing the fucking SILVERWARE. YOU CAN'T EAT SILVERWARE! Captain Neville almost gets his clock cleaned by silverware stealing punk ass neighbor when SUDDENLY HE SNAPS and beats the guy to death (so I assume by the looks of horror on his wife and young son's face). Now he's a badass! He likes to engage in fisticuffs with his men, who are too cowardly (he calls them boot lickers) to really punch him hard, so he beats them to a pulpy pulp. He taunts Twinkniss into some sport and Danny gets one good punch in before super badass Neville beats him to a pulpy pulp! Of course Danny's facial wounds heal instantly, as do all wounds on this show, unless the wounded person is unattractive. Hot characters are only allowed to limp sympathetically.
The big reveal this episode is that not-Nate is actually Captain Neville's son! Uncle Miles has known this all along, but never bothered to mention that their captive was the son of evil. Not-Nate is, of course, being portrayed as not evil. The audience is supposed to like him, perhaps feel sympathy for him because his father is such a huge douche. We're supposed to want not-Nate and Katniss to have a secret romance. Young hot teens in love!
Characters continue to do things that make no sense in order to push the plot along. Google guy is a clumsy oaf and accidentally lets not-Nate get his hands on the magic amulet. Of course not-Nate doesn't know what it is, he just thinks it's an ugly necklace and gives it back. DUN DUN DUN.... we're supposed to breath a sigh of relief! Especially now that Juliet has, after years of being questioned (sometimes ROUGHLY), drawn Munroe a picture of the magic amulet that will turn the lights back on. All after seeing Twinkniss walk past her window.. OMG HE'S HURT WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? LEMME TELL YOU EVERYTHING. Munroe is thinking... damn I should have kidnapped her kids years ago, why didn't I think of it before? Evil masterminds are always oblivious to the obvious, that's what makes them so successful...
Nora's firewood bomb is a success, but she changes her mind, but mild mannered bookish guy decides NO you can't I STAB YOU NOW. FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK.. that was really stupid and badly written and STUPID and oh the previews for next week required this contrived stupidity because we need Nora (or anyone besides Katniss, really) to be injured badly enough so that we can visit this crazed person who wants to sex Katniss because this show is SO EDGY DAMMIT.
HEY I WROTE ALL THESE WORDS AND NEVER MENTIONED THE APOCALYPSE HAIR! dammit I just did Nora's bun had one stylishly loose strand of hair, Katniss's part is always straight, Twinkniss has a new shirt. Everyone on the show has perfectly trimmed beards, and hair. They make sure to take time out of their busy days to visit a barber now and then, even lunatic hermits living in abandoned amusement parks.
I DIDN'T THINK I'D HAVE SO MANY WORDS TO POST ABOUT THIS HORRIBLE EPISODE. Sorry.
The first four episodes were kind of fun to watch, because the terribleness was fun to point and laugh at. Maybe I wasn't in the mood for it last night? THAT WAS PAINFUL TO WATCH.
Anyone watching the show because they are fans of Giancarlo Esposito should be pissed at how poorly written his Captain Neville is. He went from mild mannered do gooder, to evil sadistic bastard practically overnight. He was an insurance adjuster, giving people coverage for things they weren't covered for, he gets fired the day the lights go out. He's in the basement beating the shit out of a punching bag because he doesn't have the balls to stand up to his asshole boss, or his punk ass neighbor who plays music too loud in mild mannered suburbia. Then the world ends, and he and his wife and son cower in their home under the covers... UNTIL punk ass neighbor breaks in and starts stealing the fucking SILVERWARE. YOU CAN'T EAT SILVERWARE! Captain Neville almost gets his clock cleaned by silverware stealing punk ass neighbor when SUDDENLY HE SNAPS and beats the guy to death (so I assume by the looks of horror on his wife and young son's face). Now he's a badass! He likes to engage in fisticuffs with his men, who are too cowardly (he calls them boot lickers) to really punch him hard, so he beats them to a pulpy pulp. He taunts Twinkniss into some sport and Danny gets one good punch in before super badass Neville beats him to a pulpy pulp! Of course Danny's facial wounds heal instantly, as do all wounds on this show, unless the wounded person is unattractive. Hot characters are only allowed to limp sympathetically.
