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The Mine Field Games
- Thread starter CaptainWacky
- Start date
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Cassie
Cassie was one of the first to reach the 23. Only Fuddlemiff got there before her. She saw him run off in an Eggs Mayonnaise mask. Strange. She didn't know what she was going to do. She couldn't kill anyone, could she? Fights were starting to break out. Couldn't she talk some sense into everyone? First she'd need some kind of weapon, though, just to protect herself...
She saw two laptops hanging from the 23. She knew from the notes attached who they were meant for. She decided to have a little fun with them.
Then she saw it. The penis cleaver. When she took it in her hand, she transformed. It was as if it spoke to her.
"I'm thirsty...FOR COCK," it seemed to whisper to her. She'd have to chop off dongs to satisfy it. She had no other choice.
She saw Tomtrek and took a swing at him. His cock would make a fine first member for her collection. Then something hit her in the face. Tomtrek ran off. She turned round to see who had dared challenge her...
"Oi!" said Curiousa2z, catching her soccer ball as it bounced back off Cassie's face. "Don't you be hurting Tomtrek!"
"I just want his dong, BITCH," said Cassie. "MAYBE I'LL TAKE YOURS!!!!"
"I don't have one!" said Curious.
"Oh!" said Cassie. "Maybe we could be friends."
"Only if you agree to stop slicing off cocks!" said Curious.
"WHAT!" said Cassie. "NEVER, you Canadian hippy!" Cassie started to storm off, but someone stopped her.
"Excuse me, did someone say something about cocks?" asked Cock Gobbler.
"Yeah...YOURS!" said Cassie. She chopped it clean off without even removing his pants. Then she chopped his head off. It felt good. She felt more sane now. Curious had made her so mad!
She walked off into the woods looking for more cocks to claim. She soon realised she'd acted too impulsively. She got lost in some dense woodland. She just wanted a cock to satisfy the penis cleaver. She could hear it in her head again. As time went on it got louder.
She heard the horn blast and saw the avatars in the sky. All those people dead and she didn't even get to kill them!
Then she came across something amazing. A house, in the forest. And people lived there. Men, with cocks. Women, without. Maybe they'd accept Cassie as part of their community. Maybe she could slowly work her way through the men and the others wouldn't even notice. Maybe...but there she was. Curious was living there. Of course she was! She would never let Cassie in.
Cassie stormed off again. She soon came across dead boides. Some were men. With cocks. She recognised Big Dick McGee. But his body was mutilated. Someone had chopped him up badly. She was angry again. You should only chop a body up AFTER taking the dong. Surely everyone knew that? His dong was useless to her now.
Then she saw a rocky hill in the distance. She heard shouting up there. Yes, there were dongs up that hill. She could smell them.
She climbed up the side of the hill. She heard combat now. She heard someone gloating. Fuddlemiff, she recognised the voice. He was the one who'd killed the people she'd found. Chopped them up. Denied her her dongs. Now he was planning to take Wacky's and Tomtrek's away from her. And he was standing right at the edge of the hill...
She put her cleaver beteween his legs.
"Cassie!" said Wacky.
"Happy to see me, MOFO? You won't be happy when I take your cock!" She looked around. Tomtrek was just sitting there, cradling Mirah's dead body and a laptop. There was another body. SAUSAGEMAN's. He'd denied very recently. She touching his skin. Still warm. There were two holes in his chest, but otherwise his body was intact. She'd long desired SAUSAGEMAN's cock. She could take it, even though she hadn't killed him...
"It hurts!" said Fuddlemiff.
"I'll end your pain soon enough!" said Cassie. "What's wrong with Tomtrek?"
"Oh, he's just sad because SAUSAGEMAN destroyed his Trachtenberg laptop and he killed Mirah," explained Wacky.
"Ha!" said Cassie. "Then you two didn't figure it out. I SWITCHED your laptops. YOU have the Trachtenberg laptop, Wacky!"
"WHAT!" said Tomtrek, jumping up.
"Huh, so I do," said Wacky, checking his laptop. "Fancy that."
"Why would you do that!" said Tomtrek.
"For a laugh!" said Cassie.
"But I still killed Mirah..."
"You might have killed Mirah, but Love Child and I Love Cunt are still out there, living like hippies with that Canadian Curiousa2z, GRRRRR!" said Cassie.
"Of course!" said Tomtrek. "Great! But, Wacky, shouldn't you be upset that all the data from the Wacky Hot One Hundred has been destroyed."
"Do you really think I need to store that data electronically?" laughed Wacky. "Name a girl. NOT HER."
"Hayley Atwell," said Tomtrek.
"Hayley Atwell, number 47 in the last Wacky Hot One Hundred, 257 points then, 25, 17, 17 points since," said Wacky, with perfect recall. Then he tossed the Trachtenberg laptop back to Tomtrek, who hugged it tight.
"VERY IMPRESSIVE," said Cassie. "But all that data will be lost for good when I take your dong and end your life!" But before she could do anything else, there was a rumbling. The hill began to shake. They looked around. The whole Mine Field Games Arena was shaking.
