Wacky Reviews: Star Trek

Eggs Mayonnaise

All In With The Nuts
I've got money on "nah it really was the worst".
 

Fuddlemiff

Is this real life?
The only highlight is how professional Armin Shimerman is with a script which must’ve had him shaking his head throughout.
 

Eggs Mayonnaise

All In With The Nuts
Like they say repeatedly in the DS9 Companion (especially about the Klingon episodes), you can readliy tell the classically trained Shakespearan actors from the not-so-much-trained actors on this show. The material screams for that kind of "controlled overacting" most of the time.
 

Eggs Mayonnaise

All In With The Nuts
That tweet is everything plus.
 

Fuddlemiff

Is this real life?
I’m in the last 9 episodes and it’s kind of annoying how ridiculously good it is as it’s about to end. The characters have so much history and complexity by now.
 

whisky

Boobie inspector
Watching TNG and the effects look almost as dated as the original show. Maybe more so since TOS got theirs updated.
 

CaptainWacky

I want to smell dark matter
Are you not watching the TNG HD updates?
 

CaptainWacky

I want to smell dark matter
They were when I watched it.
 

CaptainWacky

I want to smell dark matter
A Time to Stand - It's three months later. That big fleet from the finale isn't looking so healthy. Everyone on the Defiant is worn out from the constant fighting. Bashir is particuarly grim and won't even flirt with Garak properly like usual. He tells Garak there's a 32.7% chance of surviving the war (he's openly using his genetic superpowers now.) They meet up with Martok and Worf and Worf isn't happy with Dax's wedding arrangements. Bashir brings Sisko news that 98 ships in the Seventh Fleet have been destroyed (remember when there was only forty ships in the battle of Wolf 359?) Dukat records a smug log back on Terok Nor. Weyoun is happy to hear from Kira that Bajorans will be returning to the station but Dukat and Damar just see it as a reason to increase security. Kira wants the Bajoran security force on the station restored but Dukat is against it (Weyoun tries to play peacemaker and asks after Odo. It's the new status quo!) Dukat updates Weyoun and the viewers on the state of the mine field (it's still up but he wishes Menty, Gagh and headvoid would post again.) Quark tries to get the Jem'Hadar to buy stuff but they don't like stuff. Kira tells Odo that he helps her stay sane and Quark tells them the occupation isn't so bad. He likes that there's no ghetto fences or tired Bajoran slaves and it's a fair point! The Defiant returns to a starbase and Admiral Ross (and Admiral who is neither evil or mad!) tells Sisko that he's been relieved of command. Sisko space Skypes his dad who is angry that he left Jake on the station. Joseph wonders why space isn't big enough for everyone to leave each other alone.

Tall reporter Jake Sisko tries to get an interview with Weyoun for the Federation News Service buy Weyoun thinks he's biased against the Dominion and hasn't been sending out his previous reports. Ross gives Sisko and his crew their new mission: it infiltrate Cardassian space in a Dominion ship (from last season's 'The Ship') and destroy a major Ketracel-white factory. We skip forward two weeks where O'Brien, Nog and Dax are still training with the tricky Dominion controls. The ship has no chairs, replicators or viewscreen. Garak comes along for the mission too because he's cool. Back on the station Dukat is upset that Kira hasn't come to see him more in the last three months. Kira nows his game but Dukat makes his case for Cardassia joining the Dominion and tells Kira he could make things very pleasant for her. She's not interested, of course. He gets even creepier than usual. Sisko gets a headache from wearing those funky personal viewscreens the Dominion use so Garak takes over because Cardassian brains are different. They're attacked by a Starfleet ship that thinks they're a Dominion ship (because they are.) They chase them into Cardassian space and Sisko gives the order to return fire, to the shock of his crew. Sisko luckily knows the Captain and every move he'll make so manages to take out their weapons without damaging them. More Jem'Hadar ships arrive to chase the Starfleet and Sisko can't help. Kira tells Odo about Dukat getting extra rapey and Odo agrees to go to Weyoung to get the Bajoran security force restored. Weyoun instantly agrees to Odo's request (Odo's a God to him, of course) despite Dukat's objections. He also offers Odo a place on the station's ruling council. Kira thinks Weyoun is using him to validate the Dominion's place on the station but Odo thinks he can turn it into a victory with Kira's help. Sisko's ship arrives at the Ketracel-White factory. They beam a bomb down in empty Ketracel-white barrels but the station won't let them leave. Sisko comes up with a clever escape plan to get them away before the bomb will go off, but it goes off early. The ship's warp drive is disabled in the explosion and supercomputer Bashir reports that it'll take them 17 years, 2 months and 3 days to get back to Federation space.

