Who gives a single actual fuck about literally anything?

[CaptainWacky]

28.12 - Kramer can't believe all the poeple he's killed. He tries to take his SUPER KRAMER costume off but it appears to be welded to his skin now. He struggles hard and it flips to the SUPER VILLAIN KRAMER persona again. "Keep it on and kill more," he says, laughing. "I can just blame the suit!" He returns Newman's phone call and tells him not to stand near the outside wall in his prison cell. He goes up to a heroin dealer and asks for all his heroin. The dealer says no and Kramer smiles, fondling his Kramer device. "I was hoping you'd say that," he says, and we see him and flying towards the terrified dealer and blood squirting onto the camera lens. Jerry thinks that now that the cops are after Kramer he might be able to leave hospital and go home. Leo warns him that people like Kramer can't be stopped by the police and only vigilante justice can solve the Kramer Problem. He reveals that he is training Puddy to be his new avatar of violence as Leo is getting too old to murder. Jerry asks if they're only killing bad people like Kramer and Leo laughs. He then shows Jerry the heart of the doctor he murdered earlier, which he's been carrying around. He says it will be his final solo murder and the blood will be shared with Puddy from now on. Jerry wonders if he can get himself commited to a mental institution. Elaine admits to her friend Mindy that she's fucked every man she knows and yet she feels strangely hollow. She's even considering spending time with her children to see if she can feel any love towards them, that's how lonely she is. Mindy asks Elaine if she's ever taken a trip to the Isle of Lesbos. Elaine says she can't go on holiday right now. A handsome man walks by and Elaine say she's got to go. Mindy looks sad that Elaine didn't understand that she's a huge lesbian. Elaine runs up to the random handsome man and asks if she can suck him off. The man is disgusted and pushes Elaine into the gutter when she starts begging. Elaine lies in the dirty and begins to cry. "What have I become?" she asks the heavens. "WHAT HAVE I BEGUN?" George keeps staring at the wall with Frank. Frank says Geore may begin to see the secrets of life itself if he keeps staring. There is an eight minute scene of just George staring at the wall while Frank scratches himself. Finally George sees the face of his deceased ex-fiance Susan on the wall. Susan looks decaying and gross. George cries when he sees her and says he wishes he'd married her instead of Elaine. Susan asks George to be honest with her: did he intend to kill her with the cheap wedding invitations he gave her to lick? George admits he was hoping she'd die. Susan says that's what she thought and because she died like that she's burning in Hell now. Frank smiles when he notices George has an erection. Newman is in his cell having his fat folds fucked by his cellmate. Suddenly the back wall of the cell is blown up, the outside world now reachable. Newman's cellmate is killed by the bricks blowing into his face. Kramer stands outside, completely naked but for his hero/villain constume which now only covers his crotch and blood caked into his skin. Kramer invites Newman to join him. Newman is scared and says he doesn't want to know but Kramer holds up a huge bag of heroin. Newman sniffs the air and says "heroin!" and gleefully leaves the cell, spitting on his cellmate's corpse first. Cops surround Kramer and start firing on him without warning. His super suit suddenly covers his entire body like the Batmobile armour and the bullets just bounce off it. Newman then jumps on Kramer's back and Kramer flies high into the air, his suit now forming wings. Kramer asks Newman if he should kill the cops and Newman says "YEAH, FRY THEM!" and Kramer swopps down, shooting electicity out of his hands and roasting the cops. Estelle watches this on one tv and George and Frank on another. She smiles, saying everything is ahead of schedule. A mysterious figure wearing a hood congratulates Estelle but asks if they can trust Frank given that he and Estelle are divorced. Estelle says Frank sitll serves her and Satan whether he wants to or not. The woman says good and she can't wait to watch him and George die. She throws back her cloak, revealing that she is a zombie version of Susan.

 

[CaptainWacky]

28.13 - Kramer and Newman have landed on top of a skyscraper. Newman is off his face on heroin. Kramer is watching, smiling, happy for his friend. He says the killing is over and he and Newman can now travel America together in peace. Newman asks Kramer to try a little heroin. Kramer doesn't want to. The villain suit takes over Kramer and he thinks about snapping Newman's neck. He takes the heroin to calm down. He instantly has an insane psychedelic vision of the future where everyone is united in love...for Kramer. All the peoples of the world sing and dance to show their approval of Kramer, most of them naked. "Far out, man!" says Kramer. "But what about the people who DON'T worship the K-Man?" His vision then shifts to show a huge prison-like building with "DEATH CAMP" writteon on the side and thousands of sobbing non-believers being driven inside by Kramer-worshipping slavemasters with whips. "I NEED TO GET THIS FUCKING SUIT OFF!" says Kramer, flashing back to the present day. He claws at the super suit until his fingers bleed. Estelle watches, unhappy. She says Kramer should be completely under the suit's thrall by now and didn't count for heroin giving him moments of lucidity. Zombie Susan asks if this will be a problem but Estelle says maybe she just needs to be more direct with Kramer and says she's going to search for a transformation spell. George is staring at the wall, his erection gone. He starts crying. He tells Frank he's seen all the awful things he's done and maybe he deserves to die like Susan did. Frank says George doesn't deserve that and there's real evil in the world and it's not George. He starts crying too and say she'll miss George when he's gone. George asks "what do you mean, gone?" Zombie Susan, watching on the magic tv, shakes her fist and says the old man could ruin everything. Elaine wakes up on Mindy's sofa. Mindy says she found Elaine nearly frozen to death in the gutter so took her in. Elaine wonders if she should go home and check on her kids but Mindy says nah, they'll be fine. She tells Elaine just to relax and touches her comfortingly on the arm. Elaine says Mindy's touch is so warm. Mindy asks if she likes it and strokes Elaine's arm. Elaine admits she loves it. Mindy kisses Elaine and Elaine leans into it. Mindy says they should go to bed. Elaine says she really should check on her kids and says she doesn't like girls because she loves cock too much. Mindy says she just has to try it once and if she doesn't like it she can go home and feed her children. Elaine goes to the bedroom with Mindy and can't help but smile. Elaine and George's kids order a pizza for dinner with George's credit card. Jerry has self admitted himself to a mental hospital and is in a padded cell. He is speaking to his doctor through a video screen. He says he can finally relax and he's safe now away from his serial killer uncle and his neighbour who is destined to become the next Hitler. Suddenly, there are screams from outside. Jerry can see his doctor begging someone not to kill him before he is stabbed with a samurair sword. Uncle Leo and and Puddy are clearly visible on the screen, covered in blood. Leo says "Jerry, HELLO!" Jerry throws himself against the padded wall of his cell, hoping he can somehow snap his own neck. The door to his cell opens and Leo and Puddy are standing there. Leo says he is on a mission from God to stop Kramer and Jerry must join him and Puddy. Jerry sighs and leaves the hospital. Everyone else there is dead. Kramer and Newman plan to move to Australia together where if Kramer can't stop killing people at least they'll just be Australians. Kramer goes back to his aparment to pick up some stuff but is shocked to see a beautiful naked woman inside. She says she is Kramer's ex girlfriend and wants him to fuck her. Kramer says he doesn't remember her but his brain has been scrambled lately with the evil suit, all the murders and the heroin, so she's probably telling the truth. They start to fuck. In the mirror, the audience see Kramer fucking the naked body of 85 year old Estelle Costanza, who is wearing some kind of magical disguise.

