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Who gives a single actual fuck about literally anything?

#29.5 - Tim returns to the sewers and says he needs a dental assistant. It can't be Susan because she still looks like a zombie even though her brain is nearly fully healed. "BRAINS!?"! says Susan, her zombie nature returning for a moment. Tim says Elaine has to be his dental assistant as they build an army of mind-controlled dental patients to go after Kramer. Elaine says sure, anything to get out of the sewers. George says hold on a fucking minute, he isn't letting his wife go anywhere with a man who has a button that can give her instant orgasms. Elaine says he isn't the boss of her and starts to leave. George grabs her arm and she slaps him. He starts crying. Zombie Susan and Newman's head are watching and Newman says "awk-ward!" in a camp voice. Tim says he'll give the orgasm button for safe keeping but he can't press it because it'll distract Elaine and it doesn't work from a distance of over a mile anyway. "That's okay, he never could give me an orgasm," says Elaine. Tim and Elaine leave and Jerry walks in completely naked. "You okay, Jerry?" asks Susan. Jerry appears to be in a trance. The camera zooms right in on his face and suddenly he's standing in Central Park storking his trusty murder knife with Uncle Leo beside him. "You must kill a Kramer supporter to show you are a man," says Leo. Jerry nods. He stalks a burly male Kramer supporter who is wearing a "KRAMERICA" baseball cap. He turns round at the last second but it is too late, as Jerry is one him thrusting the knife into him again and again. "AH HA HA...AAAAAAAAAAH HA HA HA HAAAAAA!" laughs Jerry as he is showered in blood. "I'm proud of you, my boy!" says Leo. "But now you must kill a woman Kramer supporter. A YOUNG woman Kramer supporter!" Jerry smiles. He sees a teenage Kramer supporter jogging through the park. He looks at his knife, still stained in blood. "I'm having unnatural thoughts about her," he admits to Leo. "To defeat Kramer, you must visit places in your mind that even Kramer would fear to," says Leo, nodding. Jerry starts to approach the girl with his knife...then flashes to another time and place. He is on some kind of starship wearing a Captain's uniform. The Bridge of the ship has a glass floor. Kramer is incased below the glass, alive but in agony. The Kramer Device is welded to his crotch, extending up through the glass and forming a huge joystick which Jerry is using to steer the ship with a crazed look on his face. "KILL THEM," he says. "KILL THE CATDOGS!" We see Elaine, George and Newman (who somehow has a new body) in gun pods on the side of the ship, firing out at fighters which are piloted by the Catdog aliens, blowing them out of the stars. "More!" says Jerry. "KILL MORE!" Kramer moans in pain as every time Jerry touches his joystick it sends a shock down the Kramer device and into Kramer's crotch. Jerry flashes back into the sewers. "None of that was real!" he says. "Leo, what was that? Why did I see...that path? Wait, I understand now. I was thinking of murdering Kramer supporters in Central Park. But I must resist that evil. We cannot defeat Kramer by becoming worse than him. We must do better." "Jerry, what the fuck are you even talking about?" asked George. "Leo's dead!" Jerry smiles. He sees Leo giving him a thumbs up. "Leo is teaching me from beyond the grave," says Jerry. "We must choose a path of kindess and empathy." "What about Tim creating an army of mind-controlled slaves to send to their deaths against Kramer?" asks Susan. "Oh yeah, that's pretty bad!" admits Jerry. Suddenly he has another prescient vision. He is floating in space, somehow. The planet Earth itself is approaching him, propelled by some ungodly power. But as it drawns closer Space Jerry gasps when he sees that the Earth is now shaped like Kramer's head. The entire planet has been transformed, all landmasses hideously deformed to render Kramer's insane visage. And, through some kind of space sense, Jerry knows that inside the core of the Earth itself are imprisoned millions of people. They are all that remains of humanity and Kramer is using their suffering to power the Earth...which is now a battle station. The Kramer mouth of Earth opens and it fires from it s a massive death lazer which destroys a whole planet: and Jerry knows it is the home planet of the Catdogs. He shives in fear as the death beam changes direction to vapourise him...and then he is back in the sewers. "I've seen what Kramer plans," he tells the others. "And it is worse than we could have possibly imagined!" In his Dark Tower, Kramer watches television with the Newman Gollem. They are watching a news report which states that the rest of the world has declared a state of emergency. Kramerica, now spanning all of North and South America, is considered a threat to all remaining nations. "Are you going to kill them all?" asks Newman. "I...I don't want to," says Kramer. "I really want no more death. I grow so weary, Newman, yet I cannot sleep anymore. I fear what I am becoming." "But you wanted this!" snaps Newman. "You used the Kramer Device to enslave so many...and I know what you have planned for the Catdgos. Remember, I have access to all the memories of future Newman's simulations!" "It is true," says Kramer. "Yet I wished all along there was a better way. I was hoping the devotion of the masses would be enough, but too many still oppose my message of love. I may have to kill them. I MAY HAVE TO KILL THEM ALL!" He starts crying. Gollem Newman sighs and presents him with a Jerry hole to relieve his suffering.
