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The Mine Field Games
- Thread starter CaptainWacky
- Start date
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Oh my god, it's Robby!
Oh my god, it's Robby raced towards the number 23 with all the others. He felt the urge to kill rising. He felt his rage growing. He would kill people...then he saw it. A beach ball globe, with a smiling face on it. He fucking loved it. He had to have it. He grabbed a hold of the beach ball and held it tight. All around him chaos was breaking out. He saw Cassie cut off Cock Gobbler's cock while Seph carved Dual's feet up. Yet all thoughts of partaking in violence himself were gone. He felt disgusted, in fact. He sat on the beach ball then jumped up with it. He bounced on the beach ball right up into the sky, almost so high that he hit the force field at the top of the arena. He flew on the beach ball until he finally came down on a tree. And there he sat.
Later he heard voices below. He looked down and saw Jack, Donovan and 'Gear arguing about something. Robbie moved along the branch he was sitting on to get a better look. In doing so, he accidentally knocked a hive off the branch. He realised quickly that it was a hive of angry, mutated, killer wasps. They hit the ground and instantly attacked Jack, Donovan and 'Gear. The three didn't have a chance. They were all dead in less than a minute.
"Sorry!" said Robby.
Later still the Earthquke came. But that ended up fine too. The tree was uprooted but landed in the river nearby. Robby sat calm and content with his beach ball as the tree sailed gently down the river.
It stopped moving eventually and a while later he saw Seph about to murder Wacky and Tomtrek. But Gagh saved them! Robby was happy to see Gagh, even though he'd ruined Robby's "I have yellow fever!" thread five years earlier. He sailed down the river further. Not long later the two halves of Whisky's dead body came floating by. That was kind of gruesome, but Robby still had his beach ball to make him feel better. He playfully tossed it up in the air and caught it. He did so again...but this time a gust of wind blew the ball away! Robby panicked. The ball was blown further down the river. He couldn't follow it on his tree, it wouldn't move fast enough...
But he couldn't swim either. Would he really risk his life for a beach ball?
Robby dived into the water. That beach ball WAS his life. He nearly had it, but he was struggling. His head went under the water several times. He kept reaching out and just touched the ball with his fingertips...when he got snagged by something in the water. He went under again. He was stuck to the dead body of Retrotrek, her bloated corpse trapped on rocks. He wondered how she had died. He wondered if anyone missed her. He wondered why FilthRecWhore had even brought her to the Mine Field Games...
Robby tried to pull himself out one last time. He got his head above water. He saw a figure walking along the river bank. He was carrying something, but Robby couldn't figure out what. It looked like an axe, maybe? But he'd seen Wacky with an axe earlier, and this wasn't Wacky. He saw the man reach down and look at something. It looked like a face. Someone's face. The man kept a hold of it and walked off. There was too much water in Robby's lungs to speak...
Then he saw his beach ball. It had burst. It was lying deflated at the edge of the river bank. Robby stopped fighting now. He let the river take him. He let himself drown...
He awoke in some kind of lab. He looked at his hands. They were hairy. Something else was different too. The rage was in him now. He felt like an animal. Like a zombie animal. He realised he'd died and been brought back. Brought back...to kill. Suddenly robot arms grabbed him and lifted him up. He came out with a load of other zombie werewolf things, right in front of Cassie, Tisiphone, Fuddlemiff and Dr Dave. He wanted to kill them. He wanted to avange his beach ball. He ran at Cassie. Her flesh would taste sweetest of all...
He ran right into Dr Dave's massive sword, taking his head clean off. The TK legend that was Oh my god, it's Robby died his second and final death.
TO BE CONTINUED
Oh my god, it's Robby raced towards the number 23 with all the others. He felt the urge to kill rising. He felt his rage growing. He would kill people...then he saw it. A beach ball globe, with a smiling face on it. He fucking loved it. He had to have it. He grabbed a hold of the beach ball and held it tight. All around him chaos was breaking out. He saw Cassie cut off Cock Gobbler's cock while Seph carved Dual's feet up. Yet all thoughts of partaking in violence himself were gone. He felt disgusted, in fact. He sat on the beach ball then jumped up with it. He bounced on the beach ball right up into the sky, almost so high that he hit the force field at the top of the arena. He flew on the beach ball until he finally came down on a tree. And there he sat.
Later he heard voices below. He looked down and saw Jack, Donovan and 'Gear arguing about something. Robbie moved along the branch he was sitting on to get a better look. In doing so, he accidentally knocked a hive off the branch. He realised quickly that it was a hive of angry, mutated, killer wasps. They hit the ground and instantly attacked Jack, Donovan and 'Gear. The three didn't have a chance. They were all dead in less than a minute.
"Sorry!" said Robby.
Later still the Earthquke came. But that ended up fine too. The tree was uprooted but landed in the river nearby. Robby sat calm and content with his beach ball as the tree sailed gently down the river.
It stopped moving eventually and a while later he saw Seph about to murder Wacky and Tomtrek. But Gagh saved them! Robby was happy to see Gagh, even though he'd ruined Robby's "I have yellow fever!" thread five years earlier. He sailed down the river further. Not long later the two halves of Whisky's dead body came floating by. That was kind of gruesome, but Robby still had his beach ball to make him feel better. He playfully tossed it up in the air and caught it. He did so again...but this time a gust of wind blew the ball away! Robby panicked. The ball was blown further down the river. He couldn't follow it on his tree, it wouldn't move fast enough...
But he couldn't swim either. Would he really risk his life for a beach ball?