"EARTHQUAKE!" shouted Tomtrek. Wacky ran towards him.
"Who's doing this!" said Cassie.
"We need to get off...aaaah!" said Wacky. He fell off the side of the hill as the rocks between his feet began to roll. Tomtrek opened up his laptop.
"It's time," he said, taking a long look at something. He looked content. Then he disappeared over the edge of the hill like Wacky had. Cassie tried to follow them, but the ground between her feet started opening up. She jumped, but Fuddlemiff nearly fell in. Cassie looked into the great crack that had opened. There was lava below.
"I don't have your dong yet!" she said. "You can't fall in until I have it, give me your hand!" She grabbed him. But then Fuddlemiff smiled.
"No," he said. "We burn together." He pulled Cassie as he fell backwards into the crack of doom and together they fell towards the lava below...
TO BE CONTINUED
Cassie was one of the first to reach the 23. Only Fuddlemiff got there before her. She saw him run off in an Eggs Mayonnaise mask. Strange. She didn't know what she was going to do. She couldn't kill anyone, could she? Fights were starting to break out. Couldn't she talk some sense into everyone? First she'd need some kind of weapon, though, just to protect herself...
She saw two laptops hanging from the 23. She knew from the notes attached who they were meant for. She decided to have a little fun with them.
Then she saw it. The penis cleaver. When she took it in her hand, she transformed. It was as if it spoke to her.
"I'm thirsty...FOR COCK," it seemed to whisper to her. She'd have to chop off dongs to satisfy it. She had no other choice.
She saw Tomtrek and took a swing at him. His cock would make a fine first member for her collection. Then something hit her in the face. Tomtrek ran off. She turned round to see who had dared challenge her...
"Oi!" said Curiousa2z, catching her soccer ball as it bounced back off Cassie's face. "Don't you be hurting Tomtrek!"
"I just want his dong, BITCH," said Cassie. "MAYBE I'LL TAKE YOURS!!!!"
"I don't have one!" said Curious.
"Oh!" said Cassie. "Maybe we could be friends."
"Only if you agree to stop slicing off cocks!" said Curious.
"WHAT!" said Cassie. "NEVER, you Canadian hippy!" Cassie started to storm off, but someone stopped her.
"Excuse me, did someone say something about cocks?" asked Cock Gobbler.
"Yeah...YOURS!" said Cassie. She chopped it clean off without even removing his pants. Then she chopped his head off. It felt good. She felt more sane now. Curious had made her so mad!
She walked off into the woods looking for more cocks to claim. She soon realised she'd acted too impulsively. She got lost in some dense woodland. She just wanted a cock to satisfy the penis cleaver. She could hear it in her head again. As time went on it got louder.
She heard the horn blast and saw the avatars in the sky. All those people dead and she didn't even get to kill them!
Then she came across something amazing. A house, in the forest. And people lived there. Men, with cocks. Women, without. Maybe they'd accept Cassie as part of their community. Maybe she could slowly work her way through the men and the others wouldn't even notice. Maybe...but there she was. Curious was living there. Of course she was! She would never let Cassie in.
Cassie stormed off again. She soon came across dead boides. Some were men. With cocks. She recognised Big Dick McGee. But his body was mutilated. Someone had chopped him up badly. She was angry again. You should only chop a body up AFTER taking the dong. Surely everyone knew that? His dong was useless to her now.
Then she saw a rocky hill in the distance. She heard shouting up there. Yes, there were dongs up that hill. She could smell them.
She climbed up the side of the hill. She heard combat now. She heard someone gloating. Fuddlemiff, she recognised the voice. He was the one who'd killed the people she'd found. Chopped them up. Denied her her dongs. Now he was planning to take Wacky's and Tomtrek's away from her. And he was standing right at the edge of the hill...
She put her cleaver beteween his legs.
"Cassie!" said Wacky.
"Happy to see me, MOFO? You won't be happy when I take your cock!" She looked around. Tomtrek was just sitting there, cradling Mirah's dead body and a laptop. There was another body. SAUSAGEMAN's. He'd denied very recently. She touching his skin. Still warm. There were two holes in his chest, but otherwise his body was intact. She'd long desired SAUSAGEMAN's cock. She could take it, even though she hadn't killed him...
"It hurts!" said Fuddlemiff.
"I'll end your pain soon enough!" said Cassie. "What's wrong with Tomtrek?"
"Oh, he's just sad because SAUSAGEMAN destroyed his Trachtenberg laptop and he killed Mirah," explained Wacky.
"Ha!" said Cassie. "Then you two didn't figure it out. I SWITCHED your laptops. YOU have the Trachtenberg laptop, Wacky!"
"WHAT!" said Tomtrek, jumping up.
"Huh, so I do," said Wacky, checking his laptop. "Fancy that."
"Why would you do that!" said Tomtrek.
"For a laugh!" said Cassie.
"But I still killed Mirah..."
"You might have killed Mirah, but Love Child and I Love Cunt are still out there, living like hippies with that Canadian Curiousa2z, GRRRRR!" said Cassie.