 
Mirah said:
Nothing matters
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#29.6 - Tim and Elaine are performing hideous painful dental surgery on an unwitting patient to convert them into a soldier for the anti-Kramer army. "No doubt they will die," says Tim, blankly. "But it will be for the great good." "Yeah, yeah," says Elaine, sighing. "All I care about is orgams are that orgasm button you created was invented. Are you sure you don't want to wrestle it from George's sweaty hands and bring me pleasure?" Tim considers it for a moment. "NO!" he says at length. "I cannot be distracted. I have a mission to stop Kramer. I must make up for all I've done!" "Whatever," says Elaine, trying to tigger her orgasm implant by stick a toothbrush up herself. Kramer is nearly breaking down in his dark tower. "Maybe I should kill myself?" he asks the Newman Gollem. "Maybe then everything would go back to normal!" "It's strange you're feeling all these emotions," says the Newman Gollem. "I thought the Kramer Device turned you into a remorseless dictator." "Me too!" says Kramer. "But I think deep down I've always just wanted to be loved, and that longing somehow infected my dictorial ambitions. I've been reaching out with my Kramer mind and feeling everything all of Kramerica feels...I think it's making me stronger but it's also making me feel more. I need...wait. I sense something!" "What doth though sense, my liege?" asks Newman. "The United Nations!" says Kramer. "All the world leaders are having a secret meeting in Paris discussing declaring war on Kramerica! I CANNOT ALLOW THIS. I...I must go." "Go, to Paris?" says Newman. "Yes..." says Kramer and suddenly he swings the Kramer Device through the air and behold! It cuts a gateway open through space, exiting in the secret UN meeting. "You're becoming so powerful," says Newman, fully erect. He presents a Jerry hole but Kramer doesn't even notice. He steps through the portal. The other Newman, Zombie Susan, Jerry and George are still hiding in the sewers. Newman the head in a jar is complaining that he doesn't have a body. "At least your wife isn't out fucking a dentist!" says George. "I have to go after her!" "But you have the orgasm button!" says Jerry. "I don't care!" says George. "SERENITY NOW!" He storms out to go and find Elaine and Tim. Jerry sighs. Uncle Leo appears to him. "It's time for you to walk amongst the people again," says Leo. "Okay, but I'm not killing anyone!" says Jerry. Left alone, Zombie Susan tells Newman she might have a body she can sew his head onto. She admits that she's been eating people to stay alive, but she's been trying to be good lately and only eating their heads. She presents several headless bodies to Newman that she's been hiding in a sewer nook. Newman says they are all beautiful and admits he'll probably destroy them all with heroin. Susan shrugs and says she'll just kill someone else and eat their head then. Newman says no woman has ever done that for him before. Zombie Susan quickly sews Neman's head onto a body, but he can't animate it. "Oh, maybe the body needs to be freshly killed," says Suan. She opens a sewer panel to reveal a sexy man trapped underneath. "HELP ME, PLEASE," he begs Newman's head. "THIS ZOMBIE HAD KEPT ME HERE FOR DAYS!" Newman looks aroused. Susan bites off the sexy man's head then sews Newman's head to the body. Newman stands up. "I LIVE!" he says. Susan spits out most of the sexy man's head then she and Newman make love amongst the blood and corpses. Kramer arrives at the secrety UN meeting. He asks them what the fuck they are doing. The world is better with Kramerica, he says. The president of France says Kramer is worse than Hitler. Kramer reaches out with his Kramer senses. "You are all so small," he says. "I could kill you all with a thought. I have been feeling many emotions, but there is one thing I feel most of all: Kramerica is good. It must live." The president of France declares war on Kramerica so Kramer pops his head. Othe world leaders scream. Kramer kills those who would oppose him. The rest bow down. The whole world is Kramerica now. Kramer steps back through the portal into his Dark Tower. "There is no going back now," he says to the Newman Gollem, a tear running down his cheek. "I have made my decision." He reaches out with his mind. "JERRY!" he says. Jerry, walking the streets of New York, hears Kramer's voice in his mind. Uncle Leo warns him not to engage but Jerry can't help but reply. "Kramer, you could still end all this," says Jerry. "You don't have to kill everyone!" "It was you who made me this way!" replies Kramer. "You and your Kramer Device!" "I was evil then, I'm good now!" says Jerry. "You could be good too!" "It is...too late for me, my Jerry," says Kramer. "I just popped the president of France's head." "Oh, nobody cares about France, big deal!" says Jerry. "You can use the Kramer Device to put everything back to normal and we can watch tv together again." "I...I could?" asks Kramer, tempted for a moment. "Just end it all, end Kramerica and go back to normal!" says Jerry. "END KRAMERICA?" says Kramer with disgust. "NEVER. Kramerica is all that can stop the Catdogs. And for you, Jerry...TIME IS UP." Kramer disappears from Jerry's mind and Jerry realises that Kramer has been guiding his steps. He is inside Madison Square Garden. Kramer Troopers grab him and throw him into a MMA cage. Jerry looks up at his opponent. "You!" he says. "PUDDY!" "Yeah, that's right," says Puddy, ready to fight and kill Jerry. "But I carved your heart out!" says Jerry. "I need no heart," says Puddy, exposing the gaping hole in his chest where Jerry cut out his heart in the woods. "Kramer's love keeps my blood flowing now." And then the referee rings the bell.