This episode, even over twenty years later, still feels completely revolutionary for Star Trek. It's the first time we've started a season in a totally different position from normal! I don't just mean we're starting them all travelled back in time to the 19th century for the second part of a two parter or something standard like that, this time the actual nature set-up of the show itself has changed and it isn't all resolved within an hour. A lot of the episode is just about setting up that new status quo but it's great thanks to the smart writing. This really feels like a big jump in quality even for DS9 which was already pretty damn great for the last three seasons.

SCORE: 9/10


Rocks and Shoals - We start off with Jem'Hadar ships attacking Sisko's ship and or heroes retreating to a dark matter nebula. Dax is injured in the attack (literally the symbiont is injured.) If that wasn't bad enough they're about to crash into a planet. Some Jem'Hadar have also crashed on the planet and they talk about how their Vorta is about to die. They will hold the planet for the Domion until they die. Sisko's crew have crashlanded in the sea. They managed to get some supplies out before the ship sinks and all have a good laugh when O'Brien reports he's tore his pants (this is brilliant.) Kira goes about her morning routine on the station. The Vorta Keevan does the White giving ceremony with his Jem'Hadar (Third Remata'Klan is now the highest ranked Jem'Hadar.) He's rationing the white and the Jemmies aren't happy. Garak can't fix O'Brien's pants because he lost his sewing kit with the ship. Dax is still badly ill but Julian thinks she'll be fine with time. Nog won't walk in front of Garak in case he tries to kill him again like in 'Empok Nor'. They're captured by Jem'Hadar and taken to Keevan. Garak tries to spin a lie but his comm badge gives him away. Keevan just wants to know if they have a doctor. Jake quizes Kira for "his readers" (he doesn't have any, Odo points out) on the station. Kira is in the awkward position of having to defend the Dominion sending "facilitators" to Bajor. He lets he know that a Vedek is going to protest the Dominion the Promenade the next day. The antsy Jem'Hadar fire on Sisko and O'Brien against orders and retreat (we learn the Jem'Hadar can't use their shrouds here.) Keevan clashes with Remata'Klan on how to discipline the man who disobeyed orders. Kira tries to talk the Vedek out of her protest but she tells Kira she's become an apologist for the Dominon.

Remata'Klan comes to Sisko with Keevan's deal: Sisko and Bashir are to trade themselves for Nog and Garak. Sisko can tell that Remata'Klan doesn't like Keevan and tries to use that, bringing up the time a Weyoun clone was killed by the Jem'Hadar in season 4. The trade takes place. Kira, Odo and Jake come to the Promenade to see if the protest takes place and are shocked when the Vedek hangs herself. Kira goes about her morning routine again, this time looking up at all the Jem'Hadar and Cardassians around her. Bashir saves Keevan's life. Keevan tells Remata'Klan to leave so he can talk to Sisko and Bashir alone. Keevan tells them that the Ketracel-white is nearly finished and the Jem'Hadar will go nuts soon. He gives away their positions for tomorrow's attack on Sisko's basecamp, betraying his own men. After Sisko has killed all the Jem'Hadar for them he'll turn over a communcation system to them and spend the rest of the war as a Starfleet prisoner of war. Sisko tells the others and they all feel pretty uncomfortable about slaughtering the Jem'Hadar, but they're going to attack anyway. Kira tells Odo she's become a collaborator. Odo says she's just doing what Sisko wanted her to but Kira can't look at herself in the mirror anymore and is going to fight back. The Starfleet officers (and Garak) wait for the Jem'Hadar to arrive in the morning. Remata'Klan agrees to talk to Sisko. Sisko tells him how they have no chance of making it out arrive but offers to get them off the planet and supply them with more White. Remata'Klan had already figured out that Keevan was betraying them but followed his orders anyway. The Jem'Hadar obey the Vorta because that's the order of things. They attack and all the Jem'Hadar are killed (a redshirt dies too.) Keevan arrives with his communications device.

This feels like an attempt to make up for 'The Ship' by actually doing it right and boy does it succeed! It puts Sisko and the others in a position we rarely see in Star Trek (killing people who don't have much chance of fighting back) but still feels very much like a Star Trek episode. The station plot, while short, is very good to with some great subtle acting from Nana Visitor (please never have her play The Intedant again, she's much better at stuff like this.) One of Ron Moore's best scripts.