 

[Dr Dave]

 

[CaptainWacky]

28.14 - Estelle has been riding Kramer for hours. He appears to be completely under the power of her witch pussy now. She reveals her true form to him and he doesn't react, just continues fucking her. Estelle smiles and says Kramer can finally learn the truth. Estelle was once human, but hundreds of years ago. She was burned at the stake for being a witch and her soul condemned to Hell. She seduced Satan and took over the place in her new demon body. As Satan was still the official ruler of Hell she had to manipulate him into letting her return to Earth, where she promised to prepare it for Satan's arrival. That was sixty years ago and she has grown old and frail in the human body she has to wear on Earth. She married Frank Costanza for one reason and one reason only: so she coudl birth a human son to him, a son who could then be sacrificed by his own human father in order to open the gates of Hell. Satan will then enter the human body prepared for him: Kramer's body. The suit Kramer wears is a demon Estelle bred in order to transform Kramer into the perfect vessel for Satan. Kramer must give himself willingly to the Dark Lord, which is why the suit and Estelle's witch pussy have to seduce him. Kramer will retain some of his own identity even with Satan inside and will enslave the world in a uniquely Kramer way. She asks Kramer if he understands and he says she does. She adds there's just one more thing Kramer must do now. He must kill Newman. George tries to leave his father's house but finds all the doors nailed shut. He pleads with Frank to free him and says Elaine is probably off fucking half of New York and Frank's grandkids need their father. Frank says they have pizza. George asks how he knows. Zombie Susan then slithers out from under the couch and says she told him. George clutches his chest, perhaps having a heart attack at the sight of his zombified ex-fiance. Frank says George isn't supposed to know about the portal under the sofa. Susan said it doesn't matter as Estelle just sent the word: Kramer has been corrupted. George dies tonight and Satan will walk the Earth. Frank falls to his knees crying. George says "GEORGE IS HAVING A HEART ATTACK!" Elaine strokes a sleeping Mindy's hair. Elaine says she feels much less full of hatred towards the world now. She says this is the longest she's been away from the Costanza house for years and wonders if it was cursed by a witch or something. She feels a chill in the air. Jerry is walking through the woods with Leo and Puddy. Leo explains his backstory to Jerry: sixty years ago he met the young Estelle and deteced the presence of pure evil in her with his heightened senses. God then came to him in a dream and told Leo that he must one day fight to save the world against Estelle's unholy legions and to do so he must become the ultimate killer. He said everything he's done, all the poeple he's killed, it's all been in service of the Lord. He just happened to also really enjoy it. Leo said he realised that he's getting too old and needs an apprentice. Jerry assumes he means Puddy. Leo says no...he hasn't decided if it will be Puddy or Jerry yet. He then throws two knives to the ground and tells Jerry and Puddy to fight to the death. Jerry says he won't fight Puddy but Puddy grabs one of the knives and slashes at Jerry. Jerry has no choice to fight back and lunges for the other knife. Kramer goes to see Newman, carrying the Kramer Device. Newman asks what took Kramer so long. Kramer says things have changed. Newman asks Kramer if he wants some more heroin. Kramer appears tempted for a moment but says no then swings the Kramer Device. Bood spatters on the camera lens. We cut to Estelle looking orgasmic. Jerry rises from the ground, covered in blood. Puddy's dead body lies at his feet. Jerry says he understands now and will serve God as His ultimate killer. Leo smiles and says good as his Leo Senses have just told him that Satan's arrival is imminent.

 

[CaptainWacky]

28.15 - Frank begs George not to die of his heart attack because he has to sacrifice George to Satan. Susan rolls her eyes and says George can't even die right. Frank says it's her fault for scaring his boy. Susan says she will feed on Frank's flesh when this is all over. She drags George through the portal and Frank follows. They arrive in the old Costanza house, where George and Elaine lived their married life. Estelle is there wearing leather dominatrix gear. The kids are eating pizza and appear unbothered by Zombie Susan. Estelle hands Frank the sacred blade and says it's time to kill George and he has to do it fast before George dies from his heart problem. George has gone completely red and is banging his chest with his fist saying "GEORGE LIKES HIS CHICKEN SPICY" having apparently lost his mind. Suddenly there is a knocked at the door. Estelle tells Zombie Suan to kill whoever is there. Susan opens the door and it's Jerry and Uncle Leo, both coated in Puddy's blood. Jerry instantly slahes Zombie Susan's throat and laughs, saying it feels good to kill. Leo says he has to chop the Zombie's head off. Estelle shoots at them with force lightning but misses, hitting Susan instead and setting her on fire. Another portal opens and Kramer steps through. Estelle smiles evily, saying it is time. Elaine then comes in and asks what the fuck is going on. She tries to get to her kids but Frank throws her to the ground. Estelle asks Kramer if he's ready to accept Satan into his body and Kramer is so turned on by her that he can't answer. Jerry and Leo try to get to Estelle. Frank chops Leo's head off with the sacred blade and Jerry is shocked. Frank shouts "SERENITY NOW!" and holds the blade high above his head with George at his feet. Estelle tells him to do it now. But before Frank can swing the blade down, Elaine smashes the back of his head in with "world's greatest dad" trophy. Elaine says George might be useless in bed but she still married him and no one gets to kill him but her. Estelle says she will kill Elaine and tells Kramer to kill Jerry. Kramer says "hey buddy" as he and Jerry face off. Kramer says he tried to fight it but the power of Estelle's demon witch pussy is just too strong. He admits he's been wanking to Estelle for years, to be honest, ever since he accidentally toucher her boobs when he "stopped short" with her in his car that one time. Jerry says less talk more killing and stabs Kramer in the shoulder. Kramer laughs like a maniac and says he feels no pain now. He kicks Jerry to the ground and pulls out his Kramer Device. Suddenly he looks down and sees that George and Elaine's son his stabbed him in the leg with a syringe. Estelle asks what the fuck just happens then notices that her grandaughter has just stabbed her in the leg with a syringe too. Elaine asks where the fuck her kids got needles from and they say UNCLE NEWMAN gave them to them with instructions to stab Kramer and Estelle! Newman walks out of the shadows, revealing he has been hiding there the whole time and only has one arm now. He says when Kramer was going to kill him he put the thought of heroin in Kramer's head and that was enough for Kramer to only maim him. The old Kramer came back for a moment and said that only heroin can free his mind when Estelle's pussy takes over. And he figures heroin would probably hurt her too. Elaine runs over and hugs her kids. George sits up, his heart attack apparently over, and says "GEORGE LOVES HIS FAMILY!" Kramer says the heroin has restored his mind. Estelle shoots at him with Force Lightning but Kramer holds the Kramer Device up and its somehow absorbs the lightning. Kramer then uses the charged Kramer Device to pry the demon suit off his body. It tries to possess George instead but Leo's headless body jumps in its path then wanders off into the night. "Uncle Leo?" asks Jerry but there's no time for questions as Estelle screams that she will bring the whole house down and kill them all. Kramer looks at Jerry and they nod to each other. They each grab one end of the Kramer Device and run at Estelle, clotheslining her head clean off. Leo's had then shouts from the floor and their kind can survive such things and they must destroy Estelle's head. Kramer smashes her head into dust with the Kramer Device and collapses from exhaustion. George starts crying realising that both his parents are dead and his whole life he was just being kept alive to be slaughtered like an animal for Satan. Elaine says at least he still has her and they kiss. Elaine then tells George she has a girlfriend now and if Geroge wants her back then Mindy has to share their bed. George says "GEROGE IS GETTING AROUSED!" The kids ask what "aroused" means and everyone laughs. Newman says his works is done here and and overdoses on heroin. He goes into a coma. Jerry asks Leo's head what he should do now. Leo says that Satan's return has only been postponed and Jerry must continue to kill so that he is strong enough to kill the next crazy old woman who tries to raise the Devil. Jerry nods and says he'll start by killing...Leo. He stomps Leo's head to death as Leo smiles, proud of his nephew. Kramer says he'll stay with Newman in the hospital until he wakes up. The episode apparently ends but then we see Leo's headless body walking the streets. It stops moving, as the head is now dead, but the demon jumps from it and possesses Tim Whateley who is sleeping on the streets, kicking out by his wife after fucking Elaine one too many times. Zombie Susan, badly burned but still unalive, walks over to Tim and smiles. She says it is not over.

 

[CaptainWacky]