"Of course!" said Tomtrek. "Great! But, Wacky, shouldn't you be upset that all the data from the Wacky Hot One Hundred has been destroyed."
"Do you really think I need to store that data electronically?" laughed Wacky. "Name a girl. NOT HER."
"Hayley Atwell," said Tomtrek.
"Hayley Atwell, number 47 in the last Wacky Hot One Hundred, 257 points then, 25, 17, 17 points since," said Wacky, with perfect recall. Then he tossed the Trachtenberg laptop back to Tomtrek, who hugged it tight.
"VERY IMPRESSIVE," said Cassie. "But all that data will be lost for good when I take your dong and end your life!" But before she could do anything else, there was a rumbling. The hill began to shake. They looked around. The whole Mine Field Games Arena was shaking.
"EARTHQUAKE!" shouted Tomtrek. Wacky ran towards him.
"Who's doing this!" said Cassie.
"We need to get off...aaaah!" said Wacky. He fell off the side of the hill as the rocks between his feet began to roll. Tomtrek opened up his laptop.
"It's time," he said, taking a long look at something. He looked content. Then he disappeared over the edge of the hill like Wacky had. Cassie tried to follow them, but the ground between her feet started opening up. She jumped, but Fuddlemiff nearly fell in. Cassie looked into the great crack that had opened. There was lava below.
"I don't have your dong yet!" she said. "You can't fall in until I have it, give me your hand!" She grabbed him. But then Fuddlemiff smiled.
"No," he said. "We burn together." He pulled Cassie as he fell backwards into the crack of doom and together they fell towards the lava below...
TO BE CONTINUED
Eggs Mayonnaise
All In With The Nuts
At least the earthquale machine works here.
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Headvoid
The four of them worked well as a unit. Tisiphone was tireless at cutting down trees. Dr Dave and Whisky worked fine together as long as Whisky didn't make any puns. And Headvoid used his plank building expertise to guide them.
They were only interrupted once, when MissManners, Captain Decker, THUNDERHAMMER and BobbyT showed up. They said they could help with the plank construction and the seven of them could leave in peace. They said "seven" because Tisi was in the woods at the time, chopping trees with her chainsaw. She appeared behind the four of them and gave a questioning look to Headvoid. He thought about it for a moment, then nodded his head. Tisi chopped all four of their heads off in one movement of her chainsaw.
"Those four were like a prequel series of us!" said Whisky.
"Nearly a pun..." said Dr Dave.
"That felt good, killing them," said Tisi, kicking the heads into the river.
"Good job..." said Headvoid. But on the inside, he was worried by this. He knew what Rage Gas could do. He knew because he invented it. How long would it be before Tisi would kill him? He tried to think back to the first trials of Rage Gas. He shuddered at the memory. He felt guilty, having turned everyone in the Mine Field Games into homicidal maniacs...
He'd felt guilty then too, ten long years ago, when he'd watched the first trials of the Rage Gas on shoppers. He'd winced as he'd seen the shoppers tear each other apart. He'd thought maybe it was morally wrong, for a minute or two. Then TK Maxx had said he could have a free shop in their biggest store and he felt better. They even brought in Dale Winton to make it more fun! Dale had been a great guy...anyway, they had to get a move on. They had to get out before the Rage Gas made everyone completely unreasonable.
"Come on, the plank's ready," he said. "We'll climb out over the river."
"Can it hold all our weight?" asked Dr Dave.
"Only one way to find out," said Headvoid. He climbed on and started crawling out. Dr Dave followed, then Whisky. Tisiphone brought up the rear with her chainsaw, ready to strike anyone who tried to follow them.
"It's holding!" said Headvoid, as the four of them met at the middle of the plank, directly over the river. "It really worked!"
"I love it when a plank comes together!" said Whisky. It was the moment that changed everything.
"THAT...WAS A PUN!" said Dr Dave and he kicked Whisky straight in the face without a moment's hesitation. Whisky fell off the plank, but grabbed at Tisi as he did. Tisi was thrown off balance and fell with him. Both of them plummeted into the river far below.
"You killed them!" said Headvoid, backing away along the plank.
"Meh, he shouldn't have made a pun," said Dr Dave. "Now let's find a way out!"
Headvoid crawled along faster now, out over the chasm. It appeared to be bottomless. He turned the plank extending crank they had installed and the plank reached all the way out to the forcefield. Headvoid crawled right up against it, looking for the hole Jethro had escaped through. And he found it.
"Wait here, I'll scout it out," he said. He crawled through...and was stunned by what he saw.
Jethro's body was mangled in some hideous machinery. He hadn't got out at all. It must have been some kind of security system. Then, as Headvoid watched in horror, Jethro's body was ground up and carried away on a conveyor belt. There was no escape.
He went back through and onto the plank. Dr Dave was sitting there, eager for news.
"What did you see? Can we get out?" he asked.
"We...we have to keep looking," said Headvoid. "There's nothing through there. Jethro must have gone out some other hole."
"ARE YOU LYING TO ME?" raged Dr Dave.
