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The Mine Field Games

Henoch

Henoch raced towards the number 23 with everyone else. He didn't want to miss out on a weapon. If people were going to kill each other he wanted to be one of the people doing the killing. He barged Conchaga out of the way and reached the weapons. He was spoiled for choice, but a sturdy energy whip looked the most attractive to him. Like the ones the Ferengi used.

"I'll turn some of the boys into MY SLAVES and keep them working by whipping their MANLY FLESHY IMMHO!" said Henoch. He saw a boy running from the 23. He used the whip on him, cutting right through his clothes and flaying the skin from his back.

"Ouch!" cried FBI Parte Due. "Why, Henoch, why!"

"Because it TURNS ME ON, BITCH!" said Henoch, whipping him again. "Meh, I grow BORED of hurting you now, run along lad! I'll give you another thrashing later!" FBI ran off. Henoch took a walk around. Everyone else was too busy fleeing or fighting to pay him much attention. He saw Gagh continually punch a man in the face. Such violence! He liked it.

"Keep it up, Gagh, and I'll get IT up! And by that I mean MY COCK in an ERECT STATE!"

"Shut the fuck up, Henoch," said Sarek, suddenly. He had a sword.

"Sarek, my sworn ENEMY and noted CUNT, come to die?"

"Shut the fuck up, Henoch," said Sarek again, swinging the sword now. Henoch was surprised by his speed, but evaded the attack. He tried whipping but only caught Sarek in the ear.

"JUST DIE!" said Henoch. Sarek took another swing with the sword, but Henoch was ready. He used his own whip to catch the sword in the air, with the whip curling around it. Then he abrutply pulled it up, and the sword went right through Sarek's jaw. "Now YOU'LL shut the fuck up!" said Henoch. He kicking the hilt of the sword, sending it up and into Sarek's brain, killing him.

"I need SEX now!" he said. He looked around for someone to fuck. He saw two women arguing over a soccer ball but paid them no attention. "I'm no FUCKING BREEDER," he said. Finally he saw a hot guy, watching from the woods. He slunk off when he saw Henoch.

"Come QUEER, I mean come HERE!" shouted Henoch, running after him. "I NEED COCK!"

"Oh, it's you," said the guy, as Henoch found him leaning against a tree, effortlessly cool. "Hi."

"MENtalist!?" said Henoch. It was indeed Menty standing in front of him. And he had a phone.

"Just let me finish this..." said Menty, tapping something on his phone.

"What YA doin', updating FACEBOOK?" mocked Henoch. "Solved another murder on CRIMINAL CASE? Because there's about to be a REAL murder here if YA don't hurry up! Your murder! By me! IMMHO! If you don't let me SUCK yer English COCK!"

"Okay then," said Menty.

"WHAT!?" said Henoch.

"I said okay then," said Menty. "I'd love a blowjob from you right now. Maybe I'll suck yours after."

"I FUCKING KNEW IT, IMMMHO!" said Henoch, excited sexually. "I knew you were a SECRET GAY! Wacky will be so jealous I got to suck you off first! So I'll fucking WHIP his nipples off the little shit!"

"Less talking more sucking," said Menty, lowing his pants.

"That's my kind of talk!" said Henoch. He kneeled down...and began...then stopped. "Wait a GAY MINUTE! YER cock, it tastes...different."

"How so?" asked Menty, his head tilting to the side. Something definitely wasn't right here. The way Menty was acting...it wasn't quite human.

"It tastes...METALLIC? I've sucked A LOT of male human cocks in my life and this just isn't normal! What kind of a FUCKING FREAK are ya? Maybe I'll have to whip you to death, queerbait!"

"Thank you for the information," said Mentalist. Then he grabbed Henoch's head. His hands were impossibly strong.

"Don't try to RAPE MY MOUTH you SCUMINATOR!" said Henoch. But that wasn't what Mentalist was doing. Without warning he snapped Henoch's neck, killing him instantly.

TO BE CONTINUED
 
CaptainWacky

There was another horn blast. Then something appeared in the sky. Wacky and Tomtrek looked up from the tree where they were sitting. Wacky realised what they were looking at. The avatars of the dead. Filthyrecwhore was letting them know who'd died. Tomtrek ran off the names.