 
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#29.7 - Kramer is in his Dark Tower with the Newman Gollem (who has had his arms and legs chopped off for some reason and now just rolls around on the floor), staring at a blank tv screen. "Aren't you going to watch the broadcast of Puddy killing Jerry?" asks the Newman Gollem, eagerly. "If I watch it, he's truly dead," says Kramer. "Schrodinger's death. As long as I don't watch...ha. Hah ha. HA HA HA HA. I still try to deny it to myself even now, Newman. But I have made my choice. Billions will die, all to stop the Catdogs and preserve Kramerica. My Golden Path has been set and I am already walking it. Jerry's death was the point of no return. But it has happened. There is no way he could survive single combat with my immortal Puddy zombie. The die is cast, Newman. I am more evil than Satan himself." And, as he says this, dark shadows form in the room around him. The doors of reality are breaking down, and demons are leaking out of Hell and into Kramer's presence. "Then why not watch the tape?" asks Newman, in awe of Kramer. "Because my Kramer senses tell me why shall have a guest here soon," says Kramer. "In fact, we will have two. We shall watch with them. Watch, as Jerry Seinfeld dies." The Newman Gollem frantically rubs his tiny cock against the the floor as he thinks of this. George rushes through the streets of New York searching for Tim and Elaine. They are in a dental surgery. A patient is tied to a chair. Tim's robotic dental device have his mouth pried open, trying to insert the mind-control chip into his teeth. "PLEASE, IT HURTS SO MUCH!" he cries. "It is a necessary evil," says Tim, grimly. "You must become a soldier in the anti-Kramer army. You will die, but for a great purpose. Try to relax." "NOOOOOOOOOOO!" says the patient. Elaine yawns. "It's funny, normally I'd be sucking you off while you torture this poor bastard," she says to Tim. "But now all I can think about is the orgasm button. I want to feel it, Tim. I want you to press it." "I gave it George, remember!" says Tim. "Well make another fucking one!" says Elaine. "It's all I can think of." "It was made by dark science which came to me in a dream sent by Satan himself, designed to provide the prefect, irresistable oragsm," admits Tim. "I can't recreate it. There is only one orgasm button, Elaine. ONLY ONE." "NOOOOOOOOO!" cries Elaine, and she punches the dental patient in the balls in anger. Suddenly they hear someone enter the dental pracitce. "It could be a Kramer Trooper," says Tim, handing Elaine a gun he's been keeping up his ass crack all along. "Gun down whoever walks through that door. Don't wait to see who it is!" Elaine points the gun at the door and fires as soon as it opens. The bullet narrowly misses George. "SERENITY NOW!" screams George. "What the fuck are you doing here you bald, impotent, piece of shit?" Elaine asks her husband. "I knew you'd be fucking Tim, I came to stop you!" says George. "George, there are more important things going on right now than me fucking your wife on this dentist's chair while this poor tortured patient watches!" says Tim. "I can't fuck anyone without the orgasm button!" says Elaine. "I have it here!" says George, desperately, holding it in his hand. "I could press it, Elaine, make you FEEL again!" "Oh, you'd like that, woulnd't you, fucknose," says Elaine. "You'd love holding orgasm power over me with the touch of a button. Go ahead, fucking press it. Our marriage will be over. I'll never speak to you again. I won't let you see the kids. But at least you'll finally make me cum." "I...I..." says George, his finger hovering over the orgasm button. Suddenly, there is a noise