SCORE: 10/10
 

Eggs Mayonnaise

All In With The Nuts
Rocks & Shoals is the best of the best of DS9. Even Jake can't ruin it with a lame cliched line like "My readers want to know."

I would argue that A Time To Stand should get a 9.5 out of 10 for the additional achievement of working the word "sandwich" more times into a Trek script than any other in history.
 

CaptainWacky

I want to smell dark matter
The Jake stuff works because the episode knows Jake is kind of a joke and doesn't treat him like the galaxy's greatest reporter.
 

CaptainWacky

I want to smell dark matter
Sons and Daughters - Worf and Dax are getting caught up again (sexily) but she has to go. She tells Worf she doesn't want to join the House of Martok because it's boring and he's all "grave dishonour" but she was only joking. They're so wacky! Martok's ship picked up Sisko's crew from the planet they were stranded on so that gives Sisko, Dax, O'Brien and Bashir a reason to appear in the teaser of the episode. Martok and Worf welcome new crewmembers to the ship...including Worf's son Alexander. Who is now a teenager. Somehow. Jake asks Kira and Odo if he can join their resistance (he's a reporter, he "hears things.") Kira is dragged away to welcome Dukat back to the station (he makes her do that every time) and is surprised to see Ziyal is with him. Ziyal invites her to dinner and Kira accepts before learning that Dukat will be there too. Worf gives Alexander's backstory to Martok, who didn't watch TNG. He hasn't spoken to Alexander for a long time. Worf wonders why Alexander wants to be a warrior now but doesn't get an answer. Kira goes to Ziyal and tells her she can't have dinner with her if Dukat's there. Ziyal explains that she felt out of place at the Bajoran university and the station is the closest thing she'd ever had to a home (she's also forgiven Dukat for the whole "leaving her to die on the station" thing.) She guilts Kira into coming to dinner. The other Klingons mock Alexander for being soft (it takes him a long time to catch on to this.) Alexander gets into a knife fight and Worf steps in to stop him being cut. Ziyal shows her drawings to Kira and Dukat who are both impressed. She thinks her art can unite Bajorans and Cardassians. Yeah, good luck with that.

Martok tells Worf he was wrong to step in and stop the fight as Alexander would have only got a mild cutting. Alexander detects a Jem'Hadar attack ship while they're on convoy duty. He detects a torpedo coming at them but nothing happens when it hits. Alexander was looking at a battle simulation on the sensor display. He's that dumb! The bully Klingon leads everyone in a big laugh at the new ship's fool. Dukat tells Kira that the Cardassian Art Institute will be displaying Ziyal's art and invites her to a celebration that night. Worf gives Alexander sword fighting lessons and Alexander is bad at it. Alexander thinks Worf must be pleased he can tell him he's a failure again (remember when future Alexander travelled back in time and taught Worf to be a better father? Guess that didn't stick, huh.) Damar delivers a dress to Kira from Dukat. She initially likes it but quickly realises what Dukat is trying to do. She returns the dress to him and tells him they'll never be friends. Dukat then gives the dress to Ziyal and pretends it was for her all along. Classic Dukat! Martok goes to Alexander and asks why he's really on the ship. Alexander won't answer him either and Martok tells him he's being transferred to a cargo vessel. Alexander tells Worf if he wants him off the ship he'll have to kill him (do it!) Alexander thinks Worf abandoned him because he wasn't the kind of son he wanted. Some real Jem'Hadar attack the ship. There's a plasma leak (or something) and Alexander and the Klingon bully go to seal it. The Jem'Hadar ship is destroyed and Worf rushes off to check on Alexander. Alexander is fine despite locking himself in a corridor and everyone has a good laugh. Kira tells Ziyal she can't hang out with her anymore. Worf agrees to teach Alexander how to be a warrior if Alexander teaches him how to be a father. Alexander joins the House of Martok. And, umm, I guess that resolves everything?