"No," lied Headvoid.
"Oh, okay," said Dr Dave. "We'll keep looking then." They started crawling back to the plank extending crank to change the direction of the plank. But then they noticed the jungle begin to shake! Trees were falling. And the plank itself began to shake as well.
"Earthquake!" said Headvoid. "We have to get into the hole in the forcefield..."
But it was too late. The earthquake caused the plank to snap. Dr Dave and Headvoid fell into the chasm. And they seemed to fall forever.
TO BE CONTINUED
The four of them worked well as a unit. Tisiphone was tireless at cutting down trees. Dr Dave and Whisky worked fine together as long as Whisky didn't make any puns. And Headvoid used his plank building expertise to guide them.
They were only interrupted once, when MissManners, Captain Decker, THUNDERHAMMER and BobbyT showed up. They said they could help with the plank construction and the seven of them could leave in peace. They said "seven" because Tisi was in the woods at the time, chopping trees with her chainsaw. She appeared behind the four of them and gave a questioning look to Headvoid. He thought about it for a moment, then nodded his head. Tisi chopped all four of their heads off in one movement of her chainsaw.
"Those four were like a prequel series of us!" said Whisky.
"Nearly a pun..." said Dr Dave.
"That felt good, killing them," said Tisi, kicking the heads into the river.
"Good job..." said Headvoid. But on the inside, he was worried by this. He knew what Rage Gas could do. He knew because he invented it. How long would it be before Tisi would kill him? He tried to think back to the first trials of Rage Gas. He shuddered at the memory. He felt guilty, having turned everyone in the Mine Field Games into homicidal maniacs...
He'd felt guilty then too, ten long years ago, when he'd watched the first trials of the Rage Gas on shoppers. He'd winced as he'd seen the shoppers tear each other apart. He'd thought maybe it was morally wrong, for a minute or two. Then TK Maxx had said he could have a free shop in their biggest store and he felt better. They even brought in Dale Winton to make it more fun! Dale had been a great guy...anyway, they had to get a move on. They had to get out before the Rage Gas made everyone completely unreasonable.
"Come on, the plank's ready," he said. "We'll climb out over the river."
"Can it hold all our weight?" asked Dr Dave.
"Only one way to find out," said Headvoid. He climbed on and started crawling out. Dr Dave followed, then Whisky. Tisiphone brought up the rear with her chainsaw, ready to strike anyone who tried to follow them.
"It's holding!" said Headvoid, as the four of them met at the middle of the plank, directly over the river. "It really worked!"
"I love it when a plank comes together!" said Whisky. It was the moment that changed everything.
"THAT...WAS A PUN!" said Dr Dave and he kicked Whisky straight in the face without a moment's hesitation. Whisky fell off the plank, but grabbed at Tisi as he did. Tisi was thrown off balance and fell with him. Both of them plummeted into the river far below.
"You killed them!" said Headvoid, backing away along the plank.
"Meh, he shouldn't have made a pun," said Dr Dave. "Now let's find a way out!"
Headvoid crawled along faster now, out over the chasm. It appeared to be bottomless. He turned the plank extending crank they had installed and the plank reached all the way out to the forcefield. Headvoid crawled right up against it, looking for the hole Jethro had escaped through. And he found it.
"Wait here, I'll scout it out," he said. He crawled through...and was stunned by what he saw.
Jethro's body was mangled in some hideous machinery. He hadn't got out at all. It must have been some kind of security system. Then, as Headvoid watched in horror, Jethro's body was ground up and carried away on a conveyor belt. There was no escape.
He went back through and onto the plank. Dr Dave was sitting there, eager for news.
"What did you see? Can we get out?" he asked.
"We...we have to keep looking," said Headvoid. "There's nothing through there. Jethro must have gone out some other hole."
"ARE YOU LYING TO ME?" raged Dr Dave.
"No," lied Headvoid.
"Oh, okay," said Dr Dave. "We'll keep looking then." They started crawling back to the plank extending crank to change the direction of the plank. But then they noticed the jungle begin to shake! Trees were falling. And the plank itself began to shake as well.
"Earthquake!" said Headvoid. "We have to get into the hole in the forcefield..."
But it was too late. The earthquake caused the plank to snap. Dr Dave and Headvoid fell into the chasm. And they seemed to fall forever.
TO BE CONTINUED
Eggs Mayonnaise
All In With The Nuts
:who?me?:
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
curiousa2z
She took the soccer ball because she thought it could bring people together. Then Cassie called her a "Canadian hippy" and went off to find some men to murder. What was so bad about being a hippy anyway? What was so bad about wanting to live in peace? She wondered if everyone else had been driven mad by some kind of gas but it didn't affect her because she was Canadian...
She went into the woods looking for people to befriend. All she found was bodies. She had almost given up...when she was astonished to find a house.
"What is this!?" she said, stepping towards it. The house looked like a perfectly normal, cosy, nice house. There was even a chimney.
"It's a house of love, groovy girl!" said a man stepping out. It was Shatna! And with him were Caitriona, I Love Cunt, Love Child, Ilyanna and EnglishRose. All living together in pace.