outside. More people have entered the practice. "It must be the Kramer Troopers!" says Tim. "You led them right to us, you fool!" George puts the orgasm button away. "We have to get out of here, leave the dentist to die!" he says, grabbing Elaine's hand. Elaine pulls away. "Fuck you, Costanza. Tim has the vital teeth implants needed to create the disposable army of slaves who can stop Kramer. You should hold the Kramer Troopers off while me and Tim escape. Sacrifice yourself. Do something good at last." "SERENEITY NOW!" says George. "Wait, where's Tim!?" He and Elaine look around. There is no sign of Tim. The patient laughs. "He snuck away with the vital teeth implants through a SECRET PASSAGE while you were arguing," he says. "He built this dental surgery with his bare hands! And now, you will both die! HA HA HA HA!" Elaine shoots the patient dead with the gun Tim gave her. "Shut the fuck up, tooth boy," she says. George looks shocked. Elaine points the gun at him. "If I'm going to die I'm killing you first," says Elaine. With no other way to defend himself, George presses the orgasm button at last. Elaine collapses to the floor, in delight. "OOOOH....OOOH GEORGE!" she moans. George looks amazed. "I did it!" he says. "I made you cum!" The Kramer troopers burst in and knock George out. George awakes in what was once Jerry's apartment but is now Kramer's thrown room in his dark tower. The first thing he sees in the limbless Newman Gollem rubbing himself against the floor. George looks away in disgust, but now sees Kramer sitting in front of him on a throne of bones, surrounded by dark shadows. "Oh, hey George," says Kramer. "Do you like my bone throne? I made it from those who opposed me. I could add you to it later if you want, George. But not yet. Not yet." "Where...where is Elaine?" asks George. "Is she safe? Is she...alright?" "Oh, I'm fine, Georgie Boy," says Elaine, walking out of the shadows. She is wearing a LEATHER BIKINI. There is a chain around her neck, the end of which is being held by Kramer. "No!" says George, taking in the scene. "I made you cum! I MADE YOU CUM!" "You were unconscious for quite some time," laughs Kramer. "I've made Elaine cum hundreds of times since then." He reveals the orgasm button in his other hand. He attaches Elaine's chain to the floor as Elaine purrs. "Press it, baby," she says. "I consent. ENTTHUSIASTICALLY!" Kramer presses the orgasm button and Elaine goes into full body orgasm. The Newman Gollem licks his lips. George is completely crushed, but then thinks of something. "Jerry!" he says. "Jerry will defeat you!" "I'm afraid not," says Kramer. "It's time to watch the fight." George is held in place by shadow demons and forced to watch a huge screen in front of him. It shows Jerry and Puddy fighting in the arena. Puddy pins Jerry to the ground and begins punching him in the head. He punches him again and again. George squirms in disgust but is unable to look away. Elaine laughs in pleasure. Kramer mashes the orgasm button to reward her. Puddy punches until Jerry's head is just a red mush, but then keeps punching. Eventually Jerry's head is completely gone, punched right into the ground, and only his headless corpse remains. Kramer, Elaine and Newman Gollem all laugh evily at George. The shadow demons start to drag George backwards. "Kill me, " whispers George. "It's over." "No," says Kramer. "You defied me for too long to be granted a quick death. I will destroy you utterly Costanza...then keep destroying you. Serenity never. You will live in my walls, watching all I do." And then the shadow demons drag George into the wall, his body disappearing. The last thing he sees is Kramer pressing the orgasm button again.