Okay, I looked it up on Memory Alpha and Alexander should be EIGHT YEARS OLD during this episode. Now you could fanwank it by saying that Klingons age super fast or whatever, but why then would a thirteen year old Worf have been playing soccer with human boys the same age (as revealed in 'Let He Who Is Without Sin')? He would have been a fully grown man playing football with kids! Anyway, even if you ignore that the Worf/Alexander story here isn't very good. It's just back to the tired old "you don't love me because I'm not a warrior!" stuff that I thought we got past in TNG. And Alexander never actually reveals the reason he's on the ship! He's mad at Worf, then he's trapped in a corridor, then Worf comes to see if he's okay...and everything's fine between them? It's pretty lame. I do like all the other Klingons laughing at him when he fucks up though! That's funny. And Martok is always a welcome presence. The station story is better but I'm not sure we really needed another moment of Kira almost being fooled by Dukat after her realisation in the previous episode when the Vederk killed herself.

SCORE: 7/10


Behind the Lines - The defiant crew are back at their starbase (it's the Office Complex from TMP again but I think it's CGI now?) Admiral Ross tells Sisko he wants him to plan an attack on an important Dominion target. On the station Kira and Rom watching Damar and his Cardassian friends get into a fight with the Jem'Hadar over a stolen PAD (Rom stole it, he's joined the resistance.) Dukat dresses down Damar and Weyoun asks why Damar's such a fuck up. Weyoun forces Dukat to smile to prove they're still allies in a funny bit. Sisko comes up with a battle plan which impresses Ross. Odo is angry at Kira for running around causing mayhem. If Dukat found out he'd take it out on the Bajorans. Kira thinks it was a mistake for Odo to join the Ruling Council. Then to complicate things further the Female Changeling arrives. FC quickly notices that Odo now calls Kira "Nerys." She's been trapped in the Alpha Quadrant for months and wants to spend time with a fellow changeling. Odo tells her he isn't interested because of her starting a war. Ross tells Sisko that he's being promoted and will be on the station full time doing tactical stuff. Dax will be Captaining the Defiant for its mission. FC wants to know why Dukat hasn't brought down the Mine Field yet (NO ONE EVER WILL.) Odo shows her his new changeling playset in his quarters and she's impressed that he's doing what she tried to teach him. He tells her all about his feelings for Kira (LIKE A FOOL) and she links with him to calm him down. Damar tells Kira that Odo's been shagging the FC to make her jealous. Kira goes to see him and is disturbed to learn of the link. She thinks FC is manipulating Odo but Odo thinks he can trust her because he linked with her and saw her mind or something. He thinks he can maybe convince her that the Federation isn't a threat and to call off the war.

The Defiant crew get used to having Dax in command (whoever's in command gets to be called "Captain", O'Brien explains to Nog.) Sisko sees them off and obviously struggles with it. Damar goes to Quark's and tells him how he's been promoted to Gul after doing something impressive. Quark pours him many glasses of Kanar to find out what. Drunken Quark shows up as the resistance meeting (they finally let Jake in) and has a funny speech about how he doesn't like Cardassians and Jem'Hadar and misses the Federation. He tells them that Damar's secret is that he's found a way to bring the Mine Field down. The resistance need to disable the station's deflector dish to stop Damar and Odo will have to provide a distraction to allow Rom to do so. Worf calls Sisko worried that the Defiant still isn't back from its mission. Sisko's been up all night waiting for the Defiant too. Ross tells him he has to get some sleep because he's responsible for more than one ship now. Odo has more questions for FC about changelings. She wants him to link again so she can answer the questions more easily, but he refuses (due to a promise he made Kira.) He asks why the FC doesn't have a name and she talks about "the drop becoming the ocean" and stuff. She manages to tempt him back into linking. Rom goes to disabled the deflector with his tools hidden in a basket of fruit. But Odo's still having goo sex and isn't in his office to create the necessary diversion. Rom is caught by Damar. The Defiant finally returns to the station for a party. Sisko watches as Dax does the ritual he usually did (and not as convincingly, but blame that on Terry Farrell.) Kira is angry at Odo for probably getting Rom and a lot of other people killed but Odo doesn't care anymore because he was in the link and nothing else matters. What a twat.

This is much better! Sisko gets a good story (though it's mainly a B-story) and the resistance stuff really picks up with Rom's arrest. I really liked the Quark/Damar stuff too. The stuff with Odo and the Female Changeling does make Odo pretty unlikable but still works.

SCORE: 8.5/10
 

Fuddlemiff

Is this real life?
I took interest in the direct comparison of the acting in the rituals aboard the Defiant too. I think Terry Farrell’s acting was pretty good by the end (usually when she was pissed off or funny), but she definitely doesn’t have the gravitas of mad Avery Brooks.
 

CaptainWacky

I want to smell dark matter
She just sounded really fake, almost like she was making fun of Sisko's speech (I'm sure that wasn't the intent.)
 