"Further, Dual, John Barrowman, Willszenith, Cock Gobbler, Archibald Nixon, Kaonashi Shinu - oh that's who that was - Sarek, Henoch...wow, even Henoch! Nobody's safe!" After thirty seconds or so another avatar appeared in the sky. That of The Saint.

"Hmm, he must have just died," said Wacky.

"What are you doing up my tree?" asked Tomtrek, eventually, after another five minutes or so of silence.

"I came to help you, Tomtrek," said Wacky. "This might be a fight to the death but we're true friends."

"Where were you at the start, in the chaos?"

"I...I hid around the edges. I waited until the fighting died down then made my way to the 23. I saw the two laptops there, but I knew you'd grab the one with the Michelle pic attached."

"I never even saw the other!"

"Just as I suspected. Your eyes would have seen nothing but her."

"So what's on your latop?"

"What do you think? All the Wacky Hot One Hundred data and a note explaining that the rest of the world is gone and this is all that remains."

"And do you believe that? Do you believe there's nothing of Michelle out there but what's on my laptop?"

"I don't know what to believe. But I'm not taking any chances. I'll protect mine with my life and you'll protect yours with your life. Speaking of, I brought something for you. It was there, hanging from the 23 next to your latop. It was meant for you, just as the axe was meant for me. I guess you didn't see it with your tunnel vision..." He wondered, idly, if Tomtrek or any of the others had even realised that the 23 was because the Mine Field was forum number 23 on TrollKingdom. Nobody knew the Mine Field like Wacky. He handed the object to Tomtrek.

"It's a Sonic Screwdriver!" he said, amazed. "A real one! And it looks like it's been configured to fire deadly SONIC BLASTS to help me kill people."

"I guess you'll be using it soon..."

"Hang on, hang on! I'm detecting something in the air..." Tomtrek was waving the Sonic Screwdriver about.

"Umm, it's not a Tricorder. It can't detect things in the air..."

"UHHH, ACTUALLY, IN THE CLASSIC COLIN BAKER EPISODE 'THE CAVES OF METAL' THE DOCTOR USED THE SONIC TO DETECT..."

"Okay, okay!" said Wacky. "What does it detect?"

"Rage gas!" said Tomtrek. "That's why everyone's killing each other! The rage gas! If we just explain to everyone..."

"You saw what Mirah did," said Wacky. "You think they'll listen to reason? This is our reality now."

"I'm not willing to accept that," said Tomtrek. "The Dcotor wouldn't. MIchelle wouldn't."

Wacky sighed. He knew that Tomtrek was wrong. He knew how this scenario would play out. He'd have to turn Tomtrek into a killer if they had any hope of teaming up and surviving. He knew because he'd been writing a story exactly like this when he'd suddenly appeared on his podium. He hadn't been surprised. He'd also always known that he'd one day be able to write humanity.

"Let's take a look around," he said eventually. Tomtrek nodded and they climbed down the tree. Both had their weapons at the ready.

"Don't see anyone...WHO'S THAT!?" said Tomtrek. Someone was calling towards them. Someone with one leg and a bloody backy. It was FBI Parte Due.

"Help me!" he croaked. "He's gone mad! He's killing everyone!"

"What happened to your back, dude?" asked Wacky.

"Henoch!" said FBI. "He killed me a twink and whipped the shit out of me!"

"Then cut your leg off and killed everyone?" said Tomtrek. "Don't worry, Henoch's dead now. They flashed his avatar in the sky."

"Not Henoch!" said FBI. "Eggs Mayonnaise!"

"The gays really have it in for you!" said Wacky.

"He had one of those Star Wars sword dealies..."

"UHHH, I THINK YOU MEAN A LIGHTSABER," said Tomtrek.

"Whatever! He killed so many people...I only got away by climbing a tree but he managed to cut my leg off."

"Well, your pain is over now," said Wacky, readying his axe. "I'll put you out of your misery."

"What, don't kill me, help me!"

"Ssssssh, it's all okay now," said Wacky. Then he chopped FBI's head off.

"You killed him!" said Tomtrek.

"I told you, didn't I? It's kill or be killed, it's not safe here. If even Eggs is murdering people then there's no reasoning with anyone."

"I still don't know..."

"Well think about this then," said Wacky, a cunning plan to manipulate Tomtrek forming in his mind. "If you die, who will protect the Trachtenberg Laptop? Possibly the last Trachtenberg laptop IN THE WORLD?"

