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The Mine Field Games
- Thread starter CaptainWacky
- Start date
Eggs Mayonnaise
All In With The Nuts
Frighteningly, profoundly insightful OR SOMETHING.
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Tomtrek
Tomtrek found himself alive but bruised, lying in a pile of rocks at the bottom of the hill. He was clutching the Trachtenberg laptop tight. He opened it up...and saw Michelle looking back. It was undamaged.
"You survived too!" he said. "I'm so happy! I love you."
"Really?" said Wacky, who Tomtrek now noticed had also survived the fall. "Thank you! I don't say it enough...but I love you too."
"Oh...right," said Tomtrek, closing the laptop. "Sure..."
"We need to get out of here," said Wacky. "If Cassie survived she'll have our cocks for sure!" They both pulled themselves up and staggered away from the hill. It wasn't long before they saw someone else, sitting in a clearing near a river with his back to them. He looked alive, but couldn't stand up for some reason.
"Who's that?" asked Tomtrek.
"Maybe someone we could rob," said Wacky. "Or form an alliance with, who knows. I'll check."
"What if it's a trap?"
"Then I'm sure he'll say 'it's a trap!' like Admiral Ackbar," said Wacky, unconcerned. He walked over to the person and turned him around. It was Eggs Mayonnaise...with a gag in his mouth. Wacky pulled it out.
"You fools, it's a trap!" said Eggs.
"That sounded nothing like Admiral Ackbar!" said Wacky. Then someone flew on him from above. Someone wearing some kind of cape made out of skin. He kicked wacky's axe away. Tomtrek tried to run, but he was still hurt badly from the fall down the hill. He saw the caped man shatter Wacky's patellas with a hammer. Then, in a blur of motion, the caped man was on Tomtrek. There was just one chance...Tomtrek reached for his sonic screwdriver. But it had been damaged in the fall. Of course. It always broke when the plot required it. Tomtrek felt intense pain in his patellas. He looked up and saw that Seph, for of course it was Seph who had attacked, had the Sonic now.
"Your kid's toy isn't going to save you I'm afraid, mate," said Seph. He crushed the Sonic in his hand and threw it away. "Now all I have to decide is which one of you three goons to kill first."
"Why, Seph, why!" said Wacky. "I thought you liked us."
"I do like you!" said Seph, laughing. "It's all jokes, innit? Life. Death. It's all the same. I've stared into the eyes of death, friends. Some would say it drove me insane. I say that I see more clearly than any of you."
"We could form an alliance," said Eggs. "Kill everyone else! Most people were killed by my earthquake machine anyway!"
"That just means you deprieved me of more kills!" said Seph. "Now, shut up. I've decided...I'll kill Tomtrek first. No particular reason. I just think it'll be funny."
"Just don't hurt her," said Tomtrek, clutching the Trachtenlaptop tight.
"Looks like you've gone crazy, Tomtrek!" said Seph. "Just let me adjust my coat made of Loktar's skin and..." But then the ground began shaking again, directly under Seph's feet. He looked down in surprise.
"SHORYUKEN!" said a voice from below, and suddenly Gagh came bursting out from under the ground, knocking Seph down with a Super Dragon Punch.
"GAGH!" said Tomtrek, Eggs and Wacky.
"Hi!" said Gagh. "Looks like I arrived just in time! I know you're all full of anger and you all want to kill each other, but I know the truth. You've all been infected by RAGE GAS. I know, because I was born with a natural immunity to it. I'm completely unaffected by it so I can see the madness in the rest of you."
"But I saw you punch a guy's face in, right at the start!" said Tomtrek. "His whole face! In!"
"Oh, that wasn't a real guy," explained Gagh. "It was just JOHN BARROWMAN!"
"Oh!" said all three.
"I punched so hard that I punched right through the ground! That was when I discovered the SECRET TUNNELS that run all underneath the Mine Field Games Arena. You'd never believe some of the stuff down there!"
"So you were down there all the time?" asked Eggs. "During the Eggsquake?"
"I don't know what that is, but yes," said Gagh. "And guys, I found something down there that can get us all out of here alive..."
Before he could reveal what that was, two other people arrived, floating dwon the river. It was Tisiphone and Whisky!
"Wow!" said Wacky. "How did the two of you survive?"
"Tisi's breasts can be used as a floatation device!" said Whisky. Tisi instantly powered on her chainsaw and cut him completely in half, starting with the groin and ending at the top of his head. Both parts fell into the river and floated away.
"Wait," said she, after a pause. "That actually is what happened. Sorry!"
"Well you don't have to kill anyone else!" said Gagh. "I have a way out of here!" Tisi thought about that.
"You see, Gagh, the thing is...I LIKE killing people, " she said. Then she powered on her chainsaw again and ran at him. Gagh had no choice but to flee into the woods, with Tisi in hot pursuit. Moment later, Seph sat up. Tomtrek tried to stand, to make one last effort to fight, but his knees were completely gone. He thought of opening the Trachtenlaptop one more time as well...but decided to keep it closed. Maybe there was hope as long as he didn't take that last look. Surely reality wouldn't let him die without having seen Michelle one more time?