CaptainWacky

I want to smell dark matter
Favor the Bold - The Defiant is seemingly about to be destroyed by the Jem'Hadar when Martok's Bird of Prey decloaks and takes them out (it was a clever tactic!) The crew are upset when they receive orders to retreat again. Dax asks Sisko what's up but he tells her he has a plan to retake DS9. Garak claims to the others that Starfleet Intelligence have implanted a spy device in his head (Starfleet have been "debriefing" him. I BET THEY HAVE.) Sisko's plan is bascially "let's attack DS9 with loads of ships and take it back" and he tries to convince some stuffy Admirals (and Ross) that it will work. Kira and Quark try to see Odo to get Rom released but he's locked up in his quarters with the Female Changeling. Odo and the FC have just had humanoid sex (she didn't enjoy it.) He's surprised to learn he's three days late for a meeting, but she tells him time will have no meaning to him soon. Weyoun asks Kira if one of Ziyal's paintings are any good because the Vortar doesn't have a sense of aesthetics and he doesn't get art. Kira aks him to release Rom but Weyoun tells her he's to be executed as a terrorist (what did she expect, really?) Leeta makes a stupid noise that I think is supposed to be crying (it was either put in for comic relief or Chase Masterson is just a terrible actress.) She promises to work the Dabo tables for free if Quark gets Rom out. Rom tells them not to try to rescue him and for Quark to stop the Dominion bringing down the Mine Field instead. This is a good scene despite having Rom and Leeta and that noise in it. Kira goes to Ziyal next to try to get Rom freed. Ziyal tells Dukat it would be a chance to show the Bajoran people what a forgiving person he is. He won't do it and she storms out.

Damar bosses Kira about then bitches about her to Quark (he doesn't seem to suspect that Quark was the one who told Rom about the Mine Field, but I guess he was so drunk he doesn't remember.) He tells Quark the MF will be down in a week (I'll Skype Menty then don't worry.) Sisko needs Klingon help with taking DS9 back but Gowron's said no. Martok and Worf head to the Klingon homeworld to try to convince him to change his mind. Quark tells Kira and Jake they need to get a message to Starfleet about the MF. Jake's sending a message to his dad via Morn's birthday present to his mother (yes!) and Kira sees her opportunity. Sisko tells Ross they now have to take the station back without the Ninth Fleet or the Klingons. The next Vorta fact we learn is that they have poor eyesight as Weyoun can't make out the mines being blown up. Dukat and Damar bitch about Weyoun after he leaves the room. Dukat gives Damar the task of getting Ziyal to like him again. Damar does a pretty poor job of this, telling Ziyal to be a "true daughter of Cardassia" and trying to drag her to Dukat. Kira beats him up. Sisko tells Ross how great Bajor is after Ross walks in on him reading the Bajoran bible. Sisko tells him he plans to build a house on Bajor when the war is over. Rom has been promoted to Ensign as Starfleet needs more children to die fighting their wars and thanks O'Brien for all his help (it's nice.) Sisko takes command of the Defiant and leads the huge fleet towards DS9. Dukat and Weyoun aren't too worried because they think the MF will be down in time. A bashed up Damar asks Dukat for permission to arrest Kira but Dukat's just worried about Ziyal. Vorta fact number three: they have good ears as Weyoun listens in on this squabbling and isn't impressed. Odo and the FC watch people on the Promenade and talk about how small the solids are. FC says they'll have to break the solids of their freedom, for their own good. Odo is still a bit disturbed by this kind of talk. Weyoun tells FC she's doing a great job with turning Odo but she snaps back that bringing Odo back to the Great Link is more important than the whole Alpha Quadrant. Odo tries to apologise to Kira but she's got no time for his shit. Sisko's fleet meets up with a Dominion fleet and Sisko says "fortune favours the bold." The name of the episode!

It's all happening here! It's all set-up but it's great set up and there's plenty of good character stuff in there, especially for Kira, Quark and Odo. We even get to learn a lot more about the Vorta! As first parts of a two parter go this is just about as good as it gets.