Tomtrek thought about this for a few seconds. "Okay, I'll do it. I'll kill anyone," he said.

"That's the spirit!" said Wacky. "We should take out SAUSAGEMAN's group first. I think they were heading for that ROCKY HILL over there. Come on, we'll CIRCLE AROUND IT."

"You don't have to shout certain words," said Tomtrek.

"Okay, SORRY," said Wacky. They walked to the hill, trying to stay hidden. They could see a lookout above. Then, suddenly, the lookout screamed and someone pushed him off the hill.

"Now's our chance!" said Tomtrek. "Let's kill! For Michelle!"

"For ME," said Wacky to himself. They stormed the hill.

TO BE CONTINUED
 
I don't want tone killed by Tomtrek!


I really want toreador this story to my family. They would say, "what? Who are these people? What is this?"
 
SAUSAGEMAN

"Die, Roktar, die!" said Loktar, grabbing a rock from the bottom of the hill and holding above the person he'd been pounding on.

"I'm not Roktar, I'm Robert "Monkey" Loggia!" said Robert "Monkey" Loggia.

"That's jut what Loktar would say!" said Loktar, bringing the rock down on his head in the killing blow.

"Not bad, Loktar, not fucking bad at all," said Seph. "Maybe I'm starting to respect you!"

"Really?" asked SAUSAGEMAN.

"Nah, not really, I'm going to feed him his own tits," Seph whispered to him.

"Well, what little resistence there was has fallen, let us take the hill," said SAUSAGEMAN. "We'll be able to see anyone coming from up there."

"Hey, what's that!?" said Mirah, pointing up in the sky. Someone had jumped off the hill, but they were flying...or rather, gliding. It was Yub, on one of those Ewok hang gliders, dropping rocks on them.

"YUB NUB!" he cried.

"I'll shoot him down!" said Mirah, firing arrow after arrow. She hit him square on the chest and he fell from the sky, crashing down nearby. Mirah put more arrows in him where he lay.

"I think you got him," said SAUSAGEMAN. The four of them climbed the hill. They looked around.

"I can see the number 23," said Mirah. "Hey, looks like someone's still there." SAUSAGEMAN strained his eyes. He could see someone sitting on the ground, working on some kind of machine. But it was of no concern.

"Yeah, great," said Seph. "When do I get to kill again? I've already forgotten what Dual's cries of anguish felt like in my ears."

"Someone will come soon," said SASUAGEMAN. "For now you and Loktar must stand guard at the other side of the hill. If you see anyone trying to climb up, kill them."

"Sounds good to me, skip, come on Loktar," said Seph. "I need a kill."

"I'm on top of the world now that I've killed Roktar!" said Loktar, walking off with Seph.

"You're going to betray them both, aren't you?" asked Mirah.

"Does that bother you?" SAUSAGEMAN replied.

"Not really," she said. "But if you try it with me, well...there's something I haven't told you. It's hard to explain but...I'm not only the aspect..." Suddenly there was a loud scream.

"Hold that thought," snapped SAUSAGEMAN. "That sounded like Loktar! But who could have...oh. Of course." That was when SAUSAGEMAN realised his key miscalulation, when he realised all his plotting had been for naught. He'd completely underestimated Seph's desire to murder Loktar.

Mirah ran to the other side of the hill and back.

"Seph just jumped off the edge of the hill with his hammer out, saying he was going to wear Loktar's skin as a coat!" she said.

"After pushing Loktar off the edge," said SAUSAGEMAN. "We have to be ready, someone will attack soon..." As soon as he said this, Tomtrek appeared, clutching some kind of BBC prop and a laptop, a mad look in his eyes. Wacky followed behind him with an axe. "Shoot them!" SAUSAGEMAN told Mirah.

"I have no arrows left, I put them all in Yub!" said Mirah.

"Why!?"

"It was so much fun!"

SAUSAGEMAN felt death closing in on him now. Wacky in particular looked like he'd gone all the way over to the homicidal side. He wasn't going to let anyone get off this hill alive. All SAUSAGEMAN had was a dagger, whereas Tomtrek had some kind of science fiction raygun thing. It angered SAUSAGEMAN, knowing he'd die in this way. But then a final cruel thought came to him. Even if he died, he could at least hurt Tomtrek's feelings on the way out. That made him smile.