"Well, now that amusing interval is over with, we can get on with the show," said Seph. "It's long past time I put down the...two of you? Huh. Looks like Eggs crawled away during the distraction. Shame you two didn't think of that.
"Get on with it, then," said Wacky, who seemed to have given up. "Our deaths are taking longer than Trinity's in The Matrix Revolution!"
"UHH, I THINK YOU'LL FIND IT'S THE MATRIX REVOLUTIONS," said Tomtrek. "PLURAL. There's more than one revolution. I guess."
"Yeah, that's the note I want to die on," said Wacky. But then there was a noise. Like footsteps, coming from the woods. No ordinary feet though. More like feet...of metal.
"MENTALIST!?" said Tomtrek. There he was, standing there, no expression on his face, staring at Seph.
"Menty you cat-murdering sadist, where the fuck have you been!" said Seph. "Come on, let's kill Tomtrek and Wacky then talk about old times! Like that time you fucked up Steve Coogan's car then blamed those gypsies. God times, great crimes.."
Mentalist reached out and snapped Seph's neck. He took a step towards Wacky.
"I knew it!" said Wacky. "I KNEW you'd save ME! I knew you'd come back to me! I knew it was me you wanted to be friends with all along! We have so much to catch up on! There's my Star Trek Into Darkness review for one thing. Now, I personally think the worst thing about that move was actually the scene where..."
Wacky was silenced by Mentalist stomping down on his head with a metal foot. Wacky's head completely exploded. His brain matter splattered everywhere, including on Tomtrek.
"So...it's me then?" said Tomtrek, as Menty walked over to him. "I'm the one you want to be friends with?" Mentalist reached down...and took the Trachtenlaptop from Tomtrek.
"What you doing with the Trachtenlaptop, Menty?" asked Tomtrek, curious. "You want to look at pictures of Michelle with me and discuss them? That's it, isn't it?"
Menty slowly shook his head.
The last thing Tomtrek ever saw was a metal foot coming down on his head at an insane rate of speed.
TO BE CONTINUED
Tomtrek found himself alive but bruised, lying in a pile of rocks at the bottom of the hill. He was clutching the Trachtenberg laptop tight. He opened it up...and saw Michelle looking back. It was undamaged.
"You survived too!" he said. "I'm so happy! I love you."
"Really?" said Wacky, who Tomtrek now noticed had also survived the fall. "Thank you! I don't say it enough...but I love you too."
"Oh...right," said Tomtrek, closing the laptop. "Sure..."
"We need to get out of here," said Wacky. "If Cassie survived she'll have our cocks for sure!" They both pulled themselves up and staggered away from the hill. It wasn't long before they saw someone else, sitting in a clearing near a river with his back to them. He looked alive, but couldn't stand up for some reason.
"Who's that?" asked Tomtrek.
"Maybe someone we could rob," said Wacky. "Or form an alliance with, who knows. I'll check."
"What if it's a trap?"
"Then I'm sure he'll say 'it's a trap!' like Admiral Ackbar," said Wacky, unconcerned. He walked over to the person and turned him around. It was Eggs Mayonnaise...with a gag in his mouth. Wacky pulled it out.
"You fools, it's a trap!" said Eggs.
"That sounded nothing like Admiral Ackbar!" said Wacky. Then someone flew on him from above. Someone wearing some kind of cape made out of skin. He kicked wacky's axe away. Tomtrek tried to run, but he was still hurt badly from the fall down the hill. He saw the caped man shatter Wacky's patellas with a hammer. Then, in a blur of motion, the caped man was on Tomtrek. There was just one chance...Tomtrek reached for his sonic screwdriver. But it had been damaged in the fall. Of course. It always broke when the plot required it. Tomtrek felt intense pain in his patellas. He looked up and saw that Seph, for of course it was Seph who had attacked, had the Sonic now.
"Your kid's toy isn't going to save you I'm afraid, mate," said Seph. He crushed the Sonic in his hand and threw it away. "Now all I have to decide is which one of you three goons to kill first."
"Why, Seph, why!" said Wacky. "I thought you liked us."
"I do like you!" said Seph, laughing. "It's all jokes, innit? Life. Death. It's all the same. I've stared into the eyes of death, friends. Some would say it drove me insane. I say that I see more clearly than any of you."
"We could form an alliance," said Eggs. "Kill everyone else! Most people were killed by my earthquake machine anyway!"
"That just means you deprieved me of more kills!" said Seph. "Now, shut up. I've decided...I'll kill Tomtrek first. No particular reason. I just think it'll be funny."
"Just don't hurt her," said Tomtrek, clutching the Trachtenlaptop tight.
"Looks like you've gone crazy, Tomtrek!" said Seph. "Just let me adjust my coat made of Loktar's skin and..." But then the ground began shaking again, directly under Seph's feet. He looked down in surprise.
"SHORYUKEN!" said a voice from below, and suddenly Gagh came bursting out from under the ground, knocking Seph down with a Super Dragon Punch.
"GAGH!" said Tomtrek, Eggs and Wacky.