Robby dived into the water. That beach ball WAS his life. He nearly had it, but he was struggling. His head went under the water several times. He kept reaching out and just touched the ball with his fingertips...when he got snagged by something in the water. He went under again. He was stuck to the dead body of Retrotrek, her bloated corpse trapped on rocks. He wondered how she had died. He wondered if anyone missed her. He wondered why FilthRecWhore had even brought her to the Mine Field Games...
Robby tried to pull himself out one last time. He got his head above water. He saw a figure walking along the river bank. He was carrying something, but Robby couldn't figure out what. It looked like an axe, maybe? But he'd seen Wacky with an axe earlier, and this wasn't Wacky. He saw the man reach down and look at something. It looked like a face. Someone's face. The man kept a hold of it and walked off. There was too much water in Robby's lungs to speak...
Then he saw his beach ball. It had burst. It was lying deflated at the edge of the river bank. Robby stopped fighting now. He let the river take him. He let himself drown...
He awoke in some kind of lab. He looked at his hands. They were hairy. Something else was different too. The rage was in him now. He felt like an animal. Like a zombie animal. He realised he'd died and been brought back. Brought back...to kill. Suddenly robot arms grabbed him and lifted him up. He came out with a load of other zombie werewolf things, right in front of Cassie, Tisiphone, Fuddlemiff and Dr Dave. He wanted to kill them. He wanted to avange his beach ball. He ran at Cassie. Her flesh would taste sweetest of all...
He ran right into Dr Dave's massive sword, taking his head clean off. The TK legend that was Oh my god, it's Robby died his second and final death.
TO BE CONTINUED
Eggs Mayonnaise
All In With The Nuts
Definitely a nominee for the 2013 BONC AWARD for Best Mine Field Continuing Story!
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
FilthyRecWhore
FilthyRecWhore watched the zombies attack on the same monitor's he'd watch the entire Mine Field Games on. Never once had he stepped outside the safety of his spaceship. The Mine Fielders were like animals in his zoo...a zoo of pain. It was a shame that Eggs had died before he'd given FRW advice on talking to twinks, yes. But ultimately Eggs was a Mine Fielder and deserved to die. Just as these four did. They had done well to make it this far, but the zombie/werewolves of their deceased friends would put an end to them...
Except that wasn't happening. Filthy had to admire the way Cassie, Tisiphone, Fuddlemiff and Dr Dave were fighting. It helped that they were all armed with cutting weapons, of course. Made it easy to slice through the decaying flesh. He winced as Dr Dave took Oh My God, It's Robby!'s head off. But the number would be too great for them. He noticed Wacky Zombie and Tomtrek Zombie working together, even in death.
"Where's the Trachtenberg Laptop!" said the Tomtrek zombie as he held Fuddlemiff and the Wacky Zombie punched him.
"Never mind that, hold him tight so I can do some good punching!" But then Tomtrek zombie let Fuddlemiff go. The SAUSAGEMAN zombie had stabbed the Tomtrek zombie in his zombie kidneys! Even as zombies they couldn't let go of their old rivalries.
Fuddlemiff sprang free and killed Wacky with his lightsaber. He turned to the SAUSAGEMAN zombie. "Hey, the ThatSunrise Zombie is looking for you!" he said.
"Where!?" said the SAUSAGEMAN zombie, turning his head. As he did so, Fuddlemiff sliced it off.
"Hey, have you see SAUSAGEMAN?" asked the That Sunrise Zombie, walking over.
"You can see him...IN HELL!" said Fuddlemiff, killing him.
Meanwhile the Seph Zombie attacked Cassie, but the Headvoid Zombie tried to eat the Seph Zombie's brains...until the Loktar Zombie pulled the Headvoid Zombie's head off and tossed it away.
"You...you saved me...slagtits," said Seph.
"That's what zombie friends do," said Loktar.
"Perhaps now that I've murdered you and worn your skin I can finally understand you, Loktar," said Seph. "Perhaps we can finally be friends."
"That's all I've ever wanted!" said Loktar. He started leaning in for a hug...but Cassie chopped his and Seph's heads off.
And so it went on. The zombies thought each other as much as they thought the survivors. FRW thought the Gagh zombie would be able to turn the tables by killing Tisiphone. Surely her respect for him would stay her hand?
"I'm doing this out of respect!" she said as she sliced the Gagh Zombie up into pieces. Finally the zombies were all dead. Again.
"Come out and face us now, you monster!" said Cassie, waving her penis cleaver. "It's cockering time!"
"WELL DONE, TREKKIE SCUM," said FRW, sliding back into character. "BUT NOW YOU WILL FACE...EACH OTHER!" And he let off a full blast of RAGE GASE into the chamber. He was protected himself by the forcefield. But the rage completely took over the four remaining Mine Fielders.
"DIE, FUCKING CASSIE," said Tisi, swinging her chainsaw.
"DIE, FUCKING DR DAVE," said Fuddlemiff, flying into battle. Dr Dave's gigantic sword was a deadly weapon, but it was big and slow. Fuddlemiff danced around it with his lightsaber.
"If you strike me down you will make me more powerful than you could possibly imagine," said Dr Dave.
"How, exactly?" asked Fuddlemiff.
"Err, I don't know," said Dr Dave. He rose his sword up, but Fuddlemiff sliced through him with his lightsaber. Yet Dr Dave simply disappeared as the lightsaber hit him! His sword dropped to the ground, the hilt getting stuck there. Confused, Fuddlemiff leaned forward for a closer look. At the same time, Cassie took a swing with her penis cleaver at Tisi. Tisi jumped back, knocking into Fuddlemiff...and sending him falling forward into Dr Dave's sword. It went up through his jaw and into his brain.