"Welcome, sister!" said EnglishRose. "Join us!"
"Yes, join us!" said Love Child. "We love you!"
"This is amazing!" said Curious.
"I found the house out here," said Shatna. "Everyone else was killing each other, but I invited these hepcats to come and stay with me. I call it the TrollKingdom house. It's groovy, yeah! It's cool as a cucumber!"
"I think I've found where I belong!" said Curious, smiling. She moved in. Everyone had a great time. They talked about love a lot. Shatna would disappear into the bedroom for hours with one of the girls, but Curious herself stayed away from that. All she wanted was to get more people to join them so they could have a nice game of footie. She could bring everyone together. She thought she saw Cassie watching from the woods at one point. She couldn't let Cassie came in. She went outside to tell the others that they should be careful...but then the earthquake came.
"What's happening!" cried I Love Cunt.
"Everything's going to be okay, just stand away from the house so nothing falls on us!" said Curious. She stod with Love Child, I Love Cunt and Ilyana. They knew Shatna and Cait had been upstairs. But where was EnglishRose? After the earthquake they found her...dead underneath the chimney. But then they looked up...
"Oh no, the whole roof came down!" said Curious.
"Shatna!" cried Ilyanna. They ran upstairs...but it was too late. Shatna and Cait were dead in bed, buried under the roof.
"They wouldn't even get out of bed for that," said Curious, shaking her head. It was a dark time, but things got better the next morning.
"Look at that sunrie," said Love Child.
"It's beautiful," said Curious.
"No, I mean ThatSunrise," said Love Child. He was stepping over the horizon.
"Hi, has anyone seen SAUSAGEMAN?" he asked.
"No, but you can stay with us and maybe he'll come here eventually," said Curious.
"Do you have pasta?" he asked. He moved in anyway. Then more came. FilthyWhore with Hambil on a leash. That was quite a surprise.
"We, umm...came to an arrangement," explained Filthy.
"Where's Morrhigan?" asked Curious.
"She was in the Arcade!" said Hambil.
"And she doesn't want to come and stay with us?"
"No, it was a giant arcade machine here in the Mine Field Games Arena. It fell on her in the earthquake!" explained Hambil. He was happy to move in.
Last of all came Ishcabittle, with a guitar. "I think we finally have enough for a big game of footie!" said Curious, excited. "Care to join us, Ish?"
"Nah, I think I'm going to rest up in the house and then write a song on my guitar," he said. "I had to strangle SilentBtViolent to death to get the thing, I better put it to good use!"
"Well, come and join us if you change your mind!" said Curious. Everyone else joined her in a big game of footie. It was fun. FilthyWhore even let Hambil off his leash and he was surprisingly good. He scored a goal and the ball went in the woods. "Well done, I'll go get it!" said Curious. She ran into the woods to get the ball...and saw a tall handsome man.
"Mentalist!" she said.
"Oh, hello," he said, looking up from his phone. "Here's your ball." He handed her the ball back.
"Why don't you come join us!" she said, excited. "You love footie eh!"
"I have somewhere else to be," he said, looking down at his phone. "They're all in place. Now is the time. Be seeing you." He walked off fast without a further word. Curious shrugged and ran back to the game. They kicked the ball around for a while before Love Child noticed something...
"What's that sound?" she said. "It's like a ticking."
"I hear it too..." said Ilyanna. "It's coming from the ball!" They all gathered around it.
"I don't see why it would be ticking," said Curious. She looked at it closer...then noticed some writing on it. Numbers! Counting down! "Oh no! Menty switched our football with a footBOMB!"
"How much time do we have!" said I Love Cunt.
"We have ten minutes, that's plenty of time to get away," said Curious. "Hang on! That's not minutes...it's SECONDS!"
The footbomb exploded, killing everyone who had been playing.
TO BE CONTINUED
She took the soccer ball because she thought it could bring people together. Then Cassie called her a "Canadian hippy" and went off to find some men to murder. What was so bad about being a hippy anyway? What was so bad about wanting to live in peace? She wondered if everyone else had been driven mad by some kind of gas but it didn't affect her because she was Canadian...
She went into the woods looking for people to befriend. All she found was bodies. She had almost given up...when she was astonished to find a house.
"What is this!?" she said, stepping towards it. The house looked like a perfectly normal, cosy, nice house. There was even a chimney.
"It's a house of love, groovy girl!" said a man stepping out. It was Shatna! And with him were Caitriona, I Love Cunt, Love Child, Ilyanna and EnglishRose. All living together in pace.
"Welcome, sister!" said EnglishRose. "Join us!"
"Yes, join us!" said Love Child. "We love you!"
"This is amazing!" said Curious.
"I found the house out here," said Shatna. "Everyone else was killing each other, but I invited these hepcats to come and stay with me. I call it the TrollKingdom house. It's groovy, yeah! It's cool as a cucumber!"