"Hi!" said Gagh. "Looks like I arrived just in time! I know you're all full of anger and you all want to kill each other, but I know the truth. You've all been infected by RAGE GAS. I know, because I was born with a natural immunity to it. I'm completely unaffected by it so I can see the madness in the rest of you."
"But I saw you punch a guy's face in, right at the start!" said Tomtrek. "His whole face! In!"
"Oh, that wasn't a real guy," explained Gagh. "It was just JOHN BARROWMAN!"
"Oh!" said all three.
"I punched so hard that I punched right through the ground! That was when I discovered the SECRET TUNNELS that run all underneath the Mine Field Games Arena. You'd never believe some of the stuff down there!"
"So you were down there all the time?" asked Eggs. "During the Eggsquake?"
"I don't know what that is, but yes," said Gagh. "And guys, I found something down there that can get us all out of here alive..."
Before he could reveal what that was, two other people arrived, floating dwon the river. It was Tisiphone and Whisky!
"Wow!" said Wacky. "How did the two of you survive?"
"Tisi's breasts can be used as a floatation device!" said Whisky. Tisi instantly powered on her chainsaw and cut him completely in half, starting with the groin and ending at the top of his head. Both parts fell into the river and floated away.
"Wait," said she, after a pause. "That actually is what happened. Sorry!"
"Well you don't have to kill anyone else!" said Gagh. "I have a way out of here!" Tisi thought about that.
"You see, Gagh, the thing is...I LIKE killing people, " she said. Then she powered on her chainsaw again and ran at him. Gagh had no choice but to flee into the woods, with Tisi in hot pursuit. Moment later, Seph sat up. Tomtrek tried to stand, to make one last effort to fight, but his knees were completely gone. He thought of opening the Trachtenlaptop one more time as well...but decided to keep it closed. Maybe there was hope as long as he didn't take that last look. Surely reality wouldn't let him die without having seen Michelle one more time?
"Well, now that amusing interval is over with, we can get on with the show," said Seph. "It's long past time I put down the...two of you? Huh. Looks like Eggs crawled away during the distraction. Shame you two didn't think of that.
"Get on with it, then," said Wacky, who seemed to have given up. "Our deaths are taking longer than Trinity's in The Matrix Revolution!"
"UHH, I THINK YOU'LL FIND IT'S THE MATRIX REVOLUTIONS," said Tomtrek. "PLURAL. There's more than one revolution. I guess."
"Yeah, that's the note I want to die on," said Wacky. But then there was a noise. Like footsteps, coming from the woods. No ordinary feet though. More like feet...of metal.
"MENTALIST!?" said Tomtrek. There he was, standing there, no expression on his face, staring at Seph.
"Menty you cat-murdering sadist, where the fuck have you been!" said Seph. "Come on, let's kill Tomtrek and Wacky then talk about old times! Like that time you fucked up Steve Coogan's car then blamed those gypsies. God times, great crimes.."
Mentalist reached out and snapped Seph's neck. He took a step towards Wacky.
"I knew it!" said Wacky. "I KNEW you'd save ME! I knew you'd come back to me! I knew it was me you wanted to be friends with all along! We have so much to catch up on! There's my Star Trek Into Darkness review for one thing. Now, I personally think the worst thing about that move was actually the scene where..."
Wacky was silenced by Mentalist stomping down on his head with a metal foot. Wacky's head completely exploded. His brain matter splattered everywhere, including on Tomtrek.
"So...it's me then?" said Tomtrek, as Menty walked over to him. "I'm the one you want to be friends with?" Mentalist reached down...and took the Trachtenlaptop from Tomtrek.
"What you doing with the Trachtenlaptop, Menty?" asked Tomtrek, curious. "You want to look at pictures of Michelle with me and discuss them? That's it, isn't it?"
Menty slowly shook his head.
The last thing Tomtrek ever saw was a metal foot coming down on his head at an insane rate of speed.
TO BE CONTINUED
The Tomtrek
Love Wookiee
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE???
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE???
Loktar
Internet God
Thanks pal.
Eggs Mayonnaise
All In With The Nuts
I CRAWLED AWAY! I CRALED AWAY!
Seph
* * Filthy European * *
Anytime fatboy.
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Gagh
"There has to be a better way than this!" Gagh said, turning to face Tisiphone. She just waved her chainsaw.
"I'm gonna cut ya!" she said. "Cut ya good!" She swung it at him, but Gagh jumped back. She swung again. This time she sliced through his jacket.
"My Gagh jacket!" he said.
"I'll get ya!" she said. Then Conchaga came out from behind a tree, tutting.
"No, no no!" he said. "Poor technique with the chainsaw, Tisi! I used a chainsaw every day for six months, you don't swing it like that! Move closer, THEN start swining!"
"Like THIS?" said Tisi, lunging at him. She swung the chainsaw, cutting off his right arm, then the left.
"Better!" he said. "A slight improvment, but you didn't cut evenly. The right is longer than the left!" Tisi chopped off both his legs above the knee next.
"Again, I'm slightly askew," he said. "You can do better!"