28.16 - Jerry is doing stand-up comedy at a club. He is getting a lot of laughs for his jokes about airline peanuts and Jeopardy. He then says "And what's the deal with your uncle telling you to kill people? You want to do it. You want to slaughter everyone you see on the street. You want to pull out a machine gun and mow down everyone in this club right now. But murder is illegal! You didn't think of THAT, Uncle Leo! Murdering to stop Satan's return...that defence won't stand up in court!" The audience look confused and scared. Jerry says "Oh come on, we've all been there!" After the show the owner of the club tells Jerry he can't perform there anymore as there have been complaints. Jerry has a violent fantasy about murdering the club owner but then nods and says his time as a comic is over. He knows what he must do now. He must bathe in human blood. The club owner says good luck! At home, Kramer can't sleep. He gets up and strokes his Kramer device. "You want me to kill again? No! I can't! I can't be a villain, but I can't be a super hero either. The temptation to kill will be too much! DO NOT TEMPT ME FURTHER, KRAMER DEVICE!" He slides it under his bed. He calls up the hospital to ask how comatose Newman is doing. The hospital tell him that Newman's body has gone missing. At George and Elaine's house, Mindy tells them she's had enough. She loves sleeping with Elaine but every time George touches her or touches Elaine in her presence it makes Mindy's skin crawl. George says Mindy should have told them she was all the way lesbian instead of bi. Mindy says she IS bi it's just that George disgusts her. George tells her to get out. Elaine sighs and says they need to find another bisexual woman to join them in bed, one who isn't turned off by George. George says it can wait a few days and maybe they can just sleep together just the two of them until them but Elaine says fuck no they need one right now. She says they have to go out and look for one but they can't leave the kids with George's parents because they both died in a violent Santanic ritual last week. George shrugs and says they could get Jerry to watch the kids so they grab the kids and drag them over to Jerry's. Kramer goes to Jerry's door to find out if he knows what's happened to Newman. Jerry answers the door completely naked and covered in blood. He smiles at Kramer and invites him in. Kramer recoils in fear and says he can't get back into old habits. Jerry says he hasn't killed anyone then spreads more blood over his body with a severed human leg. Kramer says he recognises that leg. Jerry offers Kramer another severed leg. Kramer can't help but accept and steps into Jerry's aparment. Newman is lying on the couch, still a coma and with both his legs sawn off. Jerry says Newman will just overdose on heroin again as soon as he comes out of the coma and he doesn't need legs for that. Kramer looks shocked at first but then aroused. He says maybe Newman doesn't need arms either. Jerry smiles and hands him a hacksaw. We zoom in on a clock on Jerry's wall and the hands turn to one hour later. George and Elaine arrive at Jerry's aparment with the kids. They find the door opened and Geroge says it strinks. Elaine tells the kids to wait outside. They go in and find all that is left of Newman is his decapitated head on Jerry's couch. George falls to his knees crying sayin it's beginning again. Newman's head suddenly opens its eyes and says "HE IS COMING. HE IS COMING BACK." A portal opens in the ceiling above them and a man drops through it. He has a completely metal body and, somehow, Newman's head but older on top of it. Metal Newman says he's come from the future to warn them that Jerry and Kramer are about to massacre everyone in the entire United States in an unthinkable orgy of blood and violence. George and Elaine must stop them. Elaine sighs. Outside, we see Zombie Susan and the demon-possessed Tim Whateley slowly slouching towards Jerry's apartment building.

 

[CaptainWacky]

28.17 - Jerry and Kramer are in the back of a van with a male and female hippy. Jerry and Kramer are both in their underpants and covered in Newman's blood but the hippies are too high to notice. The girl hippy asks if Jerry and Kramer are lovers but Jerry scoffs and says no. Kramer wants to know why Jerry laughed at the idea as Kramer thinks he's quite the catch. Jerry tells him to shut up, all that matters is the blood they will soon shed. The hippies say this is far out, dude. Kramer says many will have to die to bring about the new order but Super Kramer will be a benevolent ruler...unless Super VILLAIN Kramer takes over at some point. Jerry asks what the fuck is he talking about. All that matters is that they kill as many people as possible. Death is the only thing that's real. The hippies say this is really deep, dude. Kramer says he doesn't see things quite as bleakly as Jerry and the Kramer Device told him he has a higher purpose than just bringing death. The hippies say they have a "higher" purpose of their own, dude. Jerry is angry and brutally stabs both hippies to death, their blood spraying all over Kramer and the back of the van. Kramer asks why the fuck he did that, without at least letting Kramer in on it. Jerry says he's sick of Kramer's shit and he hopes he doesn't have to destroy Kramer. Kramer whips out the Kramer device and goes face to face with Jerry, telling him he'd like to see Jerry try. Jerry then spontaneously sticks his tongue into Kramer's mouth and they makeout, saliva mixing with the blood of Newman and the hippies. They begin wanking each other off as Kramer says "FINALLY!" At Jerry's apartment, George and Elaine are still shocked by the Newman from the future with the metal body. George asks how he can be alive when his dead head is lying on the couch. Future Newman says the head is still alive as he did so much heroin that it preserved his brain somehow. George says this makes sense. Elaine says she doesn't care and is going to find her kids who have wandered off. Future Newman reveals that he visited his younger self a year ago to warn him of what Jerry and Kramer would do to the world and it drove his younger self insane, leading to the heroin addiction which ironically preserved his brain. He said his head was put in this new body in the future by the leaders of the Rebllion Against Jerramer. George looks excited and asks if he's one of the leaders but Future Newman laughs and says no, George is long dead by that point. George is getting upset! Elaine goes outside looking for the kids and sees them being dragged away by Zombie Susan and Evil Tim Whateley. She runs out into the road yelling for them to stop and is run over by a taxi. Jerry and Kramer wake up lying next to each other in the back of the van. Kramer strokes Jerry's hair and says that he will make Jerry his Vice President when he takes over the world. Jerry says he still hasn't changed his mind and tells Kramer of the vision he had of Kramer ruling the world as a ruthless dictator. Kramer says that doesn't sound so bad and his eyes flash black, showing that Super Villain Kramer has taken over. Jerry says maybe if he gets to kill a billion people it will be okay. The hippy driving the van shouts back that they have arrived. The van stops and Jerry and Kramer get out. The hippy driver goes into the back and is heard shouting "OH GOD NO THEY'RE BOTH DEAD" when he finds his friends. Kramer and Jerry hold hands and walk away from the van. We see that they have arrived in Washington D.C.

 

[jack]

That was kind of scary, considering my emotional relationship with that series.

I had no idea you felt that way

 

[CaptainWacky]

you didn't watch season 28?

 

[CaptainWacky]

28.18 - Kramer and Jerry are standing at the Washington monument. Kramer's eyes are still black. Many people are there but none are paying attention to Kramer. He takes out the Kramer Device and Jerry smiles. "Begin the slaughter," says Seinfeld. Kramer holds the Kramer Device high above his head but suddenly a bolt of lightning hits it from the cloudless sky. Kramer is electrocuted and falls to the ground apparently dead, his body burned and smoke rising. "No," cries Jerry, cradling Kramer's corpse in his arms. "I just found you. I JUST FOUND YOU." Elaine wakes up in a bed in a dark room. She wonders where she is and what just happened. She remembers she was looking for her children and calls out for him. "We're here, mother," they reply in unison. She can see them standing in the shadows but can't make out their faces. Tim Whateley and Zombie Susan step out of the shadows and stand over Elaine. Tim says he saved her life by performing emergency surgery after Elaine was ran over by a car. Elaine asks isn't he a dentist. Tim says yes, he did surgery on her teeth. Susan holds up a mirror and Elaine opens her mouth. She screams in shock when it's reveal that all her teeth have been replaced by metal teeth. Zoom in on the teeth and then inside Elaine's body, we see nanoprobes heading out of the teeth and down the roots into the nerves and into the rest of her body. Tim says it's the perfect marriage of magic and science. Susan says Elaine is lucky she has teeth and opens her mouth, revealing no teeth but many live maggots writhing around. Elaine tries to get up but Tim tells her not to fight the nanoprobes, soon it will be all over. Elaine looks at her kids and they smile, showing they have metal teeth now too. Tim says this will be a hell of a story to tell when he next writes into Penthouse. George and Future Newman (I'll just call him Newman from now on!) are still in Jerry's apartment. Newman says they have to get to Washington D.C. fast as there's a chance George can stop this if he talks to Jerry. He says in the original timeline George got distracted by "lesser matters" and it allowed Kramer to grow in power too fast. George says why is he talking to Jerry if Kramer is the real threat but Newman says the beast has two heads and the only hope is to turn them against each other. If Kramer and Jerry begin to fight, it will allow Newman to creat a static time bubble and trap them in an alternate empty universe, forever engaged in combat. George says that makes sense. A portal opens in front of them, showing a view of Elaine in bed with Zombie Susan and Tim the Sexy Evil Dentist standing over her. Susan says George let her die but there's still time to save Elaine. George tells Newman he has to save Elaine but Newman slaps him. He says Kramer and Jerry will kill a billion people in the first year of their orgy of blood and evil. Elaine is just one woman. George says he knows Newman used to wank over Elaine and remembers Newman showing him cum tributes he'd made of her. Newman twitches but says NEVERTHELESS Elaine isn't worth saving over the rest of the world. George says Newman is right and sighs and shouts "SERENITY NOW" to help him deal with the fact that he's leaving his wife to be murdered by a zombie and dentist in favour of stopping his friends from killing a billion people. A crow of people have gathered around Jerry and dead Kramer. They ask Jerry if his boyfriend is alright. Jerry's face suddenly goes hard and he reaches for his knife, intending to kill as many people as he can before the cops gun him down. Suddenly Kramer's eyes open. He is risen! Jerry holds off on the stabbing as he watches in awe as Kramer rises to his feet. Kramer smiles and suddenly is floating in the sky. He flies up to the top of the Washington Monument. Jerry has an obvious erection. Kramer starts to speak and somehow all the people below can hear. More and more people start to arrive. Kramer says "I have been reborn! For I had to die to truly live. God has given me my full powers back. And I will use these powers to tell you all the truth. You are NOTHING COMPARED TO KRAMER. You are ants! I could burn you all with Kramer Lightning right now. But instead...I will let you kill each other. For I am God now. He has made me the new Messiah, given me Earth to rule over. And I demand blood! KILL EACH OTHER. FOR YOUR GOD. FOR A NEW KRAMERICA!" People begin killing each other as Kramer watches, pleased. Jerry starts stabbing people but then looks sad. He looks up at Kramer. Somehow Kramer sense Jerry looking at him and makes Jerry levitate into the air. "Kramer, this is wrong!" says Jerry. Suddenly the blackness disappears from Kramer's eyes and he becomes Super Hero Kramer again. "Oh no, they're killing each other!" he says. "I'm supposed to be protecting them from themselves! I better tell them to stop!" He shouts "STOP KILLING EACH OTHER!" at the people and they look confused. Many are already dead. "No, I mean it's wrong that you're not down there killing people wit me!" says Jerry. "Oh," says Kramer. Suddenly he spots something in the distance. Newman's mail truck has arrived. Newman and George step out. "Looks like we're too late for words!" says George. "I let Elaine die for nothing! SERENITY NOW!" Newman shakes his head. "There may still be a chance for you to make a difference," he says. "But first...WE FIGHT!" Newman's arms transform into machine guns.