"I think I've found where I belong!" said Curious, smiling. She moved in. Everyone had a great time. They talked about love a lot. Shatna would disappear into the bedroom for hours with one of the girls, but Curious herself stayed away from that. All she wanted was to get more people to join them so they could have a nice game of footie. She could bring everyone together. She thought she saw Cassie watching from the woods at one point. She couldn't let Cassie came in. She went outside to tell the others that they should be careful...but then the earthquake came.
"What's happening!" cried I Love Cunt.
"Everything's going to be okay, just stand away from the house so nothing falls on us!" said Curious. She stod with Love Child, I Love Cunt and Ilyana. They knew Shatna and Cait had been upstairs. But where was EnglishRose? After the earthquake they found her...dead underneath the chimney. But then they looked up...
"Oh no, the whole roof came down!" said Curious.
"Shatna!" cried Ilyanna. They ran upstairs...but it was too late. Shatna and Cait were dead in bed, buried under the roof.
"They wouldn't even get out of bed for that," said Curious, shaking her head. It was a dark time, but things got better the next morning.
"Look at that sunrie," said Love Child.
"It's beautiful," said Curious.
"No, I mean ThatSunrise," said Love Child. He was stepping over the horizon.
"Hi, has anyone seen SAUSAGEMAN?" he asked.
"No, but you can stay with us and maybe he'll come here eventually," said Curious.
"Do you have pasta?" he asked. He moved in anyway. Then more came. FilthyWhore with Hambil on a leash. That was quite a surprise.
"We, umm...came to an arrangement," explained Filthy.
"Where's Morrhigan?" asked Curious.
"She was in the Arcade!" said Hambil.
"And she doesn't want to come and stay with us?"
"No, it was a giant arcade machine here in the Mine Field Games Arena. It fell on her in the earthquake!" explained Hambil. He was happy to move in.
Last of all came Ishcabittle, with a guitar. "I think we finally have enough for a big game of footie!" said Curious, excited. "Care to join us, Ish?"
"Nah, I think I'm going to rest up in the house and then write a song on my guitar," he said. "I had to strangle SilentBtViolent to death to get the thing, I better put it to good use!"
"Well, come and join us if you change your mind!" said Curious. Everyone else joined her in a big game of footie. It was fun. FilthyWhore even let Hambil off his leash and he was surprisingly good. He scored a goal and the ball went in the woods. "Well done, I'll go get it!" said Curious. She ran into the woods to get the ball...and saw a tall handsome man.
"Mentalist!" she said.
"Oh, hello," he said, looking up from his phone. "Here's your ball." He handed her the ball back.
"Why don't you come join us!" she said, excited. "You love footie eh!"
"I have somewhere else to be," he said, looking down at his phone. "They're all in place. Now is the time. Be seeing you." He walked off fast without a further word. Curious shrugged and ran back to the game. They kicked the ball around for a while before Love Child noticed something...
"What's that sound?" she said. "It's like a ticking."
"I hear it too..." said Ilyanna. "It's coming from the ball!" They all gathered around it.
"I don't see why it would be ticking," said Curious. She looked at it closer...then noticed some writing on it. Numbers! Counting down! "Oh no! Menty switched our football with a footBOMB!"
"How much time do we have!" said I Love Cunt.
"We have ten minutes, that's plenty of time to get away," said Curious. "Hang on! That's not minutes...it's SECONDS!"
The footbomb exploded, killing everyone who had been playing.
TO BE CONTINUED
Eggs Mayonnaise
All In With The Nuts
I never thought a damn bit of good came from footie...
...except for all the nicely shaped buns & legs on the men, of course.
...except for all the nicely shaped buns & legs on the men, of course.
Love Child
One Love
That was pretty funny.
Ilyanna
moral imperfection
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Eggs Mayonnaise
Eggs had been amazed to see Fuddlemiff putting his face on and running by him. Why, out of everyone in the Mine Fielders Games, was it Eggs who had a rubber mask of his face hanging from the 23? He didn't have time to think about it, with the chaos breaking out. He had to get to work.
He'd noticed the earthquake machine right away. Others ignored it. But Eggs examined it and quickly came to the conclusion that it could be repaired. It would take time, but he could do it. And when it was ready...he could wipe out everyone else at the push of a button. And with Fuddlemiff running around wearing his face, any of Eggs' enemies (and he had many) would go after Fuddlemiff. Nobody seemed to care he was sitting on the ground tinkering with the earthquake machine. Perhaps they thought he'd gone mad, that he wasn't a threat. How wrong they were.
He tinkered at the machine for hours like he was Chief O'Brien, paying no attention to anything that happened around him. People died, bodies littered the ground decaying, the avatars of the dead lit the sky...and Eggs just kept on repairing the machine. Finally it was ready. He moved it away from the number 23, knowing the earthquake would bring it down. He looked at the machine for a moment, thinking of all the people he was about to kill. Of course Eggs himself would be protected by the anti-earthquake forcefield the machine would generate around him. That was standard on all earthquake machines. He pressed the button...
Even with the forcefield he could still feel the ground shake. He saw tress being uprooted and falling. As predicted the giant number 23 came crashing down. He heard screams of pain in the distance.