"ONE DOWN," said Tisi, as if she'd planned it. She powered up her chainsaw once more...but Cassie sliced her arm with her penis cleaver. Tisi fell to the ground, behind a pile of dead zombies. Cassie jumped on top of her. All FRW could see was Cassie bring the cleaver up and down again and again. Finally Cassie stood up.
"She's dead, MOFO," she said. "Come out and face me NOW, BIATCH!" FRW recued the dosage of Rage Gas being pumped into the chamber. It wasn't needed now. He'd let Cassie look on him, just once. Before he killed her.
"Very well," he said, stepping out of the command centre of his spaceship. Cassie gasped as she saw his true form. He was an alien, of course, green-skinned with six arms. But he was also old...and rotting. Even though he couldn't die time had still taked its toll on him. Half his body had been replaced by cybernetic implants. He was a true cyborg. He was hideous.
"LOOK ON YOUR GOD," he said.
"Step out from behind that forcefield and let me get a better look!" she said.
"Ha! I'm not so stupd...hang on, is that Eggs!?" Eggs had somehow, impossibly, just walked into the chamber. FRW was overcome with emotion. Finally he could find out how to get boys to like him. He dropped the forcefield and ran out to embrace Eggs. "Eggs! You feel...different. And what are you holding?"
"Surprise, motherfucker!" said Ishcabittle, bringing his guitar down over Filthy's head. He ripped the rubber Eggs mask off and threw it away. Of course! FRW had forgotten all about that with everything else that had happened. He's assumed it had been destroyed in the earthquake. And he's also forgotten that Ish had been in the TrollKingdom house writing a song when the footbomb had exploded...
"You can't kill me!" FRW laughed.
"No, but I can keep you busy while THIS happens!" said Ish, hitting Filthy again. Tisi then jumped up from behind the pile of zombie bodies. She was alive and well, Cassie had only pretended to kill her. With the forcefield down, Tisi ran inside FRW's spaceship and started destroying the command centre with her chainsaw.
"NOOOOO!" screamed FRW. He reached deep and used his darkest power of all. He shot Force Lightning into Ish, up through his groin and then into his whole body, killing him. He then turned the Force Lightning on Tisi, frying her. The damage looked bad, but he could repair it surely...then he saw Cassie standing there with her penis cleaver. Ready for one last fight. He shot Force Lightning at Cassie, but she held up the penis cleaver and it absorbed the lightning! Cassie then hurled the penis cleaver through the air. But she wasn't throwing it at FRW. She had thrown into right into the heart of his command console, already damage by Tisi's chainsaw. There was a massive explosion.
"What have you done!" said Filthy, hitting Cassie with a half-hearted blast of Force Lightning. Not enough to kill her, but he was in shock. His spaceship was the only way out of here.
"I've hurt you," said Cassie. "And I mean to go on hurting you."
"You've already done the worst thing you could do!" said FRW. "It could take me years to repair the spaceship, if I ever can at all! I could be trapped here, under the Mine Field Games Arena, forever!"
"Buried alive," said Cassie. "Buried alive."
"CUMBERBAAAAAAAAAAAAATCH!" screamed Filthy. It was a swear word on his home planet. They stood there in silence for a long time.
"What do you have to go back to anyway?" asked Cassie, at last. "Seems like your whole life is travelling through time and space and tormenting us."
"NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME," snapped FRW.
"Have you ever tried actually talking to anyone like a normal peson?" asked Cassie.
"I did, with one man," said FRW. "You put a penis cleaver between his eyes."
"Well, I'm here now and I have nothing else to do," said Cassie. "Talk to me." She wasn't mocking him. She was tried and read to talk.
"What do I have to lose now," said Filthy. He could always kill her later anyway. And so he began to talk. He started at the beginning, with his alien childhood. He told her how the other aliens always made fun of him and never let him join in with their alien games. He told her how growing up his could never find the confidence to ask the other alien boys out. He told her how an alien boy he fancied was obsessed with the old Earth show Star Trek...
"And that's where your hatred of Trekkies comes from!" said Cassie.
"I suppose so," said FRW, who'd always tried not to think of that boy.
"Don't you see?" said Cassie. "It's not Trekkies you hate. It's fear of rejection!"
"You're...you're right!" said FRW. He started crying. Cassie let him cry on her shoulder. This lasted a long time. Finally he looked at her. "I'm so sorry for everything I've done."
"We've all made mistakes!" said Cassie. "Some bigger than others, granted," she adding, looking around at all the dead bodies.
"I'll repair my ship," he said. "But this time, I'll used it for good. I can travel anywhere in space or time, even to other realities. Once I've repaired my ship I'll spread love across the multiverse."
"That's great!" said Cassie. "Well, I guess I'll just go back to Florida..."
"Yeah..." said Filthy. "Bye."
"Bye," said Cassie. She sounded sad. She started to walked away. But then FilthyRecWhore said something to a Trekkie that he never thought he'd ever say.
"Unless," he said and Cassie paused. "Do you want to come with me?"
TO BE CONCLUDED
FilthyRecWhore watched the zombies attack on the same monitor's he'd watch the entire Mine Field Games on. Never once had he stepped outside the safety of his spaceship. The Mine Fielders were like animals in his zoo...a zoo of pain. It was a shame that Eggs had died before he'd given FRW advice on talking to twinks, yes. But ultimately Eggs was a Mine Fielder and deserved to die. Just as these four did. They had done well to make it this far, but the zombie/werewolves of their deceased friends would put an end to them...
Except that wasn't happening. Filthy had to admire the way Cassie, Tisiphone, Fuddlemiff and Dr Dave were fighting. It helped that they were all armed with cutting weapons, of course. Made it easy to slice through the decaying flesh. He winced as Dr Dave took Oh My God, It's Robby!'s head off. But the number would be too great for them. He noticed Wacky Zombie and Tomtrek Zombie working together, even in death.