The big reveal this episode is that not-Nate is actually Captain Neville's son! Uncle Miles has known this all along, but never bothered to mention that their captive was the son of evil. Not-Nate is, of course, being portrayed as not evil. The audience is supposed to like him, perhaps feel sympathy for him because his father is such a huge douche. We're supposed to want not-Nate and Katniss to have a secret romance. Young hot teens in love!
Characters continue to do things that make no sense in order to push the plot along. Google guy is a clumsy oaf and accidentally lets not-Nate get his hands on the magic amulet. Of course not-Nate doesn't know what it is, he just thinks it's an ugly necklace and gives it back. DUN DUN DUN.... we're supposed to breath a sigh of relief! Especially now that Juliet has, after years of being questioned (sometimes ROUGHLY), drawn Munroe a picture of the magic amulet that will turn the lights back on. All after seeing Twinkniss walk past her window.. OMG HE'S HURT WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? LEMME TELL YOU EVERYTHING. Munroe is thinking... damn I should have kidnapped her kids years ago, why didn't I think of it before? Evil masterminds are always oblivious to the obvious, that's what makes them so successful...
Nora's firewood bomb is a success, but she changes her mind, but mild mannered bookish guy decides NO you can't I STAB YOU NOW. FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK.. that was really stupid and badly written and STUPID and oh the previews for next week required this contrived stupidity because we need Nora (or anyone besides Katniss, really) to be injured badly enough so that we can visit this crazed person who wants to sex Katniss because this show is SO EDGY DAMMIT.
HEY I WROTE ALL THESE WORDS AND NEVER MENTIONED THE APOCALYPSE HAIR! dammit I just did
Nora's bun had one stylishly loose strand of hair, Katniss's part is always straight, Twinkniss has a new shirt. Everyone on the show has perfectly trimmed beards, and hair. They make sure to take time out of their busy days to visit a barber now and then, even lunatic hermits living in abandoned amusement parks. I DIDN'T THINK I'D HAVE SO MANY WORDS TO POST ABOUT THIS HORRIBLE EPISODE. Sorry.
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
I definitely think I enjoyed that post more than I could ever enjoy the show.
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
He's not pretty like a girl.
EPISODE 6: OH GOD THE TERRIBLE, IT BURNS
I am losing my will to watch this show. It has gone past terrible, to so bad it's funny, to WORSE.
SO, last time the show ended with the Latino Barbie stabbed in the gut by Frank Lapidus. Her wound is septic and she's in shock, also unconscious. Uncle Ninja has a plan, and that is to get Nora to someone who can help, 5 hours away. They steal a horse drawn cart thingy from the Monroe Militia, because that's got to be the best people to steal from, they've got all the guns! Anyway, of course they are successful, MILES IS A NINJA.
They arrive in the Land of Oz, amidst a field of poppies (I FUCKING SHIT YOU NOT). Apparently the only doctor who can save Nora is in the employ of one super bad evilly crazy heroin making drug kingpin, Drexel (or something). Okay, so now I had to make myself stop giggling about the poppies, which had been torched by the Irish neighbors (and yet somehow still remained recognizable as poppies, with red flowers and everything) who, for no apparent reason, hate heroin, or something.
Uncle Ninja drives the horse cart up to the gates of Drexler's mansion, and informs one of the guards that he is a hotshit Ninja and Drexel will definitely want to see him. A few seconds later Drexel comes out, you can tell he's crazy and evil because he's played by Todd Stashwick, also he's waving a gun around ordering everyone to GET ON YOUR KNEES, and his eyes have DRUG circles under them. Super bad evil Drexel then puts a gun to uncle Ninja's head and pulls the trigger, CLICK... just kidding. Get up everyone, it was a joke, wasn't it funny? Me and uncle Ninja go way back!