 
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#29.8 - "He's really gone," says Kramer, an insane grin on his face. "It's been 24 hours but it only just hit me. There is no Jerry. My adversary is gone. The man who could have killed me...the man who could have redeemed me. He's gone. HE'S ALL GONE! HA HA HA HA HA!" He punches himself in the face again and again, smiling a huge grin as he does so. His knuckles are bloody by the time he stops. He smashes a bottle and repeatedly stabs himself in the neck, blood spurting everywhere. The Newman Gollem - who is now a large slug with Newman's face and Jerry holes on his back - licks up some of the blood and rubs his tiny cock into the floor where more of it landed. Kramer's wound instantly heals, for he has achieved true immortality in this form. Elaine yawns. "Look, Kramer, it's great that you showed me the truth of the universe: that nothing fucking matters and embracing evil is the only way to have a good time. But if you don't press that orgasm button again soon I might get back with George!" Kramer and the Newman slug stare at Elaine for a moment in silence. Elaine then bursts out laughing and they do too. "I'm sorry, that was too much!" she says. "Get back with George! I'd sooner fuck Slugman!" George can be faintly heard moaning in agony from the wall. "Very good jest," says Kramer, and he presses the orgasm button herad. Elaine jutters on the floor. "Mmmmm," she moans. "You are right, though," says Kramer. "Nothing really does mean anything anymore. A huge part of Kramerica was about proving to Jerry that my way is best. About shoving it in his smug, comedian face. About making him realise that the only future he can possibly live in...is one in which he is MINE. That, and conquering the universe. I suppose I'll still do that..." "Oh, I forgot to tell you," says Elaine, coming out of her orgasm haze enough to be able to speak again. "Tim Whately is building an army mind-controlled by dental implants to oppose you. There's thousands in New York alone. You should probably murder them while pressing the orgasm button while I watch them die." "Hmm," says Kramer. "Tim is nothing, of course, he'll never be half the man my Jerry was. But you are right, something must be done. Let me talk to the Soup Nazi." A hologram of the Soup Nazi appears before them. "My Lord, this is an unexpected pleasure," says the Soup Nazi. "Of course it is," says Kramer. "Tell me, Soup Nazi, how many have died in your death camps?" "Hahaha, death camps?" asks the Soup Nazi, looking nervous. "I am teaching them to love you!" "How many," askes Kramer again, in a tone which tells the Soup Nazi not to lie. "Millions!" says the Soup Nazi, proudly. "I have killed millions in your name! And they deserved it, for not accepting your love! I have made their blood into a soup. A soup for you." "That must be a lot of soup," says Kramer. "Enough to drown all of New York while I and my friends watch from the dark tower?" "I would say so!" says the Soup Nazi. "But you would drown your own supporters too!" Kramer shrugs. "Who gives a fuck?" he says. "They mean nothing to me. I only need enough people left alive in the world to power the death engine that Earth will become when I wage jihad on the Catdog Empire. Wately's army must be drowned and if that means drowning ten millions innocents so bed it." "PRAISE BE TO KRAMER!" says the Soup Nazi. "I will mix the blood soup together so that none can survive!" "I'll transport it to New York when the killing time arrives," says Kramer, nodding, and the hologram disappears. "Awesome," says Elaine. "I can't wait to watch ten million people drown in fear." "Your children will be amongst those who drown," says Kramer. "They are in the city below us with your friend Mindy. Are you fine with them dying?" Elaine thinks for a moment. "Will you promise to hit the orgasm button with ten times the normal intensity at the exact moment my children drown?" she asks. "I will do so," says Kramer, smiling like Satan himself. "Then I hope the blood soup ocean is ready soon!" laughs Elaine. "The best part is," says Slug Newman, who is now humping Kramer's foot, "that nobody can stop you, master. Nobody!"

24 HOURS EARLIER

Jerry is in the arena with Puddy. Puddy grabs him around the neck and chokes slams him to the concrete. He raisies his fist to destroy Jerry's face. Jerry closes his eyes, accepting his inevitable death. But it does not come. Jerry opens his eyes and sees someone holding Puddy. Jerry pulls himself to his feet. Puddy looks confused...before the person holding him snaps his neck. Puddy drops to the ground, deceased. The person who saved Jerry is revealed...and Jerry gasps in shock. Standing before him is Nina the Neanderthal. "Nina!" says the shocked Jerry. "You saved me! But why!" "Not out of affection, God," says Nina, the last word in a mocking tone. "We must go, fast. Puddy won't stay dead for long." They run out of the arena and hide behind a dumpster. Jerry still can't believe that the neanderthal he once imprisoned in a pocket dimension for thousands of years just saved his life. He wonders why Kramer troopers aren't chasing him after he escaped Puddy. Nina explains that she has reality warping powers and used them to create an image of Puddy killing Jerry, which is what everyone saw on tv. Jerry asks how the fuck she got reality warping powers. She says because of Jerry, of course. He trapped her for so long in the other dimension that she eventually became able to control certain aspects of it. When she broke free she found she could alter perceptions on Earth. Jerry asks why she would use those powers to help him. Nina says Jerry is the lesser of two evils and she made a mistake by letting Kramer have the Kramer Decvice. He must be stopped. He must be killed. Jerry says he was a different person when he tortured Nina for thousands of years and he has sympathy for Kramer, for the power of the Kramer Device has corrupted him more than it did even Jerry. Nina says Jerry and Kramer are just immature manbabies using the Kramer Device as an excuse for their dick-waving contest. This can only end in death. "Fine, I'll kill Kramer," says Jerry. "If it's the only way." "You don't understand," says Nina. "Not just Kramer. You must die too, Jerry. You must fucking die with Kramer to save the universe."
 
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