"Mirah, stand back to back with me," he whispered to her. "We'll fight together, to the last! HEY, TOMTREK, MICHELLE TRACHTENBERG WAS ONLY, LIKE, THE FIFTH BEST PERSON IN GOSSIP GIRL."

"GRRRRRR!" said Tomtrek.

"KILL HIM!" said Wacky. "Michelle will thank you!" Tomtrek fired a sonic blast with his weapon. It went right through SAUSAGEMAN's chest. He fell, but he was still alive. It had missed his heart. He could see Tomtrek standing over him, then he saw the moment of realisation in his eyes. The blast had passed through SAUSAGEMAN...and into Mirah.

"MIRAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" said Tomtrek, cradling her dead body in his arms. Then SAUSAGEMAN noticed something else, a photo of Michelle Trachtenberg on his laptop. He pulled out his dagger and slid it into the laptop. Sparks flew. Tomtrek tried to turn it on, but "THIS LAPTOP IS BROKEN NOW" appeared on screen. SAUSAGEMAN had just destroyed every Michelle Trachtenberg image left in the world.

"I win," he said with a smile. He knew Wacky would finish him off, but he didn't much care now. He was at peace...but suddenly Wacky was knocked flying backwards. He hit the ground hard. SASUAGEMAn struggled to look up...and saw that Eggs Mayonnaise had joined them on the hill, his lightsaber ignited.

"It's Eggs, he's killing everyone, stop him, Tomtrek!" said a hurt Wacky. But Tomtrek was almost catatonic, holding the laptop in one arm and Mirah in the other.

"Eggs, I'll join you!" said SAUSAGEMAN as Eggs stood over him.

"You know what?" said Eggs. "I'm sick of pretending now. I should be proud of who I really am. He doesn't deserve the credit for what I have been doing. I'm not really Eggs Mayonnaise..." He pulled his own face off. It was just a rubber mask. The same rubber mask SAUSAGEMAN remembered seeing hanging from the 23. And the person who had been wearing it...was Fuddlemiff.

Fuddlemiff stabbed down into SAUSAGEMAN's chest with his lightsaber. Unlike Tomtrek, he did not miss the heart.

TO BE CONTINUED
 
Fuddlemiff

As soon as Fuddlemiff heard the horn blast, he jumped off his podium and ran as fast as he could towards the number 23. He didn't know exactly why. He didn't want to kill anyone. Maybe he just wanted to defend himself. Whatever it was, he wasn't going to wait back there with the rest of them. He grabbed the best weapon of all, a genuine lightsaber. Then he looked around, considering his options. He saw Seph already hitting Dual in the back of the head before he even had a weapon. People were already starting to fight. He needed more than just a weapon, he decided. That was when he saw it, as though it was fate. A rubber Eggs Mayonnaise mask.

He grabbed it, put it on, and ran towars the woods. He stopped after seeing Ischcabittle and SilentBt Violent wrestling each other. He watched them, thinking. Even those two were fighting, but surely no one would wand to hurt Eggs? Everyone loved Eggs. If he was Eggs he was safe. He ran into the woods now, ran for safety...but saw Dr Dave standing in front of him with a gigantic sword. Dr Dave, well know as a deadly warrior. Was even Eggs Mayonnaise safe against him? He turned and ran back, nearly knocking Tomtrek over as he did. It was only after that it occured to him that he should have formed and alliance with Tomtrek. Too late, he was gone. He watched the fighting continue. He saw Cassie chop a man's penis off and shuddered. He saw the real Eggs working on something labelled "earthquake machine." Everyone was ignoring him. The plan was working...

He saw Headvoid and Whisky making their way into the woods, in the same direction where Dr Dave had been. Should he warn them? They could be allies. They were both solid chaps, despite Whisky's bad puns. He decided to follow them for a while.

Fuddlemiff watched as Whisky, Headvoid and Dr Dave formed an alliance, watched as Tisi joined them and watched as they began work on their insane plane to build a plank over the lake and chasm and escape. And still he did not reveal himself to them. He decided he'd see if they managed to escape first, then follow them out. He watched them work and was surprised by how fast they were constructing the plank. He listened to their conversation.