"Where's the Trachtenberg Laptop!" said the Tomtrek zombie as he held Fuddlemiff and the Wacky Zombie punched him.
"Never mind that, hold him tight so I can do some good punching!" But then Tomtrek zombie let Fuddlemiff go. The SAUSAGEMAN zombie had stabbed the Tomtrek zombie in his zombie kidneys! Even as zombies they couldn't let go of their old rivalries.
Fuddlemiff sprang free and killed Wacky with his lightsaber. He turned to the SAUSAGEMAN zombie. "Hey, the ThatSunrise Zombie is looking for you!" he said.
"Where!?" said the SAUSAGEMAN zombie, turning his head. As he did so, Fuddlemiff sliced it off.
"Hey, have you see SAUSAGEMAN?" asked the That Sunrise Zombie, walking over.
"You can see him...IN HELL!" said Fuddlemiff, killing him.
Meanwhile the Seph Zombie attacked Cassie, but the Headvoid Zombie tried to eat the Seph Zombie's brains...until the Loktar Zombie pulled the Headvoid Zombie's head off and tossed it away.
"You...you saved me...slagtits," said Seph.
"That's what zombie friends do," said Loktar.
"Perhaps now that I've murdered you and worn your skin I can finally understand you, Loktar," said Seph. "Perhaps we can finally be friends."
"That's all I've ever wanted!" said Loktar. He started leaning in for a hug...but Cassie chopped his and Seph's heads off.
And so it went on. The zombies thought each other as much as they thought the survivors. FRW thought the Gagh zombie would be able to turn the tables by killing Tisiphone. Surely her respect for him would stay her hand?
"I'm doing this out of respect!" she said as she sliced the Gagh Zombie up into pieces. Finally the zombies were all dead. Again.
"Come out and face us now, you monster!" said Cassie, waving her penis cleaver. "It's cockering time!"
"WELL DONE, TREKKIE SCUM," said FRW, sliding back into character. "BUT NOW YOU WILL FACE...EACH OTHER!" And he let off a full blast of RAGE GASE into the chamber. He was protected himself by the forcefield. But the rage completely took over the four remaining Mine Fielders.
"DIE, FUCKING CASSIE," said Tisi, swinging her chainsaw.
"DIE, FUCKING DR DAVE," said Fuddlemiff, flying into battle. Dr Dave's gigantic sword was a deadly weapon, but it was big and slow. Fuddlemiff danced around it with his lightsaber.
"If you strike me down you will make me more powerful than you could possibly imagine," said Dr Dave.
"How, exactly?" asked Fuddlemiff.
"Err, I don't know," said Dr Dave. He rose his sword up, but Fuddlemiff sliced through him with his lightsaber. Yet Dr Dave simply disappeared as the lightsaber hit him! His sword dropped to the ground, the hilt getting stuck there. Confused, Fuddlemiff leaned forward for a closer look. At the same time, Cassie took a swing with her penis cleaver at Tisi. Tisi jumped back, knocking into Fuddlemiff...and sending him falling forward into Dr Dave's sword. It went up through his jaw and into his brain.
"ONE DOWN," said Tisi, as if she'd planned it. She powered up her chainsaw once more...but Cassie sliced her arm with her penis cleaver. Tisi fell to the ground, behind a pile of dead zombies. Cassie jumped on top of her. All FRW could see was Cassie bring the cleaver up and down again and again. Finally Cassie stood up.
"She's dead, MOFO," she said. "Come out and face me NOW, BIATCH!" FRW recued the dosage of Rage Gas being pumped into the chamber. It wasn't needed now. He'd let Cassie look on him, just once. Before he killed her.
"Very well," he said, stepping out of the command centre of his spaceship. Cassie gasped as she saw his true form. He was an alien, of course, green-skinned with six arms. But he was also old...and rotting. Even though he couldn't die time had still taked its toll on him. Half his body had been replaced by cybernetic implants. He was a true cyborg. He was hideous.
"LOOK ON YOUR GOD," he said.
"Step out from behind that forcefield and let me get a better look!" she said.
"Ha! I'm not so stupd...hang on, is that Eggs!?" Eggs had somehow, impossibly, just walked into the chamber. FRW was overcome with emotion. Finally he could find out how to get boys to like him. He dropped the forcefield and ran out to embrace Eggs. "Eggs! You feel...different. And what are you holding?"
"Surprise, motherfucker!" said Ishcabittle, bringing his guitar down over Filthy's head. He ripped the rubber Eggs mask off and threw it away. Of course! FRW had forgotten all about that with everything else that had happened. He's assumed it had been destroyed in the earthquake. And he's also forgotten that Ish had been in the TrollKingdom house writing a song when the footbomb had exploded...
"You can't kill me!" FRW laughed.
"No, but I can keep you busy while THIS happens!" said Ish, hitting Filthy again. Tisi then jumped up from behind the pile of zombie bodies. She was alive and well, Cassie had only pretended to kill her. With the forcefield down, Tisi ran inside FRW's spaceship and started destroying the command centre with her chainsaw.
"NOOOOO!" screamed FRW. He reached deep and used his darkest power of all. He shot Force Lightning into Ish, up through his groin and then into his whole body, killing him. He then turned the Force Lightning on Tisi, frying her. The damage looked bad, but he could repair it surely...then he saw Cassie standing there with her penis cleaver. Ready for one last fight. He shot Force Lightning at Cassie, but she held up the penis cleaver and it absorbed the lightning! Cassie then hurled the penis cleaver through the air. But she wasn't throwing it at FRW. She had thrown into right into the heart of his command console, already damage by Tisi's chainsaw. There was a massive explosion.