SCORE: 9.5/10


Sacrifice of Angels - The fight begins (after a brief reminder of what's at stake and how they're still waiting for the Klingons.) Garak explains to Rom Sisko's plan to only attack the Cardassian ships in the hope they'll break formation. O'Brien and Bashir recite "The Charge of the Light Brigade" and the fight is on. Dukat explains Sisko's strategy to the Female Changeling but he has his own plan: give Sisko and opening then close it on him. He and Damar talk about how they'll eventually stab the Dominion in the back when the war is over. Damar wants to arrest all of Rom's friends and tells Dukat he doesn't trust Ziyal and thinks she should be locked in her quarters. Dukat still has a blindspot where Ziyal is concerned and won't let him. Kira, Jake, Quark and Leeta try to come with another plan to stop the mines being detonated: shut off the station's computer with a bomb. That'll do it! Damar brings them (minus Quark) in for questioning and makes his classic "you've certainly got nothing to hide" quip to Leeta's boobs. The hole in the Cardassian lines are opened but Sisko sees Dukat's trap. He decides it's worth the risk and tries to punch a hole through. Watching several Galaxy Class starships blowing up Cardassian ships at once is pretty arousing. Dukat wants to have a drink with Weyoun to celebrate their victory but Weyoun thinks it's too soon. Weyoun throws shade at him for the Occupation of Bajor. Weyoun thnks they should wipe out the entire population of Earth (I thought you were cool, Weyoun!) but Dukat thinks a true victory is showing your opponent they were wrong to oppose you at all. He still regrets that the Bajoran people never appreciated all he did for them and that there's no statues of him on Bajor. This scene is bananas (in that it's really good)! Odo is still worried about the solids but the FC thinks it's mostly his feelings for Odo and he needs to give over her. She's going to have Kira executed to help free Odo. That's...a really bad plan. The Defiant is nearly destroyed but Worf and Martok arrive with the Klingon fleet to save them just in time. The Defiant gets through the hole in the Dominion lines, but no other ships do. They head to DS9 on their own. Dukat is confident that the station can easily handle the Defiant. Quark recruits Ziyal to the resistance (she bakes a pretty cake for them. By the book.)

Quark and Ziyal takes the cake to Rom in the holding cells. The Cardassian guard searches it and Ziyal hypos him. They break Kira and the others out after Quark shoots two Jem'Hadar at the same time with two phasers like the Ferengi John Wick. The FC keeps trying to get Odo to link with her, but Weyoun tells her about the terrorists escaping. Odo and his Bajoran deputies save Kira and Rom from the Jem'Hadar. Kira asks him why but he says he thinks she knows. Rom races to shut down the computer (or whatever he's doing now) before the Mine Field is detonated but he's too late For once the heroes don't save the day at the last second. Sisko orders the Defiant into the wormhole to meet the thousands of Dominion ships there and Garak asks O'Brien how The Charge of the Light Brigade ends. Dukat gives the order to destroy the Defiant but their weapons are offline (so Kira and Rom did end up helping.) Sisko is brought in front of the Prophets just as the Defiant is about to fire on the massive Dominion fleet. They tell him that he can't die here because he's The Sisko. Sisko tells them he's willing to die to stop the Dominion. The Prophets won't let him, so Sisko tells them that if they want to interfere they can do something about the Domion. They say it isn't their concern but Sisko points out that they care about Bajor and it'll be in trouble too. They finally agree but say Sisko must pay a price: "The Sisko is of Bajor but he will find no rest there." All the Dominion ships mysteriously disappear right in front of the Defiant. Dukat and the others are amazed that the Defiant exits the wormhole by itself and starts firing on the station. The rest of the Federation fleet is on its way too. Weyoun: "Time to start packing!" FC gives the order to evacuate but Dukat still can't believe it and seems to be cracking up. He wants to go and find Ziyal despite Damar's protests. The FC tells Weyoun that Odo will join them one day. Dukat finds Ziyal. She tells him she still loves him but she can't come with him to Cardassia. She walks away and he begins to run after her...then Damar shoots her dead. Well, she was a traitor. Damar flees but Dukat stays behind with his daughter's body. Sisko and the others arrive on the station to applause. O'Brien and Bashir book a Battle of Britain session right away (where's Keiko during all this? Who gives a fuck!) Garak finds Ziyal dead in the Infirmary and Kira tells him she loved him. Dukat's had a total breakdown and Sisko feels bad for him and says maybe Bashir can do someting for him (it's still Star Trek!) Dukat gives him his baseball back and says he forgives him.