"More like an EGGSquake machine!" he said, speaking for the very first time since entering the arena. Then he heard a moan. He wasn't alone. Someone was lying by the number 23. It was Harkley! And he was crippled.
"Harkley?" he said. "Were you up on the number 23 all this time, hiding? You climbed up there at the start, didn't you? That was actually very smart of you! If I hadn't activated the earthquake machine you could have waited up there until everyone else had killed each other. But you understimated me, didn't you, Harkley?"
"I can help you," he said, in obvious pain. "I'm an optician, I know secrets about eyes. Like you can blind someone by poking them out!"
"I don't need any help," said Eggs, picking up a sword that was lying nearby. "And this is a mercy kill anyway. Cassie would be very interested in your dong, believe me. You're lucky I got to you before she did." He killed Harkley with the sword.
"WELL DONE," came a voice. Eggs span around.
"You!" he said.
"ME!" said FilthyRecWhore, standing in front of him.
"Why are you here?" asked Eggs, suspicious.
"You were always my favourite, Eggs," said Filthy, surprisingly not shouting.
"You put the mask of my face here," said Eggs. "Knowing it would help keep me alive. But why?"
"Let's walk and talk," said FRW. "Take a look at some of your other victims." It wasn't long before they found Cock (not to be confused with Cock Gobbler) lying dead under a tree.
"Ironic, that I should be a destroyer of Cock," said Eggs.
"Who's that over there?" asked FRW. Someone had been badly injured in the earthquake, but they were still alive, crawling towards a box...
"It's Bick!" said Eggs, walking over to him. "Hi Bick. Don't worry, I'll make your death quick."
"The Bick Box!" he said, reaching for it. Eggs kicked his hand away.
"I'll take care of that," said Eggs. "Rest now." He put his sword through the back of Bick's neck and picked up the Bick Box.
"What is that?" asked FRW.
"The Bick Box," said Eggs, amazed to be holding it. "I've always wondered what's inside." He opened it up...then closed it with revulsion.
"What did you see?" asked FRW.
"I...that...it...that isn't supposed to be," said Eggs, shuddering.
"Wait!" said FRW. "Could it be...THAT box? In my time it is known as The Bickox of the Field. No one ever knew why. It is an object of immense power, but the terror it contains..." FRW shuddered as well.
"What do you mean 'in your time', hmmm?" asked Eggs. "Who are you really? Where do you come from?"
"I come from a millions years in your future," said FRW. "I am not human. I am what you would call an alien. I lived until the end of time, Eggs. Immortal. Unkillable. I lived through all of history...then built a machine to travel back in time and experience it all over again. I've seen everything, Eggs. All of time and space. So many wonders. But none of it every made me happy. None of it ever satisfied me. Only one thing could make me feel good. And that thing...was bullying TREKKIE SCUM over the internet!"
"Seriously?" said Eggs.
"I just hate Trekkies so much," said FRW. "Trolling them...it made me feel like a man. An alien man. But eventually words weren't enough. I lured you all here so I could finally kill you all, ending my obsession with Trekkie Scum once and for all. Well, all but one of you, that is. And that one will be my companion throughout the rest of time."
"And you want me to be that companion?" asked Eggs. "You rigged the game so I would win...but why?"
"I didn't rig it, merely helped you out a little," said FRW. "I cannot interfere physically in the game, remember."
"Okay, but you still haven't answered why me?"
"Because...I've never been able to talk to boys. Living until the end of time...you get lonely. I'd love a nice twink to cuddle with. I knew that only you could give me advice on how to get one."
"That's...this is all because you want me to help you get laid?" asked Eggs, in shock.
"Could you do it fast?" asked FRW.
"Why?"
"Because someone's jumping out that tree." Sure enough, someone wearing some kind of cape flew out of the tree and knocked Eggs to the ground. He couldn't see who it was.
"Help me!" he said to Filthy.
"I'd love to, truly," said FRW. "Even if it meant breaking the rules of non-interference. There's just one problem. I'M NOT REALLY HERE." He shimmered and disappeared. He had been a hologram all along.
Eggs struggled, but the person with the cape was strong. Then he felt a sharp pain in his kneecaps. As though they had been shattered. There was no escape now. Not everyone had died in the Eggsquake.
"Hi Eggs, how you diddling?" said Seph.
TO BE CONTINUED
Eggs had been amazed to see Fuddlemiff putting his face on and running by him. Why, out of everyone in the Mine Fielders Games, was it Eggs who had a rubber mask of his face hanging from the 23? He didn't have time to think about it, with the chaos breaking out. He had to get to work.
He'd noticed the earthquake machine right away. Others ignored it. But Eggs examined it and quickly came to the conclusion that it could be repaired. It would take time, but he could do it. And when it was ready...he could wipe out everyone else at the push of a button. And with Fuddlemiff running around wearing his face, any of Eggs' enemies (and he had many) would go after Fuddlemiff. Nobody seemed to care he was sitting on the ground tinkering with the earthquake machine. Perhaps they thought he'd gone mad, that he wasn't a threat. How wrong they were.
