Gwyneth Paltrow

[CaptainWacky]

But what if she's right. WHAT IF SHE'S RIGHT.

 

[Fuddlemiff]

As effortless as lampooning gp is, that was rather nicely done.

 

[Eggs Mayonnaise]

It's an OH SNAP thing.

Martha Stewart on Gwyneth Paltrow: Be Quiet and Stick to Acting

Kelly Conaboy
Filed to: OH SHIT, Yesterday 12:50pm

Martha Stewart shared a stunning, easy, one-step life recipe in Net-a-Porter's Porter magazine for Goop founder Gwyneth Paltrow and other actresses who might want to venture into lifestyle blogging: shut up.

Preserve is actress Blake Lively's "lifestyle" blog that "honors the future,…Read more

The New York Post reports that Stewart had some words for Paltrow in particular:

"She just needs to be quiet. She's a movie star. If she were confident in her acting, she wouldn't be trying to be Martha Stewart."

You don't see Martha Stewart trying to have a kid named Apple, do you? You don't see Martha Stewart trying to play an alcoholic country star!

Martha wasn't as open about her feelings towards Blake Lively, an actress who came to her for advice before starting her site Preserve, leaving her senior vice president Kevin Sharkey to do the dirty work, saying:

"I don't get the sense she's credible. She's enthusiastic, but she's not credible."

Aw. She is enthusiastic, isn't she?

The lesson remains, of course, as true as it always has been: don't fuck with Martha's shit.

 

[CaptainWacky]

Yeah but Gywneth also isn't a convicted criminal, is she? SO I'D SAY SHE'S WINNING. OR GWYNING.

 

[Eggs Mayonnaise]

or GOOPING.

 

[SAUSAGEMAN]

Weird as it may sound considering our New Age leanings, not one of us freaks over at goop HQ had ever had a psychic reading. But since we're on an unquenchable quest to experience every type of modality to help us heal, expand, and deepen our understanding of all life's mysteries, when we heard tell of an exceptionally gifted L.A.-based intuitive, Jill Willard, we had to talk to her—and talk to her some more. Willard, who does not refer to herself as a psychic thanks to "woo woo" and negative connotations, sees things. And, as a medium, she also sees dead people. But the experience isn't at all what you would expect: Willard thinks of herself as more of a guide or aid, whose function is to help people do this for themselves, by tapping into their own intuition, a state she believes we can all achieve.

 

[Eggs Mayonnaise]

I guess a basic level of education in writing is not a requirement at GOOP headquarters.

 

[CaptainWacky]

Is GOOP HQ an actual physical location or just a state of mind?

 

[Eggs Mayonnaise]

I believe their mailing address in "Gwyneth's Third Chakra".

 

[headvoid]

I dreamt last night that I gooped all over Gwyneths Third Chakra.

 

[CaptainWacky]

At least it wasn't a sex dream.

 

[SAUSAGEMAN]

 

[CaptainWacky]

It's funny because it's dehumanising.

 

[Eggs Mayonnaise]

I remember when Gwyn had a range of emotions in those first few movies. The pre-Oscar ones.

 

[headvoid]

She has found a perfect facial expression.

Moving her face is a waste of valuable earth energy and not ecologically sound. Eventually we will all adopt a single facial expression as part of a worldwide green drive.

 

[Eggs Mayonnaise]

GOOPFACE! Get yours today!

 

[SAUSAGEMAN]

"News of the Lawrence – Martin split broke on Monday, but according to a source, "Gwyneth wasn't surprised by it. She never thought the relationship was going to last because of their age difference. Jen is 24 and Chris is 37. Plus, Jen complained to Chris that she felt like the third wheel in their relationship because of all the time he spent with his kids.""

 

[CaptainWacky]

I'm sure that's from a credible source.

 

[Eggs Mayonnaise]

Perez Hilton on speed is like money in the bank.

 

[SAUSAGEMAN]