 

[CaptainWacky]

28.19 - Kramer's eyes are completely black again. He mind controls the hundred people closest to him and sends them to attack Newman. Newman's guns down wave after wave of them with his machine gun arms, laughing maniacally. George asks what the fuck he's doing and Newman says it's for the greater good. They try to get close to Jerry with George staying behind Newman as Newman fires his machine guns into the crowd of people, not all of whom are even being mind controlled by Kramer. George yells "JERRY, YOU'VE GOT TO STOP KRAMER! SERENITY NOW!" Jerry stares at his kinfe for a moment. "No, I've already gone too far," he says, to himself. "Life is a lie. I am the truth." Kramer suddenly starts to develop telekenetic powers and grabs like a dozen people with his new powers and smushes them together into a ball and throws the ball at Newman. The ball of human flesh crushes Newman to the ground as Geroge screams "NOOOO! SERENITY NOW!" George runs to hide as Kramer and Jerry approach. "Hello, Newman," says Jerry, as Kramer throws the human ball away, revealing the postman's crushed body. "H...hello, J...Jerry," says Newman, bleeding internally. "I don't know why you tried to stop me, but now you die!" says Kramer, holding the Kramer device high above him. But suddenly Newman presses a hidden button on his belt. His injuries are instantly healed and he doubles in size, growing to twelve feet in height. "What the shit!" says Kramer. "Future technology, bitch!" says Newman, and he kicks Kramer in the chest, sending him flying. Jerry runs at Newman with his knife but George stands in his path. "Well, Jerry? Are you going to kill me?" he asks. Jerry thinks for a moment and wavers. Suddenly Kramer cries out "Jerry, my love, I'm hurt!" Jerry runs over to Kramer, ignoring George. Newman is twenty feet tall now. "I'LL CRUSH YOU BOTH!" he laughs. "I'm supposed to be talking sense into Jerry!" complains George. "There is no sense here, only madness!" laughs Newman, and he slams his fist on the ground creating a crack which spreads right into Kramer's crotch. "My Kramer balls!" he cries on impact. "Use the Kramer device!" says Jerry. "Become what you are meant to be!" Kramer strokes the Kramer device then smiles as something begins to happen. "Oh no," says Newman, as Kramer heals himself and grows to thirty feet tall. "I've never done thirty!" says Newman. Bigger Kramer kicks Newman in the face and half the flesh flies off, revealing cybernetic components underneath. Kramer swings both fists together like Captain Kirk, knocking Newman to the ground. "GIDDY UP!" says Kramer, as he stomps his massive foot down on Newman's balls. Jerry points his knife at George and says it's over. Suddenly a rift in space opens above them. A sixty foot tall man jumps out of it, crushing several bystanders to death when he lands. Kramer says "who the fuck are you!" pointing his Kramer Device at him. The man lifts his head up, reveaing that he has half of Kramer's face and half of Newman's. And he has his own Kramer Device, grafted to his arm. "I am you!" he says, laughing, as he looks at Kramer and Newman. "BOTH of you! I come from a future where I realised the only way to defeat Newman was to ASSIMILATE him. I am made of 50.01% Kramer material and 49.99% Newman material, meaning that KRAMER is in charge! NEWMAN IS IN CHARGE, YOU MEAN. No, it's Kramer. KRAMAN! NEWMER! AAAARGH! I'LL KILL YOU BOTH!" He starts attacking both Kramer and Newman. "This is pretty fucked up, huh," says George. "SERENTIY NOW." Kranewman destroys both Kramer and Newman. The Kramer part of his personality takes over and he and Kramer work together for a while, picking Newman up high and throwing his body down on the Washington Monument so that it stabs him through the heart. Newman is dead. "Now we can work together, buddy!" says Kramer. "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!" says Kranewman and his punches Kramer so hard that it casues a tornado which flies out into the world causing untold destrcution. Kramer strokes the Kramer Device in desperation and it makes him grow to one hundred feet tall. But Kranewman then grows to a hundred and twenty feet tall. "HAHAHA!" they both laughs as they continue to fight, destroying many nearby buildings. Kramer throws Kranewman right into the White House and the whole building collapses, killing all inside. Kramer grows even tall but then lightning strikes Kranewman's Kramer Device and he grows so tall the his head is almost touching the clouds. George watches, completely in awe, even though he is likely to be squashed by one of these titans. Newman, completely healed and returned to his normal size, grabs George by the shoulder and says "get into the mail van, this timeline can't survive!" Kranewman lifts Kramer up high above his head and slames him down on his knee like Bane to Batman, breaking his spine. He then starts sucking blood from Kramer's broken body, growing even taller. He grows so tall that gravity starts to pull him apart. Kranewman begins to die, but smiles as he does, and his erection is huge and mighty. Just as his head is falls off his neck he ejaculates, and with his dying spurt his jizz is shot across America, drowning thousands. And contained is his sperm are millions of clones of Jerry, each armed with a knife, and they hit the ground in Kranewman's ejaculate before murdering the nearest person to them with their knife, wiping out all life in North America in days. Newman tells George they have to go back and try again as this timeline is done. George asks if this means this version of Elaine will die and Newman says yes. George asks if he can see her and the kids one last time and Newman sighs and takes them to Tim Whateley's house, which hasn't been hit by Kranewman jizz. Elaine is sitting on the bed making out with Zombie Susan, and she smiles at George with her mouth full of maggots. George's kids are sitting with Whateley and they says "we have a new dad" before smiling, showing they have metal teeth. "We're going to be death dentists!" they say. George screams.

 

[Loktar]

This needs to be movie. Giddy up!

 

[CaptainWacky]

 

[CaptainWacky]