"It's amazing how fast we're building this!" said Tisi. "I mean, I'm a master tree chopper, of course, everyone knows that, but the way you're making those planks, Headvoid..."

"Well, actually, we went on a team building weekend once where we built planks to cross chasm and rivers," said Headvoid.

"Amazing!" said Tisi. "Did it help bond the team?"

"Well, no, but the cocaine we did together afterwards did," said Headvoid.

"Ad men?" said Whisky. "More like MAD MEN!"

"Grrr!" said Dr Dave. "That's a pun! And the name of a tv show!"

Fuddlemiff smiled. They weren't bad people. Maybe the rage that had taken over everyone else hadn't affected them. Maybe he could join their team...

Then he heard another horn blast. There was something in the sky, but he couldn't make out what. Too many trees. He walked away, tryign to find a clearing. It took longer then he thought, but just in time to see Henoch's avatar in the sky...then he heard another blast. A fart.

"FAAAAAAAAAAAAART!" said The Saint. "Hi Eggs!"

"Hi..." said Fuddlemiff, not sure if he should be trying to do Eggs' New York accent.

"POOOOOOOP!" said The Saint, farting again. "Never gets old! Hey, Eggs, don't worry, I'm not going to kill you. I've got some friends, just behind these bushes. We're forming an alliance, maybe you could join us? Ooop, here comes a big one!" He farted really loudly.

"Please stop that," said Fuddlemiff, feeling rage rising inside him.

"Okay, I promise, no more...EXCEPT THIS ONE! FOOM!" said The Saint, letting out a huge fart.

Fuddlemiff ignited his lightsaber and chopped The Saint's head off without a moment's hesitation. He stared at his headless body afterwards.

Fuddlemiff felt nothing. No guilt. Just relief that the farting was over. The world hadn't changed. Taking a life...it was nothing. No big thing at all. Fuddlemiff realised...that he could do it again.

He made his way thorugh the bushes to where The Saint's group were waiting. Some of them looked happy to see Eggs. That soon changed. Charlemagne was first. He didn't stand a chance. Enkephalen didn't have time to let off a scream. BlindGroping was left neither blind nor groping, but rather dead. He cut through RombbieSG like butter. Fuddlemiff made sure no one would ever live in Laker Girl's wonderful womb again and put Big Dick McGee out of his misery before he died of grief. Only FBI Parte Due managed to evade him, but Fuddlemiff did chop his leg off as he climbed a tree and knew he'd kill him later.

He looked at the boides lying there, the people he'd just slaughtered. It felt good. Was it becaue he was anonymous under the Eggs mask? Or did he just like killing? He decided he would return to Dr Dave and friends now...but kill them too. He didn't want anyone escaping the Mine Field Games with their life.

Annoyingly though, he couldn't find them again. He must have gone the wrong way. Eventually the only landmark he could see was a rocky hill, so he decided to head there. He was happy when he heard shouting up there. Fighting had broken out. He saw someone fall from the hill. He climbed up, ready to fight. He was met by an astonished CaptainWacky, trying to swing an axe at him. Fuddlemiff kicked Wacky in the chest knockhim flying. He saw SAUSAGEMAN lying on the ground, still alive but with a hole in his chest, and Tomtrek cradling Mirah and a laptop. Then he head them call him "Eggs" and suddenly it annoyed him. Why should Eggs get credit for his work? For his kills?

He pulled the mask off and declared himself as Fuddlemiff, then finished off SAUSAGEMAN.

"I'll leave you to last," he said to the injured Wacky. "I know it'll hurt you to watch your friend Tomtrek die first."

"Meh, not really," said Wacky. Fuddlemiff circled round Tomtrek to get a good clear swing at him. Tomtrek didn't even move. Fuddlemiff stood at the edge of the hill, in perfect position to chop Tomtrek's head clean off.

"Goodbye, Tomtrek," he said...then felt the shocking sensation of cold steel between his legs. Someone had come up the hill behind him...and sliced up at his dong.

"I'm the only one killing THESE mofos!" said Cassie.

TO BE CONTINUED
 
Skin coat,eh? I hope my skin fat and oils seep into Seph and kill him. I'm sad that I'm "most likely" dead already but it still beats being chained to a park bench.
 
the park bench in Scotland haha I still have that saved in a word file some where haha
 
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