Drexel is all magnanimous all of the sudden and shows everyone to their rooms, where they can take hot baths (not that they look like they need one, cleanest apocalypse EVAR), all the while giving Katniss the creepy, I wanna sex you up eyes. Nora and uncle Ninja go down to the mad scientists lab where there are cut up melons laying about covered in green mold, cuz that's how you grow penicillin! Uncle Ninja has type O blood, luckily, UNIVERSAL DONOR. Mad scientist hooks uncle Ninja to Latino Barbie and LET THE TRANSFUSION BEGIN...
Back in their rooms, Nora is in bed still unconscious, everyone standing around looking worried except uncle Ninja... he's packing up, they are blowing this poppy stand. BUT WAIT super evil Drexel has something to say about that! Back in the good old bad days when uncle Ninja was a general in the Monroe Militia he was also EVIL. He lined people up and executed them without batting an eye! He helped Drexel become the number one heroin dealer in the land! Now, thanks to uncle Ninja being a traitor, Drexel is no longer the Munroe Militia's number one heroin dealer, even though heroin is totes legal and shit. Drexel wants to get even with the Irish neighbors for torching his crops because they hate heroin. If uncle Ninja and the gang don't help Drexel will smother Latino Barbie with a pillow.. OH HE IS SO EVIL, AIN'T HE? Alrighty then, uncle Ninja says "okay, I will murder your neighbors" but NO, Drexel isn't having that, he wants Katniss to do it. The Irish neighbors are heavily armed, and uncle Ninja will never get in. So let's dress Katniss up in one of the hooker dresses and arm her with a chopstick, she can stab big daddy Irish guy in the eye!
FUCK THIS IS MUCH LONGER THAN I PLANNED.
Needless to say, Katniss gets inside the Irish compound. Turns out they torched the poppies because they were the police before the power went out. Should have guessed, because they're IRISH. Also, one of their daughters ran away to get high at Drexel's and he got her hooked on the heroin. Katniss struggles with the plan to kill the Irish grandpa, she hits him in the head with a teapot, then just as she's about to stab him UNCLE NINJA grabs her hands and gets her out of there.
MEANWHILE BACK AT THE HEROIN COMPOUND...
Okay I skipped the part where uncle Ninja escapes from teh compound to go help Katniss but that happened.
Drexel is super pissed and decides to make Google Guy and Latino Barbie shoot at each other. One of them has to shoot the other, or he'll shoot both of them, BECAUSE HE'S EVIL. Google Guy (who's been having flashbacks to when he was a huge pussy) grabs himself by the balls, and SHOOTS HIMSELF... OH FUCK I forgot to mention they woke Nora up with a shot of adrenalin, so she could join the shootout (oh god the stupid). NEVER FEAR Google Guy is okay because he really shot himself in the whiskey flask, it was a trick to get Drexel to come over so he could kill him. DING DONG DREXEL'S DEAD.
THe End.
I'M SORRY THIS IS SO LONG, NO ONE WILL READ IT.
I am losing my will to watch this show. It has gone past terrible, to so bad it's funny, to WORSE.
SO, last time the show ended with the Latino Barbie stabbed in the gut by Frank Lapidus. Her wound is septic and she's in shock, also unconscious. Uncle Ninja has a plan, and that is to get Nora to someone who can help, 5 hours away. They steal a horse drawn cart thingy from the Monroe Militia, because that's got to be the best people to steal from, they've got all the guns! Anyway, of course they are successful, MILES IS A NINJA.
They arrive in the Land of Oz, amidst a field of poppies (I FUCKING SHIT YOU NOT). Apparently the only doctor who can save Nora is in the employ of one super bad evilly crazy heroin making drug kingpin, Drexel (or something). Okay, so now I had to make myself stop giggling about the poppies, which had been torched by the Irish neighbors (and yet somehow still remained recognizable as poppies, with red flowers and everything) who, for no apparent reason, hate heroin, or something.