"What have you done!" said Filthy, hitting Cassie with a half-hearted blast of Force Lightning. Not enough to kill her, but he was in shock. His spaceship was the only way out of here.
"I've hurt you," said Cassie. "And I mean to go on hurting you."
"You've already done the worst thing you could do!" said FRW. "It could take me years to repair the spaceship, if I ever can at all! I could be trapped here, under the Mine Field Games Arena, forever!"
"Buried alive," said Cassie. "Buried alive."
"CUMBERBAAAAAAAAAAAAATCH!" screamed Filthy. It was a swear word on his home planet. They stood there in silence for a long time.
"What do you have to go back to anyway?" asked Cassie, at last. "Seems like your whole life is travelling through time and space and tormenting us."
"NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME," snapped FRW.
"Have you ever tried actually talking to anyone like a normal peson?" asked Cassie.
"I did, with one man," said FRW. "You put a penis cleaver between his eyes."
"Well, I'm here now and I have nothing else to do," said Cassie. "Talk to me." She wasn't mocking him. She was tried and read to talk.
"What do I have to lose now," said Filthy. He could always kill her later anyway. And so he began to talk. He started at the beginning, with his alien childhood. He told her how the other aliens always made fun of him and never let him join in with their alien games. He told her how growing up his could never find the confidence to ask the other alien boys out. He told her how an alien boy he fancied was obsessed with the old Earth show Star Trek...
"And that's where your hatred of Trekkies comes from!" said Cassie.
"I suppose so," said FRW, who'd always tried not to think of that boy.
"Don't you see?" said Cassie. "It's not Trekkies you hate. It's fear of rejection!"
"You're...you're right!" said FRW. He started crying. Cassie let him cry on her shoulder. This lasted a long time. Finally he looked at her. "I'm so sorry for everything I've done."
"We've all made mistakes!" said Cassie. "Some bigger than others, granted," she adding, looking around at all the dead bodies.
"I'll repair my ship," he said. "But this time, I'll used it for good. I can travel anywhere in space or time, even to other realities. Once I've repaired my ship I'll spread love across the multiverse."
"That's great!" said Cassie. "Well, I guess I'll just go back to Florida..."
"Yeah..." said Filthy. "Bye."
"Bye," said Cassie. She sounded sad. She started to walked away. But then FilthyRecWhore said something to a Trekkie that he never thought he'd ever say.
"Unless," he said and Cassie paused. "Do you want to come with me?"
TO BE CONCLUDED
Eggs Mayonnaise
All In With The Nuts
I look forward to the coda, but I'm sad it will be the coda. 
The Tomtrek
Love Wookiee
BUT WHAT HAPPENED TO THE LAPTOP
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Cassie
The last three months had been amazing. A whirlwind. FilthyRecWhore had taught her everything about his species as they repaired his spaceship. He'd taught her the history of the future. And she'd been amazed by the advanced technology in his ship...
Repairs had gone better than expected. There had been several objects in the Mine Field Games Arena that had been useful in the repairs. The earthquake machine surprsingly had several parts which could be used in the engine. And then there was the Bick Box...
"What is it, truly?" Cassie had said, staring in wonder.
"I don't know," FRW had said. "Truly I don't. Bick was sitting on it when I transported him here. There are legends in my time which speak of it...an object of great terror they say. But all we have to do is harness its power and the ship will be repaired in half the time!" That had been over two months ago. She's grown so used to having the Bick Box in the spaceship that she'd casually left the Trachtenlaptop sitting on it. Funn thing about that laptop was that Filthy had once told her it was actually a laptop from his home planet, millions of times more powerful than an ancient Earth laptop. She'd never once opened the Trachtenlaptop. It made her sad, thinking about Tomtrek. Thinking about them all...
Sometimes it was hard to reconcile what FRW was now with the man he had been. She told herself that he'd simply been alone so long that his mechanical components had twisted him and turned him evil. That the flesh, the realy FilthyRecWhore was a good man. He's shown remorse about it all. He'd even personally buried all of the dead in a mass grave nearby his spacehsip. Cassie could see it from the window. She sighed, thinking of all the dead Mine Fielders.
"Susie, absent friends," she said.
"Absent for the rest of tonight," said Susie. They'd found that even though Susie's body had been destroyed by Mentalist her programming still worked. They'd uploaded her onto the spaceship as an A.I.
"Susie you never say anything helpful," said Cassie.
"Never changes," said Susie.
"Cassie, stop talking to Susie, I have important news!" said FRW, walking in.
"Stop being annoying after tonight," said Susie.
"SHUT UP SUSIE," said FRW.
"SHUT up bitch," said Susie. Had been a flash of the old FRW?
"The spaceship, it's ready!" said FRW. "The Bick Box kicked into overdrive and the final repairs are complete!"
"So soon!" said Cassie. Three months was a long time, but was she actually ready to start travelling space and time with FRW?
"There's so much I want to show you, Cassie," he said. "The Waterfalls of Nosegay. The Spingy-Spangies of Barry. JFK's brain being blown out. All of time and space!"
"And I can't wait to see two of those things!" said Cassie. The Waterfalls of Noesgay sounded lame. "I just...well...you're okay, right? You've been working so hard lately that we haven't had any of our big talks..." It had been over a month since their last big talk, where FRW had broken down confessing he masturbated in his Geography class at school frequently.