I think everyone agrees that this is a great episode. It concludes the last six episode arc (seven really if you count the season finale) in spectacular fashion, with the biggest space battle ever seen in Trek and amazing character work for everyone (seriously that Dukat/Weyoun scene along is an all-timer.) And yet there's one point of contention here: the Prophets wiping out the Dominion fleet. A lot of people have a problem with it because they see it as a Deus ex machina and we're taught that they're bad. It it REALLY a deus ex machina though? They're supposed to come out of nowhere and be contrived, a way for writers to get out of an impossible situation. But I'd argue this isn't one: for a start the Prophets are an established part of the show. We know they consider Sisko special and won't want him to die, let alone in the wormhole (the place where they live!) You could see it's poorly set up because the Prophets haven't been mentioned for a while (maybe Sisko and Ross could have talked about them in the previous episode when Sisko was talking about building a house on Bajor) and that would be a fair criticism. But I don't think this is the writers taking a cheap way out of an impossible situation. They could have just written Kira and Rom to succeed in bringing down the station's weapons in time to stop the Mine Field being detonated. They instead took the creative choice to have them fail and the Prophets step in to set something up for later. That's not really a deus ex machina! A deus ex machine would have been if there was no other way the writers could have had Sisko survive and they just said "umm, then Q appears and makes the Dominion disappear to save the day!" It's not like they wrote themselves into a corner and cheated to get out. ANYWAY, all I'm saying is that after all these years it doesn't bother me at all that the Prophets save the day so fucking deal with it, nerds.

SCORE: 10/10
 

Cassie

Touching the monolith
Staff member
THE GOO SEX!
 

Fuddlemiff

Is this real life?
One of my favourite episodes. It’s amazing how much they pack in. The pace and tension keeps up throughout, but there’s still time for some excellent dialogue and character moments. And though the ending might sound like a cop out on paper, within the context of the story it makes perfect sense. It’s also critical as it stops Dominion reinforcements coming through the wormhole for the whole of the rest of the show, without a constant question of whether the MF will get sabotaged or the station taken back again. In a way it makes DS9 unimportant, strategically, meaning the characters are free to be roaming around elsewhere.
 

CaptainWacky

I want to smell dark matter
You Are Cordially Invited... - Sisko and Kira are happy to be back together on the station. Martok has been promoted to Supreme Commander of the Ninth Fleet on Sisko's recommendation. Alexander's on the station telling his soon to be mother in law Dax about all his hilarious failures. He's being transferred to a new ship so Dax suggests to Worf that they have their wedding before he leaves rather than after the war (it'll take place in Quark's because that's the only suitable set, of course.) Kira notes that Worf's done all the wedding planning but Dax claims to be fine with a traditional Klingon wedding (she's already had five Trill wedding anyway.) Worf invites Sisko, Martok, O'Brien and Bashir on a four night spiritual and mental journey in the holosuite. Martok's wife Sirella has also come to the station to evaluate Dax (and call Martok fat and old.) Sirella is mean to Dax as soon as they meet. Martok explains to Worf that Sirella is a huge racist who is against Klingons marrying aliens and also hates Worf but it'll probably all be fine. Worf's part with the lads starts. Martok gives them sticks they'll attack Worf and Dax with afteer the wedding. Alos there's food there they can't eat. Klingon fun! Jake tells Quark the Federation News Service is going to publish his stories about life on the station. Alexander passes out at Worf's bachelor party because he's a total joke. Sirella conintues to be unimpressed by Dax's skill at holding buckets and stuff. She tells Dax to just fuck off because she'll never be accepted in the House of Martok. Dax researches Sirella's family line and finds she doesn't really have Imperial ancestors and it was all a lie (Sirella isn't happy. Ever.)

Worf's horrible bachelor party continues with the "Trial of Blood" where he cuts up Bashir with a knife. Jadzia has a more fun party with a fire dancer and all the other characters there (including Rom, Nog, Leeta and Morn, but sadly not Garak.) Meanwhile Bashir and O'Brien are hung above a fire having visions of killing Worf (this is funny.) Nog does a funny dance. Odo shows up at the party because there's been noise complaints and Kira decides it's time they finally talk (they've been avoiding each other all episode.) Dax mentions "Captain Shelby" (IS IT SHELBY FROM TNG?) while talking with the shirtless man and Sirella comes in and calls her a slut. Later Morn and the fire dancer wake up together behind some chairs and I like to think they had sex. Worf shows up to tell a hungover Jadzia that Sirella has called off the wedding. Dax doesn't take it seriously. Kira and Odo have been talking all night and apparently settled their differences, but we never find out what they said which is a bit annoying. Jadzia won't apologise to Sirella and Worf thinks maybe Sirella was right about her and there should be no wedding. O'Brien and Bashir are kind of happy the wedding is off because it means they get to eat at last. Martok thinks Worf has made a mistake. Worf talks about how they're nothing alike. Martok talks about how Sirella is a frigid bitch but he loves her deeply and you can't choose who you live. O'Brien and Bashir are about to have a feast at Quark's when Sisko comes in to stop them because the wedding's back on. Sisko goes to convince Dax to put her pride aside and apologise to Sirella. Dax knew what she was getting into. Jadzia admits it's time to grow up in a nice moment with Sisko. The wedding takes place and it's all Klingon-y and stuff. It's pretty good actually. Sirella has a moment where she shows acceptance of Jadzia. The best part is the ending where O'Brien and Bashir run to attack the bride and groom with their pummel sticks.

