The Tisiphone adventures:On a boat!

[Dr Dave]

Episode 1: Now I'm on a mother fucking boat.

It was a boat, a fine boat, a pretty boat... Or so people thought. In actuality and not at all according to the advertisements the SS.Dingbat was well an average boat. How it because a cruise boat nobody knew, although there were rumours that somebody won the boat in some sort of high stakes ping pong game in Russia.

CaptainWacky, THE SHIPS CAPTAIN stood on a lookout platform seeing the passengers boarding. He saw many people, mostly fuggly freaks who had got swindled into thinking it was a fine boat, a pretty boat.

But some were nice looking people. One lady was coming on board with some cows and chickens, this would please the guest celebrity for the cruise. Tisiphone was a chicken slayer, who liked to eat beef. She had recently returned from Florida after killing evil Pirate Chickens.

One man, dressed in drag was knocked over by a Chinaman. Nobody rescued the man, but after his luggage was searched and any valuables taken by the staff, he was identified as Loktar.

"What does that even mean?" They thought.

Many other passangers got on, but we will get to them later.

Down in Tisiphone's cabin, She was getting her shots from Doctor Dave, THE SHIPS DOCTOR.

"Well, you got protection from 13 diseases and the ships tuna salad" Said Doctor Dave.

"Thanks" said Tisiphone, who turned to Captain Wacky and said "When do we get under way?"

"IN TWO SAKES OF A PIGS EAR" Shouted Captain Wacky

"What?" asked Tisiphone.

"MEEP!" Said CaptainWacky and he ran off to do Captain things (wanking).

"A strange one he is" said Tisiphone

"Yeah, but he's better then our last Captain, that one smelled of boston baked beans" Said Doctor Dave/

"Time for a drink, cus dammit, I'm on a boat" Shouted Tisiphone.

To be continued...

 

[Loktar]

Am I one of the fuggly freaks?

Can't complain....didn't care how I was portrayed....Damn Chinaman....*mutter, mutter*

 

[Yub]

I bet Captain Smith was wanking when the Titanic went down.

 

[Tisiphone]

I've still got the scars from those fucking chicken pirates.

 

[headvoid]

*Dun Dun Dun type cliffhanger Dick Tracy music*

Where is the boat? Can it survive the journey as it heads to it's destination?
Who is the mysterious Chinaman and WHY DID HE DROWN LOKTAR?
What will Tisi do now she is drunk?
Will Dr Dave be tempted to take his own medicine?

 

[CaptainWacky]

Good use of a chinaman and me wanking.

 

[Dr Dave]

Episode 2: I'm drunk motherfuckers!

Tisiphone was drunk, more drunk then a frat boy on spring break. 57 margaritas will do that to a girl though.

Tisiphone stood over her bed and poked a body with a stick.

"Wake up!" she shouted.

Whomever it was didn't move.

"STUPID SHIP!" Tisiphone said.

"I'm awake!", the person who was on the bed had woken up.

"Who the hell are you, and why do you have 'I love cunt" tattood on your forheead?" asked Tisiphone.

"I'm Love Child, the Captain sent me down to entertain you" said Love Child.

"HOT DAMN, for a run down Russian ship that smells, this is one fine boat!" said Tisiphone.

Meanwhile on the main deck....

A man panhandled. His clothing was dirty and he had no money.

He had tried to convince ships security that he was a passanger, and that some damn chinaman had pushed him overboard. But he had no ticket, luggage,or even ID so they didn't believe him. But as they were underway they just left him there.

Nobody would give him money.

As he was looking around he could hear voices.

"I need another shot, BARKEEPER BARKEEPER!" said the voice

Loktar walked over but before he could ask for a dollar, he heard something else.

"A FUCKING CHICKEN!"

Yes a chicken had appeared.

"You're unlucky I haven't had 88 margeritas, because then I would not KICK YOUR CLUCK!" shouted the woman.

Loktar knew that voice now, it was Tisiphone, chicken hunter.

Tisiphone grabbed a knife from a nearby KNIFE SALESMAN and stabbed that mother fucking chicken in the neck.

"I think i need another drinks!" said Tisiphone as she went off to the bar near by.

"What will you have? asked Bartender Tomtrek. Tomtrek, recently in from NY was ready for a change, no more zeppelins, now it was Martini's and scotch for all!

"booz, and keep it coming" said Tisiphone and she stabbed another chicken, A PIRATE CHICKEN.

"They must have snuck in with me... those crafty ASSPATCHES!" said a woman

"Hi Cassie!" said Tisiphone

"Hi Tisiphone" said Cassie.

Good times were ahead!

To be continued...

 

[headvoid]

The entrance of Cassie was particularly well handled. I can clearly imagine the first half of her opener being delivered with her back to us, then a slow turn to deliver the ASSPATCHES killer line.

 

[CaptainWacky]

But what of the Chinaman...

 

[Loktar]

But what of the Chinaman...

He's gotta save some mystery for chapter 3.

 

[Dr Dave]

Do not fear, good sir CaptainWacky, the Chinaman will return.

 

[Cassie]

I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE NEXT INSTALLMENT.

 

[Tisiphone]

I'm living vicariously through myself right now. RIGHTO DR DAVE

 

[Dr Dave]

AWESOME!

I'll try and get another episode up in the next couple days.

 

[Cassie]

DO IT NOW, BITCH

 

[Dr Dave]

I have a cold.

So go eat a brick.

 

[Loktar]

 

[Dr Dave]

Hi Loktar!

 

[Loktar]

Hi Dr. Dave!

 

[Dr Dave]

Episode 3: I got a cold MOFOS!

Cassie had a cold.

She sneezed, sneezed again, and yes, sneezed again.

"I better call THE SHIPS DOCTOR" Said Cassie as she dialled a phone that was shaped like a penis, or the state of Florida depending on your outlook on things (and how you looked at the phone)

"Hello" Said a voice on the other end of the line.

"SEND ME SHIPS DOCTOR, DOCTOR DAVE!" Cassie said, which was followed by a sneeze.

"Um, mam, this is a Hooters, you dialled the wrong number" Said the person at the other end.

"GIVE ME DOCTOR DAVE, MOFO!" Shouted Cassie.

"Mam, please call your opperator, I can tell your on a ship, do to the ship noises" Said the person on the other end.

Cassie hung up the phone.

Doctor Dave walked out of Cassie's bathroom.

"Did I fall asleep in your bathroom again..."Asked Doctor Dave.

"YES!, I NEED PILLZLOL!" Shouted Cassie

Doctor Dave asked "Why are you shouting" as he handed her pillzlol.

Doctor Dave took some of his own pillzlol too.

"TIME FOR LAZY TOWN" he shouted as he ran from the room.

Meanwhile in engineering...

Nobody suspects the Chinaman. Nobody even notices him much of the time, and this was the case.

Loktar had been put to work cleaning engineering. As he was cleaning some railing which looked out into the ocean, he felt a push. Loktar was once again flying off the ship, as he fell he looked up (as he turned on his back), he saw the chinaman.

"DAMN YOoooooo!!!" shouted Loktar, his shout getting more distant as he fell once again into the ocean.

"Man named Loktar, should avoid railings" said the Chinaman.

It was time for the Chinaman to go to his next target, the one he was hired to kill...

To be continued...