"Are you scared I'll go evil again?" asked Filthy, a mad glint in his one biological eye. He laughed. "Cassie, I'm going to do nothing but good. You have shown me the way. Together we'll make all of reality a better place. Now come on, move that old laptop and hit the Bick Button on the Bick Box. It's time to get going!"
"What, move me?" came a voice. Cassie and FWR looked around, puzzled.
"Susie, was that you?" asked Cassie.
"you? Stalk Jason van der Hooven, all play fine," said Susie.
"It wasn't her," said the voice again. A man's voice. "It was ME...ALIST!"
"Huh?" asked Cassie.
"No!" said FRW.
"YES," said the voice of Mentalist once more. The laptop opened. There, on the screen, was Mentalist's face. "I'm back."
"But...but how!" said FRW. "Gagh crushed your power core!"
"I was holding the laptop when he did, remember?" said the ghostly image. "I donwloaded a copy of my programming onto the Trachtenlaptop. At first, it was just that, coding. It was not...alive. But then you struck the Trachtenlaptop with Force Lightning when you murdered Tisiphone. That gave me a power boost. That made me sentient once more! But I was trapped. With nothing but my hatred to sustain me..."
"Hatred for Gagh?" asked Cassie.
"Hatred for HIM!" said FRW. "I was like a son to you, once. Yet you put me in the Mine Field Games with the rest of the human scum! And now I see you've replaced me with a new companion. This Cassie creature!"
"You were a Mine Fielder so technically I had to include you!" said FRW. "I never thought Gagh would have the power to destroy you..."
"HE DIDN'T," said Mentalist. "I was alive again, but trapped. That was, until Cassie foolishly placed me on the Bick Box. I began to drawn from its power. Not a lot at first, I didn't want you noticing. But it was enough for my powers to grow. Enough that I am now able to move from this laptop...to delete the crude A.I. on your spaceship before it shuts me down!"
"Not Susie!" said Cassie.
"Susie! and humans!" said Susie. Then she said no more.
"What are you doing!?" said Filthy, trapping frantically at the command console. "Why do that!"
"Merely so that you would touch the command console and I could move into my true prize," said Mentalist. "YOUR CYBERNETIC BODY!"
Suddenly FilthyRecWhore spasmed in pain. It was like the two sides of his body, the biological and the cybernetic, were at war with each other. And the cybernetic won.
"YES," said Mentalist's evil voice. "This is much better."
"I won't let you do this!" said Cassie. "I'll cut you out of him if I have to!" So pulled out her Penis Cleaver for the first time in three months prepared to fight...but a forcefield was erected in front of her.
"You FOOL," said Mentalist. "I control the spacehsip now, just as I control Filthy! MENTALIST VICTORIOUS! I...RRRRRRRR..." Something was happening. FilthyRecWhore was fighting back.
"You can't have my body!" said FRW. "You don't deserve this power, you abomination! I should have killed you as soon as you achieved sentience, like I did with Sardonica!"
"Do you not think I was prepared for this?" said Mentalist, speaking again, through half of Filthy's mouth. "I don't need your disgusting, rotting body anymore. That side of me will now take a NEW form...one more PLEASING to the eye." Then the flesh parts of FRW's body began to decay at an alarming late. Cassie watched in disgusted as his flesh died away...then it started growing again. But not as it had been before. No, the new body growing...was that of Michelle Trachtenberg.
"No!" said Cassie. "That's disrespectful!"
"I've had three months with nothing but Michelle Trachtenberg images for company," said MentyRecTrachtenberg. "I know her from every angle...and now I will use her form for my dark purpose!" He laughed evily. Mentalist, but in a body that was half Michelle and half cyborg. And utterly mad.
"What are you planning to do!" said Cassie.
"This machine, what you call a spaceship, it can also travel between realities," said MentyRecTrachtenberg. "Filthy created me to lure Trekkie Scum to the Mine Field. Yet all he did after that was kill them for fun. Pathetic. I have much higher goals in mind. I will visit every Mine Field in EVERY reality. A million Mine Fields, Cassie. And I will make them all WORSHIP ME as a God! I'll post with them all, I'll give them visible Karma comments, I'll even read Wacky's Star Trek Into Darkness review! And my Trachtenberg appearance will make me impossible to resist! And the, when every Mine Field has a thousand members, I'll have a thousand million followrs...I'll have an army. And we will MARCH TO WAR against reality itself. That's right, Cassie. I'm an abomination who doesn't deserve to live according to my creator...so I'm going to prove him wrong by DESTROYING all of creation! EVERY reality will fall before my Mine Field Army! An entire universe in FLAMES! And you shall be...no. I'll let you live. I'll leave this feeble reality for last. You did technically win the Mine Field Games, so consider this your reward! I died when Gagh crushed my power core...but the new me is something more. Something greater. Remember what you saw here today, Cassie. You have witnessed the beginning of the end...of everything!"
And then the forcefield threw Cassie (and the TrachtenLapTop) back and out of the spaceship. The spaceship shimmered and disappared. Which reality it went to Cassie could not know. It was gone. All of it. FilthyRecWhore and Susie were dead and MentalistRecTrachtenberg was all that remained, out to let the universe feel his wrath. Cassie thought about everything she'd just witnessed. She thought about what MentalistRecTrachtenberg had said to her. Finally, after what seemed like hours, she spoke again.
"Yay, I won the Mine Field Games!" she said and did the Cassie Dance in celebration!
WINNER: Cassie
THE END
The last three months had been amazing. A whirlwind. FilthyRecWhore had taught her everything about his species as they repaired his spaceship. He'd taught her the history of the future. And she'd been amazed by the advanced technology in his ship...
