When I was your age, we had newspapers. And newspapers had articles in them. By writers. And once in awhile a writer would say something so witty that I remember it to this day. In no particular order:
A reporter, writing on the annual ritual of the Minnesota State Fair described it as "Chicks and hicks and food on sticks."
A movie critic in 1996 once wrote "It is said that if you had an infinite number of monkeys and an infinite number of typewriters, eventually one of them would write the complete works of Shakespeare. But first one would write 'The Island of Dr. Moreau.'"
And a tech writer once described a piece of software as "as stable as an inbred Doberman, lapping up a triple espresso while being slapped around by a man in a meat suit."
I always wanted to write a review of "Star Trek's" "Amok Time" so I could give it the headline "Spock, cock-blocked."