Uncle Ninja drives the horse cart up to the gates of Drexler's mansion, and informs one of the guards that he is a hotshit Ninja and Drexel will definitely want to see him. A few seconds later Drexel comes out, you can tell he's crazy and evil because he's played by Todd Stashwick, also he's waving a gun around ordering everyone to GET ON YOUR KNEES, and his eyes have DRUG circles under them. Super bad evil Drexel then puts a gun to uncle Ninja's head and pulls the trigger, CLICK... just kidding. Get up everyone, it was a joke, wasn't it funny? Me and uncle Ninja go way back!
Drexel is all magnanimous all of the sudden and shows everyone to their rooms, where they can take hot baths (not that they look like they need one, cleanest apocalypse EVAR), all the while giving Katniss the creepy, I wanna sex you up eyes. Nora and uncle Ninja go down to the mad scientists lab where there are cut up melons laying about covered in green mold, cuz that's how you grow penicillin! Uncle Ninja has type O blood, luckily, UNIVERSAL DONOR. Mad scientist hooks uncle Ninja to Latino Barbie and LET THE TRANSFUSION BEGIN...
Back in their rooms, Nora is in bed still unconscious, everyone standing around looking worried except uncle Ninja... he's packing up, they are blowing this poppy stand. BUT WAIT super evil Drexel has something to say about that! Back in the good old bad days when uncle Ninja was a general in the Monroe Militia he was also EVIL. He lined people up and executed them without batting an eye! He helped Drexel become the number one heroin dealer in the land! Now, thanks to uncle Ninja being a traitor, Drexel is no longer the Munroe Militia's number one heroin dealer, even though heroin is totes legal and shit. Drexel wants to get even with the Irish neighbors for torching his crops because they hate heroin. If uncle Ninja and the gang don't help Drexel will smother Latino Barbie with a pillow.. OH HE IS SO EVIL, AIN'T HE? Alrighty then, uncle Ninja says "okay, I will murder your neighbors" but NO, Drexel isn't having that, he wants Katniss to do it. The Irish neighbors are heavily armed, and uncle Ninja will never get in. So let's dress Katniss up in one of the hooker dresses and arm her with a chopstick, she can stab big daddy Irish guy in the eye!
FUCK THIS IS MUCH LONGER THAN I PLANNED.
Needless to say, Katniss gets inside the Irish compound. Turns out they torched the poppies because they were the police before the power went out. Should have guessed, because they're IRISH. Also, one of their daughters ran away to get high at Drexel's and he got her hooked on the heroin. Katniss struggles with the plan to kill the Irish grandpa, she hits him in the head with a teapot, then just as she's about to stab him UNCLE NINJA grabs her hands and gets her out of there.
MEANWHILE BACK AT THE HEROIN COMPOUND...
Okay I skipped the part where uncle Ninja escapes from teh compound to go help Katniss but that happened.
Drexel is super pissed and decides to make Google Guy and Latino Barbie shoot at each other. One of them has to shoot the other, or he'll shoot both of them, BECAUSE HE'S EVIL. Google Guy (who's been having flashbacks to when he was a huge pussy) grabs himself by the balls, and SHOOTS HIMSELF... OH FUCK I forgot to mention they woke Nora up with a shot of adrenalin, so she could join the shootout (oh god the stupid). NEVER FEAR Google Guy is okay because he really shot himself in the whiskey flask, it was a trick to get Drexel to come over so he could kill him. DING DONG DREXEL'S DEAD.
THe End.
I'M SORRY THIS IS SO LONG, NO ONE WILL READ IT.
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Not Drexel!
Filthy Whore
Mad Arse Face
This was fat guy's episode to have flashbacks... 8 months after the power went out, he and his wife are living with a group that run and hide whenever two outsiders show up yet fat guy is still just as fat and he's unable to grapple with a much smaller man without being thrown to the ground, unable to get up while his tiny wife is being mauled. Lack of fattening food and all that running, fat guy would have lost about 100 pounds BUT HE'S STILL FAT. He even has exactly the same haircut he had when the lights went out. It's amazing.