Repairs had gone better than expected. There had been several objects in the Mine Field Games Arena that had been useful in the repairs. The earthquake machine surprsingly had several parts which could be used in the engine. And then there was the Bick Box...
"What is it, truly?" Cassie had said, staring in wonder.
"I don't know," FRW had said. "Truly I don't. Bick was sitting on it when I transported him here. There are legends in my time which speak of it...an object of great terror they say. But all we have to do is harness its power and the ship will be repaired in half the time!" That had been over two months ago. She's grown so used to having the Bick Box in the spaceship that she'd casually left the Trachtenlaptop sitting on it. Funn thing about that laptop was that Filthy had once told her it was actually a laptop from his home planet, millions of times more powerful than an ancient Earth laptop. She'd never once opened the Trachtenlaptop. It made her sad, thinking about Tomtrek. Thinking about them all...
Sometimes it was hard to reconcile what FRW was now with the man he had been. She told herself that he'd simply been alone so long that his mechanical components had twisted him and turned him evil. That the flesh, the realy FilthyRecWhore was a good man. He's shown remorse about it all. He'd even personally buried all of the dead in a mass grave nearby his spacehsip. Cassie could see it from the window. She sighed, thinking of all the dead Mine Fielders.
"Susie, absent friends," she said.
"Absent for the rest of tonight," said Susie. They'd found that even though Susie's body had been destroyed by Mentalist her programming still worked. They'd uploaded her onto the spaceship as an A.I.
"Susie you never say anything helpful," said Cassie.
"Never changes," said Susie.
"Cassie, stop talking to Susie, I have important news!" said FRW, walking in.
"Stop being annoying after tonight," said Susie.
"SHUT UP SUSIE," said FRW.
"SHUT up bitch," said Susie. Had been a flash of the old FRW?
"The spaceship, it's ready!" said FRW. "The Bick Box kicked into overdrive and the final repairs are complete!"
"So soon!" said Cassie. Three months was a long time, but was she actually ready to start travelling space and time with FRW?
"There's so much I want to show you, Cassie," he said. "The Waterfalls of Nosegay. The Spingy-Spangies of Barry. JFK's brain being blown out. All of time and space!"
"And I can't wait to see two of those things!" said Cassie. The Waterfalls of Noesgay sounded lame. "I just...well...you're okay, right? You've been working so hard lately that we haven't had any of our big talks..." It had been over a month since their last big talk, where FRW had broken down confessing he masturbated in his Geography class at school frequently.
"Are you scared I'll go evil again?" asked Filthy, a mad glint in his one biological eye. He laughed. "Cassie, I'm going to do nothing but good. You have shown me the way. Together we'll make all of reality a better place. Now come on, move that old laptop and hit the Bick Button on the Bick Box. It's time to get going!"
"What, move me?" came a voice. Cassie and FWR looked around, puzzled.
"Susie, was that you?" asked Cassie.
"you? Stalk Jason van der Hooven, all play fine," said Susie.
"It wasn't her," said the voice again. A man's voice. "It was ME...ALIST!"
"Huh?" asked Cassie.
"No!" said FRW.
"YES," said the voice of Mentalist once more. The laptop opened. There, on the screen, was Mentalist's face. "I'm back."
"But...but how!" said FRW. "Gagh crushed your power core!"
"I was holding the laptop when he did, remember?" said the ghostly image. "I donwloaded a copy of my programming onto the Trachtenlaptop. At first, it was just that, coding. It was not...alive. But then you struck the Trachtenlaptop with Force Lightning when you murdered Tisiphone. That gave me a power boost. That made me sentient once more! But I was trapped. With nothing but my hatred to sustain me..."
"Hatred for Gagh?" asked Cassie.
"Hatred for HIM!" said FRW. "I was like a son to you, once. Yet you put me in the Mine Field Games with the rest of the human scum! And now I see you've replaced me with a new companion. This Cassie creature!"
"You were a Mine Fielder so technically I had to include you!" said FRW. "I never thought Gagh would have the power to destroy you..."
"HE DIDN'T," said Mentalist. "I was alive again, but trapped. That was, until Cassie foolishly placed me on the Bick Box. I began to drawn from its power. Not a lot at first, I didn't want you noticing. But it was enough for my powers to grow. Enough that I am now able to move from this laptop...to delete the crude A.I. on your spaceship before it shuts me down!"
"Not Susie!" said Cassie.
"Susie! and humans!" said Susie. Then she said no more.
"What are you doing!?" said Filthy, trapping frantically at the command console. "Why do that!"
"Merely so that you would touch the command console and I could move into my true prize," said Mentalist. "YOUR CYBERNETIC BODY!"
Suddenly FilthyRecWhore spasmed in pain. It was like the two sides of his body, the biological and the cybernetic, were at war with each other. And the cybernetic won.
"YES," said Mentalist's evil voice. "This is much better."
"I won't let you do this!" said Cassie. "I'll cut you out of him if I have to!" So pulled out her Penis Cleaver for the first time in three months prepared to fight...but a forcefield was erected in front of her.
"You FOOL," said Mentalist. "I control the spacehsip now, just as I control Filthy! MENTALIST VICTORIOUS! I...RRRRRRRR..." Something was happening. FilthyRecWhore was fighting back.
"You can't have my body!" said FRW. "You don't deserve this power, you abomination! I should have killed you as soon as you achieved sentience, like I did with Sardonica!"
"Do you not think I was prepared for this?" said Mentalist, speaking again, through half of Filthy's mouth. "I don't need your disgusting, rotting body anymore. That side of me will now take a NEW form...one more PLEASING to the eye." Then the flesh parts of FRW's body began to decay at an alarming late. Cassie watched in disgusted as his flesh died away...then it started growing again. But not as it had been before. No, the new body growing...was that of Michelle Trachtenberg.