28.20 - George and Newman are in Newman's mail van/time machine in the void of space. Newman is staring at the wall looking quite mad. George asks how he can seem so calm after the destruction they've just seen. Newman says he's not calm, he's aroused, and he's trying to get his boner to go down. He says that the murder Kramer and Jerry just commited was glorious and that he is highly drawn to it and tempted to join them as triple God Kings of Earth. Geroge is appalled and asks who the fuck this future Newman is. Newman says he can't tell him because then George will kill himself in horror. Suddenly the time machine starts to shake. The space around it changes, to a burning hellscape. Newman says the time machine won't move and wonders if some iteration of Kramer has captured them. He says the must go and face him. George is scared but follows Newman into Hell. They walk for what semes like an eternity, with no rest or water and George wonders if they are really dead. Suddenly a throne appears before them, made from bones and skulls. Kramer sits atop it, but this is a different Kramer: his skin is red and he has horns and a tail. He is Devil Kramer. Newman and Geroge collapse at this feet, suddenly feeling exhausted from the hike through Hell. Kramer welcomes them to his domain. He says that in one future timeline he died, but he then became Lord of Hell. When his felt Newman's time machine moving close to his dominion he plucked it from the void and now George and Newman serve him. Newman says he serves no man. Kramer laughs and asks if Kramer told George everything he has done. He says he'll show Newman the truth of what he is. Suddenly Newman's eyes go blood red. He drops to his knees, crying "NO, NO, I CAN HEAR ALL THEIR SCREAMS, IT'S TOO MUCH!!!" It's not clear if he's horrified by what he's experiencing or if he's enjoying it. Devil Kramer says that he will enjoy feeding off of Newman's torment for the rest of eternity. He says that Newman serves him now and Newman excitedly says "YES, MASTER!" as his eyes somehow go even redder. George says Devil Kramer should just kill him now because he will never serve him. Devil Kramer says he barely remembers George as it was always Jerry's approval and body he craved, but he vaugely remembers that George was married to Elaine and loved Jerry. He asks George which body part he liked best on Elaine. George says her face. Devil Kramer laughs and says he knows what George meant to say is her feet. George looks ashamed. Clones of Jerry appear, completely naked but instead of genitals they have a woman's foot on their crotch, the sole pointing outwards. "That's...that's Elaine's foot!" says George. "Isn't this what you always wanted?" asks Devil Kramer. "Elaine's sexual organ on Jerry's body?" George tries to protest but the Jerry's start rubbing their Elaine feet against George's crotch. George is obviously turned on but tries to fight. He looks to Newman for help, but Newman is just wandering around while experiencing horrors which apparenlty please him. George gives in and starts humping the Elaine feet on the Jerry crotches. Devil Kramer is pleased and has Mickey the dwarf give him a blowjob as he watches. Hours or years pass until eventually Newman trips over George as George lies on the floor, completely gooning to the feet being rubbed on him. Newman snaps out of his terror for a moment and whispers to George that maybe they can escape while Devil Kramer is having his post blowjob nap. George says he doesn't want to leave. Newman says maybe he'll leave him here in Hell then, as he's done worse in the past. George asks Newman what he's done that's so bad and what he sees when Devil Kramer makes his eyes go red. Newman says he might as well tell George now. He says the short version is that in his future, he develops the ability to interface with a super computer and run simulations with simulate the entire universe. He did this, at first, in an attempt to find a way to defeat Kramer. He ran simulation after simulation, watching as millions then billions died attempting to overthrow Kramer's dark reign. He witnessed so many knifed to death be Jerry, watching their last momemnts up close. Eventually, all of this drove Newman quite mad. He began to run simulations where he would kill people too, in an attempt to find if somehow that would help stop Kramer. Then he began just killing people for fun. In one simulation, he gave himself and Kramer machine guns for arms and gunned down millions of people, laughing like maniacs. And that is why he is a monster. George says Newman shoulnd't feel bad as they were just simulations. Newman laughs and snorts at the same time. He says that the only way to simulate the universe accurately is to recreate it exactly accurate, every atom. He says that all the people in his simulations were fully conscious, juts as alive as he and George. He ponders that he and George are likely creations of some higher level Newman anyway. He says that all who died suffered because of him. Trillions of people. And that part of him likes knowing. George aks why the Hell Newman is trying to stop Kramer then. Newman says that he is the only person in the universe more evil than Kramer, and when he realised that he had an epiphany: only he can possibly defeat Kramer. He says that everything he's done MUST be for a reason and, even if it isn't, he'll make a reason: to defeat Kramer. That is the only way he can justify the many, many erecitons he's experience when thinking about murder. George says this is all pretty fucked up but it's probably time to escape from Hell. Devil Kramer has woken up and laughs. He says there is no escape. Newman says that if that's true, then why is Devil Kramer giving them pleasurably experiences to keep them there. He dares Devil Kramer to stop the red eyes and the foot-fuckings for a moment and see what happens. Devil Kramer says there is no way out and he can do what he wants! He makes the feet-Jerrys disappear and Newman's eyes finally go completely normal. He grabs George by the hand and they run through Hell. Suddenly they are back on the time machine. George asks what just happens. Newman says the Kramer they just encountered wasn't a real Devil Kramer, just a weak Kramer variant who had taken control of an area of space and was able to make them see things. He says they are free now and there is only one place they can go: back in time to stop Kramer before the Washington massacre. And then, finally, Newman can be at peace. George shouts "SERENITY NOW!" and Newman pulls the time travel lever.

 

[CaptainWacky]

28.21 - George and Newman arrive in New York. Newman says the timelines are collapsing and this is their last chance. He says he might not even be able to retreat into a simulation and kill people by breathing firing on them again. They have to stop Jerry and Kramer. George says he has to save Elaine first, before Whateley gives her and the kids metal teeth and forces Elaine to do mouth stuff with Zombie Susan. Newman slaps George in the face. He says George's "bitch wife" doesn't matter, only stopping Kramer and Jerry. George says Newman just wants a way to justify the trillions of sentient being he's killed in simulation, but he never can. Even if Newman saves this Earth he'll still be a monster. Newman smiles evily. He says George is absolutely right. He is a monster, so imagine what he'd do to George's kids. George backs away in fear and runs. He sees Elaine about to cross the street, where she will be run over then abducted by Tim and Zombie Susan. He manages to stop Elaine from crossing the street. "George!" she says. "You look...different." "I've been through some shit, babe," says George then make out with her. Elaine looks turned on but then remembers the kids are missing. George explains that they'd been kidnapped by the zombie version of his dead wife and demon dentist who wants to mind-control Elaine with metal teeth. Elaine says that makes sense. The kids come running out from behind a dumpster. They say they snuck away when Whateley started breaking down crying "THIS IS NOT SUPPOSE TO BE HAPPENING" when Elaine wasn't run over. Elaine says that's convenient. Newman appears and says it seems it didn't take as long as he thought for George to rescue his bitch wife and brat kids and now they can all go to Jerry's apartment for the final confortation. Elaine kicks Newman in the balls and says she may be a bitch and her kids may be brats but Newman is a fat wanking posatfuck. Newman smiles and says Elaine will need that fire to talk Jerry and Kramer out of bringing about armageddon. Elaine asks what the fuck. George says they should leave the kids with the fun-loving staff of Monk's Restaurant and they do. They head upstairs. Kramer and Jerry and are standing side by side behind the door of Jerry's apartment. Jerry said he knew they were coming. He's starting to see many things more clearly. The hour of awakening is upon us. George says this is insanity. Just because the Kramer Device is telling them to be evil, doesn't mean it's a good idea to kill millions in Washington D.C. "Oh, is that why wer're going there?" asks Kramer. "I thought it was just to rub our cocks up against the monument!" Elaine realises that Jerry is the real evil and has been dripping poison in Kramer's ears all this time. Jerry laughs and says of course it was. He asks Elaine if she remembers what he used to yell while they were making love. "HAIL SATAN," says Elaine, recalling. "But I thought you were just saying that to turn me on!" Jerry says that using Kramer as his vessel to end all life will be a great turn on than anything he and Elaine ever did, and they did some sick shit. George asks Jerry what happened to him. He wasn't always evil, surely. Jerry says he doesn't know where he begins and the Other ends. George asks what this means and Jerry says he'll know soon enough. Newman says there's been enough talk and his hand transforms into a gun. Kramer asks what he's doing. Newman says Jerry must die to stop Kramer turning into Hitler times a billion. Kramer says he has a mind of his own and if he wants to end all life on Earth he will! Jerry laughs and says Kramer is his pet. Kramer says that's not fair and asks Jerry to stop being so mean. Newman says Jerry must die and fires his gun hand but Kramer steps in the way of the blast and half his head is blown off. Newman cries "NOOOO!" George asks why Kramer would do that and Jerry says it's because Kramer is loyal to the end...but this is not the end. Jerry grabs the Kramer Device and suddenly his eyes grow large. Jerry mutters that he understands now. That he has been in every moment. Jerry fires an energy bolt from the Kramer Device and it blows off half of Newman's face. Energy then travels from Newman's half skull and into Jerry's body. "He's sucking chronal radiation from Newman!" says George. "When did you become a nerd?" asks Elaine. Jerry appears to freeze in time then disappears. Newman and Kramer are both bleeding out, each with the opposite side of their faces blown off but apparently still alive. "I think I know what to do," says George. He drags Kramer's body next to Newman's. He presses their half faces together. "Nothing's happening," says Elaine, but suddenly their faces begin to knit together. Their bodies then merge into one, so that they have just two arms and two legs. They have the shape of a normal human man, but two faces on one head. Kramer down one side, Newman down the other. They begin to breathe. "What have I created!" says George.