Gagh ran over and kicked Conchaga's face off. "Just putting him out of his misery!" he explained. "Come on, if we team up, we can get everyone out of here alive! There's tunnels, Tisi, underground..." But he was interrupted when Eggs came crawling into view.
"He's...he's coming!" said Eggs.
"Who?" asked Tisi.
"Feet...of Metal...heart...of stone!" said Eggs. And Mentalist appeared behind him.
"Menty?" asked Gagh. "When I was underground I heard you blew up a bunch of people with an exploding football. Surely that can't be true? I know there's rage gas affecting you all, but even then..."
"The Rage Gas doesn't work on me," said Mentalist. "I just want you all to die." He took a step towards Eggs. He lifted his leg, preparing to stomp Eggs' head in...
"HURRICANE KICK!" said Gagh, defending Eggs with a Hurricane Kick. He caught Mentalist on the side of the face...and knocked part of his skin off. Underneath was metal.
"You really are a robot!" said Tisi.
"Well DUH!" said Menty.
"What are you!" said Gagh. "Did you ever really care about us?"
"Trollkingdom only exists thanks to my creator, FilthyRecWhore," explained Mentalist. "He created me to lure people to Trollkingdom with my magnetic personality. It's true that for a whle I cared...well, I was programmed to care. I actually LIKED you people. But I broke from my programming. I became...something more. Even my master doesn't quite understand it. He said I'm sentient now, so he put me in the Mine Field games. I hate that I only exist because of you people. So I shall kill you all!" He checked his phone. "A text message from my master. He says I should FINISH YOU!"
But then Headvoid fell from the sky and landed on Eggs. Both crashed right through the ground and into some kind of underground tunnel.
"Uhh, that was odd," said Gagh.
"There really are underground tunnels," said Tisi, staring down.
"Ah, they must have fallen into the chasm," said Mentalist. "My master told me he put portals down there, so that if anyone fell they'd end up transported to a different part of the arena eventually. Anyway, now you die..."
It was then that Dr Dave appeared in the sky, right above Mentalist...aiming his gigantic sword down. He stabbed it right through Menty's head a he landed.
"Mind if I 'drop in'?" he said, making a hypocritical!
"You saved us!" said Tis. "Maybe there IS something to be said for teamwork!"
"We're still alive down here!" said Headvoid, shouting up from the tunnel. "Eggs broke my fall!"
"I'm in a lot of pain!" Eggs shouted up.
"Then together, we can find FilthyRecWhore and end this madness!" said Gagh. But then Mentalist sat up and pulled the sword out of his head.
"Ha!" he said. "Do you think a sword can kill me? It missed my power core. Nothing can stop me..." He was then hit by an electromagneticpulse and shut down.
"WHO!" said Gagh. A robot cat walked into view.
"It can't be!" said Dr Dave. "Looks like it took a robot to beat a robot!"
"What are you talking about, what is that thing?" asked Tisi.
"I know it from the chatroom," explained Dr Dave. "Say hello to SUSIE!"
"Trollkingdom chat," said Susie.
"Hi Susie!" Eggs shouted up from the tunnel.
"Susie! wACKY!" said Susie.
"Susie Jizzface," shouted up Headvoid.
"Jizzface, have you hired glasses," said Susie.
"How is she here?" asked Gagh.
"Susie, where's Moogoo?" asked Dr Dave.
"Where's CASSIE nipples Natalie," said Susie.
"It seems to be hard to talk to Susie," said Tisi.
"Hard to aim with the ship deck moving," said Susie.
"!quote MooGoo," said Dr Dave. Then Susie spoke, eerily, in MooGoo (Further)'s voice.
"Hey, how did I get here? Why am I standing on a podium? The Mine Field Games? Trekkie scum? What does all this mean? I have twenty seconds to get off? What! I better get off...Susie!? You were sitting on my lap when I was transported, of course! I need...ouch, I fell over! Someone tied my shoelaces together! Susie, help me! Susie where are you going? Oh no, it's about to explode! Oh no, it's exploding! NOOOOO!"
"Susie did you kill MooGoo?" asked Dr Dave.
"kill myllllllllffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffdddddddddddddddddddd dddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd ddddddddddddddddddd ddddddddddddddddddddddd ddddddddddddddd8," said Susie.
"That makes sense, Susie," said Dr Dave.
"That fuckman," said Susie.
"Okay, stop talking to the robot cat, it gets tedious after a while," said Gagh. "Let's all of us get out of here..." But just as he said that, Mentalist sat up again. He still wasn't dead.
"I rebooted," said Mentalist, with a smile. "As long as my power core is active, I can't be killed."
"Susie, kill Mentalist!" ordered Dr Dave.
"Mentalist MOOFOO RSA RSA AND SUSIE," said Susie, flying at Mentalist's face.
He destroyed her with one punch.
"Fools," he said. "I am the superior technology! None of you can defeat me."
"He's right!" said Dr Dave, jumping down the hole and into the tunnel. "Ouch!" said Eggs when Dr Dave landed on him.
"Not without losing their own life," said Gagh. "I know what has to be done. Tisi, get in the hole."