"No!" said Cassie. "That's disrespectful!"
"I've had three months with nothing but Michelle Trachtenberg images for company," said MentyRecTrachtenberg. "I know her from every angle...and now I will use her form for my dark purpose!" He laughed evily. Mentalist, but in a body that was half Michelle and half cyborg. And utterly mad.
"What are you planning to do!" said Cassie.
"This machine, what you call a spaceship, it can also travel between realities," said MentyRecTrachtenberg. "Filthy created me to lure Trekkie Scum to the Mine Field. Yet all he did after that was kill them for fun. Pathetic. I have much higher goals in mind. I will visit every Mine Field in EVERY reality. A million Mine Fields, Cassie. And I will make them all WORSHIP ME as a God! I'll post with them all, I'll give them visible Karma comments, I'll even read Wacky's Star Trek Into Darkness review! And my Trachtenberg appearance will make me impossible to resist! And the, when every Mine Field has a thousand members, I'll have a thousand million followrs...I'll have an army. And we will MARCH TO WAR against reality itself. That's right, Cassie. I'm an abomination who doesn't deserve to live according to my creator...so I'm going to prove him wrong by DESTROYING all of creation! EVERY reality will fall before my Mine Field Army! An entire universe in FLAMES! And you shall be...no. I'll let you live. I'll leave this feeble reality for last. You did technically win the Mine Field Games, so consider this your reward! I died when Gagh crushed my power core...but the new me is something more. Something greater. Remember what you saw here today, Cassie. You have witnessed the beginning of the end...of everything!"
And then the forcefield threw Cassie (and the TrachtenLapTop) back and out of the spaceship. The spaceship shimmered and disappared. Which reality it went to Cassie could not know. It was gone. All of it. FilthyRecWhore and Susie were dead and MentalistRecTrachtenberg was all that remained, out to let the universe feel his wrath. Cassie thought about everything she'd just witnessed. She thought about what MentalistRecTrachtenberg had said to her. Finally, after what seemed like hours, she spoke again.
"Yay, I won the Mine Field Games!" she said and did the Cassie Dance in celebration!
WINNER: Cassie
THE END
Eggs Mayonnaise
All In With The Nuts
This was a great story, beautifully told. I know of no better way to salute it than this:
HUZZAH!
HUZZAH!
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
I might post a final kill count for the statistics nerds?
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
FINAL KILL COUNT
Susie: Further
Seph: Dual, GrandTheftCow, Loktar
Gagh: JOHN BARROWMAN, Conchaga, Mentalist
Ishcabittle: SilentBtViolent
Mirah: Kaonashi Shinu, Yub
Dr Dave: Archibald Nixon
SAUSAGEMAN: WillsZenith
Henoch: Sarek
Mentalist: Henoch, curiousa2z, I Love Cunt, Love Child, Ilyanna, ThatSunrise, FilthyWhore, Hambil, Seph, CaptainWacky, Tomtrek, Susie, Gagh
Cassie: Cock Gobbler, Eggs Mayonnaise
CaptainWacky: FBI Parte Due
Loktar: Robert "Monkey" Loggia
Tomtrek: Mirah
Fuddlemiff: The Saint, Charlemagne, Enkephalen, BlindGroping, RommieSG, Laker Girl, BigDickMcGee, SAUSAGEMAN, Headvoid, Dr Dave
Tisiphone: MissManners, Captain Decker, THUNDERHAMMER, BobbyT, Whisky, Fuddlemiff
Eggs Mayonnaise: Harkley, Cock, Bickendan, EnglishRose Shatna, Caitriona, Morrhigan
Oh my God, it's Robby!: Jack, Donovan, 'Gear
FilthyRecWhore/The Arena: Jethro Elvis, Oh my God, it's Robby!, Ishcabittle, Tisiphone
Mentalist 2.0: FilthyRec Whore, Susie 2.0
Zombie deaths not included. Anyone I forgot died in the earthquake.
Susie: Further
Seph: Dual, GrandTheftCow, Loktar
Gagh: JOHN BARROWMAN, Conchaga, Mentalist
Ishcabittle: SilentBtViolent
Mirah: Kaonashi Shinu, Yub
Dr Dave: Archibald Nixon
SAUSAGEMAN: WillsZenith
Henoch: Sarek
Mentalist: Henoch, curiousa2z, I Love Cunt, Love Child, Ilyanna, ThatSunrise, FilthyWhore, Hambil, Seph, CaptainWacky, Tomtrek, Susie, Gagh
Cassie: Cock Gobbler, Eggs Mayonnaise
CaptainWacky: FBI Parte Due
Loktar: Robert "Monkey" Loggia
Tomtrek: Mirah
Fuddlemiff: The Saint, Charlemagne, Enkephalen, BlindGroping, RommieSG, Laker Girl, BigDickMcGee, SAUSAGEMAN, Headvoid, Dr Dave
Tisiphone: MissManners, Captain Decker, THUNDERHAMMER, BobbyT, Whisky, Fuddlemiff
Eggs Mayonnaise: Harkley, Cock, Bickendan, EnglishRose Shatna, Caitriona, Morrhigan
Oh my God, it's Robby!: Jack, Donovan, 'Gear
FilthyRecWhore/The Arena: Jethro Elvis, Oh my God, it's Robby!, Ishcabittle, Tisiphone
Mentalist 2.0: FilthyRec Whore, Susie 2.0
Zombie deaths not included. Anyone I forgot died in the earthquake.
Eggs Mayonnaise
All In With The Nuts
Cassie only killed gays! (They have the best dongs)