 

[CaptainWacky]

28.22 - Jerry is frozen in time in his aparment. Kramer and Newman both have half their faces blown off. Elaine and George are frozen with shocked and repulsed looks on their faces. Suddenly, everything but Jerry begins to move backwards. Impossibly fast. Jerry can't understand it at first. His appartment building is deconstructed as he watches. New York itself grows smaller. "I'm moving backwards through time," thinks Jerry, and we can hear his thoughts. "I can't stop it! Damn you, Newman! DAMN YOU, GEORGE AND ELAINE...and damn you Kramer. I'll kill you all!" But there is nothing Jerry can do. Time continues to flow backwards around him, but even faster now. Jerry watches as the United States of America itself is decolonised. He watches human evolution in reverse. He watches the continents themselves move further together. He laughs, maniacally. "It was all for me. IT WAS ALL FOR ME!" Faster and faster it goes and Jerry cannot impact reality in any way. He watches the Earth be unborn. He watches the sun itself go out. The universe is retreating every faster, to a single point. And in that point is Jerry Seinfeld. All matter in the universe is moving back into his body. Jerry realises that soon he himself will cease to be. He grits his teeth and strains himself. trying to stop it. But all light in the universe is going out. There is nothing but Jerry now...and his body is retreating into itself. Jerry doesn't have much time left. He can feel his consciousness growing smaller. "It's not fair," he says, as the big bang happens in reverse. "This is George's fault! And Elaine's! And Newman's and Kramer's. I hate them them. I HATE THEM. HATE. HAAAAAAATE!" And so everything, even Jerry himself disappears. For a moment, there is nothing. There is silence. And then the nothing explodes, with a single word shouting the universe into create. "HAAAAAAAAAATE!" In the beginning there was the word and the word was "HATE" and it was voiced by Jerr Seinfeld. The entire universe, everything you or I have ever known, was all birthed out of Jerry Seinfeld's hatred. And now Jerry was the most powerful force in existence, for he was the first life in the universe. And he watched as the galaxies formed and he found it good. And he watched the Earth's sun come to life and touched it with his mighty Seinfeld finger, bringing life. And he watched the Earth grow and he slowed time to perceive every moment of it. "It was all about me, all along," he said, in awe of his own greatness. And when the time came it was Jerry who made it so that the first single cell organisms came to be. "I create life so I can end it," he said to himself, solemnly. "George. Elaine. Neman. Kramer." And he burned those names into the surface of the Earth itself, so that his hatred would never diminish, even as the words themselves were covered up be the continued formation of the Earth we know today. And then something curious happened, for Jerry sensed another consciousness. He searched the universe for it, but could find nothing: sentient life had not yet come to be on any planet. But then he got the sense that the life was not visible, that was somewhat out of phase with his reality. It was "underneath", in some sense. And Jerry managed to enter this other dimension and he met Satan for the first time. "I WILL KILL YOU, SEINFELD!" said Satan. How did he know Jerry's name? How had this pocket dimension come to be? Jerry demanded answers, but Satan gave none. He tried to attack Jerry, but he was small and feeble. Jerry laughed in his fucking face. He decided to lock Satan in his pocket dimension, and to send any other random stray consciousness he found there. Satan was no threat to him. He put him out of his mind, and returned to planning his revenge on his three best friends and Newman. Evolution was going well on Earth. The Neanderthals were born, and Jerry was amused by them at first. So similar to modern man, yet so different. It amused him, watching them struggle and die. But he also felt nostalgic as they neared existence. He plucked the last Neanderthal, a woman who named Nina, out of reality and place her in a pocket dimension. He gave her the ability to understand English and made it so her utterings would be understandable to him. "There am I?" she asked. "My family..." "They're all gone," replied Jerry, smiling evily. "They were nothing. Your whole species was nothing. Just a pointless stop on the way to my revenge on George, Elaine, Kramer and Newman. HA HA HA HA!" "Are you Satan?" she asked. How did she know about him? Jerry denied it and said he was God. He was her God. "WORSHIP ME!" he said. "No," said Nina. "No God would let my entire people die. Put me out of my misery, Seinfeld, whatever you are. I will never worship you." And yet Jerry was impressed by her defiance and decided to let her live, forever, in the pocket dimension. Time would only pass for her whenever Jerry visited her there. And so the human race came to take over the world and Jerry watched there spread and watched the genetic lines which would eventually result in he, his friends, and Newman form. He watched amused as Estelle Constanza became a witch, after killing seven hundred babies to give herself power. When she was burned at the stake, Jerry sent her soul to be with Satan in the pocket dimension he'd renamed "Hell." He knew she still had a part to play. He watched his own parents be born, and his Uncle Leo. He visited a young Leo, disguised as a beautiful angel. He told Leo he had to train to become the world's greatest killer, to protect the world from the coming of Satan. Jerry smiled to himself when Leo called him God. It was true. He was God. Jerry watched also as Babs Kramer slept with man after man, but was curious as to why she was not yet imprgnated with Cosmo. It seemed she was barren. So Jerry entred her womb and sparked life there, allowing the next man who ravaged her to father Cosmo Kramer. And Jerry watched Cosmo be born, but was disgusted when he entered Kramer's head and found he was an innocent. "You will grow up to be evil and kill so many!" said Jerry, remembering the demon suit Estelle and Satan would trick him into wearing. Yet that was not enough for Jerry. He wanted to really hurt Kramer. He sensed that Kramer was such an innocent that maybe he would need to be corrupted further. And to do so, Jerry would have put much of his power into a simple object. An object Kramer would use time and again to kill, which he would cradle at night, which he would rub his penis against while masturbating. Everything had been leading to this moment. Jerry poured his hatred, his malice, his evil into a simple lead pipe...into the Kramer Device.

TO BE CONTINUED

END OF SEASON 28

 

[CaptainWacky]

#29.1 - The God Jerry has grown weak. He has put much of his power into the Kramer Device, in order to corrupt Kramer. It is growing nearer the time when Kramer will kill for the first time. Jerry realises what he has to do. Before Estelle gives Kramer the demon suit, Jerry has to put himself completely into the Kramer device. He will be with Kramer for every kill. "And then, finally, I will have my revenge," he says to himself. He decides to say farewell to Nina the Neanderthal first. She begs Jerry to kill him, but he says he will leave her trapped in her pocket dimension forever, until the universe dies through entropy and all that remains in Jerry and Nina. And then Jerry will start the cycle of revenge anew. Nina says he's insae. Jerry asks if she wants to have sex. Nina says she'd rather fuck a woolly mammoth. "You probably DID!" quips Jerry. He leaves her in the pocket dimension and enters the Kramer device. Cut to the present day. The Kramer Device is lying on the floor of Jerry's apartment, ignored. George has just merged Kramer and Future Cyborg Newman into one entity. The face is half Kramer/half Newman. He sits up, alive. "I am Kramewman," he says. "I live. I hunger." "You want a sandwich?" asks Elaine. She opens Jerry's fridge to get some food and screams in fear when she sees the present day Newman's severed head in there. The head smiles at Elaine, somehow kept alive by heroin. She slams the fridge door shut. "There isn't much time," says Kramewman. "He is coming back. We must be prepared. We must..." Suddenly a gaseous entity seeps out of the Kramer Device. It takes form in front of Geroge, Elaine and Kramewman. It is Jerry. "Hello, Kramewman," he says, a sickening grin on his face. "I am back. I have waited 13.7 billion years for my revenge, and finally the moment is at hand!" "You were only gone five minutes!" says George. Jerry laughs. "I'll kill you last, Georgie Boy!" he says. He reaches out with his hand and the Kramer Device flies into it. He points it it Kramewman. "First I'll cut you in half so I can killer Kramer AND Newman. They'll be fucking sweet!" laughs Jerry. "No, the Kramer Device is mine!" says Kramewman. He holds out his hand like Jerry and, remarkably, the Kramer Device begins to shake in Jerry's hand. "No!" says Jerry. "I created it! I birthed the Kramer Device for my revenge!" "Maybe you did," says Kramewman. "But you created it FOR ME!" Both are locked in struggle over the Kramer Device. It appears that Jerry is winning when, suddenly, a split in spacetime opens. Nina the Neanderthal jumps out. "Nina!" says Jerry. "But how!" "You put too much of yourself into that device, you fool!" says Nina. "You allowed the walls of reality to weaken. And now I have escaped, and I will not let you have your revenge!" She barges into Jerry and he loses his grip on the Kramer Device. It flies from his hand into Kramewman's. Jerry screams "NOOOOOOOO!" Nina grunts in happiness then jumps straight out of Jerry's apartment window. "What the fuck is going on!" asks Elaine. George shrugs and says he's seen weirder. Kramewman clutches the Kramer device close and suddenly there's a change in him. The Newman part of his face begins to fade. He becomes pure Kramer. "Oh no," says George. "A half Kramer/Newman controlled by Kramer ended all life on Earth in one timeline!" "Yeah, you HAVE seen weirder!" says Elaine. Kramer smiles. We see energy pass from the Kramer Device into his body. "I...I can't feel it anymore!" says Jerry. "He's taken all my hate, all my malice, my evil! My lust for revenge! Taken it for his own! I'm just Jerry now! JUST JERRY!" And then a hideous shadow creature enters the apartment and launches itself into Kramer's body. "It's the Kramer suit!" cries Jerry. "The demon that lived on in Tim Whately! What have I done! WHAT HAVE I DONE! Kramer appears to grow in stature and his grin is hideous and pitiless. "Welcome to Kramerica," he says and a million dogs and cats in New York City howl in fear as they sense his presence.