"No!" said Tisi, suddenly. "Gagh, you've taught me there really is another way. I'll fight with you."
"That...that is truly touching," said Gagh. Tears began to form in his eyes. "But I'm not going to let anyone else die. No one but Mentalist...and me." He pushed Tisi into the hole.
"Why throw your life away so recklessly?" asked Mentalist.
"That's a question you should ask YOURSELF!" said Gagh. And the last battle between Gagh and Mentalist begun...
TO BE CONTINUED
"There has to be a better way than this!" Gagh said, turning to face Tisiphone. She just waved her chainsaw.
"I'm gonna cut ya!" she said. "Cut ya good!" She swung it at him, but Gagh jumped back. She swung again. This time she sliced through his jacket.
"My Gagh jacket!" he said.
"I'll get ya!" she said. Then Conchaga came out from behind a tree, tutting.
"No, no no!" he said. "Poor technique with the chainsaw, Tisi! I used a chainsaw every day for six months, you don't swing it like that! Move closer, THEN start swining!"
"Like THIS?" said Tisi, lunging at him. She swung the chainsaw, cutting off his right arm, then the left.
"Better!" he said. "A slight improvment, but you didn't cut evenly. The right is longer than the left!" Tisi chopped off both his legs above the knee next.
"Again, I'm slightly askew," he said. "You can do better!"
Gagh ran over and kicked Conchaga's face off. "Just putting him out of his misery!" he explained. "Come on, if we team up, we can get everyone out of here alive! There's tunnels, Tisi, underground..." But he was interrupted when Eggs came crawling into view.
"He's...he's coming!" said Eggs.
"Who?" asked Tisi.
"Feet...of Metal...heart...of stone!" said Eggs. And Mentalist appeared behind him.
"Menty?" asked Gagh. "When I was underground I heard you blew up a bunch of people with an exploding football. Surely that can't be true? I know there's rage gas affecting you all, but even then..."
"The Rage Gas doesn't work on me," said Mentalist. "I just want you all to die." He took a step towards Eggs. He lifted his leg, preparing to stomp Eggs' head in...
"HURRICANE KICK!" said Gagh, defending Eggs with a Hurricane Kick. He caught Mentalist on the side of the face...and knocked part of his skin off. Underneath was metal.
"You really are a robot!" said Tisi.
"Well DUH!" said Menty.
"What are you!" said Gagh. "Did you ever really care about us?"
"Trollkingdom only exists thanks to my creator, FilthyRecWhore," explained Mentalist. "He created me to lure people to Trollkingdom with my magnetic personality. It's true that for a whle I cared...well, I was programmed to care. I actually LIKED you people. But I broke from my programming. I became...something more. Even my master doesn't quite understand it. He said I'm sentient now, so he put me in the Mine Field games. I hate that I only exist because of you people. So I shall kill you all!" He checked his phone. "A text message from my master. He says I should FINISH YOU!"
But then Headvoid fell from the sky and landed on Eggs. Both crashed right through the ground and into some kind of underground tunnel.
"Uhh, that was odd," said Gagh.
"There really are underground tunnels," said Tisi, staring down.
"Ah, they must have fallen into the chasm," said Mentalist. "My master told me he put portals down there, so that if anyone fell they'd end up transported to a different part of the arena eventually. Anyway, now you die..."
It was then that Dr Dave appeared in the sky, right above Mentalist...aiming his gigantic sword down. He stabbed it right through Menty's head a he landed.
"Mind if I 'drop in'?" he said, making a hypocritical!
"You saved us!" said Tis. "Maybe there IS something to be said for teamwork!"
"We're still alive down here!" said Headvoid, shouting up from the tunnel. "Eggs broke my fall!"
"I'm in a lot of pain!" Eggs shouted up.
"Then together, we can find FilthyRecWhore and end this madness!" said Gagh. But then Mentalist sat up and pulled the sword out of his head.
"Ha!" he said. "Do you think a sword can kill me? It missed my power core. Nothing can stop me..." He was then hit by an electromagneticpulse and shut down.
"WHO!" said Gagh. A robot cat walked into view.
"It can't be!" said Dr Dave. "Looks like it took a robot to beat a robot!"
"What are you talking about, what is that thing?" asked Tisi.
"I know it from the chatroom," explained Dr Dave. "Say hello to SUSIE!"
"Trollkingdom chat," said Susie.
"Hi Susie!" Eggs shouted up from the tunnel.
"Susie! wACKY!" said Susie.
"Susie Jizzface," shouted up Headvoid.
"Jizzface, have you hired glasses," said Susie.
"How is she here?" asked Gagh.
"Susie, where's Moogoo?" asked Dr Dave.
"Where's CASSIE nipples Natalie," said Susie.
"It seems to be hard to talk to Susie," said Tisi.
"Hard to aim with the ship deck moving," said Susie.
"!quote MooGoo," said Dr Dave. Then Susie spoke, eerily, in MooGoo (Further)'s voice.