I still feel like the Worf/Jadzia romance hasn't been entirely convincing. They keep telling us why they're in love, but I'd like to actually see some scenes of their love playing out (yes I want a sex scene.) And the mother in law from Hell stuff is a bit cliched, and Alexander just being a total joke is lame (I guess he and Worf sorted out all their issues? We never see him again anyway!) BUT YEAH this is a good, fun episode and just what we needed after six episodes of war. The bachelor party stuff is particularly funny and the wedding ceremony itself is nice if you like Klingon ritual stuff. It's good.

SCORE: 8/10


Resurrection - Kira has a dinner date with Worf and Jadzia and Dax is trying to set her up with a man. Luckily her dead ex-boyfriend Bareil beams into Ops! Except he's pointing a phaser at her because yeah he's the mirror Bareil. He takes Kira hostage to get to a runabout but his phaser doesn't even work and she beats him up. Bareil learns that he's dead in this universe (and was important to Kira) and asks Kira to destroy the dimensional shift device so he can stay here. Kira refuses to press charges against him and Sisko think it's just like when he met mirror Jennifer and got confused. Bareil is survived to learn his prime universe self was a religious leader. He joins Kira in the Bajoran temple (everyone looks at him.) Kira tells him about the Orbs and the Prophets. Kira invites him to dinner with Worf and Jadzia, where he annoys Worf with stories of stealing from Klingons, but wins him over by stealing Worf's knife. Kira invites him back to her quarters and he tells a story about a girl who loved once who died. They end up sleeping together. Kira talks about how he's nothing like her Bareil in the morning so that makes the sex okay.

Bashir and Dax quiz Kira in Ops. Bareil has his first Orb experience but we don't see what he sees. Kira tells him Orb experiences aren't to be shared (what was the fucking point then.) Back in Bareil's quarters the Intendant from the mirror universe shows up, which means Nana Visitor forgets how to act. They're lovers, of course. Their plan is to steal the Orb because I guess it's worth something in the mirror universe? Seriously though after seeing her act like a normal person all episode it's REALLY CLEAR just how bad Visitor is at playing the Intendant (I guess she was better at it in season one but camped it up more each year.) Bareil gets drunk in Quark's and yells at Bajorans for looking at him because they admired the real Bareil. Quark suggest they con people together by having him dress up as the real Bareil. Quark tells Kira that Bareil is a tormented soul and he saw him hanging around outside the temple. The Intendant dresses up as Kira as part of their con. Bareil is obviously feeling conflicted. The Intendant knoks out a guard. The real Kira catches Bareil trying to steal the Orb. The Intendant shows up and Bareil is torn between two Kiras. Bareil ends up stunning the Intendant because his feelings for our Kira were real. He tells her he saw them together when he looked into the Orb, but he's a theif and belongs with the Intendant. Kira just lets him take the Intendant with him back to the MU. THE END.

I was happy there was no mirror universe episode in season 5. The show felt like it had moved past them. This isn't really a proper MU episode, since we don't visit it at all, it's mostly all about mirror Bareil. I don't know why they thought we'd be interested enough in Mirror Bareil to do a whole episode about him though. The first half is fine but drags a lot. It really could have used a B-plot where Nog and Jake play videogames or something. On the good side the dinner party scene is fun and Philip Anglim's acting is a lot better here than as normal Bareil. He actually shows emotions! Maybe he's better playing thieves than priests. But then the Intendant shows up and I stop caring. She's just a cartoon and I don't care about her. Bareil picking Kira over her is obvious and him leaving at the end so we neer have to see him again is just as obvious. Ultimately it all feels pointless especially after the great six episode arc and the wedding episode which all felt important.

SCORE: 5/10
 
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