 

[CaptainWacky]

#29.2 - "Do something, Jerry!" says George. "Kill him! He's going to end all life on Earth, Jerry!" "I...I can't!" says Jerry. "I don't think I could take another human life, not with my humanity returned to me! But even if I wanted to...I have no power anymore. It's all in Kramer now! Nina's interference...no. I can't blame her. It's my fault. I created the universe. I created the Kramer Device. I created Kramerica!" "You created the universe!?" asks Elaine "What are you going to do to us, Kramer?" asks George. "Kill us?" Kramer appears to consider it for a moment. He laughs, and his laughs makes Jerry, George and Elaine feel physically sick. "I'm going to make you watch," he says. "Kramerica will spread across the States and then across the world. And you three little people will be powerless to stop it. You will witness the end of everything you ever knew. You will witness my godhood. Maybe then I'll kill you. Maybe you'll be serving me by then." "I'll never serve you!" says George. "I only serve Elaine!" "That's right, he's my basic bitch!" says Elaine. "Kramer, think about what you're doing!" says Jerry. "Remember all the good in you! Listen to your Newman half!" "Ha!" says Kramer. "There is no good in me anymore. You've seen to that. I know what I am now, what I was always destined to be. You created the universe? Maybe I'll do the opposite! And listen to Newman? You know what he did, don't you? George knows. His simulations. Trillions of sentient beings, wiped out. I remember it, through him. I remember he and I lovingly mowing down citizens indiscriminately with our machine gun arms! Newman is even more lost than me. Now get out, all of you. This is my apartment now, my aparment block! From here my empire will begin. I will convert it into my dark tower. And all shall worship me, ALL...or pay the price. Leave. LEAVE!" And, as he speaks, his voice physically wounds Jerry, George and Elaine. Elaine in particuarly staggers back, towards the fridge. "I just need to get a sandwich," she mubles to Kramer. She reaches into the fridge and takes out the present day Newman's head. With the fridge door obscuring what she's doing, she hids Newman's head up her dress. She, Jerry and George shuffle towards the aparment door. Jerry looks back sadly at his home as darkness begins to envelop it. The aparment block shakes as Jerry, George and Elaine walk down the corridor. The go to the elevator door, but it opens and hideous shadow creatures step out. "Uhh, we'll take the stairs," says Elaine. The shadows demons appear to enter the walls, as the very building itself turns dark. Jerry, George and Elaine head down the stairs, quickly. They can feel all the evil in the world gathering around them. They run out to the street, as the very air itself in the aparment block grows toxic. They run from it, but Jerry stops to look back, with Elaine and George reluctantly following. They apartment buidling has grown five times or more as high as before, towering above New York City. It is completely black and there are hideous dark spikes and jagged edges all over. At the very top below the shape of a black grown stands Kramer on a balcony, looking down on his domain. His eyes appear to meet Jerry's, just as many people begin to fall to their knees around the dark tower, praying. "Giddy up," laughs Kramer.

ONE MONTH LATER

New York is transformed. The disease beginning with Kramer's dark tower has spread and all surrounding buildings have grown dark and hideous. The East River flows with a hideous black ooze. Kramer Troopers patrol the streets, armed with energy whips which they use to subdue unbelievers and rebels. And, in the sky, Kramer's face looks down like the sun, powered by some hideous magic. Below them in the sewers hide Jerry, Geroge, Elaine and Newman's head. "I hope our kids are safe with Mindy," says George. "Mindy might be a huge lesbo but she isn't a Kramer loyalist!" says Elaine. "Too bad about the lesbianism, though. I'd never do that, peronsally." George looks confused as to why she's saying this. "Heroin," moans Newman's head, still alive and now kept in a glass jar. "I need heroin." "We're all out!" yells George. Jerry looks sad. He is looking at a map of the United States which shows that most of the eastern states have been conquered by Kramerica. "What can we do," he says. "What can we even do. I created this monster, I should be the one to slay it. But I can't. I am powerless. So many are dead already. How many more..." "Looks like you need some new allies," says a voice. Jerry, George and Elaine spin around. George instantly recoils in fear. Standing in front of them are Tim Whately and Zombie Susan. Both look different from when they were last seen. Whately has lost his demonic aura and Susan looks half human. Elaine and George are ready to attack them. "The demon in Whately is gone," says Jerry, by way of stopping them. Whately nods. "It's in Kramer now. But I did things when that demon was in me...denstistry things. I have the army, Jerry. And I want to use them against Kramer." "Brains?" asks Zombie Susan. She looks at George. "Hus...husband?" she asks.

TO BE CONTINUED

 

[CaptainWacky]

#29.3 - Kramer is standing on the balcony of his bedroom in his dark tower, the room that was once Jerry's apartment. He looks at his own face in the sky, the magical face he projects to watch over Kramerica. He looks down at the streets. Thousands are gathered around the dark tower, praying to him. Kramer fights his body as it tries to give him an erection. "This isn't about personal glory," he whispers. "Kramerica will save us all." He notices that there are some below who aren't praying, who are shouting angrily and throwing things at the dark tower. The Kramer Troopers quickly find them and whip them to within an inch of their lives. But this reistence still troubles Kramer. His second in command Mickey walks onto the balcony and salutes. "Good news, Master," he says. "You have now taken more than half of the continental United States and are making significant inroads in Canada! Mexico will be yours for the taking when our operations in Texas are complete. ALL GLORY TO KRAMERICA!" "How many dead?" asked Kramer. "Well, tens of thousands, but who cares? They are non-Kramerican scum!" says Mickey. "They can be saved!" says Kramer. "We must build re-eduKRAMEtion camps to teach them to love Kramerica." "I...I do not understand!" says Mickey. "They defey you, master, they do not deserve life!" Kramer slaps Mickey hard in the face. Mickey starts to cry. "I have displeased my God!" he says. "I will throw myself off this balcony!" "No," says Kramer. "No more death. You are a leal servant, Mickey, you short bastard. But you are not the right man to run the re-eduKRAMEtion camps. You must bring...HIM to me. You know of whom I speak!" And Mickey nods and scurries out. Meanwhile Jerry, George, Elaine, Newman's Head In A Jar, Tim Whately and Zombie Susan are all iving together in the sewers in an uneasy alliance. Tim keeps explaining that with the demon gone he isn't evil anymore. "But you still fucked my wife!" says George. Elaine laughs. "Come on, if every man who fucked me behind your back was evil, half of New York would be!" she says. Zombie Susan keeps trying to get close to George but he hides from her. She talks to Newman. "Now that my humanity is returning, I'm feeling things for George again!" she says. "But I also hate him for murdering me with the poisoned wedding invitations!" "Yes, that's a real pickle," says Newman. "Do you have any heroin?" Tim explains that when he was evil he started implanting mind control implants into the teeth of many of his patients. He says he if they implant many more implants into many more people they can fight back against Kramer. Jerry says that will just lead to millions of deaths but Whately tells him to wake up. He's herad rumours that Kramer is building death camps and they have to ovrerthrow him before that. Elaine asks Tim if he inserted one of his implants into her. Tim says he did...but not in her tooth. Elaine is shocked and says that's a violation. Tim asks what the fuck is she talking about, she was the one who begged him to put it in her special area so she could experience orgasm at the touch of a button. Elaine says oh yeah, I remember. George is getting upset! Tim says he could press the orgasm button right now if Elaine consents but George says there's no time. Jerry says George is right and he needs Tim to show him how the mind control works by performing dental surgery on a random Kramer minion they grab off the street. Back in the dark tower, Mickey brings Kramer the man he asked for. It is The Soup Nazi. "Soup Nazi, good to see you, buddy," says Kramer. "I need you to run my re-eduKRAMEtion camps." "Never!" says the Soup Nazi, to the shock of Kramer, spitting on the floor. "You are a fascist cunt, Kramer, I will never serve you! Not again! Not after what happened in the old country! NO SOUP FOR YOU! NEXT!" "You are strong willed," says Kramer, impressed. "Just what I need from the man running my camps!" "I will never serve you, Hitkrameler!" says the Soup Nazi. Mickey aims a gun at him, but Kramer shakes his head telling him not to blow the Soup Nazi's brains out. "But can you resist a full blast from the Kramer Device?" asks Kramer. He whips out the Kramer Device and touches it to the Soup Nazi's forehead before he can even react. The Soup Nazi's face goes blank. "Who do you serve?" asks Kramer. "I serve you, master!" says Soup Nazi. "I will run your re-eduKRAMEtion camps. I will convert the unwilling into good Kramericans. And if they resist all attempts at fixing them...I will make a soup of their blood! SOUP FOR YOU, MASTER! NEXT!" Kramer looks happy and sad at the same time. "It won't come to that," he says, sighing, as though he doesn't believe it himself. "Everything I do is for the greater good. For Kramerica. For the whole universe. For all of time. Even...for Jerry." Mickey and Soup Nazi shrug. "Just tell us who to kill!" says Mickey. Tim and Jerry have grabbed a Kramer minion off the street. Tim has him tied down on a makeshift dentist's chair. He smiles and laughs evily as the minion struggles in fear. Tim prepares his drill. "I thought you wren't evil any more?" asks Jerry. "I don't have a demon inside me anymore," replies Tim. "But I'm still a dentist. We all enjoy hurting people and fucking married woman in our dentist's chair. I really hope I get Elaine's consent to press that orgasm button soon! Anyway, now to drill this fucker WITHOUT numbing him up. HA HA HA HA!" "I...I need a shit," says Jerry, and he heads to the sewer's bathroom that it has for some reason. He looks at himself in the mirror. "I don't know if I'm strong enough to do what must be done," he says. "To hurt people like Tim does. To...to kill people. To kill...Kramer." "But you must be ready," says a familiar voice. Jerry looks around in shock but can't see anyone in the room with him. But when he looks in the mirror he says a man standing next to him. "How?!" he says. "You can't be here but I can see you...hear you...UNCLE LEO!?" "Jerry, HELLO!" says Leo in the mirror.