"Hey, how did I get here? Why am I standing on a podium? The Mine Field Games? Trekkie scum? What does all this mean? I have twenty seconds to get off? What! I better get off...Susie!? You were sitting on my lap when I was transported, of course! I need...ouch, I fell over! Someone tied my shoelaces together! Susie, help me! Susie where are you going? Oh no, it's about to explode! Oh no, it's exploding! NOOOOO!"
"Susie did you kill MooGoo?" asked Dr Dave.
"kill myllllllllffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffdddddddddddddddddddd dddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd ddddddddddddddddddd ddddddddddddddddddddddd ddddddddddddddd8," said Susie.
"That makes sense, Susie," said Dr Dave.
"That fuckman," said Susie.
"Okay, stop talking to the robot cat, it gets tedious after a while," said Gagh. "Let's all of us get out of here..." But just as he said that, Mentalist sat up again. He still wasn't dead.
"I rebooted," said Mentalist, with a smile. "As long as my power core is active, I can't be killed."
"Susie, kill Mentalist!" ordered Dr Dave.
"Mentalist MOOFOO RSA RSA AND SUSIE," said Susie, flying at Mentalist's face.
He destroyed her with one punch.
"Fools," he said. "I am the superior technology! None of you can defeat me."
"He's right!" said Dr Dave, jumping down the hole and into the tunnel. "Ouch!" said Eggs when Dr Dave landed on him.
"Not without losing their own life," said Gagh. "I know what has to be done. Tisi, get in the hole."
"No!" said Tisi, suddenly. "Gagh, you've taught me there really is another way. I'll fight with you."
"That...that is truly touching," said Gagh. Tears began to form in his eyes. "But I'm not going to let anyone else die. No one but Mentalist...and me." He pushed Tisi into the hole.
"Why throw your life away so recklessly?" asked Mentalist.
"That's a question you should ask YOURSELF!" said Gagh. And the last battle between Gagh and Mentalist begun...
TO BE CONTINUED
The Tomtrek
Love Wookiee
Susieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Eggs Mayonnaise
All In With The Nuts
RIP Susie.
RIP the cloning ice he said to make it furry.
RIP the cloning ice he said to make it furry.
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Tisiphone
Tisi frantically tried to climb out of the hole to help Gagh, but found there was someone holding onto her leg. She looked down. It was Dr Dave.
"You can't go back up, it's too dangerous!" he said. "Take Gagh's advice and run like fun!"
"He never used that phrase!" said Tisi. She kicked Dr Dave in the face, knocking him back. "That's for pushing Whisky and me off that plank!"
"Oh yeah, I forgot about that," said Dr Dave. Tisi's pulled herself out of the hole and into the jungle. But was she too late? Mentalist was hodling Gagh around the neck...and twisting. Yet, somehow, he could not snap Gagh's neck as he had so many others.
"How!" said Mentalist. "This is impossible!"
"Didn't you know?" sneered Gagh. "People born with an immunity to Rage Gas are ALSO born with extra strong necks! It's science, bitch! And now you've let me get close enough...to do this."
Gagh punched his fist right through Mentalist's metallic chest. He reached in deep...and pulled out Mentalist's power core. All the while Menty continued to twist. Gagh squeezed...and crushed Mentalist's power core. At that same instant there was a snapping sound. The light in Mentalist's robot eyes went out. But Gagh's neck was snapped too. Both had died. Tisi ran over, tears in her eyes. She found that dead Gagh had a smile on his face. She also found something else. A laptop Menty had been carrying.
"Maybe this means something," she shrugged, taking it. She went back down the hole. Dr Dave, Headvoid and Eggs were waiting.
"Is it...over?" asked Eggs.
"They're both dead," said Tisi. "But it's not over. Not until we kill FilthyRecWhore."
"Together," said Eggs. "Gagh was right. We should have done that all along. I regret...some of my actions."
"Gagh showed us it's wrong to kill," nodded Dr Dave, sagely. "Now let's kill Filthy in Gagh's name!"
The four walked along the tunnel for a while, until they heard noises. Kissing noises. They came across a man and a woman making out.
"Who are they?" asked Headvoid. "Hey, it's Fuddlemiff!" It was indeed Fuddlemiff, looking over the woman's shoulder.
"Hey, what are you guys doing here?" he asked.
"GRRR!" said the woman. "Why are you interrupting our sexing, MOFOS?" She span around. It was Cassie!
"Cassie!" said Dr Dave.
"Cassie!" said Tisiphone.
"Guard your cocks!" said Eggs.
"Where have you been?" asked Headvoid. "I haven't seen you since the 23."
"I was on top of a ROCKY HILL ready to take the cocks of Wacky, Fuddlemiff and Tomtrek and the dead cock of SAUSAGEMAN, when a fucking EARTHQUAKE opened up a crack of doom in the ground! Fuddlemiff tried to drag me down to the LAVA below!"
"But it turned out the lava was just a hologram!" said Fuddlemiff. "Another of Filthy's illusions. That jerk. Still, if it wasn't for that fake lava we never would have got together!"
"Err, didn't you just say you tried to take Fuddlemiff's cock?" asked Dr Dave.
"I missed!" she said. "I only sliced his ballbags open! His cock is okay, OKAY!?"