He tinkered at the machine for hours like he was Chief O'Brien, paying no attention to anything that happened around him. People died, bodies littered the ground decaying, the avatars of the dead lit the sky...and Eggs just kept on repairing the machine. Finally it was ready. He moved it away from the number 23, knowing the earthquake would bring it down. He looked at the machine for a moment, thinking of all the people he was about to kill. Of course Eggs himself would be protected by the anti-earthquake forcefield the machine would generate around him. That was standard on all earthquake machines. He pressed the button...
Even with the forcefield he could still feel the ground shake. He saw tress being uprooted and falling. As predicted the giant number 23 came crashing down. He heard screams of pain in the distance.
"More like an EGGSquake machine!" he said, speaking for the very first time since entering the arena. Then he heard a moan. He wasn't alone. Someone was lying by the number 23. It was Harkley! And he was crippled.
"Harkley?" he said. "Were you up on the number 23 all this time, hiding? You climbed up there at the start, didn't you? That was actually very smart of you! If I hadn't activated the earthquake machine you could have waited up there until everyone else had killed each other. But you understimated me, didn't you, Harkley?"
"I can help you," he said, in obvious pain. "I'm an optician, I know secrets about eyes. Like you can blind someone by poking them out!"
"I don't need any help," said Eggs, picking up a sword that was lying nearby. "And this is a mercy kill anyway. Cassie would be very interested in your dong, believe me. You're lucky I got to you before she did." He killed Harkley with the sword.
"WELL DONE," came a voice. Eggs span around.
"You!" he said.
"ME!" said FilthyRecWhore, standing in front of him.
"Why are you here?" asked Eggs, suspicious.
"You were always my favourite, Eggs," said Filthy, surprisingly not shouting.
"You put the mask of my face here," said Eggs. "Knowing it would help keep me alive. But why?"
"Let's walk and talk," said FRW. "Take a look at some of your other victims." It wasn't long before they found Cock (not to be confused with Cock Gobbler) lying dead under a tree.
"Ironic, that I should be a destroyer of Cock," said Eggs.
"Who's that over there?" asked FRW. Someone had been badly injured in the earthquake, but they were still alive, crawling towards a box...
"It's Bick!" said Eggs, walking over to him. "Hi Bick. Don't worry, I'll make your death quick."
"The Bick Box!" he said, reaching for it. Eggs kicked his hand away.
"I'll take care of that," said Eggs. "Rest now." He put his sword through the back of Bick's neck and picked up the Bick Box.
"What is that?" asked FRW.
"The Bick Box," said Eggs, amazed to be holding it. "I've always wondered what's inside." He opened it up...then closed it with revulsion.
"What did you see?" asked FRW.
"I...that...it...that isn't supposed to be," said Eggs, shuddering.
"Wait!" said FRW. "Could it be...THAT box? In my time it is known as The Bickox of the Field. No one ever knew why. It is an object of immense power, but the terror it contains..." FRW shuddered as well.
"What do you mean 'in your time', hmmm?" asked Eggs. "Who are you really? Where do you come from?"
"I come from a millions years in your future," said FRW. "I am not human. I am what you would call an alien. I lived until the end of time, Eggs. Immortal. Unkillable. I lived through all of history...then built a machine to travel back in time and experience it all over again. I've seen everything, Eggs. All of time and space. So many wonders. But none of it every made me happy. None of it ever satisfied me. Only one thing could make me feel good. And that thing...was bullying TREKKIE SCUM over the internet!"
"Seriously?" said Eggs.
"I just hate Trekkies so much," said FRW. "Trolling them...it made me feel like a man. An alien man. But eventually words weren't enough. I lured you all here so I could finally kill you all, ending my obsession with Trekkie Scum once and for all. Well, all but one of you, that is. And that one will be my companion throughout the rest of time."
"And you want me to be that companion?" asked Eggs. "You rigged the game so I would win...but why?"
"I didn't rig it, merely helped you out a little," said FRW. "I cannot interfere physically in the game, remember."
"Okay, but you still haven't answered why me?"
"Because...I've never been able to talk to boys. Living until the end of time...you get lonely. I'd love a nice twink to cuddle with. I knew that only you could give me advice on how to get one."
"That's...this is all because you want me to help you get laid?" asked Eggs, in shock.
"Could you do it fast?" asked FRW.
"Why?"
"Because someone's jumping out that tree." Sure enough, someone wearing some kind of cape flew out of the tree and knocked Eggs to the ground. He couldn't see who it was.
"Help me!" he said to Filthy.
"I'd love to, truly," said FRW. "Even if it meant breaking the rules of non-interference. There's just one problem. I'M NOT REALLY HERE." He shimmered and disappeared. He had been a hologram all along.
Eggs struggled, but the person with the cape was strong. Then he felt a sharp pain in his kneecaps. As though they had been shattered. There was no escape now. Not everyone had died in the Eggsquake.
"Hi Eggs, how you diddling?" said Seph.
TO BE CONTINUED