 

[CaptainWacky]

#29.4 - "How can this be!?" asks Jerry. "You're...you're dead." "In this timeline, yes," says Leo, laughing. "I'm not really here, Jerry! I'm in your head. IN YOUR BRAIN." "So I've gone mad," concludes Jerry. "No!" says Uncle Leo. "You've unlucked your limitless potential, Jerry! You created the universe. You were there, when there was nothing, when every atom into the universe sprang into being. You saw it all! It's your design!" "I was there, but did I really create the universe?" asks Jerry. "I've been questioning it lately." "Then how is it that you are seeing me?" says Leo. "Don't put yourself down, boy! You are a God amongst insects. Even your cousin Jeffrey isn't on your level! You were there when the universe was born and part of you knew everything there ever would be or ever would be. Don't you see? You saw every potential outcome! You saw everything there could ever be, including a timeline in which I lived! It's a prescient vision Jerry! Like Dune! Almost exactly like it, suspciously like it! You probably wrote that book to explain it to yourself!" "So what you're saying is, in one universe you lived and were able to have this conversation with me and I'm simulating that conversation in my head right now?" asks Jerry. "Sure, if you want to over simplify everything!" says Leo. "The important thing is, you have access to me now, the Leo who could have been. And I'm here to tell you Jerry, that nothing has changed! I made you into a killer before, and I'm here to do it again!" "I can't! says Jerry. "You killed Puddy in the woods!" says Leo. "I was so proud of you, as you carved his heart out and ate it! You have to do the same to Kramer, Jerry! To save the universe!" "I need to go!" says Jerry, hoping that by leaving this bathroom he won't see Leo anymore. "I'm going back to the sewers!" Kramer is standing on the balcony of his dark tower with Mickey, looking disinterested by what is going on below, while Mickey looks almost orgasmic at the scene. Tens of thousands of people are crowded around the tower cheering for Kramer, burning American flags and waving Kramerican flags in their place. Some of the masses try to climb the side of the tower, but defence systems knock them off to their deaths. Mickey fires a machine gun down at someone who has managed to get near to Kramer's balcony, laughing like a maniac. "Everything I have dreamed of is coming true!" says Mickey, as they step back into Jerry's apartment. "The entire continent of North America and much of the South is now yours! Soon the world will be yours, my Lord. And the blood soup the Soup Nazi prepares for you will be delicous!" "Dreams," says Kramer, after a long pause. "I find myself contemplating dreams, Mickey. Who makes them? Who is the architect of your dreams? Who plans the paths you walk in them? Is it me? Do I make my owns dreams? It must be, who else could it be. But...how can that be so? My unconsicous mind? That is not me! I am the consciousness, I am the awaress! I am Conscious Kramer! If I'm not aware, than it is not me...except it must be. Because I experience the dreams. I see things in them. Things my other self has made for me. There are two people in every body, Mickey. And how do I know I'm the real one? Because I think I am? How I do know the consciousness isn't just another dream, created by the true living Unconscious Kramer inside me? How do you live with such questions, Mickey?" "I...I do not think about such things," says Mickey. "I am a simple man, who lives only to serve his Lord Kramer." "Then you are of no use to me right now!" says Kramer, flying into a rage. He grabs Mickey and steps out to the balcony. He holds Mickey high above his head. "THIS IS MY BEST FRIEND," he shouts down to the masses. He then throws Mickey to his death, as Mickey smiles and shouts "it was a pleasure to serve you!" back up at Kramer. Mickey explodes on impact with the sidewalk and the crowds cheers and begin devouring what's left of his body. Kramer goes back inside. "Of course, I literally do have a second person living in my head," he says, apparently unmoved by Mickey's death. "Newman. My TRUE best friend. If only I could talk to him again...but perhaps I can, through the Kramer Device. Perhaps I can give him new life. But he would only try to betray me. So I must...control him. A Newman, humbled. Would that be any Newman at all? Maybe I can make it so he can never leave this apartment. Maybe I can do anything!" And the Kramer Device flies into his hand like Thor's Hammer. Kramer uses the Kramer Device to pull the bones and flehs of some of the many dead lying at the base of his Dark Tower into Jerry's apartment. Kramer then forms the dead flesh and bones into the shape of Newman. "Now, be good," he says, to the Newman living in his head. Kramer shoots the Newman consciousness into the Newman Golem. The hideous afront to science and God comes to life, screaming in agony. "I LIVE," says Newman. "You are just a copy, remember that," says Kramer. "The real Newman is inside of me, kept prisoner by my superior Kramer will. I can destroy you at any moment, turn you back into lifeless flesh and bone. Never forget that." "I will not," says Newman. "But clearly you want me to have some degree of free will, unlike your slave Mickey who you killed because you could not stand his mindlessness." "True," says Kramer. "But step out of line and I will give you the business!" "I will not," says Newman. "I am happy just to live again. I have all the knowledge of Future Newman, you know. I experienced all the same simulations as he did. Did you know that the technology to view those simulations was originally developed by the Post Office to simulate how to better deliver letters? Of course I used it for much more perverse purposes. Yes, at first the idea was to find a way to stop you, to stop Kramerica. But I spent far more time, far more years, commiting inhuman acts of violence and sexual deviancy with you, Kramer. I woud...like to experience such things again." "Done!" says Kramer. "Giddy up! I'm going to fuck you now!" "Err, not like that!" says Newman. Kramer sighs. "Another friend who has let me down," he says. "I miss Jerry." "Don't kill me!" says a panicked Newman. "I can tell you much of the future! I can tell you...of the catdogs." "I know all about the catdogs," says Kramer. "Now make me a Jerry hole to fuck." "A...a what?" asks Newman. Kramer aims the Kramer Device at his stomach and fires. A hiedous hole appears there, almost like an anus. Kramer licks his lips. "That's exactly right," he says. "A Jerry hole..." Kramer drops his pants and approaches Newman's "Jerry hole" as Newman cries in fear. Jerry suddenly wakes up in bed in the sewers. "Was that...was that real? Was that happening right now? Or a vision? Catdogs? A Jerry hole!?" "It was real," says the voice of Uncle Leo. "You must know now what you have to do." "Yes," says Jerry, sadly. "I have to kill Kramer. For the greater good." He gets out of bed, completely naked, as the precient vision of Uncle Leo smiles. "Yes, hahahaha," says Leo. "YES."