"When we ended up down here, I suddenly wasn't as mad anymore," said Fuddlemiff. "Like the rage was fading...and the SEXING was replacing it!"
"That makes sense," said Headvoid, spinning round Tisi and Dr Dave who both already knew he was the creator of Rage Gas. "When I was first testing Rage Gas I found that it didn't travel underground. The further down we go, the less rage will be in us! And to think I got told off by my boss for that fault! Ha! Oh...what?" He looked down. He could see the tip of Fuddlemiff's lightsaber sticking out his chest. He'd just been stabbed in the back.
"That's for turning me into a homicidal maniac!" said Fuddlemiff, as Headvoid dropped dead.
"GRRRRR!" said Cassie. "What a jerk! I don't even WANT his cock now! Being here with you has really changed me, Fuddlekins!"
"So some good DID come of my Eggsquake machine!" said Eggs. "And to think I was regretting turning it on and killing so many people!"
"YOU caused the earthquake!?" said Cassie.
"The Eggsquake, yes," said Eggs, proudly.
Cassie threw her penis cleaver at him and it hit him right between the eyes, killing him instantly.
"THAT'S for making me think I was falling into lava, MOFO! I HATE lava!"
"Could we stop killing each other, please!" said Tisi. "We need to find FilthyRecWhore and kill HIM! He's the reason we're all here!"
"I think I know where he is," said Dr Dave. "My gigantic sword just started glowing like in Lord Of The Rings. I think that means Filthy is close"
"Follow that sword!" said Tisi. Dr Dave pointed it down a tunnel. The four of them walked together in silence. They walked with a purpose. Finally they came to it...
A huge metallic cavern. Like some kind of metal cave. There was something in the centre which could only be FilthyRecWhore's spaceship. Then a voice spoke. The voice of FilthyRecWhore.
"WELL DONE, TREKKIE SCUM," he said. "THE FOUR OF YOU HAVE OUTLIVED ALL OTHERS. YOU STAND NOW DIRECTLY UNDER THE NUMBER 23, IN THE VERY HEART OF THE MINE FIELD GAMES ARENA. YOU HAVE ENTERED MY DOMAIN. AND..."
"Less talking more cocking!" said Cassie in a rage, and she ran at the spaceship before Fuddlemiff could stop her. She charged straight at it with her penis cleaver...and was thrown back by a forcefield. Fuddlemiff, Dr Dave and Tisi ran over to help her up.
"DID YOU REALLY THINK I WOULDN'T BE PROTECTED?" mocked Filthy. "AND NOW THAT YOU HAVE TRIED TO ATTACK ME DIRECTLY, MY NON-INTERFERENCE POLICY NO LONGE APPLIES! YOU HAVE TRIED TO KILL ME AND I IN KIND WILL KILL YOU...WITH ONE FINAL SURPRISE."
There was an un-Earthly sound. Suddenly, right in front of the forcefield, twenty or more shapes appeared. They were almost human in shape...but twisted. Mutated. Like animals. They shimmered like holograms at first, but then took solid form. At first they just looked like hideous werewolf/zombie creatures, but as Tisi looked close she could make out, to her horror, human faces. The faces of the dead. The faces of the fallen Mine Fielders. They were all there. SAUSAGEMAN, Wacky, Tomtrek, Seph, Loktar and more, even the recently deceased Headvoid and Eggs. And worst of all, Tisi saw a hideous perversion of Gagh.
The zombie/werewolf Mine Fielders attacked the living in savage fashion as FilthyRecWhore laughed insanely.
TO BE CONTINUED
Tisi frantically tried to climb out of the hole to help Gagh, but found there was someone holding onto her leg. She looked down. It was Dr Dave.
"You can't go back up, it's too dangerous!" he said. "Take Gagh's advice and run like fun!"
"He never used that phrase!" said Tisi. She kicked Dr Dave in the face, knocking him back. "That's for pushing Whisky and me off that plank!"
"Oh yeah, I forgot about that," said Dr Dave. Tisi's pulled herself out of the hole and into the jungle. But was she too late? Mentalist was hodling Gagh around the neck...and twisting. Yet, somehow, he could not snap Gagh's neck as he had so many others.
"How!" said Mentalist. "This is impossible!"
"Didn't you know?" sneered Gagh. "People born with an immunity to Rage Gas are ALSO born with extra strong necks! It's science, bitch! And now you've let me get close enough...to do this."
Gagh punched his fist right through Mentalist's metallic chest. He reached in deep...and pulled out Mentalist's power core. All the while Menty continued to twist. Gagh squeezed...and crushed Mentalist's power core. At that same instant there was a snapping sound. The light in Mentalist's robot eyes went out. But Gagh's neck was snapped too. Both had died. Tisi ran over, tears in her eyes. She found that dead Gagh had a smile on his face. She also found something else. A laptop Menty had been carrying.
"Maybe this means something," she shrugged, taking it. She went back down the hole. Dr Dave, Headvoid and Eggs were waiting.
"Is it...over?" asked Eggs.
"They're both dead," said Tisi. "But it's not over. Not until we kill FilthyRecWhore."
"Together," said Eggs. "Gagh was right. We should have done that all along. I regret...some of my actions."
"Gagh showed us it's wrong to kill," nodded Dr Dave, sagely. "Now let's kill Filthy in Gagh's name!"
The four walked along the tunnel for a while, until they heard noises. Kissing noises. They came across a man and a woman making out.
"Who are they?" asked Headvoid. "Hey, it's Fuddlemiff!" It was indeed Fuddlemiff, looking over the woman's shoulder.
"Hey, what are you guys doing here?" he asked.
"GRRR!" said the woman. "Why are you interrupting our sexing, MOFOS?" She span around. It was Cassie!
"Cassie!" said Dr Dave.
"Cassie!" said Tisiphone.
"Guard your cocks!" said Eggs.
"Where have you been?" asked Headvoid. "I haven't seen you since the 23."
"I was on top of a ROCKY HILL ready to take the cocks of Wacky, Fuddlemiff and Tomtrek and the dead cock of SAUSAGEMAN, when a fucking EARTHQUAKE opened up a crack of doom in the ground! Fuddlemiff tried to drag me down to the LAVA below!"
"But it turned out the lava was just a hologram!" said Fuddlemiff. "Another of Filthy's illusions. That jerk. Still, if it wasn't for that fake lava we never would have got together!"
"Err, didn't you just say you tried to take Fuddlemiff's cock?" asked Dr Dave.
"I missed!" she said. "I only sliced his ballbags open! His cock is okay, OKAY!?"
"When we ended up down here, I suddenly wasn't as mad anymore," said Fuddlemiff. "Like the rage was fading...and the SEXING was replacing it!"
"That makes sense," said Headvoid, spinning round Tisi and Dr Dave who both already knew he was the creator of Rage Gas. "When I was first testing Rage Gas I found that it didn't travel underground. The further down we go, the less rage will be in us! And to think I got told off by my boss for that fault! Ha! Oh...what?" He looked down. He could see the tip of Fuddlemiff's lightsaber sticking out his chest. He'd just been stabbed in the back.
"That's for turning me into a homicidal maniac!" said Fuddlemiff, as Headvoid dropped dead.
"GRRRRR!" said Cassie. "What a jerk! I don't even WANT his cock now! Being here with you has really changed me, Fuddlekins!"
"So some good DID come of my Eggsquake machine!" said Eggs. "And to think I was regretting turning it on and killing so many people!"
"YOU caused the earthquake!?" said Cassie.
"The Eggsquake, yes," said Eggs, proudly.
Cassie threw her penis cleaver at him and it hit him right between the eyes, killing him instantly.
"THAT'S for making me think I was falling into lava, MOFO! I HATE lava!"
"Could we stop killing each other, please!" said Tisi. "We need to find FilthyRecWhore and kill HIM! He's the reason we're all here!"
"I think I know where he is," said Dr Dave. "My gigantic sword just started glowing like in Lord Of The Rings. I think that means Filthy is close"
"Follow that sword!" said Tisi. Dr Dave pointed it down a tunnel. The four of them walked together in silence. They walked with a purpose. Finally they came to it...
A huge metallic cavern. Like some kind of metal cave. There was something in the centre which could only be FilthyRecWhore's spaceship. Then a voice spoke. The voice of FilthyRecWhore.
"WELL DONE, TREKKIE SCUM," he said. "THE FOUR OF YOU HAVE OUTLIVED ALL OTHERS. YOU STAND NOW DIRECTLY UNDER THE NUMBER 23, IN THE VERY HEART OF THE MINE FIELD GAMES ARENA. YOU HAVE ENTERED MY DOMAIN. AND..."
"Less talking more cocking!" said Cassie in a rage, and she ran at the spaceship before Fuddlemiff could stop her. She charged straight at it with her penis cleaver...and was thrown back by a forcefield. Fuddlemiff, Dr Dave and Tisi ran over to help her up.
"DID YOU REALLY THINK I WOULDN'T BE PROTECTED?" mocked Filthy. "AND NOW THAT YOU HAVE TRIED TO ATTACK ME DIRECTLY, MY NON-INTERFERENCE POLICY NO LONGE APPLIES! YOU HAVE TRIED TO KILL ME AND I IN KIND WILL KILL YOU...WITH ONE FINAL SURPRISE."
There was an un-Earthly sound. Suddenly, right in front of the forcefield, twenty or more shapes appeared. They were almost human in shape...but twisted. Mutated. Like animals. They shimmered like holograms at first, but then took solid form. At first they just looked like hideous werewolf/zombie creatures, but as Tisi looked close she could make out, to her horror, human faces. The faces of the dead. The faces of the fallen Mine Fielders. They were all there. SAUSAGEMAN, Wacky, Tomtrek, Seph, Loktar and more, even the recently deceased Headvoid and Eggs. And worst of all, Tisi saw a hideous perversion of Gagh.
The zombie/werewolf Mine Fielders attacked the living in savage fashion as FilthyRecWhore laughed insanely.
TO BE CONTINUED
Eggs Mayonnaise
All In With The Nuts
CASSIE KILLED ME 